Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[Maxxicus Callahan]

Sooner or later, he's going to catch a bullet. Look at the video someone took of him walking down the street screaming, and then the video where he was taken into custody. Sooner or later, he's going to do something in an area, around people that don't give a fuck, and they'll put him down.

That’s what happens when you draw attention to yourself by doing something so outrageous and anti-social in public like talking openly about pedophilic urges. Someone might not care enough about going to jail but thats the main thing keeping Lucas alive up to this point.

I mean the first thought even if someone pisses you off is is it worth facing the consequences for an assault charge let alone murder or manslaughter. With Lucas it really is a question of who would come looking for him besides KF investigators to find his name in the obituaries. In the wrong area someone could get away with it if he doesn’t have the wherewithal to control himself.

 

[Twrx]

He's back on the note writing. Someone really fucked up his ego and he's licking his wounds.

Lunch and Consciousness With The Atheists

youtu.be

 

[Vi0l3t]

He's back on the note writing. Someone really fucked up his ego and he's licking his wounds.

Lunch and Consciousness With The Atheists

youtu.be

Board game wern is the most boring version ever.

 

[VoidFace]

He's back on the note writing. Someone really fucked up his ego and he's licking his wounds.

Lunch and Consciousness With The Atheists

youtu.be

This game is even more incoherent than usual, and did you see that at 3:26? “nallow liberals” which it took him a full minute to correct and it seemed like he had a pretty good tremor going while trying to write.

 

[Wernology]

Here it is, a foundational Wernology text.
The fourth page isn't posting for some retarded reason.
View attachment 2575689
View attachment 2575690
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"I always was a lonely kid, but the past 6 years have been the worst, so I think having children and a wife will bring me fu rther away from isolation from the human experience of family. I've been alone and single for 6 years. I see young couples with kids everywhere. They're adorable. My sense of jealousy drives me."

Yeah, that's not a huge red flag for a future murder-suicide or anything.

 

[Stafford Beer Bong]

He's back on the note writing. Someone really fucked up his ego and he's licking his wounds.

Lunch and Consciousness With The Atheists

youtu.be

So Lucas is back tinkering with his ‘reality‘ again. Another board game. Trying to design a situation or scenario that has clear, set rules that he is ultimately in control over. He takes solace and security in his board game hobby. When Reality with a capital R strikes him down with its impenetrable rules he can always return to the reality where he creates the rules and those who play his game must obey.

The board game fascination has always been one of the most obvious psychological coping mechanisms for Lucas. That’s why it’s so boring.

 

[AngryTreeRat]

A new theory relating to his "leftist views". They were a mating larp he's internalized. Perhaps that also explains his lust for a child.

Was he creepily into younger woman before Suzanne? Do we have evidence if so?

 

[WonderWino]

That's a whole lot of words for "I want a toddler to groom and molest"

On that note, lucas's resemblance to barney just took a creepy turn in that context:

Also, just replace 'beer truck' with 'school bus full of girl scouts' and make it a wern guarding job and it gets creepily similar to a job I can see existing in several places in spokane - 'your job is to distract lucas while the girl scouts get off the bus and safely into the high school to sell their cookies'

He's back on the note writing. Someone really fucked up his ego and he's licking his wounds.

'Lunch and consciousness with atheists' ffs is there anything in his mind that doesn't revolve around food in some way?

Uh.... has anybody noticed how many odd similarities there are between lucas and larry from leisure suit larry?

Larry Laffer - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

A man approaching middle-age, Larry is a balding nerd who, following a lifelong virginity, has suddenly become obsessed with sex and now lives a new life, awkwardly trying and usually badly failing to seduce attractive women

In his backstory, Larry Laffer had been a nerdy geek all his life and eventually became a computer programmer. He never had close relations with friends, women, or his colleagues, and every day of his life was identical as he lived with his mother. Around his 38th birthday, his brain hit a sexual alarm and started having his first kinky thoughts, when he started reading adult magazines and could not concentrate on his work. Because of this his life was destroyed: he was fired from his job, and upon returning home he found his house had been sold and his mother had gone on vacation. Larry then decided to turn a page forward in his life, and he left everything to move to the city of Lost Wages (a pun on Las Vegas), where, assuming that 1970s styles were still trendy, he bought a polyester leisure suit. He sold his Volkswagen Bug to a junkyard for $94 and ended up outside Lefty's Bar, where the first game, Leisure Suit Larry in the Land of the Lounge Lizards, begins.[1]

