Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[George Floyd Sneed]

This is the most credit I've seen Tess give for a long time, then again, when did she last have an actual shoot? No wonder she's plastered it all over her Instagram. Almost every post has credits tagged of all the usual suspects. I'd love to know how this shoot came about.

Looking at the credits, it appears Tubbers owes it to Nadia yet again. Nadia has been responsible for all of Ryann’s opportunities this year thus far. The most obvious question of course is why. It’s like the old saying, lie down with a dog and end up with fleas. Tess is so radioactive so you have to think about the motivation. The best explanation I can think of is that Nadia is one of the very few people that believes Tess’s numerous lies. Hard to believe someone could be that naive but there you go.

 

[Water-T]

The best explanation I can think of is that Nadia is one of the very few people that believes Tess’s numerous lies. Hard to believe someone could be that naive but there you go.

Nadia had one too many margaritas during their Mexico trip, and Nadia ended up as the star of a Donkey Show. Tess recorded the whole thing, and is blackmailing Nadia into giving her work.

 

[Tesshollidaysflupaknees]

Deathfats are so unfamiliar with the idea of hunger - healthy hunger, the kind that comes from waiting a few hours between meals, or regular hunger that comes with occasionally forgetting breakfast or something - that any kind of twinge that might relate to hunger feels like starvation to them.

I also think they're such surface level creatures that the only information they retain about restrictive eating disorders is that genuine anorexics skip meals. They don't bother learning the rest of it, such as the OCD behaviors and rituals around food, or the BMI requirement. So they skip or forget a couple of meals a week, feel that extremely normal and healthy kind of hunger that everyone feels when they skip a meal, and BAM, they're crying about anorexia.

Like you said, a deathfat only understands anorexia on a surface level.

Deathfats think that just because they cut calories or miss a meal, that means that they are anorexic. Deathfats don't see anorexia as a real mental illness. They only see it as an excuse to eat as much as they want, without feeling guilty. If anyone calls them out on eating a whole cake, they say it's because of their "anorexia." According to deathfats, going a whole day without eating 3,000 calories, means that they are starving themselves. They don't know that having anorexia is a slow suicide. Deathfats use a debilitating mental illness to make themselves feel better for being fat. As always, deathfats want to be seen as the ultimate victims. Deathfats don't care about how many people they have to throw under the bus, all they care about is achieving their victimhood. They disregard anyone who actually struggles with anorexia.

 

[multiverse]

As many predicted, Tess was simply Nadia's plus one tag along on the Alaska trip. While Nadia and her stylists did paid work and enjoyed the scenery (Nadia's boyfriend came, too), Tess laid on a giant beanbag.

Tess:


Everyone else goes hiking:


They gave her some pity styling and probably let her take part in whatever Nadia got hired to do:



And Nadia was hired to model for Target.



So this was a working trip for everyone else (besides Nadia's boyfriend), and Tess got a few days' respite from her busy schedule of cake squishing and ignoring Bowie.

 

[rocknrollmartian]

I can't fathom going to Alaska without getting outside and experiencing some of that stunning wilderness. I know that Tess physically can't do anything, but that's why it was dumb and pointless for her to go.

 

[Poop Shoot]

I can't fathom going to Alaska without getting outside and experiencing some of that stunning wilderness. I know that Tess physically can't do anything, but that's why it was dumb and pointless for her to go.

It’s a free trip and she gets to pawn her burden son off on someone else.

That’s all the reason she needs.

 

[Cheesegirl78]

It’s a free trip and she gets to pawn her burden son off on someone else.

That’s all the reason she needs.

Poor Bowie. He would've loved Alaska, all the fun outdoor stuff to do.
I guess the "Supermodel" is too cheap or too poor to buy a plane ticket for her son.

 

[NoReturn]

Poor Bowie. He would've loved Alaska, all the fun outdoor stuff to do.
I guess the "Supermodel" is too cheap or too poor to buy a plane ticket for her son.

2033
A teenage Bowie reads through his mother's old social media posts while stuck in a trailer park and taking a break from looking into college grants. He's desperate to escape, and there she was in Alaska. Mocking him from a decade ago.
The sow on the giant beanbag nearby grunts in her sleep.
It could be so easy. He could just leave. It would just be a few hours of relaxing his role of caretaker.
One long walk. Treat himself to a coffee at the local cafe.
Just enough time to let nature take its course and he would be free.

 

[Gay Mouth]

2033
A teenage Bowie reads through his mother's old social media posts while stuck in a trailer park and taking a break from looking into college grants. He's desperate to escape, and there she was in Alaska. Mocking him from a decade ago.
The sow on the giant beanbag nearby grunts in her sleep.
It could be so easy. He could just leave. It would just be a few hours of relaxing his role of caretaker.
One long walk. Treat himself to a coffee at the local cafe.
Just enough time to let nature take its course and he would be free.

Too late. The sound of hundreds of candy wrappers rustles on the beanbag. The beast is awake.

“Boweh, come help mawmuh up. Whatcha lookin at? HAW. Admirin yer ol’ supermoddle mama’s glory days. Yep, them was the days...”

