Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[rubytintedchix]

Damn Rob, you savage.

“I’m not as ambitious as Jack” translation = I don’t put dumbass shit in my chili. KISS

 

[Aaway]

I like how even in another person's video, in their home, eating a meal that they cooked which actually looks appetizing he has to be an asshole and throw some low key shade. He says the noodles didnt break as if its Charles fault Jack took so many noodles and can't eat them properly. Jack proceeds to take a long strand without twisting them in the fork then uses his bare hand like a troglodyte to pull the noodles from his mouth. He can't even eat like a civilized person. Even toddlers are taught to eat noodles by twisting with a fork.

the best part is charles muttering "well you gotta take a little at a time" in response to jack's comment about the noodles not breaking

you can also see just how triggered jack is that a guy who had been doing youtube for a few months cooked a better looking dish than anything he had made on his "cooking show" in 12 years

 

[introman]

Jack has also promised and bragged about helping Gianna(Fish hook 19's daughter) and did the bare minimum possible.

 

[AnOminous]

Jack has also promised and bragged about helping Gianna(Fish hook 19's daughter) and did the bare minimum possible.

This is a pretty basic recipe and I've literally seen it on the can for Grands, the brand of biscuit they used. It turns out pretty well too. It's just as well Jack didn't "help" too much so it had a chance to turn out decently.

 

[the khat quaffer]

About 5 years ago Jack was working alongside a Christian radio station (94 the fish) and he had a segment where he would basically do his Fat on the Go show but with more background and history of the location. He quit that gig because he didnt really care about researching about the place and just wanted to eat the food (his words). The footage in question is from them doing a promotion for a chili contest at the murder church (not the one he infamously entered). Its not much to look at just that Jack does not have a script and fucks up his lines often because he forgets to talk about the shit the station wants him to say.

That little story reminds me a lot of the character Gil Chesterton from the show Frasier.

Spoiler: off-topic

Gil hosts a call-in radio show called Restaurant Beat, where he talks about...local restaurants. Gil is refined, intelligent, so trim and polite that it's a running joke he's secretly gay. He has his taste buds insured. Most importantly, he's super well-informed about all the restaurants in Seattle, not just the bbq slophouses. In fact he'd probably "steer" clear of those.

He's not featured very prominently since he's a side character. But one review that I'll never forget is how he negatively reviewed a 4-star restaurant due to "dismal decor, perfunctory service, and cuisine that's only marginally preferable to hunger." Unfortunately I can't find a single usable clip of Gil on youtube. Well there is this one, Gil pops in at about 10 seconds.

Gil is like Bizarro Jack. Except for the closet gay thing, I guess.

Jack can't even make his food look edible, or his thumbnails look passable lol!

Charles beat Jack on this one without even trying!

Charles is clearly cheating, having two functioning arms and all. Should be disqualified, probably kept from even getting into murderheaven. I bet he has less than 4 smokers.

 

[Phil Ken Sebben]

Your praying against anger seems to be working keep it up.

Praying against anger? That's the only emotion Mushbrain can feel. Well, that and the endorphin rush he gets when eating.

My favorite part of the Charles arc was the video where he has Jack over as a guest for a recipe video and just mogs the shit out of mushbrain's recipe videos and cooking skills without even trying to. Seethin' Jack makes an appearance around 14:50

Charles always made food that looked good and made you want to eat it. The plating might not be restaurant quality but that's a small quibble. His recipes are good. His technique is good. And I've actually said, "I want to try that". I literally can't recall looking at Mushbrain's food and thinking that it looked like anything other than dog shit.

This is a pretty basic recipe and I've literally seen it on the can for Grands, the brand of biscuit they used. It turns out pretty well too. It's just as well Jack didn't "help" too much so it had a chance to turn out decently.

Mushbrain can only do basic recipes so it's right up his alley.

Gil is like Bizarro Jack. Except for the closet gay thing, I guess.

But Gil did praise a BBQ joint once because he was told the new station manager was from Texas and wanted to butter him up by acting like this BBQ joint he went to was high class.

And yes, Gil is super gay even if he claims to have a wife that nobody has ever seen. I love that show.

