Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[Bubonic_Vague]

Give me Kiwi Farms back. Isn't this where we drop any form of respect and decency so we can pick apart tards on 't internetsies?

If we've suddenly found Jesus I wish to talk to the management.

It stands to reason the Deathfats forum would pull a few HAES hypocrites into its orbit.

Dying "sad, weak and with a rotten foot" is way more likely to be the fate of the morbidly obese than people who spent a few years binge-drinking and hoovering drain cleaner off filthy club toilet seats, but if Karen-in-Black over here wants to grumble and point its sausage fingers at us (with a fork in the other hand), I'm happy to jeer and whistle until it lumbers off.

 

[My cravat doesn't flutter]

It's the other thing common (in addition to LoL fat) among these gorls - they're all into this shit.

People who buy into HAES pseudoscience also buy into astrology pseudoscience. Who'da thunk?

 

[knightlautrec]

Goodness me, the index toe is coming in at a 45-degree angle.
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Got a tramp stamper, a fatty gal.
Forty miles on the Panama Canal.
She's got a cargo of flats and a token black pal.
Forty miles on the Panama Canal.
Sailing 'cross the Caribbean Sea
To her cake john, in a jiffy
Through Panama, but not on land.
Her ass would turn the ground into quicksaaaaand.

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You aren't overweight, Tess. You are super-morbidly obese.

I think she exists in a celebrity shadow-society, and thinks no one on the "outside" can tell the difference.
I once met a man who was surprised to hear I've never been to New York, given my accent gave me away as an American. That was the first time I really understood how people from smaller countries saw the United States. I think the idea of "celebrity" is similar.
To someone with no context, "LA" is all Hollywood and glamour. If Tess is a "supermodel" then she must be rubbing elbows with the elite. So long as Tess can present herself as that type of person to those who don't know any better, then she'll be able to keep them fooled, even if she can't trick anyone else.

It's bullshit that tubby wubkins here can go galavanting around the globe when people of her portly persuasion are the ones most at risk.

That entire video of her and that cherry picked article makes me wanna vomit.

I have never seen someone so goddamn delusional about their weight and health. And smug. Unduly smug. Humans were not meant to be 300 pounds Tess.

I can't wait for this fat cow to get her first heart attack and still spout about how healthy she is!!!1

 

[Barbarella]

Here is the article about the astrology bit, although not quite as interesting as going to Manchester and ending up in your own sick. It’ll have to do. It’s useful though, as if you encounter an astrology fluff head it gives you the info to “lie” about your sign without really lying.

Why your zodiac sign is probably wrong

Astronomy and astrology do not agree on the dates of the zodiac constellations.

www.google.com

 

[Precocious Halfwit]

Tess should market herself as a one-woman United Nations. Since her arrival to this septic isle, it has been so heartwarming to see Bongs, Merkins, Aussies (sorry, can't think of a snappy nickname for yas) and other Kiwis from across the globe all united in their amusement/contempt and enjoying a good old bitch at the expense of this vapid sack of guts. She may be a failed superwaddle, a dubious parent and generally a worthless human being, but she can bring people together. Gahd, I love you guys.

Throwing my bowler hat into the ring and also hoping Tess gets orf moy land pretty fucking sharpish before people think Little Britain USA is making a comeback.

 

[Cuckoman]

For anyone still ignorant, Tess escaped from one of these farms where they breed people to use their legs as doner-kebab tings:

Here's How They Make Those Giant Doner Kebabs - Food Republic

There's a perfectly logical translation for doner. It's not "greatest drunk food of all time" or "that which involves a lot of meat" or even "just paid rent and now have no money." It means "to spin, rotate or otherwise turn around." Now if we were talking about another street food, say, hot...

www.foodrepublic.com

Tess "Doner Kebab Leg" Holliday

 

[Gramlol]

Tess should market herself as a one-woman United Nations. Since her arrival to this septic isle, it has been so heartwarming to see Bongs, Merkins, Aussies (sorry, can't think of a snappy nickname for yas) and other Kiwis from across the globe all united in their amusement/contempt and enjoying a good old bitch at the expense of this vapid sack of guts. She may be a failed superwaddle, a dubious parent and generally a worthless human being, but she can bring people together. Gahd, I love you guys.

