Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[salmonellajack]

Were three tacos really necessary...

 

[RL Steinbeck]

I fucking love the contrast between the YT thumbnails and the Archive thumbnails recently. It's like a perception vs reality image.

Perception: Food!

Reality: Stroke face.

it’s wild to me how jack’s chin region is longer than his forehead

 

[ZipDisk]

The first newgrounds flash game I ever played was killing the taco bell dog. The dog would yell "su prende in mi boca"! shortly before it exploded. That dog died a more dignified death than Jack will.

 

[the khat quaffer]

Jesus Christ, I came here to say that he looks like a Goron from The Legend of Zelda with Down syndrome lmao!!

Also, I was wondering when the Jrs will make another Fat On The Go appearance… I bet one Klan is pissed off with the other, like Senior is annoyed he can’t manipulate and control Jr anymore.

View attachment 2784079
Jack really looks like he has down syndrome in this one

He looks like the real life Beetlejuice (real name: Lester Green). Lester has legitimately made the exact same face that Jack is making right here, but I couldn't find a good picture of it.

 

[Chorton]

 

[semitooth]

 

[RL Steinbeck]

View attachment 2784725

jack ahegao

 

[Stasi]

View attachment 2784845
jack ahegao

POV - you are a jumbo sized jar of mayonnaise.

 

[need a user name]

Original:

Archive (480p):
View attachment 2784063

Follows: a transcript of conversation from Jack to Tammy in this video.

Purpose: to demonstrate how horrible it is to be around Jack, by literally transcribing every word he shares with his soulmate in this video. And nothing more.

Out of scope:

• The first 94 seconds of Jack's inane babbling about two restaurants with similar names. (It turns out, a few seconds later, that he got one of the names wrong.)
• Exceptional individual ordering of food and (generally poor) descriptions of what he's seeing.

Final warning: this would probably be hard to read for most everyday human interactions, let alone Jack.

Preamble out of the way, this is what Tammy hears from Jack.

Spoiler

• I'm here for tacos.
• So this is.. this is like a uhh.. Chipotles?
• Ok. Yeah! What is that?
• What's that sauce?
• Yeah one behind it?
• Yeah what's that? Beans?
• Oh those are beans, got it.
• It all looks good!
• Look at it, do you just... nice, alright.
• ...
• Ok I think I'm.. gonna do that.. chicken...
• What'd you do, just one of the barbacoa and two chicken?
• One barbacoa two chicken.
• Oh no I'm doing two barbacoa and one chicken.
• Do what you want-
• I know, I am!
• ...
• What, it's 11.95?
• 11.97.
• What else did you tell me?
• Umm, if you don't pay by cash they charge you three percent more.
• (Jack repeats this to the camera)
• ...
• So, I'm.. what'd I say B plus?
• You said a B.
• B? Nah, I'm give it a B plus.
• ...
• Laredos... uhh...
• Mexican grill.
• (Jack repeats this to the camera)
• ...
• So how's yours?
• Spicy.
• Spicy? Well your throat's a little raspy right now anyway.
• So you're not eating that big long pepper? It's got lots of seeds in it honey! Got a big.. are you serious?
• So, what.. B plus, or would you agree with that or?
• More like an A?
• ...
• Definite A. Straight A right?
• Mmhmm.
• Ok.

There are five instances of him asking about things she has already told him, so he can then repeat this to the camera.

There are another ten or so inane questions. That's more than one per minute they spend together in this video.

At this rate, he whines hundreds of inane questions at her every single day. (That's assuming they spend a couple of hours together per day, after Jack is done with Blues Clues but before Tammy goes out to the gym.) She is literally his carer.

Of course, it might be unfair to assume that Jack is like this in his everyday life. IRL he's probably far worse.

 

[Super Hans]

It's actually wild the camera technology in phones produces DSLR quality pictures at the touch of a screen in all sorts of light conditions.

But jacks pictures continue to look like a point and shoot picture from 2006

I genuinely thought my TV was about to crap out because I did all the calibrating, but Jack's home vids still looked like shit. I don't know how he does it. Sure, the video quality is shit because Jack has no object permanence and has to sit there and watch it encode, but all the colors are blown out too. It looks like he's filming on a 2010-ish budget tablet instead of the high quality camera Tammy bought him.

