11/06/2021 Ethan Ralph Totaled His Car - Hard to drive with hooves.

[Weeb Slinger]

I’m surprised the airbag didn’t pop his gunt.

Ralph has lived though a T-bone that is likely to be more expensive than any he has so-far consumed while in Vegas. However, his survival may be bittersweet.

He has shown the world that his gunt provides superior cushioning against side-on vehicular impacts than the current generation of airbags. From here-on his every movement will be scrutinised by those who wish to own this technology, and by other nefarious parties who have an interest in preventing such an efficient mode of driver and passenger protection from ever coming to market.

Like Batman at the conclusion of The Dark Knight, he will be hunted. Animal poachers, who are ordinarily content sawing the genitals off tigers to satisfy the Chinese demand for exotic penis, will turn their eyes to this new prey: A lumbering cocaine hippo, whose natural habitats are blackjack tables, over-priced steak houses and Nissan dealerships.

Elon Musk is bound to want in on this. It is plausible that Ralph's likeness will appear on a white list of people who self-driving electric cars are permitted to run down.

There will be no peace for Ralph. The figurative instruments of dissection hang suspended over him like multiple swords of Damocles. He has no choice other than to live as a fugitive, driving a cheap, second-hand car, receiving the tepid meals that his fiancé prepares for him through the mail, all the while attempting to remain one step ahead of a relentless bounty hunter, named Vickers.

 

[Pill Cosby]

Ralph is winning guys! This is a power move against Null.

 

[Glowie]

Ralph is going to be poster boy for "Don't smoke crack while driving in current year + X for future generations.

Personally I hope that no-one innocent was harmed.

Ralph's driver license should be revoked before someone ends up dead.

 

[Eggg]

Without a doubt dude was distracted driving, and probably under the influence of pills or weed.

What is the law in regards to places that have legal weed and driving in America? Do they do a similar BAC type test, or is it a "walk in a straight like" type sobriety one?

 

[Paddy O' Furniture]

What is the law in regards to places that have legal weed and driving in America? Do they do a similar BAC type test, or is it a "walk in a straight like" type sobriety one?

Usually it's a tongue/mouth swab/breath test to see if there's residue. IIRC they're not super accurate but definitely don't quote me on it.

 

[catmasterj]

Couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

What a dumb Fuck

 

[Professional Noticer]

Josh how dare you sabotage the guntmobile's brakes?
First you made him shart now this?

He can't keep getting away with it.

 

[♦️ King of Diamonds ♦️]

I am calling it right now: He doesn't have the cash for a new car after his three consecutive Vegas trips- will try to get a loan or set up a payment plan with the Nissan dealership only to get denied by his shitty credit (willingly defaulting on his student loans only contributed to this). This will possibly cause a huge twitter spergout by Ze Guntmeister and Pantsu (once she realizes she has to drive him around) and eventually he might have to settle for some shit like a used Lada or a Pinto.

 

[I Hate Anime Avatars]

At least the Guntmobile can rest in peace now. Not having to carry the gunt anymore, or have it's seats sharted on.

 

[♦️ King of Diamonds ♦️]

There are casinos in Maryland. My bet is he was on his way to Anne Arundel’s casino (Maryland Live!) since he probably has comps there or reason to swipe his reward card. There is a casino near the Woodrow Wilson bridge run by MGM he would of driven past on his way there.

Either that or some craigslist backpage prostitute meet up.

This is my best guess- and if that's the case then he would have been headed to MGM National Harbor, which is right next to DC. Isn't he forbidden in some byzantine legal capacity from going to DC- which is why he had to send Pantsu as a meatshield during January 6th?

 

[STN]

The downward spiral continues....

 

[Wyzzerd]

I'm amazed it hasn't happened sooner.

The poor bastard is barely tall enough to see over the steering wheel.

 

[King Kiwi]

At least the Guntmobile can rest in peace now.

No no.
Rest in pieces.

 

[LordOdin]

View attachment 2694597
it’s ok the ralphamale is SAVED
t | a

Which one is less believeable? Ralph Tutoring someone or someone willing to bone Ralph.

 

[SPERGSTROM]

The harvest never ends.

I find it out how people pay silly amounts of money per month to 'rent' a car. I don't know how it works in yankie land but is Ralph still on the hook for monthly repayments if he's been found to be at fault for the accident? Then again Ralph would probably refuse to pay if he still had to make the payments.

This brings me to another point, why spent all the money on monthly payments when you could get a old car with great specs, say for example a early 2000's bmw with climate control, cruise control, automatic headlights, automatic wipers etc etc which still looks good in that retro way and is simple and cheap to fix as parts huge selection of aftermarket parts are available. Then you know spent that money saved on fucking living better, buy some new underwear, have a nice coloured variety of compression socks.

I mean this is a man who had what over 50k+ of savings at one point? I've known people with less money start their own property portfolio etc.

But you just keep on winning there Ralph! KILLSTREAM BABY!

 

[not william stenchever]

Now the noble steed which has borne such a burden of flesh can rest knowing that it failed not in its task, but it was instead failed by its master.

You were too good for this world, little car.

 

[Xenomorph]

He is gonna be mooing all day since you always feel it the next day when youre hit in a crash. OWWW MUH NECCCCK OWWW MUH BAAACK

 

[woodfromwell]

as much as i dislike ralph i’m glad he’s not dead. i’d be lost without my favorite lolcow.

 

[Mr E. Grifter]

I find it out how people pay silly amounts of money per month to 'rent' a car.

I would of said that, simply put Ralph - and many people - pay more money in the long run to buy something they can't afford, so that they can have something that looks nice immediately.

Except, Ralph bought a fucking Nissan. He could of bought something for like $10k, that's a few years old. As you say, he has the savings so why not just buy outright and save down the line?

 

[Lobster Cult High Priest]

as much as i dislike ralph i’m glad he’s not dead. i’d be lost without my favorite lolcow.

RIP to May though cause now she has to take the city bus with niggers to get to work.