Throwing my bowler hat into the ring and also hoping Tess gets orf moy land pretty fucking sharpish before people think Little Britain USA is making a comeback.

Aussies- we call ourselves 'Strayans (and worst of US people we call Seppos, of which Tess is a prime example)

 

[George Floyd Sneed]

Reeeeeeeeee give me my Kiwi Farms back! Isn't this where we drop any form of respect and decency so we can pick apart tards on 't internetsies?

If we've suddenly found Jesus I wish to talk to the management.

Occasionally this thread has spergouts because Tess has uneducated takes on everything. Laughing at Tess’s view on politics is good but we don’t need your views on politics, for example. I think the last big spergout here on this thread was about abortion. I really don’t care what Kiwis think regarding abortion and it shits up the thread to talk about it. Fortunately there is a thread about abortion in Deep Thoughts designed to contain autism like that. TMI and dumb ratings are perfect to use when people feel the need to get on a soapbox about their views in a thread designed to laugh at Tubby Tess Holliday.

 

[Slowboat to China]

Tess should market herself as a one-woman United Nations. Since her arrival to this septic isle, it has been so heartwarming to see Bongs, Merkins, Aussies (sorry, can't think of a snappy nickname for yas) and other Kiwis from across the globe all united in their amusement/contempt and enjoying a good old bitch at the expense of this vapid sack of guts. She may be a failed superwaddle, a dubious parent and generally a worthless human being, but she can bring people together. Gahd, I love you guys.

I was thinking something similar. 'Murican here, and I've been loving the Brit Kiwis' reactions to Tess's trip. I'm learning so much about slang and pub culture!

Heck, I want to her to keep traveling! If she goes to Spain, any Spanish Kiwis will have fascinating insights into what she's doing wrong. Ditto with France or Italy. It's like a weird form of goodwill tour, with everyone uniting to enjoy picking apart what she's doing wrong.

 

[Smiling Honeybadger]

I was thinking something similar. 'Murican here, and I've been loving the Brit Kiwis' reactions to Tess's trip. I'm learning so much about slang and pub culture!

Heck, I want to her to keep traveling! If she goes to Spain, any Spanish Kiwis will have fascinating insights into what she's doing wrong. Ditto with France or Italy. It's like a weird form of goodwill tour, with everyone uniting to enjoy picking apart what she's doing wrong.

France and Italy might be a riot. In these corners there are no fucks given about the feelings of a loudmouthed Americunt. Especially a walking stereotype like Tess. People even thrive on fucking with dumb Americans. Certain parts of Germany could be fun too.

 

[Precocious Halfwit]

Aussies- we call ourselves 'Strayans (and worst of US people we call Seppos, of which Tess is a prime example)

Ah, 'Strayans, of course! I was aware of that name and completely forgot it. Cheers!

France and Italy might be a riot. In these corners there are no fucks given about the feelings of a loudmouthed Americunt. Especially a walking stereotype like Tess. People even thrive on fucking with dumb Americans. Certain parts of Germany could be fun too.

That's exactly what I was thinking! Tess will not have gone unnoticed in Britain but it will have all been very surreptitious, with maybe a side-eye or a quick double-take AT MOST from the less discreet among us. I gather that mainland Europe is far more forthright!

 

[blue gopher snakes]

Laughing at Tess’s view on politics is good but we don’t need your views on politics, for example. I think the last big spergout here on this thread was about abortion.

I get sucked into these all the time. So hard to resist the Spergening. Maybe I should go on Good Morning America like Tubbster and weep about the trials of being a blue snake with Cantshutthefuckupitis.

Sorry guize.

It's like a weird form of goodwill tour, with everyone uniting to enjoy picking apart what she's doing wrong.

