The Tenacious Unicorn Ranch / @TenaciousRanch / Steampunk Penny / Penellope Logue / Phillip Matthew Logue - Don't cry because it ended, laugh because it's still getting worse.

[NoReturn]

And you also tell me that most of them are basically rural whiskey tangos with a tan who want what everyone else of that socioeconomic class wants: jobs, a truck that runs, a .308 to blast feral hogs, and a sixer of beer on Friday night?

SHOCKER. \IIiI

Tonight on KWKF News at Nine:
Native Americans found to be full people, enjoy fun. Nation's SJWs stunned as local Cheyenne guy throws awesome rager.

 

[Marcus Tullius Cicero]

Thread’s been moving real slow lately, probably because everyone is watching the Alyssa show. Allow me to try to change that with a surprisingly large update post.

Starting with the Tranch itself, they fucked around with crystals today. [A]
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Remember how Penny said to stop consooming when it comes to witchcraft? Well, someone forgot, and it was Penny himself, of course. [A]
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My grandmother talked about her life on a farm the other day. How she had to bear the cold of winter without heat, sometimes. Covered in multiple blankets. She lived without electricity until the age of twelve. Yet despite all that she helped her father make a name for himself, where he lived. They were all very industrious people—he. his wife. and children. And yet here these men are, wasting time by hunting for crystals, buying plastic crap, and wasting good gemstones.

I’m not sure how farming or alpaca farming works, are they supposed to do this? Is this normal? [A]
View attachment 2692279

Don't know anything about animal husbandry either, but I would think piling up the hay like that is just asking for it to dampen and rot over time. Wouldn't some sort of trough be better at concentrating the hay, and cutting back on the amount that's wasted?

Penny makes a Halloween announcement to his fellow witches to stop fuckin’ consoomin! [A]
View attachment 2692291

He should build a wicker-man and get on with it already.

Performative indigenous peoples sperging [A]
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Considering that many Indians are actually leaving the reservations made for them, I don't think giving them even more land will solve that problem. This is why their integration in the 19th and early 20th centuries was a good idea, in my view. It expedited the process of assimilation and actually helped in making the natives better citizens (when they applied for citizenship, that is).

We need some wholesomeness here, so have some pics of their doggy. [A]
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A few videos [1], [2], [3]
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More dog pics from several tranchers [A]
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I rather pity such poor creatures. I hope nothing untoward happens to them, but I know it's only a matter of time until something does.

And another pic from an irrelevant tweet because we needed another barren landscape photo:
View attachment 2692329

With the proper editing, you could make this look like the surface of Mars.

For the unaware: FFI stands for “federal firearms license”, which would grant the Tranch ability to legally to engage in business involving guns. Tranchers, please do not do this. [A]
View attachment 2692325

If they do get this, I have to imagine the cult-like atmosphere will ramp-up considerably. And they might grow bold enough to engage with the Earls directly, but it's more likely they'll shoot themselves or the alpacas first.

An integral aspect of being queer involves opposition to the status quo. [A]
View attachment 2692330

Have to wonder what would happen if the status quo favored him completely? Would he go from a transsexual degenerate to a God-fearing family-man? Of course not, but it's funny to imagine.

 

[Trout P]

So Jarrod just shoveled a bunch of alpaca shit right up to the back of his trailer? Why? Trying to lure in Michael/Jen?

Yeah, what the fuck?!
It's literally piles of shit tossed up the back of a trailer, which we'll assume is occupied since we know there aren't enough fixed structures to house the inmates.
There are fucking shit streaks on there...like...why?
Do they use it to mask everyone's stench?

 

[NOT THE BEEEEES!]

Another horrifying selfie [A]

The only dome i see is your massive forehead, Penny

The fuck are mixed potatoes?

Cat [A]

Put that cat on a diet. That motherfucker is almost as corpulent as kevin.

And finally, we got Josie (idk his deadname and quite frankly I don’t give a fuck, he’s Josie to me) out here… espousing the level of delusion and cope that he and his co-inhabitants must maintain on a daily basis. [A]

The word you are looking for is “bleak”, sir.

