Why are basic bitches so obsessed with coffee?

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Quantum Diabetes said:
Yes, I can see you spent $4 on beans strained through water. Good for you!
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I suppose the main reasons basic bitches by expensive coffee is:

A: Since basic bitches have generally shit sleeping patterns, because they spend too much time on their phone browsing Twatter and InstaGrammy late in the night (They usually blame it on their insomnia because "I have a hard time sleeping", and pretend like they haven't been staring at a screen for a couple hours straight in bed). This, in return makes them rather tired when they wake up in the morning, so instead of making their own coffee, they rather order coffee with rather useless bells and whistles so they can feel slightly better about themselves.

B: Or they order coffee just to post it on Insta. Throw it away. And call it a day. So they can feel slightly better about themselves when they get one person who likes their shoddy picture of overpriced cup of coffee.

C: Since coffee is technically a laxative, basic bitches probably use it as a way the "cleanse the bowels." Plus it's better than green smoothies that that apparently cure every disease and it can make your bowels clean if you pour an entire box of kosher salt in the damn thing (I mean you throw up and have diarrhea at the same time and you eventually die, so I suppose in a way it does cure all diseases and clean your bowels). Or Caster Oil. Plus coffee tastes better I guess.

D: Considering that most coffee is advertised towards woman (for example Starbucks advertising) and that most people like sweet things (basic bitches) Starbucks is pretty big in the U.S. and has a large variety of pretty sweet drinks. And a lot of other coffee shops are making sure that they also have a large variety of sweet drinks so they can compete with Starbucks.
 
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From observing basic bitches in my life:
1. Gives them something to do with their hands, to play with, go to the microwave to warm up. It eats up time.
2. To brag, what you got is a topic of conversation, built in small talk
3. Peer pressure, feel left out if you don't have one, mean girl territory
4. Shows your status, that you have enough money to buy expensive coffee every day, it's a class signifier
5. Lifestyle, you drink coffee all day instead of eating, stay slimmer

Women are considered not part of the club if they don't have one. Simple as that.
 
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Moswald Osley said:
Coffee snobs are the same people who rate beer directly proportionally to its IBU. If there's anything I like about Starbucks it's the fact that they make these autists rage so hard. Also I enjoy an occasional caffè mocha.
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I guess it depends on the level of snobbery. I like an occasional chilled coffee, and I won't turn my nose up at some shitty freeze-dried crap if someone offers it to me. Then there's the kind of autist who only drinks 15 bucks per bag cafetiere brew and rates anything cheaper as garbage.
 
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Be Graham Stephan and make 20 cent coffee


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