why are you still single - and general discussion of the dating game

verifymejoshuaconnormoon said:
that’s the reason i love this forum so much. you can actually speak your mind, joke about whatever you want without having to worry about losing friends or your job or anything like that. i miss the times it was like that in real life.

my guess is that a lot of people are sick of the trannies, liberal shit, politics, thought policing etc but just don’t speak openly about it. it’s hard to meet people and share interests without the worry they will be malicious if they find you offensive or “bigoted”. everything is political now and it’s hard to have a chill conversation with a man when he will watch every word and apologize for saying something considered offensive.

i’ve seen on other forums men say they don’t approach women anymore because the fear of being called a creep or being “predatory”. i’ve also seen the screenshots from dating apps of liberal women being completely insufferable and berating men for not supporting blm or even just being apolitical. i’ve met other women who are chill and speak freely, but it seems that the modern day the average woman is a SJW who will even try to police how men act together in their own private groups. i don’t blame this for not being able to get a relationship, but it seems to have at least some impact on how men act when it comes to dating now, and how now more people than ever are single. it’s just too rigid and sometimes too risky to pursue someone and be vulnerable to them

i wish it was how it used to be where you could make a genuine connection with someone. maybe in some places that’s possible, but if you live where there’s majority liberals it’s just not worth the hardship. it used to be that you could have relationships with people who don’t align with you politically, because back then people didn’t give so many shits about who you voted for or your opinion on a fucking vaccine. people now will end a lifelong friendship with someone who holds the “wrong views”. everyone’s at eachothers throats now and hostile
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Unfortunately leftism has made many women undateable. No man wants to date a leftist woman that is passionate about feminism and other such anti male garbage. At most you might get the male feminist types going along with it just to try and get some pussy (there is even a term for this it's called "wokefishing") and we all know that's not a recipe for a healthy long term relationship.
 
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I'm unreasonably terrified of rejection. I don't really go outside much anymore. I experience such severe anxiety at the thought of approaching somebody I'm interested in that I never actually do it. I think I'm way uglier than I actually am.

All of these things are huge roadblocks separately but put them all together and you're pretty screwed. More likely for the perfect person to just randomly break into my house and introduce themselves than for me to find anybody organically.
 
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As an Asian guy:
  • Everyone seems to be a diehard dog or cat or plant lover which I am not.
  • Everyone seems to Netflix or Spotify all the time which I do not do.
  • All the Asian girls seem to be diehard Boba drinkers all the time which I am not.
  • Politics-wise everyone seems to be either very NPC left or very NPC right and I'm afraid if I say something "offensive" I'll come off as the "enemy" to the other
  • The profiles on online dating apps absolutely suck ass 99% of the time (e.g: only has Instagram/Snapchat as profile, has nothing in profile, overly political, clearly wacko or has issues, only wants someone as a tour guide or comedian or social media photographer, every answer to a prompt is in a foreign language, etc.)
  • Interests-wise, not super weeb/geeky/gamer enough for the uber weebs/geeks/gamers, not super sports-y or outdoors-y enough for the very sports-y or outdoors-y people
    • People I do meet within my interests are too old, too young, or already taken (or have the same issues as above)
  • Parties, concerts, raves are not my thing
  • Traveling all the time is not my thing
  • Eating out a lot of the time/being a "foodie" is not my thing (home cooked food I find better and cheaper)
  • Should probably show more interest in others and their interests, but sometimes I don't know how to respond at times without sounding creep or fake or forced
  • The rare people that I found I had somewhat interest in didn't feel the same.
EDIT
  • If I do open up about my interests, a lot of times it never gains much traction beyond some variant of "oh that's cool, i'm not really that kind of person myself though"
  • Rock climbing or gym ratting all the time is not my thing (I mean, I don't mind climbing as an occasional friendly meetup activity thing but I suppose due to my upper body strength and hand grip being ass I just don't feel the hype of frequently going the same as others.)
 
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Some JERK said:
I really wish more people actually understood this. Being toxic as fuck is the highlight of work. It's only not funny if there's something wrong with you. If getting roasted at work doesn't make everyone including you laugh, then you are working with some uptight motherfuckers and you need to GTFO.
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Depends very much on who you're hanging around, but people who can't take ANY joke at themselves are not very fun.
 
HARDCORE SYNDROME said:
  • Interests-wise, not super weeb/geeky/gamer enough for the uber weebs/geeks/gamers, not super sports-y or outdoors-y enough for the very sports-y or outdoors-y people
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There is indeed a middle ground of being nerd/weeaboo adjacent without REALLY fitting into it. But I find that the nerds/weeaboos are way more tolerant - in almost every way - than the normalfaggots. It's not just some "oh they have no standards" thing, they're straight up more open-minded/usually more dynamic people.

Even though I don't watch anime, or play Elden Ring, or so on, I feel a reflexive comfort around people like that which I don't get from dudes standing around the water cooler talking about how many hoops Deshawnyious scored last night on TV.
 
