why are you still single - and general discussion of the dating game

I haven't tried. When I make an effort (apps, hobbies, even just like "flirt with me" energy), I get dates.

Dating apps make me sad for humanity, though, so maintaining motivation is tough. The cost of finding love is loathing literally everyone else on the planet, it seems like.

Anasûrimbor Kellhus said:
hell in my personal experience if you're smooth about it you can actually get a woman interested in you because of your passion for [nerdy hobby here] but again you gotta be smooth and not pants on head retarded about it.
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Hah, how does one smoothly broach the second apocalypse lore? (Yes, I read all of them; no, I still don't totally understand what happened.)
 
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gobbles said:
Hah, how does one smoothly broach the second apocalypse lore?
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Ha you got me there maybe second apocalypse is something to not delve into but assuming they’ll never be interested in actually reading it something like “oh yeah sweetie it’s just like game of thrones but with aliens!”
 
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Many people seem to think that women over 30 who are still single are dumb feminists who fucked every guy they met in college and now are regretting their life choices because no one wants them and their ovaries are shriveling up.

Sadly, this did not happen for me. I have been single since high school. I believe part of my problem is being a sperg - if a man is flirting with me, unless he's very overt, I just think he's being polite. That may also be my poor self-esteem. But then if you get to very overt flirting, it scares me away. I was morbidly obese in college (again, poor self-esteem which resulted in binge eating disorder) and no man would want me, or if they did, I told myself they didn't so I didn't even try. I think there was at least one guy who was interested, but again I just thought he was being polite.

In my late 20s after I lost weight I got back into the dating market but was unsatisfied with everyone. I am very introverted and hate small talk on these stupid dating apps. One man seemed like the perfect match, but he ran off with some chick. I am so sick of messaging a guy and asking about him, or him just saying, "'Sup?" and then giving me absolutely nothing to work with. I ask what his hobbies are, and he says, "Idk, stuff."

My other problem is that some have told me my standards are too high. I need a man who is smart. I want a man with a college degree, because I have seen far too often even the smartest people get denied jobs simply because they don't have that piece of paper. So I want a man who has that piece of paper of reliability. I also do get a bit picky with height. I'm a tall woman so I like men who are taller than me. But I've been a lot more open about that kind of thing too because hello I am getting desperate. I have some other things but mainly I am just very closed off and have high standards - not necessarily for looks, but for a lot of things such as politics, core values, etc.

It has been said that feminism has ruined dating because women want to date upward and need a provider. And that's true. I have a high-paying job (well... relatively speaking, it's not like I'm rich in this economy) and want someone who can provide while I have children. I'm not saying I want to stop working, but I want to have a family.

The older I get, the fewer people there are around me with my low level of experience. I fear that a man is going to look at me and think something is wrong. The last date I went on, he asked how long my longest relationship was and he seemed scared off when I told him my last real relationship was in high school.

That said if any of you men are at least 6 feet tall and are smart and are conservative or right-libertarian, pls give me a call. :(
 
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Mary Lee Harvey osWalsh said:
The older I get, the fewer people there are around me with my low level of experience. I fear that a man is going to look at me and think something is wrong. The last date I went on, he asked how long my longest relationship was and he seemed scared off when I told him my last real relationship was in high school.
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No man anywhere cares that you lack "experience". You're trying to impose woman dating logic on male dating preferences and it's simply not applicable.

Now there are a million other reasons dudes might find you too crazy/insufferable/unattractive to stick around, but not having had enough previous partners is not among them.
 
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Feminism did not ruin dating so much as too-much-male-power (not naming any names...) game men the impression that every guy should have a woman no matter what. So many women were miserable without feminism, and it's weird when women bemoan that they have to be single rather than stuck with some alcoholic loser retard they can't get rid of amd his four kids.
The problem is the concept of monogamy forces women to compete for very few options. In an ideal world we'd be passing the best men around and everyone would be happy.
I've been in multiple happy long-term relationships where the man repeated the internet meme that he'd never marry because women just want their money. To me, a woman who loved them. Disgusting behavior. Lots of men just need weeded out of the gene pool it's what masculinity is for
 
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Mary Lee Harvey osWalsh said:
My other problem is that some have told me my standards are too high. I need a man who is smart. I want a man with a college degree, because I have seen far too often even the smartest people get denied jobs simply because they don't have that piece of paper. So I want a man who has that piece of paper of reliability. I also do get a bit picky with height. I'm a tall woman so I like men who are taller than me. But I've been a lot more open about that kind of thing too because hello I am getting desperate. I have some other things but mainly I am just very closed off and have high standards - not necessarily for looks, but for a lot of things such as politics, core values, etc.

It has been said that feminism has ruined dating because women want to date upward and need a provider. And that's true. I have a high-paying job (well... relatively speaking, it's not like I'm rich in this economy) and want someone who can provide while I have children. I'm not saying I want to stop working, but I want to have a family.

The older I get, the fewer people there are around me with my low level of experience. I fear that a man is going to look at me and think something is wrong. The last date I went on, he asked how long my longest relationship was and he seemed scared off when I told him my last real relationship was in high school.
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Your ultimate problem is that you want the same men every other woman does, and those men have their pick of women for that reason. They're either in some kind of relationship already, or they have loose morals and sleep around with whoever they want, and you don't want that kind of guy anyway.
 
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Guys like that are already in a relationship. Better find someone on the rebound and hope it wasn't something wrong with them that caused the break up.
 
