Why do so many opinion articles narrate events like a bad novel?

[Black Man Underwear]

Why do so many opinion articles narrate events like a bad novel?

Example:

At the door they asked if I knew anyone inside—maybe Nick? Nick Allen is Sovereign House’s proprietor, supposedly a venture capitalist, although it seems unlikely that the money for the space, which hosts poetry readings, book parties, film screenings, live podcast recordings, etc., comes solely from him. I knew him, I said, but he probably didn’t know me. Eventually a group of people came out and the doorman waved me in. I headed straight for the bar. People were drinking Narragansett, but when I asked for one, they were out: “We only have White Claw, and it’s only for the girls.”

I don't need your life story recapped to me, will you get to the fucking point? It reads like a bad detective noir.

Is it that recent generations of journalists don't know how to write? So many articles I find narrate their "lived experiences" like an edgy teen writing their autobiography.

 

[XL xQgg?QcQCaTYDMjqoDnYpG]

The way I see it, professional journalists, esp. in gaming journalism, are people who delude themselves into ackshually having a higher calling, they deserve (somehow) to be at the forefront of trillion dollar box office movie scripts, quadrillion dollar novel franchises, political philosophical manifestos which will shape the world wars of the next 200 years. For them, journalism is just a temporarily embarrassed state, an unfortunate ugly stinky stepping stone on their way to the very peak of the top intellectual and cultural elite where the seat is reserved for them.

 

[Calandrino]

Perhaps they're using AI trained on novels.

 

[Dysnomia]

I think some of the authors fancy themselves as actual professional writers. Maybe they want to be novelists. But they are too up their own ass to realise they just don't have the knack. And they aren't about to try and hone skills they already think they have. I can't tell you how many articles I have seen where I have to skip five or six paragraphs just to get to the point. How many people actually read the whole thing? It's just a waste of space.

If you are writing a news story your job is to report the news. Not pen the next great American novel. Save that for your pretentious blog.

 

[Black Man Underwear]

I think some of the authors fancy themselves as actual professional writers. Maybe they want to be novelists. But they are too up their own ass to realise they just don't have the knack. And they aren't about to try and hone skills they already think they have. I can't tell you how many articles I have seen where I have to skip five or six paragraphs just to get to the point. How many people actually read the whole thing? It's just a waste of space.

If you are writing a news story your job is to report the news. Not pen the next great American novel. Save that for your pretentious blog.

I expected the example I linked to be discussing a new meme, not some narration about an election night cocktail party. The title kind of implied something to do with crystals. The word crystal only appears 3 times, and in uninformative context.

Throughout the night, one of the token’s promoters tried to get a meme going about “crystal night,” which was ostensibly a reference to the fantasy role-playing video game Elder Scrolls, where characters get trapped in crystals (“get in the fucking crystal, libtard”), though the calqued German was surely not lost on anyone. (The anniversary of Kristallnacht is November 9th.)

Little did (((Duesterberg))) know, this actually is just a soul gem joke, a joke he didn't get (he definitely doesn't play video games) and he likely invented the antisemitism reference. Nobody in snotty Jew York is going to be making Jew jokes while surrounded by Jews.

Why can't journoscum do their jobs?

Edit: if you google "Nick Allen sovereign house" it seems several leftist journalists attended this party and immediately whined in their opinion articles. Every newspaper really is exactly the same.

 

[Schwarzwald]

I opened the thread warily as it caught my eye. "Black Man Underwear" his username read- was his name in reference to black colored underwear or underwear for a black man? Questions abounded.

The Kiwi Farms were an interesting place. While it sounds like a place where one would go to learn how to ranch kiwi birds, it was actually a drama and gossip forum frequented by some colorful characters, some of whom the unpleasant type. And we were in one of the most interesting places in that interesting place, the Deep Thoughts board. Anything goes in Deep Thoughts, truly. Not all thoughts contained therein are all that deep, and not all deepness contained therein are thoughts. Truly a walking dichotomy.

Journalists were about as popular on the Kiwi Farms as a hooker at a convent. What was he getting at with his thread title? I feel as though I had a pretty good idea, but it wasn't until scrolling down after taking another swig of my water that I had my lingering doubts erased. I knew exactly what he was talking about.

 

[Vect]

For them, journalism is just a temporarily embarrassed state, an unfortunate ugly stinky stepping stone on their way to the very peak of the top intellectual and cultural elite where the seat is reserved for them.

