Shitty Etsy Products

[Neurotypical Mantis]

here's my favorite:

Spoiler: lego shrek dick

the fucking delusion. imagine the tearing you could get if you actually tried to use this piece of shit

 

[AMHOLIO]

>16 sales
>5 star average

Good job brick masterbator?

 

[Cats]

I'm sure it has been mentioned already, but the taxidermied animals mixed with doll parts are something I can't believe people buy. But they do.

There are plenty of gross and bizarre taxidermy items on etsy, this doesn't even scratch the surface. From mice dioramas and tiny mouse corpses dressed in victorian fashion, to abominations like these. The fun never ends when the mentally ill are practicing hobbyists. I knew an asian kid in Jr. High who said his dad would go out at night in search of roadkilled animals to steal their bones. He would assemble the bones in the family bathtub and make chimeric terror-creatures out of various different animals. This is the world we live in.

 

[Vingle]

He would assemble the bones in the family bathtub and make chimeric terror-creatures out of various different animals.

People in Animal Crossing do that in the game, so this is the irl equivalent to it.

 

[Neurotypical Mantis]

I'm sure it has been mentioned already, but the taxidermied animals mixed with doll parts are something I can't believe people buy. But they do.

There are plenty of gross and bizarre taxidermy items on etsy, this doesn't even scratch the surface. From mice dioramas and tiny mouse corpses dressed in victorian fashion, to abominations like these. The fun never ends when the mentally ill are practicing hobbyists. I knew an asian kid in Jr. High who said his dad would go out at night in search of roadkilled animals to steal their bones. He would assemble the bones in the family bathtub and make chimeric terror-creatures out of various different animals. This is the world we live in.

sid from toy story leveled the fuck up

 

[AMHOLIO]

Let's cast a spotlight onto everyone's favorite munchie mental illness: DID! That's the new term for multiple personality disorder for kiwis not keeping up. I included plural/systems because they're the same thing.

First up: buttons! Wearable warning signs that you are a handful and probably have a twitter with terrible takes on it:


The font is so tiny. If you see a person from 5ft away or more you're going to have a hard time not calling them something else first. Also holy shit, you're going to have to lecture people every time they see your button on what that means. How many people know what "fronting" is, let alone DID?

Not my trope, but a lot of personalities tend to be only made of tropes and cliches so whatever. Free ribbon if you buy 10 for some reason.

Spoiler: a few more

Imagine having to carry that little marker with you everywhere.


The art on these is so wonky.


I like this one more than the pins, but man is that font embarrassing and hard to read.

Don't like badges? How about a few other wearables?

I don't keep up with the DID threads but I'm sure someone here has spotted these out on a minicow's youtube somewhere. These guys are super popular.

Finally, a shirt for munchausens by proxy sufferers. Eight sales overall on this seller's etsy is encouraging at least.

Spoiler: two more

I'm glad no one actually had to model these shirts since this and the DID mom one are custom mass production tshirts. Thanks random models.

This isn't exactly how most people use a stencil, but alright. Not a fan of patches that have frayed ends, illegible font, and took less than 5 minutes to make.

Apparently the DID pride flag looks like school colors if Halloween had a school. A bit too gaudy and meaningless for me.

These people manufacturing all these cards seem punchable:

At least this is good for caretakers to have on them while you dissociate, bad if you have to carry them yourself and have an episode. Great for muchies.


I love this. A "fictive" is a personality that is or is based off a fictional character. This sticker is amazing.

That's enough telling people about your disorder, time to focus inwards with some worksheets.

Spoiler: my only comment is "lol"

I have a few more fun searches I'll post later. Happy holiday shopping everyone!

 

[Cats]

I FULLY support there being a wide variety of articles of clothing or faggy little tchotchkes that these kinds of people can wear on their person to identify their "preferences". That way I know what they don't want to be called. It's like if people wore a big sign that said "Here are my weaknesses, but please don't use them against me". Those pins and shirts and flags and trinkets are an expressway to bullying these lunatics with maximum efficiency AND doing so on the sly. It is even funnier that they wear them with the expectation that you WON'T call them whatever label it is they are running away from.

