🐱 Why Do Husbands Take So Long To Poop? We Take A Wild Guess What They Might Be Doing

Why Do Husbands Take So Long To Poop? We Take A Wild Guess What They Might Be Doing

Ladies, we tried our best to solve the mystery!

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Are you pissed at your husband for taking so long to poop? Does it leave you wondering what takes them so long to take a dump and sit in there forever? It’s annoying by all means where you can’t stop cracking your brains figuring out what they are actually upto. Switching off the WiFi, is also not an option because there’s enough mobile data to rely on. End of the day, you can’t really control it! But, the curiosity never dies.
We take a wild guess what they might be busy doing despite constant reminders to step out and vacate the washroom.

1. Reading the newspaper while taking a dump is a thing of the past. They scroll through their Twitter feed to stay updated with the world news and most importantly sports!
2. They have constipation and defecation issues, maybe? We know, an ideal bowel movement doesn’t take an hour.
3. Probably they are hiding from their wives for their perfect ‘Me Time’, and can’t find a better place than to sit on the porcelain throne.

4. Maybe, that’s where they brainstorm and come up with the best ideas for work and otherwise? How creative! Eww!
5. Probably they are hiding something?
6. Umm… to escape the chores maybe?
7. Stock up on the latest memes and broadcast it on WhatsApp!
8. Play games in peace without their wife shouting at them.
9. Planning the next prank on us!
10. Listening to music, but it’s so not pleasing. Yuck!
11. Counting the tiles on the floor? Wait! Even that doesn’t take more than a minute.
12. Taking a nap?
Okay, we tried our best to solve the mystery and took all the possible wild guesses we could. Let us know if we have missed out on any.

 

[Sped Xing]

Literally cant sit for more than five minutes on the toilet without my wife asking if “im okay“ lol

Are you sure you didn't marry a miniature pinscher?

 

[Grundlejungle]

I shit and fart actively for like 20 minutes each morning after my coffee. I have woken up people across the goddamn house with how violently I shit.
Is it beyond stretch of their imaginations that some people actually need to fucking shit in the goddamn morning?

 

[Lemmingwise]

Eat more fiber.

It's the reverse. Fiber takes longest to digest and makes your shits clumpy. The more fiber, the slower your shits. It's weird how everyone gets this wrong until they look at the data or test it themselves.

 

[Polystyrene Glioblastoma]

The answer is simple. Men enjoy taking their time, don't know how to work their asshole muscles, or they struggle because they eat and hydrate poorly.

 

[Opiophile]

This man taught us to never apologize for our time spent in the bathroom, or explain ourselves. Sorry gals, you'll never know.

 

[Sinner's Sandwich]

They are just thinking about the best way to commit suicide & they are quite sucessful.

 

[frozenrunner]

The answer is "will you just shut the fuck up for 10 minutes, Karen?"

 

[Tomboy Respecter]

Masturbating to big tittie Japanese gravure girls duh

 

[Smaug's Smokey Hole]

It's the reverse. Fiber takes longest to digest and makes your shits clumpy. The more fiber, the slower your shits. It's weird how everyone gets this wrong until they look at the data or test it themselves.

Yeah, eat more nuts, dry uncooked oatmeal, chew on a handful of uncooked rice from time to time and eat coarse rinds from fruits like pineapples. Just eat like a billy-goat in a cartoon, that's what I do and it's like emptying a sock of quarters into the toilet while scoring a flawless three pointer - nothing but net, the rim was never touched. Any toilet paper shortage won't affect me very much.

 

[George Floyd Sneed]

This article is dumb but the silver lining is that it wasn’t titled “The Unbearable White Supremacy of Sitting Too Long on the Crapper”

 

[Unog]

Is it weird that I've never known anybody who'd take longer than ten minutes on the shitter? If someone's in there for half an hour I'd assume something went wrong.

 

[Pissmaster]

The bathroom has an implicit "do not disturb" rule, so it's great if you're concentrating on something and want a guarantee that you'll be left alone for a while.

I don't know how that's hard to figure out.

 

[snuffleupagus]

Wives should embrace this anomaly of the male biological needs. I for one, have invested in a fancy bidet that not only heats the water, but heats the seat, has multiple nozzles with adjustable angles and pressures, AND a dryer.

My husband has now increased his daily potty sessions as he luxuriates on that high dollar plasticized throne (I’m not made of money, I bought an after market attachment that installs on the existing toilet) leaving me free to get shit done around the house without him skulking about in a pout and requiring guidance on what exactly needs to be done.

I get shit done while he shits and then we have an entire day free to enjoy our time together instead of bitching at him to do this or that.

It’s a win win in my book. And in all seriousness you should get a bidet, even a cheap one that blasts your ass with ice cold tap water because it is life changing. Americans do toileting wrong and I am educated to the errors of our ways.

 

[Lemmingwise]

Yeah, eat more nuts, dry uncooked oatmeal, chew on a handful of uncooked rice from time to time and eat coarse rinds from fruits like pineapples. Just eat like a billy-goat in a cartoon, that's what I do and it's like emptying a sock of quarters into the toilet while scoring a flawless three pointer - nothing but net, the rim was never touched. Any toilet paper shortage won't affect me very much.

Well at least you don't need a poop knife.