Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[Cripple]

She posted this before going:
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I wonder if the real reason she couldn't finish the maze was because she vomited her half of that tequila bottle.

 

[George Floyd Sneed]

I’m going to venture a guess and say her “trauma” is because she was getting too sweaty, had to navigate through tight mazes that she was too fat for and unlike Disneyland, there isn’t food every hundred feet for her to gorge on.

 

[multiverse]

I’m going to venture a guess and say her “trauma” is because she was getting too sweaty, had to navigate through tight mazes that she was too fat for and unlike Disneyland, there isn’t food every hundred feet for her to gorge on.

It was too far to walk, and she cried for a scooty puff rescue.

 

[Angry New Ager]

Since this Horror Night thing is in the LA area, I expect that the most "triggering" thing for Tess was when skinny LA girls kept mistaking her for one of the cast, and shrieking in terror at her fatness.

I'm not sticking up for her, but I don't care for mazes that much, either.

Went in a mirror maze at Cannery Row, husband and cheeselet went right through it, but I could NOT find my way out and started to panic.
Mr Cheese had to come rescue me, not my proudest moment.

Protip: When stuck in a mirror maze, look at the floor. The real floor looks noticeably different than the one reflected in the surrounding mirrors (even in low/weird lighting), making it easy follow it out.

She posted this before going:
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LOL, did her POC friend du jour say "Whore Night"? Because that's what it sounded like to me.

And the scariest thing there? Tess's fillers. Fuckin' yikes.

 

[Cheesegirl78]

Since this Horror Night thing is in the LA area, I expect that the most "triggering" thing for Tess was when skinny LA girls kept mistaking her for one of the cast, and shrieking in terror at her fatness.



Protip: When stuck in a mirror maze, look at the floor. The real floor looks noticeably different than the one reflected in the surrounding mirrors (even in low/weird lighting), making it easy follow it out.


LOL, did her POC friend du jour say "Whore Night"? Because that's what it sounded like to me.

And the scariest thing there? Tess's fillers. Fuckin' yikes.

Thank you for the tip, but I just stay out of the fuckers now.

And it did sound like her friend said "whore night". How fitting for our gorl Tess.

 

[Flawmil]

In honor of her most recent Universal trip, enjoy this tweet. Is this the trauma you’re talking about, Tess?

 

[Oscar Winner]

In honor of her most recent Universal trip, enjoy this tweet. Is this the trauma you’re talking about, Tess?View attachment 2588622

Hahaha! Even if they did make the seats bigger in 2018, she wouldn't fit them now anyway. Just decorate a flatbed truck to drive her around on and be done with it.

 

[Catboi]

Good lord the only worse person to use for a skin care product than Tess is an actual leper. Even in the website's photo she looks ruddy and oily! I still don't understand how her skin looks so bad when she supposedly uses all these high end products! It lead me to think skincare was pointless if not my far cheaper routine being far more effective than anything she uses.

No matter the quality of the skincare products you can't hide how much eating like shit destroys your skin

 

[NoReturn]

No matter the quality of the skincare products you can't hide how much eating like shit destroys your skin

I say again: Skin is an organ, so just imagine what the other ones look like.

Spoiler: Organs outside of the human body

Everyone has seen the heart already, so here's a liver:

A kidney:

Pancreas and small intestine:

Did you know you store fat in your tongue? I was a grown adult when I learned that.

 

[Angry New Ager]

I saw again: Skin is an organ, so just imagine what the other ones look like.

Spoiler: Organs outside of the human body

Everyone has seen the heart already, so here's a liver:
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A kidney:
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Pancreas and small intestine:
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Did you know you store fat in your tongue? I was a grown adult when I learned that.
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I did not know that.

Back in the glory days of FPH, I remember the question of why superfats' voices sounded different, in a very distinctive way, came up. I thought it was just because of fat deposits in the cheeks, pushing inward on the mouth.

I remember describing the way huge deathfats spoke as, "It's like they've got a mouthful of mayo," and damn—I guess I wasn't too far wrong.

 

[NoReturn]

Anorexic superwaddle made an actual instagram post about her "trauma".