An integral aspect of being queer involves opposition to the status quo. [A]

If you’re so against the status quo, then why do your kind always larp the most regressive and mainstream stereotypes of women?

Oh hey, when did bonnie get back to the tranch? Oh, my bad, that’s an actual pile of shit.

 

[AGPinochet]

try to get a 07 FFL with a SOT?

From what I understand you need to list an actual reason for acquiring an SOT and ATF only sees a few as legitimate (Law Enforcement Demo's, Manufacturer R&D, some other shit, "I want to own MG's without shelling out $7k for a beat to shit 50 year old MAC-10 or $40,000 for a RDIAS or Pre-1986 Select fire AR" is not a valid reason) so I doubt the tranch could get any form of SOT. They could however start cranking out Illegal machineguns quite easily, we live in the current year of course, 3D Printers are $200 and Printed auto sears are 7c per.

For those who don't know what the fuck an SOT is, an SOT is a person with a special license from the government to make as many legal Machineguns, Sound Suppressors, Short Barreled Rifles and Short Barreled Shotguns (which all fall under the broad category of "NFA Item") without being hassled too much by the government, Civilians would have to file an ATF Form 1 to create either a suppressor, SBR or SBS (but not an MG because you haven't been able to Form 1 those since 1986), pay a $200 tax and wait for months if not well over a year for their paperwork (which includes fingerprints, several photographs taken by Law Enforcement, notification of your local Sheriff and an extensive background check) to be processed and approved and only then would the buyer be cleared to actually manufacture their item, A Form 4 would allow them to purchase an NFA Item from an NFA Dealer but is generally slower than a Form 1 (and new production MG's for transfer to civilians has been Illegal since 1986, may Senator Hughes burn in hell).

 

[AMHOLIO]

It's so nice of Bonnie to help respond to the tranch tweets. I'm sure Penny and Sky love all the help they're getting from Bonnie!

When was Penny into crystal exceptionalism? Was his conversion to witch life before or after Alyssa? I'm assuming a lot of the tranchers were into it before Alyssa had her episode but I don't recall him talking about paganism in general before then.

I'm kind of glad that witchcraft is spreading. It's speeding up the days from a amway type cult to a scientology type cult, how exciting. What a fucking waste of rock though.

@Humbert Humbert Don't worry, I'm not going to make you use the deadname but Josie's birthname is Jarrod. I'm telling you because it's one of the funniest whiteboy names I've heard in a while to the point that if I was born with it I would troon out too just to change it.

This is a waste of time and resources.

/thread in a nutshell.

It better be some high ABV craft brew tho...

I would donate money to native americans who wanted to party in Colorado to ensure this over Penny and Sky and sometimes Bonnie's big top clown event.

 

[Prolego]

If anyone can tell me how to rip tiktoks ill post it.

JDownloader works on just about everything

Speaking of Penny, he posted quite a bit. For example, here’s a selfie. I will issue no comment on it, barring a statement that he needs some chapstick NOW NOW NOW. [A]

And why on earth has Jarod piled all that shit up right next to his bedroom window?

 

[retard strength]

Phil: Don't let witchcraft be infiltrated by degenerate men looking to fill the moral void they call a life while raping women corporate greed and consumerism, head out into the barren hellscape we call a ranch and make your woowoo alter pieces by hand!

Kevin: Hahaha look Mixtress, $599 plastic Unicron toy go brrrrrrrrrrr ok back into the basement box it goes with the hundred others, also please buy me another video game tshirt with little girls on it! I will finally be able to wash the last childrens shirt you bought me if you do, and maybe if we buy the next size up it will cover my gunt this time since I know you are utterly repulsed by my body :3c

 

[AMHOLIO]

Is there a name for people who do neopagan magic who are utterly retarded? Aside from "tumblr/twitter/instagram witch" of course.