 

[FatJacksFatAssTongue]

Don’t know about you, but I’m counting down the days/hours until Jack’s “A Bob Crappit Christmas” upload finally drops. Dozens of ways to fuck up the 3-4 dishes he has planned. No doubt this dumb fat sack of shit will manage to find every one of ‘em

 

[stets]

Do a flip, faggot.

 

[EvilDroid64]

Do a flip, faggot.

A good portion of this video, especially the introduction, has music under what he's saying. This is new, and it's clear he's trying to copy other YouTubers (perhaps Rob) to improve his shit video quality. Does anyone recognize the song he used? The voice sounds like Rod Stewart, but it's entirely possible he used something royalty-free.
He gives another update on the live chats too. They'll be done in his private Facebook group. No link is given to the group and no information is given about when the live chats will be. It's obviously an effort for this thin-skinned bitch to further isolate himself to an echo chamber that consists solely of people he thinks are his fans, and will result in him once again severely limiting his audience.

 

[captkrisma]

A good portion of this video, especially the introduction, has music under what he's saying. This is new, and it's clear he's trying to copy other YouTubers (and perhaps Rob) to improve his shit video quality. Does anyone recognize the song he used? The voice sounds like Rod Stewart, but it's entirely possible he used something royalty-free.
He gives another update on the live chats too. They'll be done in his private Facebook group. No link is given to the group and no information is given about when the live chats will be. It's obviously an effort for this thin-skinned bitch to further isolate himself to an echo chamber that consists solely of people he thinks are his fans, and will result in him once again severely limiting his audience.

He added music to copy pretty much every cooking YouTuber now, but he fails at audio mixing as he seems to be fighting against the song. Another audio mixing tip is to get something that is PURE INSTRUMENTAL, not some jazz scat shit, that way you're not competing against an audio tape.

Jack only wants his very small circle of friends and that faggot Wim to give him ass pats. He's a coward and doesn't understand the death spiral his channel really is in.

EDIT: Jack also proves he just buys whatever imported shit he finds at Kroger. Kerrygold butter was ranked 8th in UK popularity behind Lurpak, Anchor, Country Life (hello Johnny Rotten), and 3/4 of supermarket brands (Tesco, M&S, and Sainsbury. Only Morrison's sold worse). They also lost to a category called "Other Brands", but that could mean anything.

 

[Schmuck of Ages]

Do a flip, faggot.

"It's like how we get our best cheese from Wisconsin"-Someone needs to tell Jack Ireland is its own country.

 

[rubytintedchix]

He’s putting his future live streams in the Facebook groups only (if I’m to believe the lower third)? Are we going to have to make burner Facebook accounts now?

Holy shit, I didn’t know Kerrygold Butter in a container that size. Shop at Sam’s Club, much Jack?

Jack “passed on” the white set of the pop tops (lies - we all know they are in the graveyard)

Changes bowls because he remembers he’s a cripple.

The potatoes look dry as fuck and gluey. Did he over mash them? Not add enough liquid? What?

If this is any indication about how of the rest of the recipes are going to go, we’re in for a real treat.

You can’t even see the end result of the mash in the video. This was a waste of my time.

Edit: fixed a word

 

[Adamska]

Do a flip, faggot.

Quick runthrough because fuck this mashed potatoes are easy:

