Would you date a girl with... - (Assume she's decently attractive and into you. Like a 7/10.)

[zero-who]

1. A suspended driver's license?
2. A criminal record?
3. An expulsion from an accredited college or university?
4. Inverted nipples?
5. An eyebrow piercing?
6. Sickle cell anemia?
7. Kleptomania?
8. Diagnosed astraphobia (fear of thunder and lightning)?
9. A collection of her own toenail clippings?
10. A severe caffeine addiction?
11. A Discord Nitro account?
12. A YouTube account with over 250k subscribers?
13. Green hair?
14. A crush on your dad?
15. A communist flag in her bedroom?
16. 300+ hours logged in Genshin Impact?
17. A subscription to Nikocado Avocado's OnlyFans?
18. Narcissistic personality disorder?
19. A professionally-made fursuit?
20. Tattoo sleeves on both arms?
21. Bee/beeself pronouns?
22. A Hetalia body pillow?
23. Snoop Dogg as her ex-boyfriend?
24. A piss jug collection?
25. A nicotine addiction?
26. An administrator account on Wikipedia?
27. Autism?
28. Chlamydia?
29. A Bored Ape Yacht Club NFT?
30. A tramp stamp?
31. Short term memory loss?
32. Israeli dual citizenship?
33. No nipples?
34. Three or more nipples?
35. A prosthetic leg?
36. $250k in outstanding student loans?
37. A five-year old child?
38. A five-year old mixed race child?
39. A six-year old pitbull with food aggression?
40. A penis?
41. No vocal cords?
42. A feeder fetish?
44. An account on this website?
45. A thread on this website?
46. Crohn's disease?
47. Hank Hill ass?
48. Pyromania?
49. A tulpa?
50. Borderline personality disorder?
51. A clit piercing?
52. An ex-husband?
53. Two ex-husbands?
54. An ex-wife?
55. Anorexia?
56. A prestigious job working for the World Economic Forum?
57. PTSD from serving in the military?
58. Gingivitis?
59. A foot fetish?
60. An abnormally long neck?
61. A ton of spiderwebs in her house that she refuses to clear out because they "eat all the nasty bugs"?
62. Twelve cats and a chinchilla?
63. Five years to live?
64. A BDSM collar that she won't take off because it was a gift from her dad?
65. Bipolar disorder?
66. A stalker?
67. The tendency to send you BuzzFeed quizzes over text constantly?
68. A kinlist?
69. Every BTS album on vinyl?

 

[Iron Jaguar]

18. Narcissistic personality disorder

All women have that.

 

[King Dedede]

No to all but 22 and 44 bc we'd have the same awful taste funny that of all terrifying fandoms you picked Hetalia because it's so many years past its prime

 

[William "Billy" Eilish]

