You're transported to some point in history but you have access to the current internet. What's your plan? - Dumbass hypothetical. More details below. There are some very restricting rules. Read the fucking OP you goddamn retards.

Penis Drager

Penis Drager

Schrödinger's retard
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Aug 8, 2020
  • You may choose any time or location before 1500 AD. It's a one-way trip.
  • You are given only a set of era/location appropriate clothes and a functional command for the region's language.
  • You also have a smartphone with a battery life of 24 hours of consistent internet use (may be rationed accordingly).
  • For as long as your phone has a charge, the entirety of the current day internet is available to you in read-only form and, for whatever reason, perfect connection no matter where you are.
When/where would you go?
How would you use the knowledge you have available to survive/thrive in your new life?

*Edited for clarification
 
Last edited:
  • Winner
Reactions: Haim Arlosoroff
I'd have to look up how to find, refine, process and use power for my phone, then. I'd also have to get used to eating a lot of fecal matter mixed in with undercooked food, being filthy, being poor and not speaking any of those languages.

If I get to go back, I'd say Japan in 1450 so I could bully some little Japanese people for their shit.

Edit: I can't fucking read apparently.

If I don't get to go back, then I'd choose the height of the Roman empire and be a mercenary or some shit, kill Gauls, and get my own little farm with some hot Iberian chick.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Dr Doom Pill, Pillar of Autism and PFM
Go back to the 1950s, google winning lottery number records and also the entire stock market history up till the time I left, become a rich fuck and enjoy being part of the 1%.

EDIT: I'm retarded and need to learn to read.
In that case, anyplace in Western Europe, complete guide to Latin, a guide to magic tricks, instructions on how to make a still, the recipe for gunpowder, and a guide to organic farming. Sign on with the local king as a court wizard. Enjoy larping as gandalf.
 
  • Dumb
  • Like
Reactions: Kiwisee, Xarpho, PFM and 1 other person
I'm not a vigorous young man nor a hot chick, so my options of conquering or marrying my way into power are limited. I'd probably head to Judea circa 30 AD and ask Jesus to miracle me home, or to at least give me a self-healing body so I don't die of cavities or a bladder infection within the first few years.

If I can't find him or get him to do that, I would just hang out in ancient Rome and invent the rigid horse collar using plans from the internet. I'm sure the Romans would be grateful to me for inventing a device that vastly increased their capacity for hauling and farming. I'd probably make a mint selling them to the army legions. Then I'd settle back and start a school for medicine and dentistry, because I'm going to need that shit no matter where I end up in history.
 
  • Feels
  • Like
Reactions: Dr Doom Pill and Bland Crumbs
i guess the best i can come up with is looking up info on some kind of lost treasure that wasn't found at the time, go and grab it, and enjoy being rich.
 
  • Dislike
Reactions: PipTheAlchemist
What I'd go for is try to gain an audience with Hero of Alexandria. I would detail to him the potential applications of steam power and show him schematics of industrial revolution era steam engines and try to convince him to petition the crafting of at least a small scale proof of concept to demonstrate at the Musaeum in the hopes of attracting investors for larger/more practical constructions to be made. In the meantime, I'd teach him the basics of electricity generation and show him how copper + magnets + spinny thingy can result in a novel method of power transmission.

Basically, I'd just try to use some famous engineer's prestige as a means of getting my phone charged and play it by ear from there. I'd try to play the whole thing off as if I'm a student of his but once we get to the level where I can reliably charge my phone, I'd become an engineer/scientist in my own right and make a living proposing all kinds of crazy future shit to whatever Greek nobleman wants to listen.
 
  • Like
  • Optimistic
  • Thunk-Provoking
Reactions: Boner Pill, MrB, kartofel and 2 others
Penis Drager said:
What I'd go for is try to gain an audience with Hero of Alexandria. I would detail to him the potential applications of steam power and show him schematics of industrial revolution era steam engines and try to convince him to petition the crafting of at least a small scale proof of concept to demonstrate at the Musaeum in the hopes of attracting investors for larger/more practical constructions to be made. In the meantime, I'd teach him the basics of electricity generation and show him how copper + magnets + spinny thingy can result in a novel method of power transmission.

Basically, I'd just try to use some famous engineer's prestige as a means of getting my phone charged and play it by ear from there. I'd try to play the whole thing off as if I'm a student of his but once we get to the level where I can reliably charge my phone, I'd become an engineer/scientist in my own right and make a living proposing all kinds of crazy future shit to whatever Greek nobleman wants to listen.
Click to expand...
So, if your phone is charged somehow, do you resume having readonly internet function?
If so, yes, instigating an industrial revolution with Hero would probably be the best thing to do. After getting the much brighter people on a roll with technological progress, though, I'd put special effort into getting germ theory off the ground, and penicillin, too. Probably best to keep penicillin a nobleman's medicine, though. Imagine accidentally making all the diseases antibiotic resistant 500 years ago.
 
  • Agree
Reactions: Penis Drager
Penis Drager said:
What I'd go for is try to gain an audience with Hero of Alexandria. I would detail to him the potential applications of steam power and show him schematics of industrial revolution era steam engines and try to convince him to petition the crafting of at least a small scale proof of concept to demonstrate at the Musaeum in the hopes of attracting investors for larger/more practical constructions to be made. In the meantime, I'd teach him the basics of electricity generation and show him how copper + magnets + spinny thingy can result in a novel method of power transmission.

Basically, I'd just try to use some famous engineer's prestige as a means of getting my phone charged and play it by ear from there. I'd try to play the whole thing off as if I'm a student of his but once we get to the level where I can reliably charge my phone, I'd become an engineer/scientist in my own right and make a living proposing all kinds of crazy future shit to whatever Greek nobleman wants to listen.
Click to expand...
ΠΟΙΟΣ ΕΙΣΤΕ? ΕΙΜΑΙ ΑΠΟ ΑΡΧΑΙΑ ΕΛΛΑΔΑ

a5W37do_460s.jpg
 
  • Feels
Reactions: Penis Drager
Go to ancient sumeria in 3000bc and give them all the knowledge we have now

Then go back to the present to see what they did 5000 years later, probably cool af FTL spaceships and already colonized half the galaxy................or turned earth into an irradiated desert around 2500bc and its been like that since then
 
kartofel said:
Go back to the 1950s, google winning lottery number records and also the entire stock market history up till the time I left, become a rich fuck and enjoy being part of the 1%.

EDIT: I'm retarded and need to learn to read.
In that case, anyplace in Western Europe, complete guide to Latin, a guide to magic tricks, instructions on how to make a still, the recipe for gunpowder, and a guide to organic farming. Sign on with the local king as a court wizard. Enjoy larping as gandalf.
Click to expand...
I thought that back in the 50s the lottery wasn't based on winning numbers but basically a raffle of sorts? I recall in the Stephen King novel, 11.22.63, the main protagonist went back to 1958 and made his money by gambling basically.
 
  • Informative
Reactions: kartofel
I'll go back to when Columbus was about to sail to the North Americas and tell him the right way on how to get to india. The look on the Pajeets faces when they'll get a waft of Old World deseases and enslavement for their treasures will be freakin' hilarious :story:
 
  • Like
Reactions: Osmosis Jones
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back