1. Jack is actively copying Rob with the free music. I almost certainly believe this is him trying to copy him out of petty assache that his videos are more beloved by the hatebase.
2. He's wearing the Elephant shirt, and notedly he's hiding the Butter Gnomes. I guess this is a fresh video and he got really fucking pissed at them being mentioned on the PCLM stream.
2b. Also again, note that he'll keep the ass lube he uses to shove tammy's dildos up his ass and spoon into his mouth out, but loses his shit when his art deco is made fun of besides those shitty ribbons.
3. Also it's a load of shit he's calling this "Old English Mashed Potatoes". It's the most common version I can think of, with only the pomme puree of France being any different tbh.
4. Jack shills his site to again pretend he legitimately cares about his business... he don't.
5. I will grant Jack this: a Victorian Christmas spread is a great idea for a cooking show. Hell, I can see Max Miller's Tasting History or Babish do it. It's just... well they know how to cook.
6. Jack tries to justify why he needed to hoard more crappy containers, and complains about the metal quality. He's also lying about selling his hoard based on what I'm thinking.
6b. Also yeah. It's fucking obvious he's trying to copy Rob. I mean, cool Jack you're trying kind of again. But it's telling that it's because of Narc rage over someone casually outdoing you for fun.
7. Ingredient wise, this is pretty standard for a simple mash. Quite okay actually.
8. And Jack fucks up. Technically you can and I do peel the skin off of a potato to keep it fluffier and smoother. While I'd say the Cratchits might've done a more rustic skin on mash for more nutrients, I won't fault him for removing it. I will fault him for only quartering those taters; biggish chunks are fine, but you do want them to be a bit smaller IMO.
9. He then fucks up AGAIN by using HOT WATER given I see steam pouring out. You're supposed to cold start cook these bad boys in a salt-water bath, since that helps evenly cook them when you boil them. Ironically hot starting is what you do if you hard boil eggs.
10. He doesn't know why you salt the water. It's because the potato will both absorb the flavor and it helps even boiling. I looked up more details and it apparently also lowers the specific heat which means it comes to a boil quicker. On top of that, it slightly raises the boiling temperature too.
10b. Though you best start with this by doing potatoes in a simmer for a good chunk of its cook time rather than a full and roiling boil. Meaning Jack will do a full and roiling boil.
11. Jack actually warns about scum collection; he actually is trying for this one. Fun fact: you can get rid of a decent amount of that if you wash them first after cutting them since it's just free starches usually.
12. No real issue with Jack's scooping plan, though I tend to favor simmering milk rather than microwaving it. I tend to have bad experiences with microwaves in terms of getting them under control.
13. Ricers are even better than a masher, but traditional cooking would use the masher. No issue there.
14. Jack uses his dead arm to hold the handle to try and show that he can totally do this guys.
15. He calls them peppers, and then remarks that he was still thinking about the prison taco soup, I mean "chili" he made that I poured acid salt all over.
15b. #GastrosexualHealing
16. Watching Jack mash potatoes is like watching a streamer intentionally drink poison for a snuff stream; it's just sad and pathetic.
16b. And yes, of course he touches the food he's mashing. Very hygienic.
17. Jack calls the 2/3s done quasi mash done. I expect a lot of chunks and maybe even a few raw bits since he full boiled. It's also probably pretty gluey since he boiled them so hard.
18. Those stupid containers have a rotating lid, but Jack refuses to use it.
19. Jack believes it's purely the milk that gives the mash its creaminess. Not really; it's how hard you mash them.
20. Jack talks about the mashed potatoes that we can't see due to that spite announcement of his livestream. You know, the one that you can't watch due to his terror at being made fun of so he's hiding of FB like a bitch.
21. Jack references one of his shittiest and saddest International Episodes by referencing the Bangers and Mash where he spent more time consulting for the butcher's meat pole than cooking this simple English fare.
22. Jack isn't super thrilled with his final product, but rolls with it. It's likely lumpy but perfectly edible barring the raw bits.
23. Oh sure put your spit riddled fork inside that bowl Jack. Prove to us you're going to scarf it all down and that the fake and gay Keto Diet you LARPed about for so long is dead-dead.
24. British cooking is notably more nuanced than people give it credit for. They after all were the ones to actually invent Tikka Masala off of other Indian fare. And they've done so with other dishes that hail from their empire of old as well. Jack of course doesn't know that.
25. Jack can only taste the butter in this, so I guess his flavor profile is Bacon, Fat, Meat, and Not Meat.
26. He ends the video by threatening to make the sage stuffing. I guess he forgot that the Cratchits also had applesauce as well too.

 

[Joycondrift]

 

[rubytintedchix]

Shazam said the music is:

Ratatouille's Kitchen by Carmen María & Edu Espinal

Edit: link to YouTube

 

[Helvítis Túristi]

Do a flip, faggot.

If Jack wants some old English recipes, tammy should force feed him jellied eels. Although that might be something Jack will end up liking as it reminds him of something he likes.

 

[Random Internet Person]

Lazy Man’s Omelette gets judged.

 

[Doctor of Autism]

Lazy Man’s Omelette gets judged.

Man the fact Jack thought boiling Omelette's would be a good idea really is disgusting.

 

[Sparklepants]

Lazy Man’s Omelette gets judged.

That’s the worst attempt at sous vide egg bites I’ve ever seen.

 

[feral cat #6385]

I wonder how long it would take to mind break Jack into becoming a troon.