Well a woman interested in me would never exist but lemme answer your questions

1. A suspended driver's license? Honestly don't care
2. A criminal record?
As long as she's not a paedophile
3. An expulsion from an accredited college or university?
That would make me like her more
4. Inverted nipples?
I can get them to pop out so not a problem
5. An eyebrow piercing? Hot
6. Sickle cell anemia? Bloodborne roleplay time baby
7. Kleptomania? Yeah I'd have fun disciplining her about what happens to dirty thieves
8. Diagnosed astraphobia (fear of thunder and lightning)? Nothing wrong with rational fears
9. A collection of her own toenail clippings? A bit gross but better than her eating them I guess
10. A severe caffeine addiction? We can share soda
11. A Discord Nitro account? I don't know what this is
12. A YouTube account with over 250k subscribers? Sure that's impressive
13. Green hair? Green is a great color
14. A crush on your dad? My dad is my hero I don't blame her
15. A communist flag in her bedroom? That's ok we can fight over it then make up
16. 300+ hours logged in Genshin Impact? She must like anime tits that's pretty fucking hot
17. A subscription to Nikocado Avocado's OnlyFans? Everyone likes a freak show
18. Narcissistic personality disorder? Women am I right fellas?
19. A professionally-made fursuit? If she doesn't mind me not wearing one when we yiff
20. Tattoo sleeves on both arms? Tattoos used to be hot and rebellious till us Millennials ruined that
21. Bee/beeself pronouns? I don't know what that is
22. A Hetalia body pillow? I don't know what Hetalia is but sure
23. Snoop Dogg as her ex-boyfriend? Burn the coal pay the toll
24. A piss jug collection? If she doesn't mind me tossing them out and bleaching the place
25. A nicotine addiction? Who cares?
26. An administrator account on Wikipedia? She must have given Jimmy Wales lots of money
27. Autism? Autistic girls need love too
28. Chlamydia? Nope, nope nope
29. A Bored Ape Yacht Club NFT? Sure I don't care
30. A tramp stamp? See answer to number 20
31. Short term memory loss? I don't mind having a good memory
32. Israeli dual citizenship? I'll learn how to speak hebrew
33. No nipples? Still got the Booba? Still counts
34. Three or more nipples? Sweet bonus!
35. A prosthetic leg? A sexy cyborg!
36. $250k in outstanding student loans? I dont blame anyone for being tricked into student loans
37. A five-year old child? No
38. A five-year old mixed race child? No
39. A six-year old pitbull with food aggression? Yeah I don't like pitbulls but it didn't ask to be born
40. A penis? Well that's not a girl you are cheating
41. No vocal cords? Sign language dirty talk could be fun
42. A feeder fetish? Is that when she gets hot when I eat? Why not
44. An account on this website? That actually is one of my main criteria for looking for a wife I want that medal
45. A thread on this website? Kiwifame is best fame
46. Crohn's disease? Sure why not
47. Hank Hill ass? More of a tit man myself anyway
48. Pyromania? She can burn me all she wants baby
49. A tulpa? She a twin peaks fan?
50. Borderline personality disorder? Women am I right?
51. A clit piercing? Absolutely yes pwease
52. An ex-husband? Depends!
53. Two ex-husbands? That's not a good sign at all
54. An ex-wife? Hmm the possibilities are endless
55. Anorexia? I can fix her bros
56. A prestigious job working for the World Economic Forum? Let's rob the planet!
57. PTSD from serving in the military? Absolutely at least it's real PTSD and not twitter ptsd
58. Gingivitis? Sure
59. A foot fetish? Sure
60. An abnormally long neck? More neck to bite
61. A ton of spiderwebs in her house that she refuses to clear out because they "eat all the nasty bugs"? She has iron clad logic
62. Twelve cats and a chinchilla? I love animals
63. Five years to live? Eh I'm about done with living myself
64. A BDSM collar that she won't take off because it was a gift from her dad? I do like chokers but I'd probably have some words with her father
65. Bipolar disorder? Women am I right fellas?
66. A stalker? I practice stand your ground someone hand me my gat
67. The tendency to send you BuzzFeed quizzes over text constantly? Buzzfeed still exists???
68. A kinlist? I don't know what that is
69. Every BTS album on vinyl? Who is BTS? But she probably would hate my music too so who cares

 

[ChaChaHeels:BlackOnes]

What about THREE ex husbands?


(looks around shiftily)

 

[Conan O'Barbarian]

No to most, but depends on what crimes are on her record and a few of the others are also not that bad. Depends on what kind of tattoos, I can't date someone with shit taste. I too am addicted to caffeine and nicotine and we can share, so who cares? One divorce isn't all that uncommon nowadays, but more than one and that's a red flag that she's the problem.

 

[Jimmy Olsen]

I use Kiwifarms, I can't be choosy.

 

[Moths]

damn how'd you find a girl with this many irredeemable qualities op?

 

[Shidoen]

I'd date a kiwi, I don't think I have a reason to say No to most of these.

