Prison Letters Chris writes me from Prison (dated September 19th, 2021)

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But will that toilet wine have his special essence in it?

I doubt they give him Fanta in jail...
 
AnOminous said:
Heilberg is an absolute miracle worker if he keeps him off the sex offender registry.
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That will be a requirement of any plea deal. No prosecutor is gonna let Chris escape without him being nailed with that Scarlet letter for the rest of his goddamn life.
 
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Falken Conway said:
Look he recognizes what he did and calls his mother "Barbie Chan". He's literally insane. I think the strategy of this letter is more like that his attorney in order to help get his insanity plea told him "Hey Chris, all is fine, just write me a letter and explain me your thinkings". So he has a formal text hand written by him and somehow certified of how insane is Chris.
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There is no strategy here. Heilberg probably slammed his head against his desk as soon as he found out that his retarded client willingly mailed out a remorseless letter admitting not only to raping his mother but also leaving instructions to have it released it to the public for everyone to see.

The only real thing Heilberg can do at this point is say "Your Honor, my client is too retarded for jail he needs to be medicated, possibly lobotimized and put in a funny farm"
 
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Phalanges Mycologist said:
I honestly think that this is the end of the Road, the Autism card has ran out Don't pass go don't collect $200 go directly to jail.

This isn't situation isn't something you can write off as him being dumb, or special needs its a serious crime that has serious reprocutions for him.
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The ride never ends.
 
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GreenMeatball said:
I wonder who his other apostles are 🤔
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Ralph is gonna milk this fucking thing for all it's worth. The sooner he can get an "interview" with Chris and convince Chris that he is "The One true Worshiper and Follower" while his horse faced pedo wifeu is busying recording all of this to post on the KillSteam the better.

Chris will do it too because Chris is a narcissist.
 
El Rodrigo said:
Anybody who suggested that Chris needs to get a job need to realize that Chris by his very nature is unemployable.
Putting aside things such as his long stint without any work and his atrocious Google search results, would you honestly want Chris to be the face of your company as a CSR?

Let me break it down for you:
1) Chris brings unwanted attention to any place he'll work. The second somebody sees him behind a counter, there will be a thousand idiot weens yelling JULAAAAAY on the company phones, or asking the boss of whatever McDonald's hired him if they're aware of Chris putting his 'secret sauce' in the Fanta dispenser. I guarantee you that Chris would be gone within a week if that keeps up.

2) Chris has problems with authority. There will come a time where he will fall out with a co-worker or his superior over something he does, and instead of sitting down and discussing things like rational human beings, Chris will go on about the trolls, or if he really gets annoyed, do shit like draw stupid caricatures of the people who grind his gears (which got him fired from Wendy's) or launch a CURSE-YE-HA-ME-HAAA in the boss's face, which he did way back in PVCC. Tell me one company that would put up with that bullshit.

3) Chris's work ethic fucking sucks. Chris is more apt to wasting time playing Pokemon Go than being productive, unless it's his Sonichu shit, then he'll focus on that. If it's not something that appeals to him, he'll do it reluctantly if he does it at all. I can picture him drawing his comics behind the counter while angry customers are screaming at him that they've been waiting 30 minutes to get a Filet-O-Fish while the kitchen behind him burns down. Well okay, maybe that's an exaggeration, but a more realistic scenario would be Chris finding some corner of the restaurant to draw his comics before somebody gets annoyed enough to fetch him and yell, "Chandler! You've got work to do!" Also, the thought of Chris diligently waking up to go to a 9-5 job is laughable. He is definitely the kind to be late to work, if his statements about 'biological clocks' holds any water.

4) Communication with Chris is downright impossible. See that rambling letter he sent to Null? Yeah. Chris is not only inarticulate as fuck, but he takes forever to make a point, if he has one at all. A conversation about a can of Cheez Whiz going missing can de-evolve into Chris telling you about being tricked by the man in the Pickle Suit. Also, if Chris believes something, NOTHING you say can change his mind. Null flat-out told Chris that he's not some 'God' with divine powers, and that the latter is choosing to ignore him in favour of obvious trolls who tell him what he wants to hear. Chris's response is to be like, "DERP I HEARD YOU LOUD AND CLEAR" and go right back where the problem started. Also, I guarantee you that Chris is going to write some nasty shit about a MANAJERK he doesn't like for disciplining him, and said passage is going to cement the fact that Chris is completely insane.


Those are probably just the tip of the iceberg, there's probably more I'm missing. But my point is that even before Chris trooned out, these were problems he had from the start, and definitely would not improve. Really, the only thing he had going for him was to profit off of the cult-like following he had with his Sonichu comics, which would have made a decent living for him - had the bloody ass not used a significant amount of his funds to buy things that go straight up his butthole.
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He's not too retarded to sort glass or bundle newspapers for recycling. If people with Down Syndrome can be productive members of society, Chris has no excuse. He just thinks that he's entitled to free money because between the government and white knights / weens, he always has been until now.
 
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Illuminati Order Official said:
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I'm so happy this post happened.
I'm confident that as soon as people tell him that it's time to start his martyrdom, he'll answer "I did, my son. Years ago. This dog was the only creature to ever love me"

The part where he formally asked to Photoshop Jesus-style hair on his head was hilarious. He's like the less Jesus-looking rapist in the world. Also, I'm not a believer, but I still think it's a bit rough to suggest that Jesus cleanse elders with his penis. "We mostly cuddled" yeah ok, Jesus the nice guy.

@JULAY

From what I understand, people with trisomy 21 and slow in the minds are quite often rather servile. For certain jobs, that's definitely the best quality.
 
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RomanesEuntDomus said:
Since it seems like you got no answer: Emanuelle is some weird concept Chris came up in 2014 (if not even earlier, I thought I'd seen references to Chris thinking God's name was Emanuelle way before 2014).
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Thank you and Tranimal Farm for the clarification. I'm so used to seeing retards cater to his delusions both in attempts to be buddy-buddy with him as well as manipulate him for clout I had a feeling it was yet again Chris secretly/unintentionally name dropping a roleplayer's name. My brain is probably just hoping for another dopamine hit from some other retard getting outed from their own hubris over Chris ala Bella/Sean.
 
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