He recalled: "I tried to make him the opposite of a GQ model: short, overweight, balding, with comb-over hair, and so on. Larry is out of shape, losing his hair, not very successful with women, always thinking about sex - in other words, he's exactly like most guys. (...) The tough part was making Larry likable, since at first glance, he comes off as smarmy, sexist, and unlikable. I tried to make Larry resemble most guys I know: neither morons nor geniuses, basically honest and good, with a desire for more sex than they actually get. Men relate to Larry because no matter how big a loser you are, you're not as bad off as Larry!"[6]

One of Larry's trademarks is his manner of introducing himself: "Hi, my name is Larry; Larry Laffer", a reference to James Bond's introduction style, "My name is Bond; James Bond".

Jesus christ he even has the same 'hi my name is....' intro that lucas obsesses over

 

[MeganDodgedABullet]

In this he offers 1k for a date and speaks about wanting to be a father. I think this is the vid that got him an appearance on Tosh whatever the hell it was..

$1000 and Dinner In Spokane


I love the regular appearance of sophisticated bon viveur Wern, always ready to appreciate the finer things in life like buying a table of giggling college fresh(wo)men? a round of appletinis like he is some kind of Clooneyesque silver fox.

I would love to see a CWC-Catherine style date recorded for posterity.

 

[Wernology]

Jesus christ he even has the same 'hi my name is....' intro that lucas obsesses over

The fucking word salad of that last video.

Spelling and grammatical errors belong solely to Lucas; I'm just transcribing his 5 year old looking handwriting.

"The board will be 3 sizes of circles, 6 colors fo A. 8 of those spaces will be the atheists in duplicate. When you get up close to a guy you can fight (the word take is scribbled out) (take) his piece(s) (you need one to win anyway) by rolling 6 sided D6 die and getting any number or/ Rolling a 2 gives you that choice or go to any space, 3 you give him 25 extra on his dial and you lose nothing, or a lesser number condition like rolling a 2. 4 You get 25 or 3 to 1s condition 5. You take a timer and put it on him or a lesser to take an A and all in.

(Jesus Fucking Word Salad...)

Surround of the same color or a lesser numeral condition 6. You steal his combo of your Choice or you do a lesser number condition.

Combos are built by rolling a dice set of 1 thru 100 on 5 twenty sided D20 (available cheap at Uncles Games) and moving that number of beer bubble or moving those number of spaces on this board


Preschool Level Looking 'artwork', random numbers in jankey circles, child-like handwriting "Lunch and Conciousness With The Atheists A 2 to 4 player game." To the right of that: "Sam Harris, Dan Denett, Chris Hitchens, Richard Dawkins meet for lunch"


Building a combo leads you to cards (1, 2, 3, to 10, 10, 10) Some stupid fucking drawing of arrows pointing to 1, 2, 3, "Different color The circle sizes make the board movement very open. I'm a leftist, not a narrow (written below: minded) liberal.

Comboslead to cards. You - high fat food. Them - lo calorie > high point.
Win 25 hands.
Wins game."

I'm sure it made sense in his fat gourd of a head.

Also I particularly hate him explaining that a 6 sided die is a D6 and this part: "Combos are built by rolling a dice set of 1 thru 100 on 5 twenty sided D20"

JUST GET A FUCKING D100. They exist, you fucking fake gamer.

 

[AngryTreeRat]

The fucking word salad of that last video.

Spelling and grammatical errors belong solely to Lucas; I'm just transcribing his 5 year old looking handwriting.

"The board will be 3 sizes of circles, 6 colors fo A. 8 of those spaces will be the atheists in duplicate. When you get up close to a guy you can fight (the word take is scribbled out) (take) his piece(s) (you need one to win anyway) by rolling 6 sided D6 die and getting any number or/ Rolling a 2 gives you that choice or go to any space, 3 you give him 25 extra on his dial and you lose nothing, or a lesser number condition like rolling a 2. 4 You get 25 or 3 to 1s condition 5. You take a timer and put it on him or a lesser to take an A and all in.

(Jesus Fucking Word Salad...)

Surround of the same color or a lesser numeral condition 6. You steal his combo of your Choice or you do a lesser number condition.

Combos are built by rolling a dice set of 1 thru 100 on 5 twenty sided ED20 (available cheap at Uncles Games) and moving that number of beer bubble or moving those number of spaces on this board


Preschool Level Looking 'artwork', random numbers in jankey circles, child-like handwriting "Lunch and Conciousness With The Atheists A 2 to 4 player game." To the right of that: "Sam Harris, Dan Denett, Chris Hitchens, Richard Dawkins meet for lunch"


Building a combo leads you to cards (1, 2, 3, to 10, 10, 10) Some stupid fucking drawing of arrows pointing to 1, 2, 3, "Different color The circle sizes make the board movement very open. I'm a leftist, not a narrow (written below: minded) liberal.