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verifymejoshuaconnormoon said:
that’s the reason i love this forum so much. you can actually speak your mind, joke about whatever you want without having to worry about losing friends or your job or anything like that. i miss the times it was like that in real life.
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Sorry if I'm replying too much but I've been lurking in the forums for a while but based on what I've seen people here are very genuine. Everyone has different opinions and they are not forced to think in a predetermined way so it is very refreshing.

This forum is like a library of research documents on strange individuals, not the boring ones, it's funny as hell. Usually threads die because lolcows are self-aware of their actions and that the most radical shit I've seen; It doesn't matter how stupid you were in the past, what matters is that you learn your lesson and grow. Live for today, don't worry about the past, all that gay stuff.

I hope that one day political correctness will be gone. I believe it because more and more people are seeing the damage it does to society as a whole. By then I'd probably be old, but eventually I could laugh it off and die peacefully.
 
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HARDCORE SYNDROME said:
As an Asian guy:
  • Everyone seems to be a diehard dog or cat or plant lover which I am not.
  • Everyone seems to Netflix or Spotify all the time which I do not do.
  • All the Asian girls seem to be diehard Boba drinkers all the time which I am not.
  • Politics-wise everyone seems to be either very NPC left or very NPC right and I'm afraid if I say something "offensive" I'll come off as the "enemy" to the other
  • The profiles on online dating apps absolutely suck ass 99% of the time (e.g: only has Instagram/Snapchat as profile, has nothing in profile, overly political, clearly wacko or has issues, only wants someone as a tour guide or comedian or social media photographer, every answer to a prompt is in a foreign language, etc.)
  • Interests-wise, not super weeb/geeky/gamer enough for the uber weebs/geeks/gamers, not super sports-y or outdoors-y enough for the very sports-y or outdoors-y people
    • People I do meet within my interests are too old, too young, or already taken (or have the same issues as above)
  • Parties, concerts, raves are not my thing
  • Traveling all the time is not my thing
  • Eating out a lot of the time/being a "foodie" is not my thing (home cooked food I find better and cheaper)
  • Should probably show more interest in others and their interests, but sometimes I don't know how to respond at times without sounding creep or fake or forced
  • The rare people that I found I had somewhat interest in didn't feel the same.
EDIT
  • If I do open up about my interests, a lot of times it never gains much traction beyond some variant of "oh that's cool, i'm not really that kind of person myself though"
  • Rock climbing or gym ratting all the time is not my thing (I mean, I don't mind climbing as an occasional friendly meetup activity thing but I suppose due to my upper body strength and hand grip being ass I just don't feel the hype of frequently going the same as others.)
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Oh hey a fellow Asian. Glad to see someone has the same feelings I have.

For real, the reason why dating, be it being gay/lesbian/straight, is tiresome is already said in these threads. Political correctness, social media, very alien habits. In fact, the first two seems to me as the biggest problem (other than maintaining college and getting a job afterwards, provided an opportunity pops up because some retard fucked up in their job). You have no idea how many idiots in Asia, whether it be Weibo for the Chinks or Yahoo/FB for the Japs and a mix of both with Tiktok for the rest of the Asians, are too goddamn laser-focused with their phone and their social profiles that I grew tired of that shit. I would rather text someone rather than say it on a social platform that hosts the same kinds of people, especially Instagram, which I believe alienated many would-be dating people with all the filters and shit. I have no twitter, tiktok, instagram but still have facebook to keep in touch with my family and I am already contemplating with them to deleting it but my other relatives have FB so that's a problem. Also, for the love of God, DO NOT USE DATING APPS. It is a social ploy to attach others artificially through one-night stands and not a way to attach to someone in a natural level.

Then there are the interests. I've said it before but I am never the type of guy that goes goo-goo whenever some shiny thing in media gets presented. Hype culture really soured any attempt for me to look at anything new but many people are still stuck in that stupid mindset, and because humans are super social people, those who do not follow the herd basically become left out to fend for themselves. God forbid I want to meet a woman who wants to talk about old games like Half-Life while thinking which movie between Sunset Boulevard and The Maltese Falcon can we watch someday but no, everyone is super glued to Netflix (which I will never fucking participate in, no matter how much my relatives force me otherwise) and mobile gaming. Why should I invest in something I despise just to meet someone who is probably artificial in terms of a personality? Oh and there is the political bullshit which I say I want to be apolitical but many will perceive me as a threat so again, why bother.

Perhaps the biggest flaw I am seeing is that whenever someone approaches for a relationship, they never set ahead for a future. They never think about what children they want to raise or what professions/schedules they can plan, maybe finding a place they can live in. I don't see that. Instead most chats with someone usually focuses on the NOW than the LATER. Everyone talks about which show they like or which Kpop band they adore but never about the prospect of the relationship they want. Then they complain later down the line that "WE DIDN'T DISCUSS THIS, WHY DIDN'T WE DO IT BEFORE" then leave and all that future thoughts you had are again, thrown to the fucking wayside, forced to start from scratch and one can do that until they get sick of it.

Other than those issues I have, I doubt anyone likes a person who's very much on the old-interests side, who often rants from time-to-time, while having college issues and eventually having to find a real job after graduation. I can keep up with chats but honestly most of the interests shown by others is something I am personally not into.

