Careercow Robert Chipman / Bob / Moviebob / "Movieblob" - Middle-Aged Consoomer, CWC with a Thesaurus, Ardent Male Feminist and Superior Futurist, the Twice-Fired, the Mario-Worshipper, publicly dismantled by Hot Dog Girl, now a diabetic

[JayHarrison]

I'd love it if one of Bob's movie pitches got produced, 100% faithful to his original vision. He's so far removed from normal human behavior or thinking that any story or characters he come up with will be amazingly bad. Take all the worst parts of Last Jedi, put them in the last season of Game of Thrones and then merge all of that with Sonichu and My Immortal.

In fact, let's make a comprehensive list of stuff he's pitched, seriously or semi-jokingly. All I can remember off the top of my head is his Reversed Terminator and his idea for a Hamilton-style rap musical about the life of Karl Marx.

Let's assume, for a moment, that any Moviebob-written screenplay actually gets green-lit, produced, and screened for critics. I'd be genuinely surprised (more accurately, frightened) if the Rotten Tomatoes aggregation for Moviebob's work gets any Fresh ratings from film critics not named Bob Chipman.

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Sonic 3 has Mushroom Hill.

That was Sonic & Knuckles, actually.

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At any rate, why does [sic] Robert and his misbegotten kind despise Elon Musk so? [...] I remember most people being all over him in admiration just a couple of years ago. What happened? I know that Musk has at least once openly displayed his contempt for modern-day journalism. Is this what made him persona non grata to the political left?

Elon Musk must've been red-pilled at some point between 2015 and today. That's the only explanation that I can come up with.

 

[Nobue]

A year? That's exceedingly generous of you. Try an entire lifetime; nay, lifetimes.

"Kind of"? I'd say there's a reason Robert manages to tickle peoples inner A-log something fierce, and I believe it's because his boorish personality, coupled with his extraordinary uselessness, is so very offensive to actually useful, kind and intelligent people of this world, rather than being just a bit offensive.

At any rate, why does Robert and his misbegotten kind despise Elon Musk so? I know it's not just Robert. I remember most people being all over him in admiration just a couple of years ago. What happened? I know that Musk has at least once openly displayed his contempt for modern-day journalism. Is this what made him persona non grata to the political left?

He didn't hate Trump like they wanted, if I remember right. I can hardly keep straight who commite woke crime at this point

 

[AirdropShitposts]

Coincidentally, Joe Rogan has saved more people's lives in 2021 than Moviebob ever has:
View attachment 2797221

I looked it up. There was no article or anything that explained what he's talking about. But since I am a self-proclaimed THINKER I figured it out. Dexter Holland wrote his 2017 PhD about mRNA sequences in HIV. From this, MovieBob, THINKER, concludes that Dexter Holland saved millions of people's lives because two of the COVID vaccines also used mRNA.

Here's the rest of the facts you may wish to know to evaluate MovieBob's, THINKER, claim in this tweet: mRNA was first discovered in the 1960s, mRNA vaccines were first theorized in the 1970s, they existed by the 1990s in labs for animals and the first mRNA vaccine for humans was tested in 2013, four years before Dexter Holland's paper. Which again, is not about vaccines, it's simply about mRNA sequences within HIV. There is no HIV vaccine, though Moderna thinks that thanks to Dexter Holland's research, er, their experience with the COVID vaccine, that they may be able to advance further towards one than previously.

 

[Smithfield Ham]

Alright, I couldn't get this idea out of my head, so I'm following through with it. Me and the boys at the lab got curious, and we wondered what one of MovieBob's pitches would be like if it were actually produced. To make it more interesting, we decided to follow a few simple rules to keep it as Bobian as possible:

1) MovieBob has complete creative control, or at least a director who's sympathetic to his vision
2) No test screenings. The opinions of the masses don't matter. IT'S ART!
3) It must stay as close to Bob's original pitch as possible, no matter how bad or stupid. MovieBob's vision is perfect!

Without further ado, me and the boys from the lab present our ultra-perfect speculative synopsis simulation of: ROBERT CHIPMAN'S TERMINATOR!

