1. I am extremely sorry that a set of tweets I made in anger last night sent some signals that justifiably raised hackles; several people have patiently explained to me that I was not expressing myself well or wisely, and I believe I should trust them.
2. I will not be deleting those tweets. Nobody forced me to post in anger and make an ass of myself, and if I unnecessarily and clumsily upset people then I get to take responsibility for that and eat the consequences like a grownup.
3. Last night, Alexandra Rowland posted a statement on their website concerning myself and my wife, Elizabeth Bear.
4. In 2015, after negotiations with my then-fiancee, I had a brief romantic relationship with Rowland, who had been a fan and reader with whom I'd become friends after a long correspondence.
5. While this was a consensual relationship between adults, it is also undeniable that there was still a power differential that I did not consider or adequately respect at the time. This was profoundly careless of me.
6. I initiated this relationship poorly, I had done no research into the ethics of polyamorous relationships, and I did not take responsible measures to keep my anxiety from influencing my decisions and making life very difficult for all of us involved.
7. I do not believe it's any minimization of Rowland's agency to say that there was a duty of care I did not meet. Regardless of what happened afterward, they did not deserve to be put in that situation in the first place.
8. Rowland has every right to be unkind to me in their version of events; I have merited some anger. I will assert, however, that their version of events differs from my own and from that of many witnesses present at the time.
9. I wish we had all been able to extract ourselves from this situation with more kindness and maturity, but we did not. I own my multiple failures here and I am sorry for the grief and wasted time we have all endured because of them.
10. My responsibility for a large share of causing this mess is not abrogated by my assertion that Rowland's statement elides their own abusive behavior, their gaslighting, and their failure to respect boundaries set by others.
11. Above and beyond that, Rowland’s statement contains several items that I would assert to be unequivocal falsehoods. I have never made any effort to silence them, intimidate them, or interfere with their career in any way.
12. Rowland blocked me on Twitter in 2017. I have respected that break of contact since. I have never, to the best of my knowledge, mentioned them or their books in public or attended their publicity events. I have maintained absolute silence and distance for almost three years.
13. Rowland’s assertion that Elizabeth Bear and I have a pattern of "grooming" "baby writers" for nefarious purposes is so grotesquely laughable I barely know what to say. I was furious about it last night; I take it absolutely seriously, and I deny it completely.
14. My relationship with Rowland was not part of a pattern. It was absolutely singular, the one and only time I have ever made such a poor decision in fourteen years as a published author, and I believe the evidence of my actions over those years is already speaking.
15. Certainly, the evidence of those actions is now being closely examined- by my agent, by my publishers, by my industry peers, and by the conventions and workshops I am associated with. All of this is good and necessary.
16. I can't speak to the reasoning behind Rowland's assertions. I have said that anger would be justified; substantial fabrications concerning myself and my wife are quite beyond that.
17. I will strive to remain calm, to move slowly, to take the counsel and advice of others, to judge my public statements more carefully, and to trust the evidence to continue to speak for itself.