TL;DR:
  • Too many people glued to phones/social media. I don't have and will probably teach my future children to never have an account.
  • Politics. Apolitical is not accepted.
  • Shallow interests. Everyone is focused with the new and not with the ones before.
  • College and the prospect of finding a job (and soon maintaining that job for profit).
  • Lack of foresight into the future of the relationship.
 
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  1. My dating experiences are largely limited to sociopaths. Emotionally manipulative, selfish people. They encourage you to be open to emotion and the consequently used it against you. Along with earlier experiences with my 'so-called' friends, some of which bet on me behind my back for me to do certain things and try to get me to do them, treating me like a race horse, I have an abject disgust and distrust for most human beings and I fully don't believe many of them are worth my time. Experiences at my job, in research and in academia have only confirmed my viewpoints that no one will stand up for you behind your back and go with what the group says to fit in, which is pathetic weakness, which I cannot stand. Most people are duplicitious and two faced. Actual people who are mean to your face I actually appreciate more for their honesty. So I naturally despise people and cut myself off. This sometimes make me incredibly destructive in relationships as I don't trust and always question.
  2. Because of my bad experiences, my life has been set back considerably. My job, research and writing has basically eliminated all of my free time for hobbies, including posting here, writing and the like. I used to game excessively, I haven't touched one for the better part of 6 months.
  3. I am an obsessive perfectionist. If I'm working on something, if it is not going my way, I will spend extra hours doing it. So even if my day begins at 9 am, it will sometimes end up at 1 am because I want things to be correct. This has paid off and I am universally recognized for dedication and my skills. If I had a partner it would not be possible.
  4. Sex is overrated. I've had sex hundreds of times. This is not to brag, I've just been in several long term relationships. Its exhausting, people get very sensitive to it and its messy and annoying and just causes drama I don't need. MAsturbation is easier, cures the urge and I can move on with my life.
  5. Generally, my time is my own. I can focus on what I want to focus on, and if I need a break or want to do something at any time I can. I don't really feel like making more schedules for people. I have enough trouble doing that with family, adding a relationship will make me go crazy.
  6. I do not make a lot of money. I make barely enough to pay my debst and transportation. With a little bit left over for luxuries like a good meal once a day and maybe an uber here and there when I'm too tired to use public transport. Sharing that with someone else is just not feasible. And the societal implication is that the man pays for everything, drives the woman, etc. like its still 1960s, even if that woman is making double or triple what I am.
  7. I've seen decades old relationships collapse because the woman decided to become incredibly selfish even though she didn't need to work or do anything and was 100% provided for. Like housewives who never needed to work wanting more and more and more. I have no time to deal with sorting through hundreds of women and go on dozens of dates just to worm out the worst of the worst, and my untrusthworthiness further prevents me from getting close.
It is simply not worth it to me. Horniness is an urge that I overcome and then I concentrate on bettering myself. To me, being horny is like being hungry or having to take a shit. An instinctual process that can be easily taken care of. Incels are whiny losers who don't understand human dynamics much like progtards. You want a relationship, here: Have confidence in yourself, even fake confidence. It doesn't matter how much money your have or sometimes your looks. Have confidence, a good sense of humor and try constantly. You will be in a relationship eventually if you don't give up and never become bitter. There, that simple. If you want intimacy, find a REALLY good friend who you can share your problems with. You only need one. Arguably this is as hard as finding a relationship, but you won't have to spend money and the complications of sex and neediness are gone. Find an amazing friend or a therapist.

I don't find it worth it for me. When I get comfortable, and a decent job, I want to do whatever I want. I don't want to be limited. When I get bored of that, maybe then I'll look. If that means no relationship for a long time, so be it. I'm not looking and planning not to look for awhile.
 
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I’ve had many crushes before and I would’ve love to have experienced being with them, but they were either already married, dating someone else, lived in a different country, or just simply didn’t like me back, the people I fall for are always unavailable. Basically it’s my fault for being single, but I believe it’s for the best, because when I try to observe myself from a third person’s point of view I can understand why someone wouldn’t want anything to do with me in a committed romantic way.
 
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I'm coming back to this thread to ask another question and maybe another tangent for the thread to follow: do most people actually just date/marry people just on the basis of their looks? I get ogling at a hot woman, but I never thought I'd want to spend the rest of my life with her or really interact with her just on the basis of the likelihood that we have compatible personalities is slim. Maybe it's because I am a bit more eccentric than most, but that seems like a shite foundation for a relationship. Of course, I'd appreciate if a woman looks attractive and keeps up her appearances but personalities also matter in a relationship and it seems like the dating market is explicitly there to basically force you to put on a mask so you can ape your way into someone's bed rather than to have an actual connection. I might be wrong and I would be willing to learn from anyone that has been/ is in a relationship for a long period of time.
 
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Tomboy Respecter said:
I would be willing to learn from anyone that has been/ is in a relationship for a long period of time
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the "why are you single" thread probably isn't where you'll find people like that

overall attractiveness/appearance is pretty much worthless when it comes to building a real relationship but good luck convincing online dating platforms and their users of that lol
 
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