 

[Micotil 300]

My sister called a few days ago and told me to search "vagina shoes" on Etsy. I have no idea why she and her friends were searching for a pair of vagina shoes, but I'm glad they did... it brings up three whole pages of hilarity (but not a lot of actual footwear, sadly).

A lot of these shops have 5-star ratings. Who keeps buying this stuff?!

 

[behavioral swamp thang]

My sister called a few days ago and told me to search "vagina shoes" on Etsy. I have no idea why she and her friends were searching for a pair of vagina shoes, but I'm glad they did... it brings up three whole pages of hilarity (but not a lot of actual footwear, sadly).

A lot of these shops have 5-star ratings. Who keeps buying this stuff?!

View attachment 2797360

Honey, that ain't no switch.

 

[Micotil 300]

Also... this. They're well made, certainly, but why? Why does anyone need to wear genitalia on their head? And the worst part: the seller doesn't offer an option for a dick/dick or vag/vag pair of hats. How heteronormative of them.

I would imagine the type of people who express their sexuality by buying this crap probably are the type to take offense to that.

Crochet Penis Vagina Hat Sexy Gift Bachelor Groom Knitted | Etsy

Beautiful hat from Tetiana Knits is great gift for a funny anniversary, Man Cave, Bachelor pad or even Groomsmen gifts. You can choose from penis, vagina, boobie. This scarf is made with warm wool yarn to keep you warm in winter. Size is one size and fits men and women. All items in my shop are in

www.etsy.com

 

[Pope Negro Joe XIII 2]

here's my favorite:

Spoiler: lego shrek dick

View attachment 2796506

the fucking delusion. imagine the tearing you could get if you actually tried to use this piece of shit

If it's canon that Shrek has a pincer dick Fiona is one weird princess.

 

[NoReturn]

I love this. A "fictive" is a personality that is or is based off a fictional character. This sticker is amazing.

It gets better.
I've run into "fictives" who think they literally are that character. Like they were that character in a past life and got isekaied to our world.

My sister called a few days ago and told me to search "vagina shoes" on Etsy. I have no idea why she and her friends were searching for a pair of vagina shoes, but I'm glad they did... it brings up three whole pages of hilarity (but not a lot of actual footwear, sadly).

A lot of these shops have 5-star ratings. Who keeps buying this stuff?!

View attachment 2797360

That's an actual photo. That's a real human being. Does he know this is how his image is being used? That some middle-aged woman in the midwest is flicking his rectangular dick on the regular?

 

[The Southwest Strangla]

I'm sure it has been mentioned already, but the taxidermied animals mixed with doll parts are something I can't believe people buy. But they do.

There are plenty of gross and bizarre taxidermy items on etsy, this doesn't even scratch the surface. From mice dioramas and tiny mouse corpses dressed in victorian fashion, to abominations like these. The fun never ends when the mentally ill are practicing hobbyists. I knew an asian kid in Jr. High who said his dad would go out at night in search of roadkilled animals to steal their bones. He would assemble the bones in the family bathtub and make chimeric terror-creatures out of various different animals. This is the world we live in.

this freaks me out. like a lot. wtf

 

[Gilkore]

Let's cast a spotlight onto everyone's favorite munchie mental illness: DID! That's the new term for multiple personality disorder for kiwis not keeping up. I included plural/systems because they're the same thing.

First up: buttons! Wearable warning signs that you are a handful and probably have a twitter with terrible takes on it:

View attachment 2796983
The font is so tiny. If you see a person from 5ft away or more you're going to have a hard time not calling them something else first. Also holy shit, you're going to have to lecture people every time they see your button on what that means. How many people know what "fronting" is, let alone DID?
View attachment 2796980
Not my trope, but a lot of personalities tend to be only made of tropes and cliches so whatever. Free ribbon if you buy 10 for some reason.