Comboslead to cards. You - high fat food. Them - lo calorie > high point.
Win 25 hands.
Wins game."

I'm sure it made sense in his fat gourd of a head.

My... What the actual fuck... What is this? I can't tell what he's abstracting... What does it represent? What is the goal? Is this one game or eight? WHAT IS HE TRYING TO SAY?

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

The fucking word salad of that last video.

Spelling and grammatical errors belong solely to Lucas; I'm just transcribing his 5 year old looking handwriting.

"The board will be 3 sizes of circles, 6 colors fo A. 8 of those spaces will be the atheists in duplicate. When you get up close to a guy you can fight (the word take is scribbled out) (take) his piece(s) (you need one to win anyway) by rolling 6 sided D6 die and getting any number or/ Rolling a 2 gives you that choice or go to any space, 3 you give him 25 extra on his dial and you lose nothing, or a lesser number condition like rolling a 2. 4 You get 25 or 3 to 1s condition 5. You take a timer and put it on him or a lesser to take an A and all in.

(Jesus Fucking Word Salad...)

Surround of the same color or a lesser numeral condition 6. You steal his combo of your Choice or you do a lesser number condition.

Combos are built by rolling a dice set of 1 thru 100 on 5 twenty sided D20 (available cheap at Uncles Games) and moving that number of beer bubble or moving those number of spaces on this board


Preschool Level Looking 'artwork', random numbers in jankey circles, child-like handwriting "Lunch and Conciousness With The Atheists A 2 to 4 player game." To the right of that: "Sam Harris, Dan Denett, Chris Hitchens, Richard Dawkins meet for lunch"


Building a combo leads you to cards (1, 2, 3, to 10, 10, 10) Some stupid fucking drawing of arrows pointing to 1, 2, 3, "Different color The circle sizes make the board movement very open. I'm a leftist, not a narrow (written below: minded) liberal.

Comboslead to cards. You - high fat food. Them - lo calorie > high point.
Win 25 hands.
Wins game."

I'm sure it made sense in his fat gourd of a head.

Also I particularly hate him explaining that a 6 sided die is a D6 and this part: "Combos are built by rolling a dice set of 1 thru 100 on 5 twenty sided D20"

JUST GET A FUCKING D100. They exist, you fucking fake gamer.

My head also exploded at "six-sided d6" . Does he not know what d6 means? It's like, he's trying to use the lingo, but his mistakes in usage reveal that he doesn't understand anything.

Lucas has this autistic habit to describe certain things more than they need to be described, as if he can't help but use phrases, when nouns would be more than sufficient. For example, he always says "Occupy Wall Street: Zuccotti Park", as if there was another occupy Wall Street that was significant in the grand scheme of things. He always says covid-19, as if he couldn't just shortened it to covid, and communicate the same meaning.

 

[Wernology]

My head also exploded at "six-sided d6" . Does he not know what d6 means? It's like, he's trying to use the lingo, but his mistakes in usage reveal that he doesn't understand anything.

Lucas has this autistic habit to describe certain things more than they need to be described, as if he can't help but use phrases, when nouns would be more than sufficient. For example, he always says "Occupy Wall Street: Zuccotti Park", as if there was another occupy Wall Street that was significant in the grand scheme of things. He always says covid-19, as if he couldn't just shortened it to covid, and communicate the same meaning.

Lucas is the type to say ATM machine and LCD display.

 

[wenttobermuda]

In this he offers 1k for a date and speaks about wanting to be a father. I think this is the vid that got him an appearance on Tosh whatever the hell it was..

$1000 and Dinner In Spokane


I love the regular appearance of sophisticated bon viveur Wern, always ready to appreciate the finer things in life like buying a table of giggling college fresh(wo)men? a round of appletinis like he is some kind of Clooneyesque silver fox.

I would love to see a CWC-Catherine style date recorded for posterity.

This is how Lucas sounds when he's medicated.

Lucas infamously released this video almost immediately after an abnormally long psych hospitalization. It is believed to have contributed to his readmission to the laughing academy for another abnormally long stay.

Here, he presents his readiness to procreate as a shield against ageist bigotry. Something like "I am older than you, but I want to impregnate you, so you should overlook my age."

