Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[Gay Mouth]

You’re supposed to walk five miles a day and not eat two servings of DeLiCiOuS ice cream, fat fuck (yeah that sugary fruit pop and mouse shaped cookie sandwich is some gourmet shit). Eating half your son’s treat isn’t a cute mother son moment.

“What they didn’t show is the reality of my life”

Spoiler: The reality of her life

Jolene is no twiggy, but is positively waifish next to those LAAYGGGS

 

[rocknrollmartian]

Jolene has an unfortunate apple shape while Tess looks like a bloated corpse dredged up from the LA River.

 

[Cheesegirl78]

The faces on the woman and child in the background...

 

[multiverse]

Jolene is no twiggy, but is positively waifish next to those LAAYGGGS

Jolene also lost an entire Tess of weight in her 30s, so while she's clearly an unfortunate apple shape, it's probable that some of it is loose skin that's tucked into her shorts.

Back in the t-shirt debacle days, Ryann was a svelte 200 pounder and Jolene was her 500 pound PA. It's almost like the fat crawled off of Jolene and slurped itself onto Ryann. Jolene must feel so much better now, and it's got to rankle Tess to no end that her fat friend lost a fuckton of weight while she got bigger and bigger.

Anyway, here's Tess having her hair done to sit at home with her kid. That face is, uh, something.

 

[taintmisbehavin]

Tessy is still going on about the paparazzi photos of her at Disney. Funny enough, she posted some candid photos that I haven’t seen posted here so I went searching and found some goodies.

IG post-
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Spoiler: photo dump

sorry about sizing on these I’m on mobile and screenshot these from random news sites

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A. I am assuming the highest volume of useable photos involved Tess shoveling food in her mouth.

B. even she freely admits the only “moments of joy” with her child were when she stole his ice cream too.

 

[Cheesegirl78]

Jolene also lost an entire Tess of weight in her 30s, so while she's clearly an unfortunate apple shape, it's probable that some of it is loose skin that's tucked into her shorts.

Back in the t-shirt debacle days, Ryann was a svelte 200 pounder and Jolene was her 500 pound PA. It's almost like the fat crawled off of Jolene and slurped itself onto Ryann. Jolene must feel so much better now, and it's got to rankle Tess to no end that her fat friend lost a fuckton of weight while she got bigger and bigger.

Anyway, here's Tess having her hair done to sit at home with her kid. That face is, uh, something.
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I saw this in her stories, and she's starting to get a masculine look to her face. And she's so damn greasy!
Greasy does not equal health, youth or beauty, Tess.

 

[FuckDuckSeagull]

Jesus her gut is hanging lower and lower.

It's a marvel she can walk at all. Her thigh is developing a roll. Bedbound saga when?

 

[Stupid Sexy Flanders]

Jesus her gut is hanging lower and lower.

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It's a marvel she can walk at all. Her thigh is developing a roll. Bedbound saga when?

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I wonder if her feeders can fuck that roll yet or if it needs more time to develop?

 

[Cheesegirl78]

Jesus her gut is hanging lower and lower.

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It's a marvel she can walk at all. Her thigh is developing a roll. Bedbound saga when?

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I bet the inside of her thighs are red and almost raw. Another reason she looks like she's in pain.

 

[BudgetHam]

Jesus her gut is hanging lower and lower.

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It's a marvel she can walk at all. Her thigh is developing a roll. Bedbound saga when?

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I'm surprised it's not dangling out the bottom of her shorts.

 

[Umaibae]

Jolene has an unfortunate apple shape while Tess looks like a bloated corpse dredged up from the LA River.

Jolene also appears to have gained a significant amount of weight back.

 

[yousoundlikeanasshole]

Like it's just her arms that are a problem.
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They were always larger, but weren't as bad. They've just gotten ginormous with the rest of her.

ETA- how does surgery fit in with effyourbeautystandards?

Why does she insist on wearing things that clearly DO NOT fit her?? We know she's not a size 22, she's admitted to gaining weight, so why continue to shove your fat ass into these uncomfortable items of clothing? Jesus!

Jolene also appears to have gained a significant amount of weight back.

no, Jolene is the same size of fat, she just learned fat girl angles(From Tess, naturally), so when you see her in candids, she looks like a redneck Sy Snootles.

 

[Gay Mouth]

Why does she insist on wearing things that clearly DO NOT fit her?? We know she's not a size 22, she's admitted to gaining weight, so why continue to shove your fat ass into these uncomfortable items of clothing? Jesus!