 

[raticate]

jack scalfani was only in his last year of junior high when chris chan was born

 

[captkrisma]

View attachment 2784079
Jack really looks like he has down syndrome in this one

He looks like one of the extras from Soundgarden's "Black Hole Sun"

Spoiler: I don't see a difference

 

[Bisteca Toblerone]

Jack eats more Tex-Mex in a month than I do all year, and I live in TX. I somewhat feel bad for Tammy because she has to wipe his ass after his spicy food shits so frequently.

I've always hated his deadpan face delivery. This video has a great example after he says the price of the food @4:55.

View attachment 2784170

There is not a damn thought going on in between those ears other than, "Wah Jack am angy!"

 

[Din Djarin]

Follows: a transcript of conversation from Jack to Tammy in this video.

Purpose: to demonstrate how horrible it is to be around Jack, by literally transcribing every word he shares with his soulmate in this video. And nothing more.

Out of scope:

• The first 94 seconds of Jack's inane babbling about two restaurants with similar names. (It turns out, a few seconds later, that he got one of the names wrong.)
• Exceptional individual ordering of food and (generally poor) descriptions of what he's seeing.

Final warning: this would probably be hard to read for most everyday human interactions, let alone Jack.

Preamble out of the way, this is what Tammy hears from Jack.

Spoiler

• I'm here for tacos.
• So this is.. this is like a uhh.. Chipotles?
• Ok. Yeah! What is that?
• What's that sauce?
• Yeah one behind it?
• Yeah what's that? Beans?
• Oh those are beans, got it.
• It all looks good!
• Look at it, do you just... nice, alright.
• ...
• Ok I think I'm.. gonna do that.. chicken...
• What'd you do, just one of the barbacoa and two chicken?
• One barbacoa two chicken.
• Oh no I'm doing two barbacoa and one chicken.
• Do what you want-
• I know, I am!
• ...
• What, it's 11.95?
• 11.97.
• What else did you tell me?
• Umm, if you don't pay by cash they charge you three percent more.
• (Jack repeats this to the camera)
• ...
• So, I'm.. what'd I say B plus?
• You said a B.
• B? Nah, I'm give it a B plus.
• ...
• Laredos... uhh...
• Mexican grill.
• (Jack repeats this to the camera)
• ...
• So how's yours?
• Spicy.
• Spicy? Well your throat's a little raspy right now anyway.
• So you're not eating that big long pepper? It's got lots of seeds in it honey! Got a big.. are you serious?
• So, what.. B plus, or would you agree with that or?
• More like an A?
• ...
• Definite A. Straight A right?
• Mmhmm.
• Ok.

There are five instances of him asking about things she has already told him, so he can then repeat this to the camera.

There are another ten or so inane questions. That's more than one per minute they spend together in this video.

At this rate, he whines hundreds of inane questions at her every single day. (That's assuming they spend a couple of hours together per day, after Jack is done with Blues Clues but before Tammy goes out to the gym.) She is literally his carer.

Of course, it might be unfair to assume that Jack is like this in his everyday life. IRL he's probably far worse.

How has Tammy not lost her mind dealing with that everyday? Or maybe she has because she's still with him.

 

[Wilhelm Bittrich]

Were three tacos really necessary...

For Jack that's just an appetizer.

 

[cuddle striker]

How has Tammy not lost her mind dealing with that everyday? Or maybe she has because she's still with him.

she probably beats him with an orange in a sock so we can't see the bruises. I would.

 

[captkrisma]

Too many ziploc bag omelets got my brain think not good.

Spoiler: I welcome thee, Satan.

One gobbles cocks, the other gobbles...cocks as well, but also cooks a brisket!

 

[Sonic T]

Too many ziploc bag omelets got my brain think not good.

Spoiler: I welcome thee, Satan.

View attachment 2785452View attachment 2785451

One gobbles cocks, the other gobbles...cocks as well, but also cooks a brisket!

He doesn't cook it. He gives it an undignified abortion, films it, and then stuffs it in his half-stroked mouth while going "mmmm so goood"

 

[SteveGoatman]

she probably beats him with an orange in a sock so we can't see the bruises. I would.

It's the Bing Crosby method, guaranteed to be successful!

 

[Wilhelm Bittrich]

she probably beats him with an orange in a sock so we can't see the bruises. I would.

TBH, who wouldn't?