Would you change for your loved one? - If a person you love ask you to change fundamental aspects of your personality would you do it?

[Slap47]

I believe that divorce and broken friendships should just be accepted as part of the natural flow of life. People change. You should never try to change yourself unless you yourself recognize what somebody requests to be changed as a negative.

 

[NOT Sword Fighter Super]

In short: no. Fuck them.

But philosophically: is that even possible? I mean, people are who they are, and trying to force somebody to change an aspect about themselves would most definitely lead to resentment, likely on both sides.

 

[ZeCommissar]

Nope. If she feels like that she would rather breakup then deal with who I am as a person then it's already over. Infact I'm willing to bet she will respect you less for changing.

She's not the only woman left on the planet. I'm sure a good chunk of the 3.778 billion women left can deal with it.

 

[Tanti-Fanti]

This is a pretty interesting topic actually.

For some people, it's really hard to tell when something has to change for the better. Some people are so used to being someone or doing something over and over that changing that routine is hard for them. Especially if it's an awful habit or addiction. So if a person has shitty habits, they're far more like to rationalize them and perpetuate them than to actually fix those mistakes. That can escalate in a relationship as now it's not just you being the victim of your own shitty habits, it's also your partner. And of course, they can have an entirely different perspective on how a husband/wife acts compared to yours.

The point I'm trying to make is that sometimes people really do act like dicks but they don't intend to do so and that spreads into a relationship.

Now in a relationship, you should obviously talk with a partner about it and if you're willing to do stuff like therapy and visiting doctors/psychiatrists and such for the better, then yeah. It's good to change. You'd want to give your partner the best possible life and I can't see why you'd want to keep harming a person you supposedly love over and over. So big changes that affect your psychology and physically are things I would definitely change to help benefit my partner.

However, small things like hobbies or likes/dislikes are off the chopping block. When you get into a relationship, you get into it KNOWING (hopefully) who you're with. If your partner likes to play games a lot be expected to see that throughout your relationship. It's one thing if your partner has destructive habits. It's another when it doesn't harm you whatsoever.

 

[atomtan]

This reminds me of a situation I found myself several weeks ago.

I belong to a group of friends playing various video games together and this one person shows very clear signs of attraction towards me. The feelings aren't mutual though. They as a person are fundamentally very very very very different from me and not just as in like introvert/extrovert-type of things but like opinion of race, nationality, and other touchy like sexuality.

I've tried to mull over what the hell is going on, but I always come to the only conclusion that they think I'm something I'm not and that they are in fact infatuated with a self-imagined insert that has my face. I've been open about my views and whatnot but there's only so far you can go when you want to keep it civil. Everyone is titled to their own personal opinions and I don't expect anything else from people.

We're going to meet up next week and I'm afraid it'll lead to eventual confrontation and my head already hurts when I think of it. People always whinge about friendzones but like really I wish there was a less dick move to pull at this point.

Spoiler: *spoiler*

I'm passing and missing a libido.

 

[Monika H.]

Well, it depends.
If it's something destructive that may compromise the relationship, of course.
Otherwise, it's all on the type of thing. Sometimes you can reach a compromise, other times you learn to tolerate and live with it.
What matters most is to keep the relationship mutually beneficial and healthy.

 

[Mysterious Capitalist]

If it was asked with the right tact and respect, I'd change stuff that I know would be beneficial to me/us, like "be more fit/healthy", because I'd chalk it up as "now I can find the mental strenght to go to the gym because the person I love cares a lot about my health". Things like that.

"Your healthy hobby or me" will always get a no from me for reasons already explained in the thread.

The only kind of "X or me" that I'd accept as "fair" is when a relationship is still pretty new and the two parts are showing each other the various "terms and conditions" of the relationships; like "one day I'd like to start a family, you must be okay with that, or at least strongly consider it, because otherwise we're wasting each other's time"