Spoiler: MFW

 

[Angry New Ager]

Anorexic superwaddle made an actual instagram post about her "trauma".
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Spoiler: MFW

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The only trauma is to her overtaxed knees, ankles, feet—and deodorant. She did two mazes, and couldn't do another because it hurt too much to waddle through another, and the rising odor from between her skinfolds was too embarrassing.

We get it, Ryann; no need to explain.

And hey, it's totally okay not to like horror shit, or only enjoy it in small doses, and to decide you've had enough for one night. "I've had enough; I'm good," is all anybody needs to say. Making it about your alleged ~trauma~, which we are to infer came from your abusive still-not-ex-husband, is totally a Cluster B thing.

 

[Constellationzero]

I did not know that.

Back in the glory days of FPH, I remember the question of why superfats' voices sounded different, in a very distinctive way, came up. I thought it was just because of fat deposits in the cheeks, pushing inward on the mouth.

I remember describing the way huge deathfats spoke as, "It's like they've got a mouthful of mayo," and damn—I guess I wasn't too far wrong.

It's also because of pressure on the lungs along with fluid pooling and buildup (like when they non sleep (unless they have a CPAP)).
And don't forget the Flemish Giant Dewlaps. Simply Sara and LiesbyJen and Julianna Aprileo all are rocking pretty gnarly drewlaps. Now imagine how they'd all sound 2-300 pounds lighter...

 

[George Floyd Sneed]

Anorexic superwaddle made an actual instagram post about her "trauma".
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Spoiler: MFW

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Tubbers talking about trauma while her pictures show her ~living her best life~ reminds me of her initial post about being anorexic while she had the ahegao face in the pictures. She just says whatever bullshit is on her mind, regardless of whether it’s true or not and even if her pictures convey conflicting emotions. She is so full of shit…and cake.

 

[Cheesegirl78]

Always about Tess and her so-called "trauma".
Face it, Tess. The only "trauma" you go through is when your cakes are running low.
It's such an insult to people that have gone through REAL trauma.

Give me the top hats, but lately every time she opens her mouth I want to close it.
With a 2X4 across her face.
In Minecraft.

 

[Barbarella]

Fat is stored on the tongue ???? Now I’ve heard everything. I thought the tongue was pure muscle.

I wonder if that’s why so many deathfatty’s can stick their tongue out so far? I’ve seen my share eat and all their fat tongues come out and grab food before it’s on their mouth. Truly gross.

Is this true for beef? Maybe that’s why some people like lingua. Ugh.

 

[Guntzilla]

Always about Tess and her so-called "trauma".
Face it, Tess. The only "trauma" you go through is when your cakes are running low.
It's such an insult to people that have gone through REAL trauma.

Give me the top hats, but lately every time she opens her mouth I want to close it.
With a 2X4 across her face.
In Minecraft.

I get the same reaction from her. I CANNOT stand her face and her stupid red hair and all the victim shit that comes out of her mouth.

 

[Free the Pedos]

Anorexic superwaddle made an actual instagram post about her "trauma".
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Spoiler: MFW

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Beautyfags, come to my aid: is that way of doing your eyebrows really out now? It looks like the "Instagram eyebrows" that were so in a few years ago.

 

[Cheesegirl78]

Beautyfags, come to my aid: is that way of doing your eyebrows really out now? It looks like the "Instagram eyebrows" that were so in a few years ago.

Yes, they're slowly going out of style, the more natural brow is coming back, thank God.

I've seen so many of the Instagram brows done poorly, with no thought given to the wearer's face shape or makeup style.

I will be glad when the IG brow and the super-skinny brow trends are dead and buried.

 

[NoReturn]

Spoiler: Off-topic

Yes, they're slowly going out of style, the more natural brow is coming back, thank God.

I've seen so many of the Instagram brows done poorly, with no thought given to the wearer's face shape or makeup style.

I will be glad when the IG brow and the super-skinny brow trends are dead and buried.

Get with the times, it's all about them tikkititoks now:

On topic: Nightmare fuel

Here cakejohns! Here boys!