Why does my husband hover when I'm fixing things?

parsnip

parsnip

kiwifarms.net
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Jan 24, 2024
Whenever something in the house breaks, I'm the one who fixes it. I've replaced sink pipes, fixed the dishwasher etc. So far I haven't destroyed anything.
Tonight the washer is broke so I started working on it, but my husband hovers over me and second guesses everything I'm doing until I just get up and leave.

Do I hit him? Give him a flashlight to hold? I told him I sure could use a sandwich but he didn't take the hint.
 
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OrionBalls said:
I really just enjoy learning new things, like what all the parts are and how they work together, so I can have a better idea of what precisely is broken in the future. I'm not naturally mechanically inclined. If it's that annoying, I'll stop, already.
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Well I mean it depends. The ones who are just genuinely curious and friendly I don't mind. It's the ones that are like "oh what ya doing? What ya going that for? Why are you doing that?" And on and on. Or the ones that just stand silently watching. I can't stand those. I do like stories though. Especially old people stories. They're usually pretty awesome. Or some people have a lot of knowledge to share about whatever it is they do and they like to talk about it. I don't mind that either.
parsnip said:
When we had our floors replaced I left for the day and told the workers to call when they were done. I always figured it's easier to get a job done when you don't have someone all up in your shit.
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It is nice when the owners aren't home when you're doing work. It's a lot more relaxing. Sometimes though you want them to be there. Like when you show up somewhere and the area you need to work is covered in a bunch of the customer's shit. I'm not moving that shit. Fuck that. They knew we were coming. Or sometimes you need to ask them things or for permission to do something they may or may not like or to ask them how they prefer something done if there's more than one option.
 
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My dad used to do the same thing too. He stated that it was a relationship thing and that he was trying to get involved. The problem was instead of assisting he nitpicks everything she did. He did have his moments of usefulness around the house but not without complaining for an hour about having to do said chore. Maybe don’t buy a home if you don’t want to do the chores.
 
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My parents each had their own stuff that they liked doing around the house. And both of them always involved me and my siblings whenever they were doing something. It was a great example of a symbiotic relationship, but my previous partner didn't have that growing up. I ended up always having to decide between "hovering" or "trial by fire". Some things in life are worth bothering someone about, some things it's more important for them to learn on their own. Regardless of what is right or wrong, the way you communicate and treat each other is integral to a healthy and well-functioning relationship. Just respect your partners.
 
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Whenever I have to fix or work on something I have a family member hovering around me. Most of the time it doesn't bother me really, sometimes I even assign them the role of holding something or passing me the tools. I understand that most of the time they want to help or are curious about how the repairs are going. Sometimes even their comments, ideas or methods are better than what I thought of initially. What is annoying though is when they backseat repair without any knowledge. One particularly funny example is when I told them that I needed a drill for the job, but they insisted on me just needing a nail and hammer (or a screw and screwdriver) to cut through solid chunk of metal. I did it their way to humour them and to show them that I was right. That tends to shut down further silliness down the line.
 
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He feels embarrassed and emasculated by the fact his woman is fixing things that he is too lazy or unskilled to fix himself so he has to compensate by hovering over you pretending he is helping or that he has the capacity to fix it by asking probing questions to make it seem like he knows his stuff.

If you want to scare him away look for something complicated or tricky that you can ask him a question about even though you know the answer. He will either get spooked because he doesn't actually know the answer or he will be satisfied that he is "helping" and be less annoying. He may however start trying to take over the project to be "the man" in which case you hand him the tools and tell him to fix it.
 
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