There's people who put a lot of thought into their practice and honor age old cultural deities or at least don't make a horse and pony show about it online, then there's social media witches, and then there's lolcow tier exceptional neopagan horseshit.

If Penny and the team have thought about paganism outside of how "kweer" and quirky and aesthetic and NOT FUCKING CISHETCRISTIAN I'd be surprised. At least Crowley and Garner put thought into their revival practices made to have wild sex. Bonnie is just in it for sex of course. It's all likely to be a feel good thing. I wouldn't say they need Jesus, they'd just turn into lolcows but for Jesus, but a more structured religion could help bring some goddamn order into their chaotic lives and more community on their side if they need to feel good spiritually.

 

[Molly White's Breast Milk]

Is there a name for people who do neopagan magic who are utterly exceptional? Aside from "tumblr/twitter/instagram witch" of course.

I believe "neopagan" is the term you're looking for.

 

[Mepsi Pax]

We probably have at least one weirdo that would be able to sperg about motorbikes, I’ll share this tweet too. [A]

400cc+ is huge for a smoker. There are several issues with this LARP, first off none of those bikes were really common in the US, certainly not in the past 30 or even 40 years. 4 strokes got powerful enough in the early 80's to where development switched almost exclusively to them. There were a couple later-model street bikes made basically for racing, and they're both extremely rare and very lethal.

This guy says he wants it for around the ranch so he's basically limited to dirtbikes anyway. 500cc dirtbikes were always a special item, also making them rare (and dangerous). I don't know what the market is like for old 500s (they used to be pretty cheap) but I'm guessing they're priced more for collectors now. The most common 500 dirtbikes available are gonna be the Honda CR500 and probably the Husqvarna 4 or 500, both of which are murder machines. These bikes are comparable to modern race bikes, both powerful and light, and the twitchy, high-revving nature of the engine makes them hard to control - the power just 'snaps' on when you're in band.

The biggest modern ones they make are 300cc and simply put that's already over the top. I know a dude who bought a new KTM 300 several years ago and it was a handful for him, and he's a 250lb. laborer that's been riding his whole life. They're pretty similar in performance to the old 500s, really the only reason you'd get some old piece of shit instead is to try and be cool. Even modern 250s are a lot to handle, hell older 250s were race bikes at that time too.

Yeah and there's maintenance too. 2 strokes really only existed to maximize power in an age when 4 cycle engines hadn't advanced yet. They may be simple (and thus more easily repaired) but other than that they have zero benefits. You have to buy oil to mix with the gas, they're inefficient, they're loud and annoying, they foul spark plugs especially when you're not revving them constantly, the throttle is tricky to use, they'll blow up if you accidentally run them lean, and of course: The top end (piston/sleeve) has to be rebuilt regularly anyway.

TLDR: Cost, Physics, Maintenance, basically it's a good bullshit LARP but makes no sense otherwise. 21st century 4 strokes are more powerful and more reliable in any case, and used ones aren't gonna be much more expensive (if at all).

 

[bucolic]

Big bore 2 strokes still have their niche, which is mainly hillclimbing or riding in the dunes. The market basically consists of the CR500 & the KX500, which quit being produced in 2001 & 2004 respectively...and prices have definitely gone up as the supply has dwindled.

In any case, they would be horribly suited bikes for getting around the tranch or even trail riding. They were designed for hardcore motocross & desert racing...they aren't bikes you can just idle around on. You'll end up stalling every 10 feet, & after kick starting the beast a few times you'll be too tired to hang onto it anyway.

What he should be looking for is a mid size four stroke trail bike along the lines of a Honda XR250...air cooled, easy to start, easy to ride, & completely bulletproof. Can be made street legal easily. Manageable for a beginner, but still enough power to have some fun & get you back into the sticks when needed

 

[ColtWalker1847]

Back when I was a kid a friend of mine had a Maico 490. That thing was an absolute nightmare death machine. Whenever he got it running, which was a bitch because defunct German company, he'd promptly almost kill himself and it would sit until it got fixed again.

Just buy a 250 Enduro, ya weirdos.

