X-Com 3: The Final Fight

[Tavern Explorer]

So the whole water tango thing eventually blew over. And by blew over I mean blew UP, like #ExplosionHumor dudes. In what can only be called 9/11 2.0, the tangos blew up their home city, killing themselves but also FUCKING UP an enormous portion of our world in the process. Shit was FUCKED UP okay, there was like contamination and pollution and mutations and shit, it was awful. When the tactical puke finally stopped hitting the fan all that was left was some lucky fggts scattered around the world, some tactical businessmen, and all are armed forces in our base.

After seeing how bad they screwed up by not wanting our help, all the surviving speds of the world got back with us and we worked together to make a city where we could survive. For a while it was nice, everyone just chilled and smoked future weed basically, like it was like a gamer's paradise. Of course that couldn't last

Some weird triangle things have popped up around the city and it just screams tango. This is pretty shit news for everyone okay, because like for all the future weed this city's a powder keg basically--there's so many different factions wanting their own shit, all it'd take is some tango bullshit to set off everyone fighting with everyone else, are organization included. And on top of it all some FUCKED UP cult has started poking around too...

We've set up in the city's porn housing for added tactical stealth. If there's about to be a crucial danger situation we have to be ready--if this city falls, either from tango activity or from false-flag betrayals, there won't be anywhere left for us to live.

This is the final fight, basically.

 

[EI 903]

 

[exball]

We will finish the fight, gamers.

 

[Saney]

Will Saney's descendant's be helping to finish the final fight?

 

[Tavern Explorer]

Will Saney's descendant's be helping to finish the final fight?

Of course dude, the Saney line has like a long tactical history with us basically. They'll be sent in sooner or later, no doubt.

WEEK 1, MARCH 2084

The first day has gone well gamers. Got acquainted with some new gear, and our first squad's come in today. Of note is returning sergeant Safety Scissors...

And there's an emissary from the porn slums that's insisted on helping with the fight. Hopefully this is a good first step in a successful alliance between are armed forces and the other residents in this building.

We make some basic first purchases--more gear, some ships and engines, that sort of shit--and I'm in for a little surprise dude! Look at that little green fggt, that's a supply ship dude! When we make purchases from businesses and factions the supply ships actually fly out and deliver the goods. This could be really chill, but I'm also wondering if these things could be at risk if missiles started flying over the city...

Haaaaaaa, lookit the lil fggts fly in though! Dude that's realistic, that's realistic dude.

Well this isn't half bad gamers, just like another day in gamer paradise basically. Some of the men have broken out the future weed dude, like, heh, it's basically #ChillZone time while we wait for something to go down.

 

[exball]

Sexball is ready to go in, and his son NEETball.

 

[kagayaki]

Behold, the spawn of Kagayaki, Trocadero I. He is yours to command, @Tavern Explorer .

 

[Mr. 0]

Let's see if this doesn't end as badly this time.

 

[Burned Man]

Alright in all the chaos of the last war and me being a ghost in all I have seemed to have misplaced my descendants I need to know if Rugged Burned Man survived with his son Sun Burned Man?

 

[Randall Fragg]

Randall's least favorite descendants are ready to go in: Rusty Fragg and his SJW grandson Random Fagg.

 

[Tavern Explorer]

As the day goes on this city's getting more and more realistic, gamers. It's really jumping now, all these lil fggts driving around and going about their business.

Some of the fggts aren't as likeable as the others, though. On the west side of town a couple fggts from that FUCKED UP cult are driving around...I won't mess with them now but if those fggts start doing some false flag terrorism I'll be forced to shoot them off the road

Some hours later we get the alert, dude. Looks like this was no false alarm, there's tangos attacking and they're after a fudcking hospital!

Are starting forces are loaded up onto the new Skyraider-91 and sent out. Heh, like, let's go say hi to some old friends dude.

This is some high-stakes shit, the tactical blood's pumping now. This first contact will be a lot different than before, and I'm not just talking tangos dude--things run a lot different than before around here, tactical combat's gone realtime and it's dangerous as ever. At least now our freaking machine guns can fire more than three shots, but it also means the tangos will be moving at the same time we are. We'll have to be even more tactically cautious or we might bump into someone we don't want to while checking corners.

COMBAT REPORT:

Spoiler

The Skyraider docks and the team unloads with an old veteran at the front. Captain Strewth, tactical warrior of the battlefield from back in 1999 and leader of #StrykerSquad, is here again and looking tactical as ever thanks to future tech shit. He'll act as a medic for this op.

The group breaks into three tactical squads of three, with Strewth, Safety Scissors and her daughter Butter Knife together as the point squad. Heh, basically it's like three generations of X-Com tactics together dude, hopefully they'll all make it through this.

The group spreads out and starts checking corners while Butter Knife and Strewth head up the lift. The rest of the squad will be holding down the fort while those two basically scope out the scene and shit, dude.

The scouts pass by a civvie as they start scouting the upper floor. Shit dude, with all this happening right on the homefront we're probably gonna be seeing civvies in every mission. That's FUCKED UP, man.

They turn the corner and EEEEEEWWWWWW

DUDE THAT'S FICKED EHHHHHHP KILL IT KILL IT

OH MY GOD IT JUMPED ON STREWTH

Oh my god dude, oh my GOD dude, Strewth's been like mindjacked by a FUCKED UP HOMOSEXUAL FACE-FUCKER dude, what a FUCKING way to die! Butter Knife has no choice, she opens up point blank!