 

[MechanicusAdmin]

In the event that said woman took the chance with me :

1. A suspended driver's license? Yep.
2. A criminal record? Depends on the crime. If its something like 'eating her ex boyfriends' then probably no.
3. An expulsion from an accredited college or university? Yep.
4. Inverted nipples? Yep.
5. An eyebrow piercing? Yep.
6. Sickle cell anemia? Depends how far into it she is.
7. Kleptomania? If she nabs things for me too, sure.
8. Diagnosed astraphobia (fear of thunder and lightning)? Yep.
9. A collection of her own toenail clippings? Are they hidden out of sight? Yes.
10. A severe caffeine addiction? Yep.
11. A Discord Nitro account? No.
12. A YouTube account with over 250k subscribers? No.
13. Green hair? No.
14. A crush on your dad? No.
15. A communist flag in her bedroom? Yep.
16. 300+ hours logged in Genshin Impact? I have more than double that in Mass Effect so why not.
17. A subscription to Nikocado Avocado's OnlyFans? No.
18. Narcissistic personality disorder? No.
19. A professionally-made fursuit? No.
20. Tattoo sleeves on both arms? As long as they're not lists of exes names sure.
21. Bee/beeself pronouns? No.
22. A Hetalia body pillow? A what now?
23. Snoop Dogg as her ex-boyfriend? No.
24. A piss jug collection? No.
25. A nicotine addiction? Yep.
26. An administrator account on Wikipedia? No.
27. Autism? No.
28. Chlamydia? No.
29. A Bored Ape Yacht Club NFT? No.
30. A tramp stamp? Depends.
31. Short term memory loss? No.
32. Israeli dual citizenship? Yep.
33. No nipples? Yep.
34. Three or more nipples? Is she a mammal?
35. A prosthetic leg? Yep.
36. $250k in outstanding student loans? Yep.
37. A five-year old child? Yep.
38. A five-year old mixed race child? No.
39. A six-year old pitbull with food aggression? No.
40. A penis? No.
41. No vocal cords? Yep.
42. A feeder fetish? No.
44. An account on this website? No, that would mean she's at least half of my no answers here.
45. A thread on this website? Nope.
46. Crohn's disease? Yep.
47. Hank Hill ass? No. Definitely not.
48. Pyromania? Yep.
49. A tulpa? No.
50. Borderline personality disorder? No.
51. A clit piercing? No.
52. An ex-husband? Yep.
53. Two ex-husbands? No.
54. An ex-wife? No.
55. Anorexia? Yep.
56. A prestigious job working for the World Economic Forum? Yep.
57. PTSD from serving in the military? No.
58. Gingivitis? No.
59. A foot fetish? No.
60. An abnormally long neck? No.
61. A ton of spiderwebs in her house that she refuses to clear out because they "eat all the nasty bugs"? Yes.
62. Twelve cats and a chinchilla? Yep.
63. Five years to live? Yep.
64. A BDSM collar that she won't take off because it was a gift from her dad? No.
65. Bipolar disorder? No.
66. A stalker? Yes
67. The tendency to send you BuzzFeed quizzes over text constantly? Exterminatus.
68. A kinlist? No.
69. Every BTS album on vinyl? As long as I am not tortured with them, yes.

 

[Helium Bubble]

Ok, I'll play.

