Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[Water-T]

I seriously doubt she was in first class, because Tess would not be able to resist flexing about it. So she's doing her photos and videos REALLY up-close so we can't see this WORLD FAMOUS SUPPAMODDLE sitting with the unwashed masses.

 

[NoReturn]

No, what she needs is a trebuchet.

Oh are we attacking London now? Sign me up.
Foolish Limeys have no idea we've been fattening up the population purely to use them as ammo.

 

[multiverse]

I wonder where she is staying? with Olly?

Can't be, Olly lives in NYC with her girlfriend. And Olly is originally from Australia, so it's not like she has a London family home Tess can stay at.

Someone richer than me who flies regularly - does 1st have those overhead bins? And the seat looks to have just yer standard flat back, whereas aren't posh seats sort of curved round for privacy?

As mentioned above, if she was first class she'd have had a pod to herself with a lie down bed. If she had a first class pod, I have no doubt she'd have been flexing in the pod and her infotainment system, her swag (PJs, slippers, toiletries, full meals, free booze, etc. If she was in business, she'd still have been given a fairly comfy seat that extends all the way back with lots of room around her, free champagne and good food and goodie bags and such. Since she didn't show off any swag, I doubt she was in either business or first.

As for WTF she's doing there, she's visiting a tattoo artist in Herefordshire. For those who don't know, this is a place in the west midlands ages away from London.

 

[572.4]

Oh are we attacking London now? Sign me up.
Foolish Limeys have no idea we've been fattening up the population purely to use them as ammo.

we can probably attack the moon if we use Tess as ammo.

 

[Tiny Clanger]

Herefordshire?

Ahahahahahahahahafuckme, the glamour capital of the UK. Tho I spose it is known for farming and livestock....oh, and pies. Lots and lots of pies.


Context for US kiwis; this is the equivalent of squeeeeing about "going to New York" for clout, with all that going to NYC entails like flash hotels, posh eateries, glam shops. Then actually going to Bumfuck Alabama to talk to farm animals. Herefordshire is, in terms of ethos, the complete opposite to London. Doesn't even have country charm or festival chic. Help, I need resuscitating, I can't stop laughing.

we can probably attack the moon if we use Tess as ammo.

Oi! Leave my homeland alone!

 

[George Floyd Sneed]

As for WTF she's doing there, she's visiting a tattoo artist in Herefordshire. For those who don't know, this is a place in the west midlands ages away from London.

LMAO. Tubbers talking up going to London as if she’s going to be there for modeling. Nobody can be surprised at this point, though.

Still, that’s a lot of time and money to waddle around Great Britain just to see friends. Maybe her sugar daddy is away on business and it’s not like she gives a shit about her children.

 

[Water-T]

LMAO. Tubbers talking up going to London as if she’s going to be there for modeling. Nobody can be surprised at this point, though.

Still, that’s a lot of time and money to waddle around Great Britain just to see friends. Maybe her sugar daddy is away on business and it’s not like she gives a shit about her children.

I suspect that CakeJohn with money has called on Tess to make a house call.

 

[Tiny Clanger]

Dear kiwis, I bring you Hereford in a nutshell. Or pieshell

This is all Herefordshire is. Hammer a pig flat and shove it in very thick pastry. TenTon will be in heaven.

"Going to London"

 

[Cheesegirl78]

Dear kiwis, I bring you Hereford in a nutshell. Or pieshell
View attachment 2634475
This is all Herefordshire is. Hammer a pig flat and shove it in very thick pastry. TenTon will be in heaven.
View attachment 2634479
"Going to London"

Why does this make me think of Tess doing really kinky food play with her English feeder?

 

[multiverse]

Tess is getting blotto and eating piles of greasy takeaway with a bunch of sturdy Herefordshire lasses who think a real celebrity has come to visit.

Edit: besides the tattoo artist Lucie, the other two chicks are a pair of sisters who do wedding photography and make indie films. Having run out of LA based freebies, Tess seems positioned to get some new content made for free by a bunch of British bumpkins who don't know she's career poison.

 

[cactus]

What a classless twat.

 

[Cheesegirl78]

Mmm...jet lag and a hangover, what fun.

 

[multiverse]

Mmm...jet lag and a hangover, what fun.

Bro, I don't know who gets off a transatlantic flight, drives 5 hours from London to Herefordshire, and hit all the pubs to get tanked.

Even if you leave at 4-5 PM west coast time AND take sleeping pills while the lights are down on the flight AND have the first class pod that comes with slippers and PJs and sleep masks and a lie down bed - you conk out by 8 PM Greenwich Mean Time. Your body just isn't good for it, even in your 20s when you aren't a deathfat.

Which leads me to believe Ryann's host probably greeted her with some dodgy European coke. There's just no way a 400 pound woman near 40 years old came off 4-5 hours sleep at 3 AM on her body clock and was ready to party her tits off.

And that hangover is going to be epic. You know she doesn't drink water.

 

[Anal birth]

Hoping she goes to the Soane museum, its full of tight spaces and priceless stuff. She'd knock everything over

Edit: Its also full of loads of gratings to let natural light through to the lower floors and there's a high risk she'd fall through one.