Her piggy eyes, dull and sunken, flash in anger. She mutters “Bubba is mama’s good boy... yew always ‘preciated how hard I work, Boweh... not like yer good fer nothin’ brother...”

She softens as her eyes return to her Instagram archive. “Iconic... B-Barb Whare... I was the spittin’ immige o’ Pam...”

Her blood sugar dips and she falls asleep for a brief moment. Her arm fat covers her nose and she snorts awake. “BUBBA! Quick, get mama the tub of Jeni’s... it’s... DESIGNER...”

Bowie despairs, hoping against hope that this tub of calories will push her over the edge. But he knows it’s hopeless. She will only accumulate mass.

 

[George Floyd Sneed]

That’s a pretty bold take, assuming she will live to 2033.

I can't fathom going to Alaska without getting outside and experiencing some of that stunning wilderness. I know that Tess physically can't do anything, but that's why it was dumb and pointless for her to go.

Tess has no actual appreciation for nature. Looking at the stunning wilderness means not eye fucking herself. Hiking means moving an appreciable distance away from a freezer that has tubs of Jeni’s ice cream ready to be eaten. She’d rather flop around on a giant beanbag because that means WiFi to post Instagram stories and a refrigerator is just a few seconds away. Alaska is completely wasted on her. Surely Nadia has another friend who would have enjoyed Alaska better than Ten Ton Tess. It all goes back to why Nadia feels the need to have a 400+ pound albatross around her neck.

 

[Oscar Winner]

Spoilered to save space, but there's something for everyone lol

Spoiler: Insta shit mega dump

Whale watching. Took Tess along for guaranteed sighting

Laser hair removal. Hope got the chin and neck beard. Also says it'll make her skin MORE glowy. Fucking delusional, but okay

I'm assuming this is just a cardboard box, but it's Tess, so could be real and something to snack on

Speaking of snacks for Tess, a new shipment has arrived. Betting this doesn't make it into Bowies taste test videos. They're all hers.

SS's confirming that shoot was ALL thanks to Nadia and crew.

And the motorbike was real! I bet the poor guy was sweating bullets. Bent forks? Kickstand? Busted welds on the frame? Check it before you ride it dude.

Video of Tess eye-fucking herself.

Fin.

ETA- Alaska was for Nadias BDay, here's a photo of the birthday moose. Should've taken it next to Tess for scale.

 

[Daddy's Little Kitten]

lol guess she reads here and got that hair removal.

 

[multiverse]

lol guess she reads here and got that hair removal.

Oh she read here regularly. Oh, we point out the photographer didn't feature her work? Well look, now he did! Oh, we point out she's physically incapable of hiking and stayed in the house? Look, she walked out to the backyard and had someone take her photo! We point out she has severe PCOS facial hair? Well watch her... go to the lowest tier laser place for a freebie!

 

[Oscar Winner]

Oh she read here regularly. Oh, we point out the photographer didn't feature her work? Well look, now he did! Oh, we point out she's physically incapable of hiking and stayed in the house? Look, she walked out to the backyard and had someone take her photo! We point out she has severe PCOS facial hair? Well watch her... go to the lowest tier laser place for a freebie!

If only she'd listen to us when we say she's fat and we would not have sex with her.

And she should go on a diet.

Because she's fat.

And noone wants to have sex with her.

Especially her half brother. (Poor guy)

 

[Cheesegirl78]

If only she'd listen to us when we say she's fat and we would not have sex with her.

And she should go on a diet.

Because she's fat.

And noone wants to have sex with her.

Especially her half brother. (Poor guy)

And quit using her sons for props.

 

[Oscar Winner]

And quit using her sons for props.

Agreed. I swear, after reading comments on the taste test video, and how she's got him in her stories lately, she's pushing to get him some sort of work. Fkn biiiiiitch. Just let him be a kid fffs

 

[multiverse]

Especially her half brother. (Poor guy)

And she should also listen to her full brother, Tad, when he tells her she's a selfish piece of shit that needs to pull her head out of her own ass and fess up to all her many public lies.

But since it'll be a cold day in hell before that happens, I just pray Tad comes here one day and drops all the tea about their childhood, her first baby daddy, about how she abandoned Rylee, and about her marriage to Nick.

 

[NoReturn]

Agreed. I swear, after reading comments on the taste test video, and how she's got him in her stories lately, she's pushing to get him some sort of work. Fkn biiiiiitch. Just let him be a kid fffs

Spoilered to save space, but there's something for everyone lol

Video version of the dessert.

I'm not gonna grab the Bowie ones because he's a child, but I can confirm there are three of the damn things.
She's trying to Disney Channel the poor kid.

 

[Water-T]

TOTES ANOREXIC YOUSE GUISE

 

[𝕺𝖑' 𝕯𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖞 𝕱𝖆𝖙𝖘𝖔]

Video version of the dessert.
View attachment 2561597
I'm not gonna grab the Bowie ones because he's a child, but I can confirm there are three of the damn things.
She's trying to Disney Channel the poor kid.

That song gave me an aneurysm. Time to cleanse my brain with raekwon's ice cream