1. A suspended driver's license? No. An ex of mine had so many driving fuckups she had to pay $400 a month for insurance.
2. A criminal record? Depends on what for, but probably not
3. An expulsion from an accredited college or university? For pranking the dean, yes. For shitting in the hallways, no.
4. Inverted nipples? I believe it was Jesus who said, "Let he who has perfect nipples cast the first stone."
5. An eyebrow piercing? Probably not
6. Sickle cell anemia? Is there a malaria epidemic? No
7. Kleptomania? Same ex as the one above got busted for shoplifting and that was a shitshow. Avoid like Al Qaeda Nurgle cultists.
8. Diagnosed astraphobia (fear of thunder and lightning)? Sure
9. A collection of her own toenail clippings? No
10. A severe caffeine addiction? I have one too, we can snort espresso grounds off each other's thighs or something
11. A Discord Nitro account? Probably not
12. A YouTube account with over 250k subscribers? Depends on the subject matter but probably not
13. Green hair? No
14. A crush on your dad? No
15. A communist flag in her bedroom? No
16. 300+ hours logged in Genshin Impact? Not familiar with
17. A subscription to Nikocado Avocado's OnlyFans? No
18. Narcissistic personality disorder? No
19. A professionally-made fursuit? No
20. Tattoo sleeves on both arms? No
21. Bee/beeself pronouns? No
22. A Hetalia body pillow? No
23. Snoop Dogg as her ex-boyfriend? No
24. A piss jug collection? No
25. A nicotine addiction? Virginia Slims, yes. Quarter can of Skoal in her lip, no.
26. An administrator account on Wikipedia? Depends what she does with it
27. Autism? How bad?
28. Chlamydia? No
29. A Bored Ape Yacht Club NFT? No
30. A tramp stamp? No
31. Short term memory loss? I'm sorry, what was the question
32. Israeli dual citizenship? She might be able to get me a hookup for a Tavor and a Galil Ace, so yes at least short term
33. No nipples? Depends why they're gone. Accident or birth defect yes, headcase surgical body mod addict fuck no.
34. Three or more nipples? How many more are we talking here? Twelve?
35. A prosthetic leg? Yes
36. $250k in outstanding student loans? No
37. A five-year old child? Would consider if she's a widow or was married to a dude who turned into a POS. Single mothers are insta nope.
38. A five-year old mixed race child? Let's not fuck around. What race is she and what mix is the kid? Also rules still apply from #37
39. A six-year old pitbull with food aggression? No
40. A penis? No
41. No vocal cords? Probably. Arguments would be way easier.
42. A feeder fetish? No
44. An account on this website? Yes
45. A thread on this website? No
46. Crohn's disease? Ehhhhhh maybe
47. Hank Hill ass? IDK what that is so no
48. Pyromania? No
49. A tulpa? no
50. Borderline personality disorder? No
51. A clit piercing? Probably not
52. An ex-husband? Depends on the circumstances
53. Two ex-husbands? No, she makes shitty life choices... Which also makes me wonder what's wrong with ME, given that this chick likes me.
54. An ex-wife? no
55. Anorexia? no
56. A prestigious job working for the World Economic Forum? Hell yeah they probably get crazy good bennies and I'll be excepted from the Soylent Green initiatives or whatever they're cooking up
57. PTSD from serving in the military? Actual OG PTSD or weaksauce 'Waaaahhhh nobody validated my feelings' PTSD?
58. Gingivitis? No
59. A foot fetish? I've worn almost nothing but steel toed boots for 15 years now. If she's capable of sustaining a fetish for MY feet, she's a keeper
60. An abnormally long neck? No African neck rings or anything but probably yes
61. A ton of spiderwebs in her house that she refuses to clear out because they "eat all the nasty bugs"? No
62. Twelve cats and a chinchilla? No
63. Five years to live? Maybe
64. A BDSM collar that she won't take off because it was a gift from her dad? No
65. Bipolar disorder? No
66. A stalker? Depends on circumstances
67. The tendency to send you BuzzFeed quizzes over text constantly? No
68. A kinlist? IDK about that so no
69. Every BTS album on vinyl? See above

 

[Captain Syrup]

What about THREE ex husbands? (looks around shiftily)

Depends on what kind of tattoos

The "cigarette rule" (looks good on attractive people only)

A feeder fetish? Is that when she gets hot when I eat? Why not

Womens' neurons get crossed and they think a dude who is just fat is kinda muscular. The 'wanting a big man' thing.

 

[zero-who]

damn how'd you find a girl with this many irredeemable qualities op?

I used Tinder for fourteen seconds.