 

[Cripple]

Can't be, Olly lives in NYC with her girlfriend. And Olly is originally from Australia, so it's not like she has a London family home Tess can stay at.


As mentioned above, if she was first class she'd have had a pod to herself with a lie down bed. If she had a first class pod, I have no doubt she'd have been flexing in the pod and her infotainment system, her swag (PJs, slippers, toiletries, full meals, free booze, etc. If she was in business, she'd still have been given a fairly comfy seat that extends all the way back with lots of room around her, free champagne and good food and goodie bags and such. Since she didn't show off any swag, I doubt she was in either business or first.

As for WTF she's doing there, she's visiting a tattoo artist in Herefordshire. For those who don't know, this is a place in the west midlands ages away from London.
View attachment 2634396View attachment 2634397View attachment 2634398

I wonder how shocked those friends are to see her in the Ten Ton flesh and realize she's gained 100lbs+ in two years.

Tess is getting blotto and eating piles of greasy takeaway with a bunch of sturdy Herefordshire lasses who think a real celebrity has come to visit.

Edit: besides the tattoo artist Lucie, the other two chicks are a pair of sisters who do wedding photography and make indie films. Having run out of LA based freebies, Tess seems positioned to get some new content made for free by a bunch of British bumpkins who don't know she's career poison.
View attachment 2635113View attachment 2635114View attachment 2635115View attachment 2635116View attachment 2635117View attachment 2635118View attachment 2635119View attachment 2635120View attachment 2635121View attachment 2635122

Everytime she's in a friend's photo without five filters her skin looks God damn cancerous.

 

[My cravat doesn't flutter]

If Tess got a tan, her complexion would match those hamburger buns.

 

[Tiny Clanger]

@multiverse this'll make you really happy, cos that's even worse than takeaway. That's crap pub nosebag, which is designed to be so fantastically greasy that not only would the worst US fast-fud operator baulk at it, but that is designed to complement beer you can stand a fork in. You inevitably wake up halfway down the staircase at 5am with your neck at a right-angle and a gut that feels like a washing machine.

TwentyTon should be coming along nicely.


(I worked with colleagues that came over from Cali regularly and their inaugural night out with us just destroyed them. And I'm only in the poofy home counties, out in farm country they take their beer seriously. TwentyTon is gonna feel like a house fell on her. This is most definitely not London and she is fucked. Heh heh heh.)


The downside is that she'll be viewed with contempt as the epitome of the Murican tourist - too big, too loud, too inyerface and constantly chewing gum like a bovine cudding. Londoners have a way of ignoring whilst inwardly sneering but in the wider world we look, we sneer and we're politely very rude. Do you keep them corralled, cos Murican Tourist is nothing like real ordinary Americans? 's funny how the very worst of a country's people are always the ones that go abroad and give everyone a bad name. I mean...look at Brit tourists

 

[Smiling Honeybadger]

According to Lucie Tattoos IG, they hammed it up till at least 3am UK time. So Tess may be dead by now or wake up around 6pm and wishing she is dead, with a pork pie stuck in her ass.

So far at least I can report that the British Isles haven't capsized, yet. But I really am curious if there is any particular reason for this trip. The Alaska trip seemed to have been just a "drag the beast" along affair. No matter what Lucie and the wedding planner sisters planned, I hope it wasn't for today... Or tomorrow. And hopefully they have added generously to Tess'stated clothing size to get in the range of correct sizing.

 

[Awkward Aardvark]

Bro, I don't know who gets off a transatlantic flight, drives 5 hours from London to Herefordshire, and hit all the pubs to get tanked.

Even if you leave at 4-5 PM west coast time AND take sleeping pills while the lights are down on the flight AND have the first class pod that comes with slippers and PJs and sleep masks and a lie down bed - you conk out by 8 PM Greenwich Mean Time. Your body just isn't good for it, even in your 20s when you aren't a deathfat.

Oh yeah, I quite agree with this. However, there's another way of doing transatlantic flights that I've learned work better for you than what you're proposing. The idea is to simply have a one long-ass day. So if I leave e.g. Central Europe at noon I get to New York around noon their time and then I just end up going to bed in the evening and will be relatively well-adjusted the next day. It's a bit more tricky going from NY to Central Europe, but even there you basically end up having "only" a 33 hour day (because you slept the first 8h of it). In that way you'll get adjusted back quickly and I god hope that that's what Tess was doing. It just doesn't look like it, however, since you really need to go to bed asap when you land after one such a long day. I'm both horrified and amazed if that deathfat managed to pull this one off.

 

[Tiny Clanger]

Unless she was driving herself the whole way, I'd guess she took a nap in the car. It's pretty much all motorway and if you're a passenger it's hard not to sleep. You'd have to be a pretty mammoth dumbarse to take on that drive immediately post-flight unless you were very familiar (remember we drive on the wrong side of the road) which she certainly isn't. But she IS a mammoth dumbarse so

Guess we'll find out what it's all about when we get either another trashy tattoo, a hideous photo shoot....or a sudden cessation of vapid drivel followed by a soopamoddle-shaped pie. A really big one.