Mary Lee Harvey osWalsh said:
My other problem is that some have told me my standards are too high. I need a man who is smart. I want a man with a college degree, because I have seen far too often even the smartest people get denied jobs simply because they don't have that piece of paper. So I want a man who has that piece of paper of reliability. I also do get a bit picky with height. I'm a tall woman so I like men who are taller than me. But I've been a lot more open about that kind of thing too because hello I am getting desperate. I have some other things but mainly I am just very closed off and have high standards - not necessarily for looks, but for a lot of things such as politics, core values, etc
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I'll try to actually help you get that guy you're after.
First off, you need to put yourself in the same social spaces they're in. Find work in that general career sphere, go to college alumni events, hang out with housewives or something that is in proximity of them. If you aren't in proximity to them and you rely on apps, then the best you'll get is hookups.
Secondly, think about the actual personality of the guys involved and your own. You need to be able to vibe with them. You sound like one of those people who focus too much on hobbies and TV for a conversation. Try telling a joke or sharing a meme somehow first and then move on to hobbies or something.
Thirdly, building off that second point, don't try to look for someone prebaked with your favored politics or something like that. Politics and money are the two things you want to avoid if you're trying to get into a relationship. Just try to work around those topics. If he insists on bringing it up and you dont agree, either sidestep it, downplay it or just drop him. Stuff like that should be immaterial as long as he's secure and providing for you.
 
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KSachiko77 said:
Politics and money are the two things you want to avoid if you're trying to get into a relationship. Just try to work around those topics. If he insists on bringing it up and you dont agree, either sidestep it, downplay it or just drop him. Stuff like that should be immaterial as long as he's secure and providing for you.
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Avoiding hot button issues is fine when you first start dating, but by the time you're concerned about somebody "providing for you", you're going to want to know that your core beliefs aren't completely opposed.
 
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I just stopped trying to actually have long term relationships. The occasional hookup is good enough to placate me but none of the women I have hooked up with in the past decade have really been wife material. Then again, my hobbies don't seem to draw in wife material type of women. I should probably join a book club or something if I was actually putting effort in
 
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doodoocaca said:
Despite pissing off a lot of people on the internet I'm neither an incel nor have I actually been single as an adult for more than a few months at a time. I've always just been in a relationship and never struggled to find another. I also tend to have longer relationships than many seem to report.

I'm currently watching my partner, who is in her 30s, deteriorate more and more rapidly due to not taking care of herself. When I suggest she do so, excuses piled up; I now have a complete home gym in addition to living in a place full of nice paved walking trails and bike lanes. The emotional, verbal cope on her part is any mention of someone physically deteriorating is "fatshaming" regardless of how much it has to do with how fat they are, or their age, or their health condition.

Needless to say, I do not want to stay with someone who is going to turn into a blob and get sicker and sicker with time. That's something you should do on your own without dragging other people into it, if you're that much of a retard. Also, yes, watching someone get lumpy middle aged fat sucks, and choosing to make your partner see you look like shit is fucking selfish.

On the other hand, the dating pool is a fucking cesspool. What the fuck? I lurked a bit, and holy fuck, everyone saying it sucks wasn't kidding at all.

I'm pushing 40, so it would probably be far, far, far easier to date younger than look for a woman my age who isn't a goddamned mess.

If I have to put my foot down and split, I really have no clue what to do or where my chances are best. I'm seriously considering a rural area and finding a church at this point.
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Try foreign, the rural American church usually just means redneck, and that's a guaranteed landwhale when she hits 30. There seems to be a nasty (but well predicted) trend of calling men who go for younger women "pedophiles" and "creeps". We all know who started that and for what purpose but I digress. If you want to be the basic boomer, you can get the SEA woman. But if you want something more Caucasian...try Eastern Europe or Russia, the economies of Europe are all on the decline and there are loads of people desperate to get out. Obviously do your research so you don't get scammed for a green card.

Another option is the Muslim world, its nowhere near as easy as SEA, but you can actually find a clean, white skinned, girl unlike East Europe where you are most likely dealing with pretty sluts. But depending on how hard-line you are with Christianity and Church, it could be a problem. But there are Christian Syrians and Lebanese, and even Orthodox groups in Central Asia. Most of these places don't exist in the minds of westerners, which is a good thing, no competition and no (((western))) propaganda to infect the minds of the people.
 
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I'm hearing a lot of talk about "oh noo my hobbies I'm a catch but my hooobiieess".

Have you thought about just getting better hobbies? What's with this brand loyalty to the way you categorize the aesthetics you consume?

I'm a dyed-in-the-wool autist. If I never expanded beyond /mlp/ and e621 i'd be in a much worse position in life. You gotta be learning history, philosophy, aesthetics; more than anything else, the art of conversation. It's not about what you like. It's about being able to understand what  they like, and drawing that out of them.

Behind the branding it's all the same thing.

California Newt said:
I just don't care about them. They have shapes and voices that compel my attraction on a physical level, but that's it. You want to know why I'm thinking I should get a wife someday? It's "Man, I really need to stop jerking off. It'd be easier if I have a wife, plus then I could have a family which might be cool". I can't honestly ever say that I've been drawn to the force of personality of a woman. They can be nice and even pleasant to be around, but they're kind of boring.

Maybe that's ok, though. Connecting on your passions is what men are for. Or maybe I just haven't met her yet
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I'd like to give an update that after reading a few pre 20th century books on women, when people actually were willing to talk about the distinctions, I get the appeal now.

They're able to understand you in a holistic way rather than the discrete (not "discreet", you wise-acres; I don't mean "on the down low") way that men do.

That seems to be part of what's meant by referring to women as "the image of the image" and "the glory of the glory".
 
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