There is definitely some of that, but I think it's also because laying out political intrigue is a dry topic, so their hook is to write a mini thriller. Also is the fact that as far as America is concerned, journalists have been convinced (largely by themselves) that they're effectively a resistance movement against a sinister takeover, so they write themselves as the heros of their stories.

 

[Ughubughughughughughghlug]

Some faggotry called gonzo journalism that goes back to some faggot named Hunter Thompson, but unlike Thompson they’re imitators and imitation of an imitation.

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

Probably because they actually made it up.

 

[biglurker]

Its the kind of writing you see in college english classes. There was likely a change in education around 10 years ago dictating the opening paragraph be "entraining" to get readers invested.
Notice how these passages typically written to raise as many questions as possible, while in a subtle way is worded like a typical essay intro.

 

[Hamsteroid]

Narcissism and the notion of "educated" people that everything has to be seen through a lens. Since abstraction and objectivity are hard, it's easier to just write about My Lived Truth™.

Spoiler: tl;dr

 

[KingNothing]

>Jews
>academia

 

[Testacles Maximus]

Why do so many opinion articles narrate events like a bad novel?

If they could narrate events like a good novel, they'd just go write the novel.

 

[wtfNeedSignUp]

Hunter S. Thompson and his consequences have been a disaster for the field of journalism

 

[Space_Dandy]

Its the kind of writing you see in college english classes. There was likely a change in education around 10 years ago dictating the opening paragraph be "entraining" to get readers invested.
Notice how these passages typically written to raise as many questions as possible, while in a subtle way is worded like a typical essay intro.

This makes sense. Goes along with the general homogenization of journalism brought on by corporate demands for consistently performing, decidedly average productions. Also given the diminishing education standards and reluctance of most schools to fail students, people get their BA barely able to truly write.

 

[Agent Abe Caprine]

Some faggotry called gonzo journalism that goes back to some faggot named Hunter Thompson, but unlike Thompson they’re imitators and imitation of an imitation.

They also haven't snorted 1000s of megagrams of cocaine.

 

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

I opened the thread warily as it caught my eye. "Black Man Underwear" his username read- was his name in reference to black colored underwear or underwear for a black man? Questions abounded.

The Kiwi Farms were an interesting place. While it sounds like a place where one would go to learn how to ranch kiwi birds, it was actually a drama and gossip forum frequented by some colorful characters, some of whom the unpleasant type. And we were in one of the most interesting places in that interesting place, the Deep Thoughts board. Anything goes in Deep Thoughts, truly. Not all thoughts contained therein are all that deep, and not all deepness contained therein are thoughts. Truly a walking dichotomy.

Journalists were about as popular on the Kiwi Farms as a hooker at a convent. What was he getting at with his thread title? I feel as though I had a pretty good idea, but it wasn't until scrolling down after taking another swig of my water that I had my lingering doubts erased. I knew exactly what he was talking about.

But to get answers I would have to dig deeper. I would have to go back to the source, to the woman who had started it all. I entered the address into my GPS and drove through unfamiliar neighborhoods, past markets and bowling alleys, churches and insurance agencies, until I reached a quiet, leafy street, where dwelt the unlikely grassroots activist whose mission to overcome the odds had taken her into the heart of darkness that was the very bowels of bureaucracy.

The gate creaked open and a shadowy figure emerged.

"Maude?"

 

[Stoneheart]

I think some of the authors fancy themselves as actual professional writers. Maybe they want to be novelists.

alot of journalists of old were also good novelists.

Some faggotry called gonzo journalism that goes back to some faggot named Hunter Thompson, but unlike Thompson they’re imitators and imitation of an imitation.

Thompson wasnt unique, he just used the old ways.

the only important english speaking writer wrote books about getting shitfaced waiting for a bullfight. which are just memories of his journalism days...

 

[Broadside]

Because op-eds are ALWAYS written by some jew or a woman trying to influence things under the guise of "opinion".

Op-eds are the most insidious part of MSM if you ask me.

 

[Chicken of the woods]

I fucking hate this. And the related convention where every article has to be introduced through someone's tedious personal experience.

"It was a hot Wednesday morning in July when Siobhan, 35, first noticed that the tap water had changed colour. 'At first I didn't think anything of it,' she recalls, 'but I definitely felt like something was wrong.'" CONTINUES FOR THOUSANDS OF WORDS