The fucking word salad of that last video.

Spelling and grammatical errors belong solely to Lucas; I'm just transcribing his 5 year old looking handwriting.

"The board will be 3 sizes of circles, 6 colors fo A. 8 of those spaces will be the atheists in duplicate. When you get up close to a guy you can fight (the word take is scribbled out) (take) his piece(s) (you need one to win anyway) by rolling 6 sided D6 die and getting any number or/ Rolling a 2 gives you that choice or go to any space, 3 you give him 25 extra on his dial and you lose nothing, or a lesser number condition like rolling a 2. 4 You get 25 or 3 to 1s condition 5. You take a timer and put it on him or a lesser to take an A and all in.

(Jesus Fucking Word Salad...)

Surround of the same color or a lesser numeral condition 6. You steal his combo of your Choice or you do a lesser number condition.

Combos are built by rolling a dice set of 1 thru 100 on 5 twenty sided D20 (available cheap at Uncles Games) and moving that number of beer bubble or moving those number of spaces on this board


Preschool Level Looking 'artwork', random numbers in jankey circles, child-like handwriting "Lunch and Conciousness With The Atheists A 2 to 4 player game." To the right of that: "Sam Harris, Dan Denett, Chris Hitchens, Richard Dawkins meet for lunch"


Building a combo leads you to cards (1, 2, 3, to 10, 10, 10) Some stupid fucking drawing of arrows pointing to 1, 2, 3, "Different color The circle sizes make the board movement very open. I'm a leftist, not a narrow (written below: minded) liberal.

Comboslead to cards. You - high fat food. Them - lo calorie > high point.
Win 25 hands.
Wins game."

I'm sure it made sense in his fat gourd of a head.

Also I particularly hate him explaining that a 6 sided die is a D6 and this part: "Combos are built by rolling a dice set of 1 thru 100 on 5 twenty sided D20"

JUST GET A FUCKING D100. They exist, you fucking fake gamer.

The best thing about Lucas's games is invariably the subject matter. His fixations infect everything. Take "Dance of the Telomeres," which is about supplying soda to a dance where young women meet old men for procreation. And now a game about atheists putting together lunch combos? Perhaps his games would be more successful if there was less of his desires in 'em, less naked wish fulfillment.

Does Lucas intend the spread to be 5-100? D100s lack class. Get 2 d10s and roll percentile like the dorks of old.

 

[Da Dude123]

Notice the loud TV on in the background? He was in his nursing home room in that video. I bet he hates that TV but he is too much of a pushover to do anything about it. Yeah, something may have happened yesterday that spooked or triggered him and he decided to go dark.

 

[Wernology]

This is how Lucas sounds when he's medicated.

Lucas infamously released this video almost immediately after an abnormally long psych hospitalization. It is believed to have contributed to his readmission to the laughing academy for another abnormally long stay.

Here, he presents his readiness to procreate as a shield against ageist bigotry. Something like "I am older than you, but I want to impregnate you, so you should overlook my age."

The best thing about Lucas's games is invariably the subject matter. His fixations infect everything. Take "Dance of the Telomeres," which is about supplying soda to a dance where young women meet old men for procreation. And now a game about atheists putting together lunch combos? Perhaps his games would be more successful if there was less of his desires in 'em, less naked wish fulfillment.

Does Lucas intend the spread to be 5-100? D100s lack class. Get 2 d10s and roll percentile like the dorks of old.

You really think he can do percentiles or any sort of calculations?
I'm surprised he could figure out that 5x20=100 without asking for help.

Full disclosure: I'm shit at math and numbers in general due to actual diagnosed learning fuckups, and if my goal was to make a game that was easy and accessible for someone to play--everything else about Lucas' stupid word salad idea aside--in terms of cost and general 'not require much thinking, have some mindless fun'...just use a fuckin' d100 or the d10s because two d10s using percentiles is (for me at least) way easier than trying to deal with five goddamned d20s.

But, really, the entire concept he scrawled out is so incomprehensible it wouldn't matter what sort of dice he used, it'd still be incomprehensible trash.

Edit since processing finished while I was yelling about dice like an autistic tard:

 

[WonderWino]

This is how Lucas sounds when he's medicated.

Lucas infamously released this video almost immediately after an abnormally long psych hospitalization. It is believed to have contributed to his readmission to the laughing academy for another abnormally long stay.

Here, he presents his readiness to procreate as a shield against ageist bigotry. Something like "I am older than you, but I want to impregnate you, so you should overlook my age."

