You're transported to some point in history but you have access to the current internet. What's your plan? - Dumbass hypothetical. More details below. There are some very restricting rules. Read the fucking OP you goddamn retards.

A part of me thinks I'd just keep the phone in my back pocket, metaphorically-speaking. Really only using it when I'd need to. As for when/where I'd like to live, I'm partial to the Spanish colonies in the West Indies. I would relish the opportunity to travel with Columbus during his discovery of America, as well as Cortez during his conquest of Mexico. As dangerous as those times might have been, it would still be interesting nonetheless to see those events first-hand.
 
Go back to like 3 weeks before Malcom X gets shot and try to befriend him. If I befriend him I’ll show him a screening of Mike and Melissa. If I don’t befriend him, I’ll tell him the exact details of his death.
 
Go to May 5, 2000 to buy a Dreamcast.

The downside is that if I wanna talk to you guys, that means I have to downgrade my phone's operating system to Windows ME.
 
This one is easy. Wherever I end up the first thing I need to do is look up as much as I can about building a working generator, charging cable and outlet. Screenshot everything that’s relevant as well as any information relevant to the period and time I end up in. I need to write and draw all of this out on paper before my 24hrs is up and then get to working a job so I can get enough money to purchase the materials I’ll need to build said generator and recharge the phone with the information on it. Alternatively I could, if such a place exists in the 1500s idk I’m retarded and don’t know history, could go to the patents office with my schematics
 
China, 800BCE. Cast iron was invented at this point so I'd at least be able to cook a proper meal
Plans.
Upload some real vintage chun gong using ASCII art


None of you want to shit post from the ancient past. I am disappointed in all of you.
 
Anonymus Fluhre said:
None of you want to shit post from the ancient past. I am disappointed in all of you.
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Penis Drager said:
You are super smart and I'm sure you'd make it in pre-industrial history.
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I worked on a farm as a kid. It wouldn't be hard for me.
Skitarii said:
On a single-charge smartphone?

I think you get what OP is trying to say
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Unless the phone was made to only have a single charge there are ways to charge it. A handcrank charger for instance wouldn't be that hard to make. However it would be much much larger than what we can make today. First gears were made in 27th century BCE China so by 800 BCE you'd have access to that. Copper has been used since 87th century BCE for jewelry. Should I continue? Again, the OP should have done a better job with their rules.
 
Yeah I need to go to the future first and grab a high powered laser gun otherwise why get killed?

Anyway I'd transport to the Maya kingdom of Tikal with my laser gun (so I can be worshiped as Kit Kot Kiche'Kitty, Mayan Goddess of Felines) with jaguars as my personal attack cats, tell them those human sacrificing Aztec niggers are coming, make sure they defeat them, take over Teotihuacan and end their heart ripping sacrifice cult once and for all and prep the Maya for the arrival of the Spaniards. Then I create an alliance with Spain that BTFO of the Eternal Anglo in the New World.

My biggest problem will be stopping the creation of glyph based anime that turns my natives into coomers. I don't know if lasers will be enough.
 
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I'd travel to warn Joan of Arc so her escape attempt goes well. Past that, I'd probably check out proto-Protestant sects at the time and dodge Inquisitors. Screenshotting one of the gospels and copying it down in vernacular would be nice too.
 
I would go to Assyria, 700 BC. Meet with king Sin-ahhe-eriba and present myself as a prophetess sent by goddess Ishtar herself.
I tell him to not accept peace with the Kingdom of Judah under any circumstances. March his army forward to Jerusalem and slay them all. I would describe "modern" military tactics and weapons and present them as gifts from war-goddess Ishtar. By modern I mean things like the sarissa phalanx, gunpowder, pike-and-shot tactics, crossbows, catapults, trebuchets etc. Things that are feasible with the technology of the time.

And then, we would march to war and trample all of Judah under our sandaled feet.
Flay them alive. Dismember them. Throw them on piles and burn them. Enact all the cruelties of Assyrian punishment upon them.

And from then on, the world will be at peace.
 
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Maurice Caine said:
I thought that back in the 50s the lottery wasn't based on winning numbers but basically a raffle of sorts? I recall in the Stephen King novel, 11.22.63, the main protagonist went back to 1958 and made his money by gambling basically.
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I think those numbers games were mostly mafia controlled until the states themselves got in on it.

But before 1500 AD? Damn. I don't know. I'd want to find an era and region where some genius of his time could maybe make some early leap with what he can understand about the phone or the contents of the internet. Yeah, chaos could ensue. But why not?
 
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The only two serious options are going to England (or whether you are confident you are convinced the language barrier won't be too high) and either live as a peasant or jot down every drug you can conceivably create there and hope to make a living (anything more complex then drugs is either impractical or insanely risky).
 
I'd go back to the 1300s and try to join a monastery. Throw my phone in a river, get a sick bowl cut and robe, live a cozy life with my monk bros working on monk stuff, maybe take up beekeeping. Try my hardest to forget that the Internet and this time period ever even existed.

In reality I would die pretty quickly. It's too easy to overestimate your abilities. Just finding my way to my imagined monastery and managing interactions with locals without a firm grasp on the language and culture of the time would probably end fatally.

I would be totally unequipped for any sort of pre-industrial living. I'm not great at managing my life in 2022, and as much as we bitch about the world right now surviving in a first world country is ezmode.
 
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I would either be Venetian or Outremer, trying to build a successful colleganza trading between Venice and Sidon around the year of our Lord 1150ish.

Trading is probably the best idea in the 1100s, before that its becoming a God-King and trying to speedrun up the tech tree which involves far too much sourcing of materials in order to construct the mechanisms over and over for me. Material-sourcing, processing, and construction just seems so difficult and tiring considering a barbarian invasion could smite my civilization at any time during or after my speedrun. I wouldn't like my chances, even though they aren't that much better in 1120 A.D.

Due to the Pactum Warmundi and The Golden Bull of 1082, Traders made bank very easily because boats were so easily lost at sea that sailors were paid quite well, and being able to speak Outremer French to the Crusader States in order to buy fancy things and sell them in Venice as well as in the duty-free trading ports, exempt from tax, throughout the Byzantine Empire ensures a pattern of growth until I could afford to mine gold in Kremnica. I would work to make a trading family for me and my sons, marrying my daughters into minor Byzantine and Crusader families.

If the trading went well enough, and the gold mine in modern Slovakia but medieval Hungary wasn't possible to innovate or monopolize then I suppose I would probably be stuck modernizing steel-making.
  • Strongly heating wood in minimal oxygen to remove all water and volatile constituents in order to readily supply myself with charcoal.
  • Burn limestone or seashells, that contain calcium carbonate (CaCO3; mineral calcite) in a lime kiln to make quicklime.
  • Build a set of waterwheels to bellow air
  • Assemble a blast furnace, where charcoal, raw iron ore, and quicklime are continuously supplied through the top, while a hot blast of air is bellowed into the lower section of the furnace through a series of pipes called tuyeres, so that the chemical reactions take place throughout the furnace as the material falls downward.
  • The Pig Iron formed by this is then placed into another furnace constructed to pull bellowed air through tubing (around which an intense fire is made to heat the piped air) and over the iron without any fuel coming into direct contact with the iron, a system generally known as a reverberatory furnace or open hearth furnace.
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Maybe I even manufacture a good steel (.8 or .9 Carbon) for weapons which changes history a few degrees. Leave a Venetian palace with a map of the world impossibly behind?
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