The first act of the movie is pretty much a 1-1 retelling of the original movie, this is to both set up the expectations that will later be subverted and to fill in as much nostalgia-bait and self-referential shit as possible. "The Terminator said 'I'll be back!' and I CLAPPED!" kind of things. But the twist is, the robot seems to only be going after Kyle Rease, and it's more like he's dragging Sarah Conner along for the ride. The first big shocker of the film is that the Terminator is defeated like 30 minutes in, and everybody's like "whaaaaaaat?" didn't expect that!

The second act of the movie is a confused Sarah Conner being drug along by a paranoid and creepy Kyle Rease on a bunch of errands to stockpile weapons and track down Skynet. Parts of his story don't add up and Sarah is starting to get suspicious. There's a subplot about some psychotic demagogue politician is running for president and he's a thinly-veiled Trump allegory. Sarah Conner hates him, but Kyle Rease tries to tell her that in the future he's very well respected and did a lot of great things. Sarah is skeptical and the end up getting into a political argument where Rease mansplains to her.

Then, the next big twist is revealed. Late at night, Sarah Conner snoops around and finds Kyle's secrets plans: he's planning a terrorist attack to blow up Skynet and all the people inside, *and* as a bonus for Bob's political views: he's planning to storm the capital with a group of terrorists to take over the whole country! Sarah confronts Kyle, who reveals there was no nuclear apocalypse. The real reasons is the robots took his jerb and forced him and everyone he knew or loved in his small town into crippling poverty. One half of the world lives in perfect luxury, and the other half lives in squalor. To try to make the audience root for the "good guys" more, you could also include some things in the flashback to make the rednecks seem more evil, like make them bigots or imply losing their jerbs was their own fault, or have them kick puppies. Basically tack everything we can to make sure the audience knows they're bad.

(This is assuming Bob would have the self-awareness to realize people wouldn't automatically sympathize with the machines and the rich people. Which he probably wouldn't have, but we have to be as generous as possible.)

The real reason Kyle Rease was so obsessed with Sarah Conner? She was going to be this universe's first female president, beating the evil politician in a landslide after his first term! Kyle wanted to subvert her to make sure the plan succeeded. They have a fight and Sarah escapes, then she has a cooooool action scene where she steals the remains of the Terminator robot from police lockup in a scene that mirrors the police station attack from the first movie (but Sarah Conner is a Disney-product hero, so she doesn't kill anybody.)

The third act is Sarah Conner going to Skynet and helping them prepare for the attack, and begging them to reverse-engineer the Terminator and hopefully reactivate it. Kyle Rease goes to a political meeting for the evil politician's supporters which is led by his past self, and convinces all the rednecks there to join him in an angry mob and attack Skynet. The movie then becomes like a remake of Assault on Precinct 13 (this is the only cool thing about the film) where all the rednecks attack the scientists' laboratory and start killing people and destroying things. Sarah and the scientists try to fight them off and there's lots of shooting and explosions, and right when all seems lost: the scientists reactivate the Terminator and it helps them slaughter all the rednecks in a brutal bloodbath. Thus, the movie reaches its climax at the same time Bob does in the theater.

In the end, Kyle is defeated when the Terminator crushes his past-self with a giant computer, causing future-Kyle to scream "nooooooo" as he fades out of existence. The allegory is so painfully obvious, but Sarah says it out loud for dummies who don't get it: "He was destroyed by the future!" the movie even ends with a monologue like the first two, where Sarah Conner says the future is totally awesome and everyone needs to either get on board with it or be left behind.

EDIT: I forgot, the Marvel style post-credits sequence that sets up the sequel! In the future, the evil resistance of white trash mayoghouls has just found out Kyle Rease has died, and they go to the tell the leader, who's cloaked in shadows. He talks all mysterious and spooky, and he turns around to reveal that he's the evil Trump analog, and he's also a cyborg now! Oooh! What's gonna happen next? Why is he part robot if he hates machines? What's his plan for Sarah Conner? Tune in next product to find out!

Obviously, the reaction from normal people will be disgust, anger and annoyance. Some people will just call it "too political" but they'll be the nice ones. Others will call it a disgusting, violent revenge fantasy against the working class made by sociopaths. It will be a hit with critics as insane as MovieBob, but everyone else will despise it and it'll bomb. Ironically, for all the movie's hot air about how good the future is and how those who resist it should be destroyed, history will not be kind to it.