 

[Lubby Smith]

GRIFTCON 4 ALERT
EARL HAS DRONES
EARL WILL SHOOT DOG
PLS DONATE

https://archive.ph/BqhLf
Weird they put up a video of the dogs, instead of the drone, since "we film everything up here and make it public daily".

Finance Minister Gibes weighs in:

https://archive.ph/Bf2uw
Will Tenacious Alpaca Ranch Defense Systems (T.A.R.D.S) dilate mobilize?
Will Paul Mendoza abandon his serfs in their time of need?

 

[Old Fart]

Weird they put up a video of the dogs, instead of the drone, since "we film everything up here and make it public daily".

"Weird" in big fat quotes because you really hadn't expected them to post any evidence of any threat, had you?

 

[Prolego]

edit - ninja'd. I'll just keep the bit about Kevin archiving himself)
Hilariously, someone called them out in the replies, but then had second thoughts and deleted their tweet. So Kevin thoughtfully included a screenshot for posterity. He must be learning archiving from us at KF.

https://twitter.com/TransSalamander/status/1457371641986437121

Kathryn Gibes 🏳️‍⚧️✨ on Twitter: "The local bigots are starting to g…

archived 7 Nov 2021 16:51:11 UTC

archive.md

https://twitter.com/TenaciousRanch/status/1457371059036975114

Tenacious Unicorn Ranch on Twitter: "Some of the folks that made it t…

archived 7 Nov 2021 16:50:39 UTC

archive.md

 

[0 0]

edit - ninja'd. I'll just keep the bit about Kevin archiving himself)
Hilariously, someone called them out in the replies, but then had second thoughts and deleted their tweet. So Kevin thoughtfully included a screenshot for posterity. He must be learning archiving from us at KF.
View attachment 2696821View attachment 2696816

https://twitter.com/TransSalamander/status/1457371641986437121

Kathryn Gibes 🏳️‍⚧️✨ on Twitter: "The local bigots are starting to g…

archived 7 Nov 2021 16:51:11 UTC

archive.md

https://twitter.com/TenaciousRanch/status/1457371059036975114

Tenacious Unicorn Ranch on Twitter: "Some of the folks that made it t…

archived 7 Nov 2021 16:50:39 UTC

archive.md

"Invented?" Kevin, the fact your animals froze to death was presented by the tranch itself.

And here's a tip: next time you make up some bunk story about attack drones or whatever, maybe wait longer that two seconds before you reveal it's a grifting ploy.

 

[UselessRubberKeyboard]

GRIFTCON 4 ALERT
EARL HAS DRONES
EARL WILL SHOOT DOG
PLS DONATE
View attachment 2696789
View attachment 2696791
View attachment 2696797
https://archive.ph/BqhLf
Weird they put up a video of the dogs, instead of the drone, since "we film everything up here and make it public daily".

Finance Minister Gibes weighs in:
View attachment 2696796
https://archive.ph/Bf2uw
Will Tenacious Alpaca Ranch Defense Systems (T.A.R.D.S) dilate mobilize?
Will Paul Mendoza abandon his serfs in their time of need?

Ah, there’s the Christmas grift, just in time for the feel-good season, with plenty of emotional blackmail about threatening innocent doggos to make you dig deep in that wallet. Kevin’s plastic junk and fuel for the generators won’t fund themselves, and everyone likes a little treat at Christmastime, right?

As predictable as it is pathetic.

 

[WhineMeDineMe69Me]

Hmmm....this new grift sounds familiar...the addition of the oddly specific threats against their dogs (yet no word how where the threats came from...a Twitter DM? Handwritten letter? Written on a brick tossed through a window?) get a few bonus points for creativity. Let's all hope we get some grainy security cam footage of Penny trying to shoot down this mysterious transphobia-drone in the dead of night.

 

[Näkki]

Looking at all those big, fluffy dogs..

Which exactly are the parents again? Did they ever find nice homes for any of the pups or try even? Did they ever get any of them fixed?