Spoiler: a few more

View attachment 2796979
Imagine having to carry that little marker with you everywhere.

View attachment 2796982
The art on these is so wonky.

View attachment 2796981
I like this one more than the pins, but man is that font embarrassing and hard to read.

Don't like badges? How about a few other wearables?
View attachment 2797008
I don't keep up with the DID threads but I'm sure someone here has spotted these out on a minicow's youtube somewhere. These guys are super popular.
View attachment 2797009
Finally, a shirt for munchausens by proxy sufferers. Eight sales overall on this seller's etsy is encouraging at least.

Spoiler: two more

View attachment 2797010
I'm glad no one actually had to model these shirts since this and the DID mom one are custom mass production tshirts. Thanks random models.
View attachment 2797011
This isn't exactly how most people use a stencil, but alright. Not a fan of patches that have frayed ends, illegible font, and took less than 5 minutes to make.
View attachment 2797028
Apparently the DID pride flag looks like school colors if Halloween had a school. A bit too gaudy and meaningless for me.

These people manufacturing all these cards seem punchable:
View attachment 2797029
At least this is good for caretakers to have on them while you dissociate, bad if you have to carry them yourself and have an episode. Great for muchies.

View attachment 2797030
I love this. A "fictive" is a personality that is or is based off a fictional character. This sticker is amazing.

That's enough telling people about your disorder, time to focus inwards with some worksheets.
View attachment 2797031

Spoiler: my only comment is "lol"

View attachment 2797032View attachment 2797033View attachment 2797034View attachment 2797035View attachment 2797036View attachment 2797037View attachment 2797038View attachment 2797039

I have a few more fun searches I'll post later. Happy holiday shopping everyone!

Thanks, I now believe in demon possession.

It gets better.
I've run into "fictives" who think they literally are that character. Like they were that character in a past life and got isekaied to our world.

That's an actual photo. That's a real human being. Does he know this is how his image is being used? That some middle-aged woman in the midwest is flicking his rectangular dick on the regular?

That's just ol Mark Walburg, and judging by his music career in the 90s before he got into acting, dude knows that middle-aged Midwestern ladies have been thinking about his junk for decades already.

 

[AMHOLIO]

It gets better.
I've run into "fictives" who think they literally are that character. Like they were that character in a past life and got isekaied to our world.

I love them, they're one of my favorite types of batshit. I wish we had a working otherkin and fickin thread. They're my favorite to complain about since even the harder sjw of my friendship circle will join in.

Thanks, I now believe in demon possession.

I got a few other searches to post but "demon posession" from edgelords to religiouslords souns like a great search topic! I DID find several people trying to help you sell your soul and make a pact with demons a while back in the thread at least.

 

[The Southwest Strangla]

My sister called a few days ago and told me to search "vagina shoes" on Etsy. I have no idea why she and her friends were searching for a pair of vagina shoes, but I'm glad they did... it brings up three whole pages of hilarity (but not a lot of actual footwear, sadly).

A lot of these shops have 5-star ratings. Who keeps buying this stuff?!

View attachment 2797360

that light switch is dirty ew

 

[spicweeb]

Another dildo from Etsy

 

[GenociderSyo]

Wasn't entirely sure where this fit but saw this on ThriftStoreArt yesterday:

 

[TapewormSalesman]

Wasn't entirely sure where this fit but saw this on ThriftStoreArt yesterday:
View attachment 2828124View attachment 2828125View attachment 2828126View attachment 2828127

Oh good Lord, how I want to see this one without the mask(?).

 

[Micotil 300]

A completely unrelated search for jewelry turned up this abomination. If you've ever wanted a Hairy Pink Eye Sexy Man Bikini (God, that's a horrifying sentence), you can have one for the completely reasonable price of $20.

Spoiler: Hairy Pink Eye Sexy Man Bikini