The best thing about Lucas's games is invariably the subject matter. His fixations infect everything. Take "Dance of the Telomeres," which is about supplying soda to a dance where young women meet old men for procreation. And now a game about atheists putting together lunch combos? Perhaps his games would be more successful if there was less of his desires in 'em, less naked wish fulfillment.

Does Lucas intend the spread to be 5-100? D100s lack class. Get 2 d10s and roll percentile like the dorks of old.

With the way lucas obsesses about food to the point of inventing insane games centered around them, he would definitely have mutated into a wendigo if he was in the fallout universe

or in this case a werndigo, skulking around the sunken church in the mire, attempting to lure in unwary travelers by drawing them in with crying and begging for food echoing out from the depths of the sunken church

 

[AngryTreeRat]

You really think he can do percentiles or any sort of calculations?
I'm surprised he could figure out that 5x20=100 without asking for help.

Full disclosure: I'm shit at math and numbers in general due to actual diagnosed learning fuckups, and if my goal was to make a game that was easy and accessible for someone to play--everything else about Lucas' stupid word salad idea aside--in terms of cost and general 'not require much thinking, have some mindless fun'...just use a fuckin' d100 or the d10s because two d10s using percentiles is (for me at least) way easier than trying to deal with five goddamned d20s.

But, really, the entire concept he scrawled out is so incomprehensible it wouldn't matter what sort of dice he used, it'd still be incomprehensible trash.

Edit since processing finished while I was yelling about dice like an autistic tard:

Ok so, dice sperging.

A d100 is basically an unusable ball. That's why we use a d10 and d10s to simulate it.

Also he says "1 through 100" by using... 5d20... That... Ok firstly that doesn't create the values of 1-100, it produces 5-100. Secondly it doesn't make every value equally viable like a d100 would be, instead 52 and 53 have a 3.00% chance of being rolled while 5 and 100 have a <0.01% chance of being rolled.

When calculating dice results you take the number of dice for your minimum, you add together the number of sides for each die to get the maximum, and you get the average by adding up the average of each die and traditionally you round down. A d4 averages to 2.5, d6 is 3.5, d8 is 4.5, d10 is 5.5, d12 is 6.5, d20 is 10.5, and d100 is 50.5. And if there are multiple dice assume a bell curve that makes the average more likely to happen than the min or max by a significant margin.

Lucas can't dice math.

 

[Jeremiah the Bullfrog]

The best thing about Lucas's games is invariably the subject matter. His fixations infect everything. Take "Dance of the Telomeres," which is about supplying soda to a dance where young women meet old men for procreation. And now a game about atheists putting together lunch combos? Perhaps his games would be more successful if there was less of his desires in 'em, less naked wish fulfillment.

I’m not much of a gamer (board or otherwise) but the reason games are enjoyable is because you can simulate doing something that you wouldn’t normally be able to do. While it is unlikely I will ever be the supreme commander of an army in a world war, I can play Risk. I’m never going to be a Green Beret or inserted behind enemy lines as part of a top secret mission, but I can fire up the PlayStation and play Call of Duty. It’s all fantasy and it’s fun.

If I want to go buy soda for a party, I hop in the truck and drive to the corner store. It’s not exactly a flight of fantasy or an experience I want to spend hours recreating with a board game.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

Notice the loud TV on in the background? He was in his nursing home room in that video. I bet he hates that TV but he is too much of a pushover to do anything about it. Yeah, something may have happened yesterday that spooked or triggered him and he decided to go dark.

100% this.

I got the impression that he was angrily tossing his markers against the table, ostensibly for emphasis but in reality indicative of his impotent rage at being trapped in a room with a loud TV, to communicate his frustration in a very pussy-ass, passive-aggressive way.

He absolutely cannot stand up to men, even young men. When he was super angry at Isaac for sticking his finger in Lucas's "bathroom toasties" peanut butter sandwich, when Isaac caught him monologuing in front of a toilet like a weirdo and started making fun of him, he mentioned getting Isaac deported, and when Isaac responded semi-seriously, Lucas immediately backed down and acted like it was a joke, even though it was obvious he was genuinely upset.

I think this might be one of the reasons why Lucas enjoys his anger, other than the mania being the positive part of a bipolar cycle: it gives him the ability to defend himself, although in an often wholly irrational fashion, that he normally lacks the courage to manifest.

During the Shadow Boxing Tard fest with Daniel, look how very quickly Lucas tried to de-escalate and say "I'm your friend, why are we both smiling?" etc.