We hope you enjoyed this absurd look into an alternate reality.

 

[Adamska]

@Therealhomor

That's really bold of you to assume Bob EVER watched Assault on Precinct 13 or would hire a director that would deign to reduce himself into making it. Since he mostly seems to just watch blockbuster schlock, it'd probably be something far stupider.

Still I think you STILL made this too smart for this to be a bob work. You gave it your best, but you can't recreate the delusional arrogance that Bob had when he shat out that Care Bears or Captain Planet pitch.

 

[EnemyStand]

@Therealhomor Very nice synopsis, misspelling Kyle Reese's last name really adds that Bobian flair. 8/10 would read autistic what-ifs again. Only other note is the movie is too clever for Bob.

 

[Felis Meanis]

@Therealhomor
You're a genius. Thank you for your service in the field of Bobology.

 

[Smithfield Ham]

Care Bears or Captain Planet pitch.

Oh dear god, I have to see these. I went out of my way to write the stupidest fucking thing possible. If Bob actually did worse I need to see it with my own eyes.

 

[Grumpy Pickle Rick]

Oh dear god, I have to see these. I went out of my way to write the stupidest fucking thing possible. If Bob actually did worse I need to see it with my own eyes.

No.

Trust me, you DO NOT want to see those.

Also, I commend you on your previous post. It was so Bob-like I couldn’t finish reading it. Well done.

 

[Adamska]

Oh dear god, I have to see these. I went out of my way to write the stupidest fucking thing possible. If Bob actually did worse I need to see it with my own eyes.

Here's the link to his horrid Care Bears Script. This one is easily his shittiest.
Here's the link to his smoothbrained take on Captain Planet. Libera te tutumet ex inferis.
I must share your pain. Here is his horrid Mega Man script.

Now you see. You understand.

 

[BubbleButt]

Did he ever finish a Mario Bros spec script or just that retarded "Brooklyn thing"?

 

[Ralph Barnhardt]

Oh dear god, I have to see these. I went out of my way to write the stupidest fucking thing possible. If Bob actually did worse I need to see it with my own eyes.

the tl;dr of the Care Bares pitch is Paradise Lost with care bares. That's not us being cute or reading too much into it. It's Bob's own words

@Adamska was not kidding. Reading through them is dense with experiences beyond your comprehension. If you do not stroke out, you will be changed.

 

[Smithfield Ham]

View attachment 2797914
Here's the link to his horrid Care Bears Script. This one is easily his shittiest.
Here's the link to his smoothbrained take on Captain Planet. Libera te tutumet ex inferis.
I must share your pain. Here is his horrid Mega Man script.

Now you see. You understand.

HP Lovecraft once said (paraphrasing here) that the human mind's greatest mercy was the inability to comprehend certain horrors. I guess he's right, because this shit is fucking stupid, but it's also REALLY FUCKING LONG AND BORING. I couldn't finish any of them. I get a few paragraphs in, and then my eyes glaze over and I stop retaining any information.

I guess that's why people said my take wasn't stupid enough. As overly long as it was, it was only a fifth the length of any of these.

 

[Tronathon242]

the tl;dr of the Care Bares pitch is Paradise Lost with care bares. That's not us being cute or reading too much into it. It's Bob's own words
View attachment 2797964
@Adamska was not kidding. Reading through them is dense with experiences beyond your comprehension. If you do not stroke out, you will be changed.

The Care Bears script isn't only like Paradise Lost, it's structured like a Marvel movie replete with villain creation, a teaser for a sequel and a post credits scene.

 

[Woe-B-Gon (TM)]

"Who's your Person of the Year, Bob?" Intellectually bankrupt film critic gives equally intellectually bankrupt response:View attachment 2797216.

I just posted the Spider-Man comic, it's too soon to use it again.

Damn, he couldn't even look up someone like a Nobel Laureate and go "This guy won a Nobel Prize for something important and no one's ever heard of him, why not him?" No, he had to go digging into his spank bank and find a "ur mom lol" image.