But Strewth's body is like too tactical dude, he shakes off her shots and headshots her just as Flossboy gets up the lift

The young soldier's street instincts kick in just as some big blue freak runs in--shit, grenade's been thrown!

Oh shit, this is bad. Dollars2008 comes up just as a second blue tango and a second grenade gets thrown into the mix. If she can't sprint past fast enough--

She dodges fine but the street kid got hit by one of those face fuckers dude, he will pave no more

Man this simultaneous combat shit is FUCKED UP, while this slaughter's going down upstairs Safety Scissors is in danger of being face fucked downstairs! The reserve squad busts in all tactical, basically like "DUDE LOOK OUUUUUUT" or some shit like that, you know how #Roleplay is.

And Scissors starts running dude, meanwhile upstairs Dollars is in trouble. The blue faggot's down but Strewth's mindfucked body has shown up again

We lose comms with the corg moments later. It's up to the guys down below now

 

[Tavern Explorer]

COMBAT REPORT CONCLUSION:

Spoiler

The surviving squaddies hold and wait for the fuckers to come to them and they don't have to wait long. The second blue faggot from earlier comes down into a tactically placed block of weapons fire.

Blue Faggot's down moments later. The final shot came from "Geeky" Geek of Ages, another descendant of a tactical soldier line. Basically like #Roleplay, he just sort of grins like "Heh, like, looks like you got #Deaged dude, that was like a sick deagle kill basically."

It looks like the facefucked street boy has lost sight of us--he's stopped parkouring around. Geeky leads Nance and Melchett IV up to finish the fight.

The team flies up and starts shooting.

Strewth's waiting for them, crouched as tactically as a wolf crouches under the tree bark when dodging liberal hunters of the battlefield

Nance is sick of this FUCKED UP false-flag content. She starts parkouring shots with the stun grapple dude, all like "You shit eating...PISS DRINKING...CUM GUZZLING--!"

Nooooo!

Shit dude, downstairs Safety Scissors and Foulson have been flanked by another mindfucked soldier! They rush for the lift dude, they don't have weapons to fight back with!

Oh fuck dude, this is it dude...there's nobody left but these three--

*These TWO. Safety Scissors knocked herself out to stop Strewth's tactical rampage. Foulson and Geeky are like totally tactical dude, they just sort of look around, give each other the nod...

And drop down to FINISH THE FIGHT1

The mindfucked tango falls and a message pops up. A bland gray box is saying we win.

Did we?

It was an awful first mission. We lost some great soldiers painfully early today for hardly any gain of tango tech or intel.

At least Geeky and Foulson made it out okay. Like #Roleplay dude, as the Skyraider starts flying back they just #420FutureBlazeIt a little, like toking up a bible blunt for the friends they just lost. They both know dude, they know in the back of their minds that the ones who went down today are probably the lucky ones. Things can only get more FUCKED UP from here.

 

[Organic Fapcup]

And suddenly, Organic Fapcup's reanimated corpse comes back to help Finish the Fight(tm)?

also

 

[A-Stump]

I hope everyone crashes and dies

 

[Andrew Noel Schaefer]

I know this version has robots. Can you make me a robot?

Also! After the Xcom series, will you be taking a poke at the 'unoffical' games in the series (UFO Extraterrestrials, Aftermath, Aftershock, Afterlight?)

 

[Tavern Explorer]

It's been a long day but it isn't quite over yet, gamers. The first thing we do is buy more gear--I can't believe we didn't have enough for every soldier After that we call for some recruits, every one that we could call for this week. A descendant of CatParty and FramerGirl420 is with them, one SlothParty.

And thanks to some super tactical science shit, the mind of FramerGirl herself has been brought back and placed into an android! This is like groundbreaking and shit dude, like we're pushing boundaries or some shit like that.

We had to sink in more cash and the nerds will be without a lab for a few days but we've started reorganizing the base some, too. This layout will mean a smaller risk to are nerds in the event of a tango attack.

The sun starts to set and the agents begin taking shifts of sleep and training. After a FUCKED UP first day like this we can't afford to all close our eyes at the same time.

The alarms sounding a few hours later prove how right I was like a screen full of 1's, dude. They're sending in UFOs.

But we're ready for this, okay. Our squadron of hovercraft were tactically placed around the city just in case of something like this. SPED-1 and SPED-2 are nearby and ready to intercept.

Shit, there's more than one? No matter dude, we got plenty of tactical forces, we'll shoot them all down!

FUCK yeah dude, there's like a tactical dogfight going on now! Surprisingly the first kill isn't from any of our fggts--a police fggt bags the first tango craft.

Shit, what's that one doing?! Unloading troops?

I'm not sure if the UFO finished what it wanted to do or not before our ships chased it off. We have something else to worry about now though--have to go recover the ship that the police shot down or we could risk some surviving tangos lurking around the area. The wounded get left behind but everyone else loads up and heads out. One more fight for the day, it looks like.

 

[Tavern Explorer]

I hope everyone crashes and dies

Wow dude, WOW DUDE, PLEASE RESPECT ME AND THIS WAR

 

[A-Stump]

This may not be your forte but after you're done with X-com you should do a Fallout New Vegas play through as Commander Stryker with a picture log

 

[exball]

Bring back all the 1999 veterans as Androids.

 

[exball]

This may not be your forte but after you're done with X-com you should do a Fallout New Vegas play through as Commander Stryker with a picture log

I...I am actually currently playing a Jace character...