Prison Letters Chris writes me from Prison (dated September 19th, 2021)

[Pocket Dragoon]

Got some massive Ryan Dunn vibe going on there, but at least Chris never put a toy car in his butt.
That we know of.

 

[Niggernerd]

I'm no bible scholar but I'm preeetty
sure jesus didn't rape his mother mary.

 

[HumanHive]

View attachment 2566669
Got some massive Ryan Dunn vibe going on there, but at least Chris never put a toy car in his butt.
That we know of.

Oh please. We all know Chris has reenacted Woody’s Got Wood. More than once, in all likelihood.

 

[OldManBoomer]

Ah yes; I recall in scripture when Jesus felt totally insecure around public settings.


…….waitaminute

Actually, you know what? This letter sounds MUCH funnier when read with the voice of Master Shake.

 

[Certified_Autist]

I wonder how the other prisoners have been treating him. Do they believe he is Christ?

Assuming he's not in solitary (people accused of serious crimes are often kept separate from general population for their own safety), I can see it going two ways: 1) Chris being a sperg 24/7 and everyone telling him to STFU, or 2) Chris is being treated like a jester of sorts, with everyone egging on/playing along with his delusions, for their own amusement

 

[Clarence Big Boss]

If Chris really is Jesus then I wonder whos the anti-christ.

 

[Beautiful Border]

I'm no bible scholar but I'm preeetty
sure jesus didn't rape his mother mary.

I once remembered a comedian who made a joke about how Mary was technically raped by God because she had a baby placed inside her without her consent, and if we remember the trinity in which God the Father and God the Son are separate parts of the same entity, then you could indeed argue that Jesus and Chris are both mother rapists.

 

[Doctor of Autism]

I find it funny how in Prison, Chris just added The Bible to his merge beliefs like it was some fantasy book compared to the other shit he inserted

 

[Mariposa Electrique]

If Chris really is Jesus then I wonder whos the anti-christ.

Me

 

[MarvinTheParanoidAndroid]

This is equal parts funny & infuriating.

 

[Niggernerd]

If Chris really is Jesus then I wonder whos the anti-christ.

Yanniv

 

[Ozzigy Osbourne]

And people said the jail saga would be boring

 

[Jebu Nagazi]

Yeah we all know Jesus Christ went balls deep in Virgin Mary as soon as he hit puberty ^^ !
Chris Chan 100 % the second coming...

Geez i wonder if he will start some wierdo cult in the slammer now with himself as some sort of Mother rapey Messiah O_O !?

 

[cluelessly]

My favourite part of this so far is Josh being Judas.

Try to help a retard with anything and he rapes his mother and blames you for it from his jailcell, smdh.

 

[Formica Sample]

Our Christine,
Who art in prison
Hallowed be thy name
The Merge has come
Thy Will be done
On Earth as it is in CWCville
Give us this day
Our daily Julay
And condemn Null's transgressions
As he condemns his flock's spergy aggressions
And lead us not into the gayops
But deliver us from jerkops

In Sonichu's name, we pray
Amen

 

[Realistic Elephant]

Chris has officially gone from sad and depressing to hilarious again.

He proved once again that nobody is better at trolling Chris than Chris.

I think if his lawyer reads this letter he'll have his own DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS.

 

[Certified_Autist]

I once remembered a comedian who made a joke about how Mary was technically raped by God because she had a baby placed inside her without her consent, and if we remember the trinity in which God the Father and God the Son are separate parts of the same entity, then you could indeed argue that Jesus and Chris are both mother rapists.

Not to get all bible scholar on you but ACKSHUALLY Mary did consent to it

Luke 1:35-38

>The angel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called[b] the Son of God. 36 Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be unable to conceive is in her sixth month. 37 For no word from God will ever fail.”

>38 “I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.” Then the angel left her.

 

[Tism the Return]

Imagine being Chris' lawyer, you're already full of work and then you get this fucking letter. Shekelberg's morale was nuked.

 

[Beautiful Border]

Not to get all bible scholar on you but ACKSHUALLY Mary did consent to it

Luke 1:35-38

>The angel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called[b] the Son of God. 36 Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be unable to conceive is in her sixth month. 37 For no word from God will ever fail.”

>38 “I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.” Then the angel left her.

Wonder what would've happened if she had said no. I imagine it being like the ending of Half-Life 1 if Gordon Freeman doesn't walk through the portal

 

[pot of sneed]

Damn, he has snapped big time. Who could have ever imagined that sweet boy winning an early 90's Sonic competition could turn into such a monster? It all seemed harmless.