Worst/best breakup you've heard or used

  • Thread starter Thread starter WW 635
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So there was this black guy and he was like "I just got out of jail wanna buy some knives to help be reintegrate into society" or wtv.

i told him to come inside. After he was broken up in half and all dead looking, I'm pretty sure it was the worst breakup of his life.
 
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So I was doing this line of coke....
 
>Being in a relationship in the first place.
Look I got buroken up with over the phone like a week after Valentines because it was my friend's ex girlfriend and he had thrown a moving away party around that time. The day after he left, she sent me a text about how it wasnt gonna work and it fucked me up. She had asked me to think with my dick and I was like, "I have literally no idea what youre talking about. What does it mean to be 'horny'" She tried to rub me off and I was like yeah I dont feel anything. I mean, totally, yeah, feels good man, but... I dunno what youre talking about. It kinda fucked me up to realize I was that way, and it still fucks with me.

So I guess the worst breakup you can get is over text message over the phone, and then her ignoring everything after, and getting mad at you over melting down. This was like, my first girlfriend, 8 years ago, in high school. You learn with every girlfriend you have, you learn something new about how to act.
 
Oh boy, I have a doozy.
My uncle was dating a girl for a while, who we'll call Brittney because that's her name. She's been in some rough places in life, apparently grew up in foster care at some point and had a bad home life. She recently had a bad experience with a past boyfriend who we initially thought was a good guy, but apparently he was beating her and even tried to threaten her with a knife. This lead to my uncle letting her stay at his place when she had to escape. He had already known her for about four years, and in the time they lived together they started dating. Now she's a lot younger then him so she's way to spazzy and irresponsible to be with my uncle who has his grown-up shit together. Her spazzy obnoxiousness was getting much worse after a while and nearly everyone at work (note that my uncle, mom, and Brittney all work at an establishment we'll call Lol Foods) hated this shrieking valley girl. His friend J in particular hated her from the moment he met her, calling her an "evil, conniving, person".
She was getting so bad my uncle was starting to worry about our plans to bring her over to Christmas with us to meet the family. Well we didn't have to worry about the family being offended by her, becasue the night before Christmas Eve she displayed some...lack of sanity. Namely, while playing video games with my uncle she excused herself to the other room saying she was going to make a phone call- and proceded to lock the door and call 911 saying my uncle was trying to kill her with a knife. Like, SCREAMING into the phone. She calls everyone she knows and does the same routine, hanging up whenever someone offers to pick her up. Cops show up to find my very terrified uncle and a shrieking harpy woman who begins to berate them. Guess whose side they take? Brittney is made to leave and she goes out into the dead of night with nothing but a phone to spend hours posting to people on Facebook that my uncle tried to kill her and had been beating and raping her for six years.
So at this point the story may be starting to sound familiar. This is what her last boyfriend, who we all thought was so chill, apparently tried to do.
Next morning my uncle goes to work and his boss tells him to hide in the safe room. Britteny had called in saying that she would be a little late today because my uncle tried to kill her with a knife. the night before. When she finally comes in she starts shrieking like a basic girl banshee about this supposed knife attack and that they have to call the cops right now. She then goes on a literal rampage tearing up the seating area and some of the displays, all in full view of the terrified customers. Needless to say, the cops were called. Supposedly she was going to get 51-50'd- but in the meantime my uncle is trying to do damage control. When trying to get in touch with her family members, he learns that basically everything she ever said about her past was a lie. She wasn't in foster care, her family spoiled her rotten, she was never beaten. She's just fucking crazy. My poor uncle had to spend all of Christmas day doing damage control and assuring people he was ok. No one believed her becasue my uncle is awesome and they all hated Brittney anyway.
Meanwhile, she didn't get 51-50'd and apparently bought a plane ticket to the other side of the country to see a friend (who had been informed of what was going on). Once in the state her friend and mom took her to a psychiatric facility and she was transfered to an asylum in Georgia where she stayed for three weeks.

So that's my bad breakup story. In conclusion, if you work at Lol Foods don't date your coworkers especially if they are a basic girl named Brittney.
 
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