I’m telling you: Around the World in 80 Cakes. Netflix special. No narration, just one high-definition camera rolling on Tess making a front-ass of herself all around the globe. This would singlehandedly unite the globe against a common enemy, ending all wars, solving all diplomatic entanglements, ushering in a Golden Era of world peace. Or at least we’d all have a good laugh. One of the two for sure.

France and Italy might be a riot. In these corners there are no fucks given about the feelings of a loudmouthed Americunt.

Seconded. As a young snake, I traveled these parts with some hamily and our experiences were night and day. I had a lovely trip, learned a lot, saw some BEAUTIFUL places and made some friends. Hamily got laughed at to their face and there was one very memorable afternoon where a street vendor straight up refused to serve them food saying “You’ve eaten enough already, look at you.” I occasionally pull that memory out on especially chilly nights to keep my bones warm.

Who KNOWS to what savagery Tess would fall victim in places not interested in accommodating her feelings? I’d tune in week after week.

 

[Smiling Honeybadger]

Ah, 'Strayans, of course! I was aware of that name and completely forgot it. Cheers!


That's exactly what I was thinking! Tess will not have gone unnoticed in Britain but it will have all been very surreptitious, with maybe a side-eye or a quick double-take AT MOST from the less discreet among us. I gather that mainland Europe is far more forthright!

Yes, there is also a lot of resentment towards entitled Americans in Germany. We don't like it very much if you still rub it in that you had to come to our rescue some 70+ years ago because some failed Austrian artist royally fucked things up.

Tess in Cologne at one of the traditional breweries would be a riot. The waiters, called "Köbes" are famed for being absolute savages with the quests. They are super direct and give no fucks about Your feelings. They would have no qualms calling her a fat hog to her face. Similar thing can happen in traditional breweries and inns in Bavaria.

 

[My cravat doesn't flutter]

I'd honestly love to see Tess dropped in some starving African village. Just for the visual of this "anorexic" landwhale who "barely eats" surrounded by people who actually barely eat.

 

[NoReturn]

So we all know "sick" means "hungover" here, right?

 

[Anal birth]

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So we all know "sick" means "hungover" here, right?

Imagine spending your life searching for reasons to be offended.

 

[Constellationzero]

I'd honestly love to see Tess dropped in some starving African village. Just for the visual of this "anorexic" landwhale who "barely eats" surrounded by people who actually barely eat.

Just watch the Sally Struthers South Park episode. Same energy.

 

[vanilla_pepsi_head]

I don't think I've ever actually met more than maybe 3 people over the age of 14 who unironically think horoscopes actually mean anything. Where do you even find these people? Do they also think the paper in fortune cookies is divine providence?

I've even discussed it with a few people who were actually raised in a culture/religion where astrology is significant, they've all said that to them it's mostly a matter of cultural pride and tradition for its own sake and not usually taken literally (it was Chinese and Indian people if you're curious). As a rule I don't like to fedora tip so I probably wouldn't say much if someone lacking direction or purpose in their life turned to their culture's astrological traditions looking for an idea of what they are "meant" to do. Western astrology hasn't been taken seriously since at least the middle ages and pretty much only regained popularity in the 60s through woo-peddling scam artists and mostly persists in the form of horoscopes being used as filler in trash tier tabloid magazines so I can't really afford the same respect to people who take it literally or seriously.

 

[Crepidodera fulvicornis]

Heck, I want to her to keep traveling!

I’ve said that before, but I’d love to see her coming to Eastern Europe, or Mother R itself.
No reverence, no fat-friendly accommodations, no holding back laughs or stares.
I mean, there are all of that in high-end hotels (probably) but we’re talking Tess here.
There are lot of obese women and beer-bellied men, but boy how different our understanding of the word “fat”.

 

[multiverse]

Guys, it's not that Tess can't get a single desperate man to fuck her - it's that she's practicing abstinence for the good of her soul, and she's not going to fuck anyone until she finds someone WORTHY.

I guess she doesn't count blowies and cake sitting and fold fucking sex.