Write a Horrible Modern Hollywood Rendition of a Classic Film's Sequel/Reboot

[Cats]

I will go first. The title of my movie is "Terminator: Revolyction". (2025)
Starring: Linda Hamilton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Rachel Zegler, Lizzo, Edward Furlong

In a 1984 flashback, we see Sarah Connor (Hamilton) being pursued by the upper half of the Terminator exoskeleton at the Cyberdyne factory. Just as the robot grasps her neck, she activates the hydraulic press and crushes her mechanical adversary into scrap metal. The transfer of energy unknowingly combines Sarah's DNA with that of the machine, forming a powerful Human-Terminator hybrid. Fast forward to present-day 2025. A new and highly advanced Terminator model (Lizzo) arrives from a future where SKYNET2 has been developed in order to assassinate Sarah before she can meet her daughter from a parallel universe, Dr. Joan Connor (Zegler), and assist her in developing a female super soldier serum known as FemSyn which will bring about the destruction of SKYNET2 in the far future. Together with a retired T-800 (Schwarzenegger) living incognito as an openly gay elderly civilian within the conservative American south, Sarah must uncover the hidden abilities of her hybrid DNA and go toe-to-toe with her most capable adversary yet to ensure that the timeline stays intact...and meet any injustice with the swiftest of retribution. PG-13; 112 minutes.

 

[Sniperwoof]

Not a movie but here's my pitch for the millennial version of The Giving Tree.

"Take my story said the tree, and turn it into hate clicks to be peddled to the low IQ masses by international mega corporations for the benefit of corrupt politicians and foreign entities."

"Dude said the boy"

"Lmao"

 

[CptnSnshn]

No, I won't.

 

[Bubble Ba'ath]

Hard Boiled 2: Handicapable

Directed by John-Brianna Woo

Mobility scooter-bound gendergoblin assassins spinning through the air of Dr. Gallagher's gender clinic, defending it from bigots and chuds. The more disabled the warrior, the more cybernetic combat enhancements she gives them.

 

[Cats]

No, I won't.

You're just a wiggly little tyranid. All you require is some top of the head pettings and you will become Happy once again

 

[Character from a movie]

You're just a wiggly little tyranid. All you require is some top of the head pettings and you will become Happy once again

This perfectly describes my cats.

 

[Maskull]

This thread is just a remake of a thread I read months ago on an exclusive forum you're too poor to have even heard of, which counts among its members such superstars as Tiesto, Paul Van Dyk, Kenny Loggins, and Afrikaa Bambaataa. Maybe someday you can come up with something original.

 

[jershs compensation beard]

@Cats your story is better than the last two terminator movies. Get this man a Hollywood deal.

 

[Cats]

Nobody listen to @Maskull he works for the CCP

 

[Maskull]

Kenny Loggins and I are making fun of you.

 

[Cats]

he's an Agent I saw him he collected my used fryer oil out of the trashcan

 

[Dysnomia]

Contact

The vapid, talentless alien-eyed Kendall Jenner, in her feature film debut, is SETI scientist Kelsey Taylor (name changed to appeal to Swiftiefags). After an hour sashaying around in designer clothes and pretending to sound smart KelTay (as her colleagues affectionately call her) receives an alien message from outer space. Being sooo smart and like totally good at math and stuff she solves the number code and builds a space pod so she can like talk to aliens and stuff along with her pint sized sidekick Yassy Queen (played by North West. Come on. You know she's being groomed to become the next Jaden Smith). Together they travel through some blingin' wormholes to an alien world that appears as a giant Sephora store. The alien appears as Caitlyn Jenner. Kendall calls the alien dad because she's too dumb to know it's not an alien and the alien is actually an alien tranny. The alien tranny, shocked at being misgendered by a mere Earthling, destroys all of Earth before running over KelTay in "her" spacemobile.

After the credits roll we see the caption "1000 years later". North West wakes up from her cryogenic slumber to find that all of Sephora World worships her as a god because Kim Kardashian demanded the movie end like that.

 

[and and and and]

A remake of The Color Purple but all black people are replaced by white trannies

 

[Jason Wynn]

One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

Nurse Ratchet is portrayed as a sympathetic figure, a STRONK WOMYN atttmpting to assert herself against the patriarchy, portrayed by McMurphy. Harding will be made officially gay like he was in the novel instead of hinted at like in the original movie and will be Ratchet’s official bootlicker, still antagonizing McMurphy while squealing out a “YASS QUEEN!” every now and then.

Billy will be an incel instead of a shy kid with a stutter who kills himself after nurses find a manifesto he had written. The Chief is now seen as a negative stereotype of Native Americans and will now by played by a black lesbian.

McMurphy will attempt to rape nurse Ratchet instead of strangling her because ALL MEN ARE THE SAME!!! and will still get lobotomized. The Chief, sorry “Da Cheef!” sees him, stares a moment, sucks on its teeth and says “…sheeeeeeet!” roll credits

Jordan Peele will direct

 

[DoomsdayElite]

It's A Wonderful Life. George Bailey is, by all outward appearances, a flamboyant faggot whom the town despises and instead of praying for his well being, they pray for him to get hatecrimed. He troons out, after which his father dies of a shock-induced stroke, and he violently rapes and murders Mary Hatch while loudly proclaiming his name is Georgina. On Christmas Eve, he does the inevitable and jumps off a bridge. But no guardian angel comes to his rescue, because when Clarence Odbody was shown flashbacks of George's degenerate life, he refuses to be assigned to a disgusting troon. God's entire retinue of guardian angels is booked solid, so George is pretty much fucked and drowns. The film ends with bullshit statistics about the trans genocide and admonishes the audience for being bigoted chuds.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

[every scene is tinted aqua or orange]

 

[Fag Albert]

I'd make a feature length Gilligan's Island movie where every time the skipper got mad at Gilligan id cut the music and have everyone hold down Gilligan while Skipper took a branding iron to him. Then the movie would just go on like nothing happened.

 

[Picnic_Boy]

Tariq Nashid produces a black retelling of Eraserhead. The Lady in the Radiator will be played by whatever Lizzo-of-the-week is popular at the moment, and she'll be dressed like a Parisian dance hall girl. Instead of "In Heaven," she'll sing an original song called "RAIN DAT PUSSAY🌧 " The protagonist goes on to lead a team of heroes in the grimdark Lynchverse.

 

[Dysnomia]

Immortal Beloved. But Beethoven is black and part of the Deaf community.

 

[Chongqing]

Fight Club 2: Fighting the Patriarchy

I'm disgusted and I don't want to write anything further.