Why is it that no matter how much I wipe there are always poop stains in my underwear?

[Bob's Vagene]

Whenever my mom does the laundry, she always starts yelling at me about having poop stains in my underwear. She's always like "you're 34 years old, god damnit, what is wrong with you?"…. and I'm just like "shut up woman!". Anyway,, does anyone else have this problem? I mean I'm pretty sure I don't crap my pants, and I always wipe my ass thoroughly... but no matter what I do there's always poop stains. I don't understand. Can someone please help me? I'm getting scared.

 

[Billy Beer]

You need to stand, feet wide apart, and squat deep to open your arsehole. Then, and only then, can your finger nails come in to play, like the three sea shells of demolition man.

 

[Mr. Bung]

Just stop eating Taco Bell twice a day and the anal seepage will stop. Your underwear will remain as white as a master race.

 

[celebrityskin]

You probably have a hairy ass so hair gets stuck. Shave that shit

 

[GorillaGhost]

You probably drink too much soda. Try drinking water, tea, or milk. Also, try using wetwipes if you still have problems. You might have IBS, so changing your diet and managing your stress levels could help. My ex had this problem. She quickly corrected the situation.

 

[GorillaGhost]

You probably have a hairy ass so hair gets stuck. Shave that shit

I shave my whole body twice a year. I'm so hairy that if I don't, I get Klingons around my anus. During my hairless two weeks afterwards, it itches like crazy. I stay locked indoors during that time and my girlfriend torments me by playing with my body hair stubbles as they grow back.

It sucks, but it beats being a turded up, overheated woolly mammoth all year.