Because nothing fits her. What, is she supposed to order bespoke event tents to lounge around in? On her cake fart salary?!

 

[ratatat]

Back in the t-shirt debacle days, Ryann was a svelte 200 pounder and Jolene was her 500 pound PA. It's almost like the fat crawled off of Jolene and slurped itself onto Ryann. Jolene must feel so much better now, and it's got to rankle Tess to no end that her fat friend lost a fuckton of weight while she got bigger and bigger.

Jolene must have the most powerful voodoo doll on Earth.

 

[bloomingcactus]

There's some dailymail and other beach photos that I can't remember if they were posted here before or not.

This is just


Avert your eyes if you're easily squeamish. That's not healthy skin.


Bonus wedgie photo!

 

[NoReturn]

There's some dailymail and other beach photos that I can't remember if they were posted here before or not.

This is just
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Avert your eyes if you're easily squeamish. That's not healthy skin.
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Bonus wedgie photo!
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That wedgie photo is art. Art, I say! The pose, the single tumbling ringlet, the dainty point of the lifted foot, the bits in the sand that look like dogshit... truly this paparazzi missed his calling in the fine arts.

I call it "The Dance".
Tess, you have my permission to get this printed and framed.

 

[Barbarella]

How did the paps know she was going to be at Disney? You don’t suppose … Tess leaked it, do you?

I’m one of those people with chicken legs, I don’t know what chub rub feels like. But looking at her photos, I now get how painful it could be with your skin sliding together with every step. I thought fats walked funny with that wide stance and seasickness movement so their thighs wouldn’t touch. I don’t think Tess can though.

That’s gotta cause skin breakdown or an infection. Especially on a hot day.

If she had an inkling the paps were coming, (and I think she did) why didn’t she put on leggings? Too hot or do they not prevent the chub rub thing? They may have prevented the looks of pain, although not the numerous snack stops.

She says she doesn’t care if you don’t like her but find a better reason then weight? Ignoring that there are many out there, why? Being that fat announces you have serious issues that you are unable to control, Tess. We don’t have to meet her to know this. Not truly working on it makes her worthy of not being liked because she’s weak; she doesn’t want to put herself through the “discomfort” of not having 3 ice creams a day, and worst, not trying to be the best for her children. And that’s knowing her just from sight, there are real reasons as we know.

Maybe she’s learning that not all publicity is good? Nah.

 

[My cravat doesn't flutter]

I spent a couple summers working at an amusement part in Minnesota, where the weather knows no patterns. I weigh approximately half a Tess and chub rub fucking sucks. Can't even fathom how bad Tess gets it.

Side note: I found a miracle cure for chub rub in some snail slime face cream I bought off Wish. It is a godsend.

 

[Gay Mouth]

find a better reason then weight? Ignoring that there are many out there, why? Being that fat announces you have serious issues that you are unable to control, Tess. We don’t have to meet her to know this. Not truly working on it makes her worthy of not being liked because she’s weak

She loves that people criticize her weight, every time people come for her hypocrisy, terrible mothering, T shirt scam, racist tokenizing, floundering career, prostitution or chronic shameless lying, she has a meltdown and eats a strawberry to redirect the criticism to her weight. The fact being overweight is an outward, obvious sign you lack self control and are incontinent, doesn’t matter to her because she can call her haters mean.

snail slime face cream

Jesus, shouldn’t the fact they can’t WALK properly without their skin chaffing raw be a wake up call to fatties? Horrifying you have to rub mollusk mucus near your crotch to get through the day, but here’s hoping Tess starts shilling yeasty diabetic grey leg skin cream. “Y’all I am so excited, to, be partnering with, this ameezing, new product. It smells SO good, and, feels, so soft, and, luxurious” (I’ve noticed she can’t even speak in full sentences, her fat addled brain can’t keep her train of thought and she has to pause to breathe every other word)
*cut to her smearing product on her unidentifiable lovecraftian stumps, horror cut back to her puffy alkie face*

 

[Law]

ETA- how does surgery fit in with effyourbeautystandards?

The same way sheet cake fits in with healthy eating.
And the same way being a woke, anti-racist fits in with giving money to Disney.
I'm sure Tess wasn't the only morbidly obese white woman at Disney that day, so maybe she left feeling slightly un-special? She wants to be Fenty but everything about her screams LuLaRoe.