Coincidentally, Joe Rogan has saved more people's lives in 2021 than Moviebob ever has:
View attachment 2797221

??? Based off that phrasing he thinks the guy made the vaccine. It's the only thing that'd fit "hundreds of thousands".

I looked it up. There was no article or anything that explained what he's talking about.

You found a hell of a lot more than I did; thank you!

But since I am a self-proclaimed THINKER I figured it out. Dexter Holland wrote his 2017 PhD about mRNA sequences in HIV. From this, MovieBob, THINKER, concludes that Dexter Holland saved millions of people's lives because two of the COVID vaccines also used mRNA.

... that's like saying I'm CEO of Walmart because we've both received FedEx packages. Is there anything that builds proteins that doesn't use messenger RNA? I haven't touched cellular biology in like a quarter century but I was pretty sure that whole "mRNA contains the list of amino acids the ribosome puts together to form a protein" thing was fundamental. A central dogma, if you will. (Heh.)

Here's the rest of the facts you may wish to know to evaluate MovieBob's, THINKER, claim in this tweet: mRNA was first discovered in the 1960s, mRNA vaccines were first theorized in the 1970s, they existed by the 1990s in labs for animals and the first mRNA vaccine for humans was tested in 2013, four years before Dexter Holland's paper. Which again, is not about vaccines, it's simply about mRNA sequences within HIV. There is no HIV vaccine, though Moderna thinks that thanks to Dexter Holland's research, er, their experience with the COVID vaccine, that they may be able to advance further towards one than previously.

So... Donald Trump had infinitely more influence on the vaccine than this guy ever did. Yep, sounds like a Bob conclusion, all right.

 

[Godzilla@1989]

Just like the past five years, Bob’s crocodile tears were probably really hard when he saw Hillary’s would have been victory speech.

Trump broke Bob the way he broke Hillary.

 

[make_it_so]

I'd love it if one of Bob's movie pitches got produced, 100% faithful to his original vision. He's so far removed from normal human behavior or thinking that any story or characters he come up with will be amazingly bad. Take all the worst parts of Last Jedi, put them in the last season of Game of Thrones and then merge all of that with Sonichu and My Immortal.

In fact, let's make a comprehensive list of stuff he's pitched, seriously or semi-jokingly. All I can remember off the top of my head is his Reversed Terminator and his idea for a Hamilton-style rap musical about the life of Karl Marx.

A Bob-produced film would be an Ed Wood movie but without any of the charm.

 

[Positron]

Elon Musk is just a weirdo born rich:


Bobby projects his lust after Jen Psaki onto Peter Doocy:

For the record Psaki's answer was essentially "Call the police. Next".

Bobby, who never had a job apart from stocking Blockbuster's shelves, understands the situation of a high-stress, high-responsibility occupation such as a police officer -- not to mention public finance and administration.



I'm curious what Bobby's "new concept of The Police" is, and I'm surprised he didn't mention Boston Dynamics.

Bobby educates a Canuck as to the intricacy of American racial policy. He thinks white Boomers saw Obama as the Black Jesus who absolved their racial sins, but we all know, as they didn't, that racial sins can never, ever be absolved. The two articles cited by the OP (1, 2; the first article refused to connect)



Good for knowing your place Bobby. You're a very good boy.

Chris Wallace left Fox News:


Assange:

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Mask mandate really is a class problem:

Isn't "everything is political"?

Man goes on an profanity-laden tirade because the Make A Wish Foundation rejected a 4-year-old child because he was not vaccinated:


Indeed this looks like either a case of confusion with air-travel restrictions, or a downright hoax:


Peter Coffin on ideologies and vaccines:


The convo goes south immediately after Bobby joined, and he resorts to spaming gif of the Fonz.




Lass_Library concludes:

Pretty big words from an e-beggar.



Almost 360000+ children went missing in a year is not a problem. An unfortunate coinage is:

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Bobby had enough. You obsolete "humans" ruined cinemas and got rid of precious jerbs! We must "work together", whatever that means.



See how people always blame other people for their fun being no more? Aggressive Negotiations lists a host of valid reasons that hold with or without covid, but these children only focus on "those assholes who are not like us!!!!!!"

A director of Superior Future (Playlist article)


Feige's hissy fit continues (Another Playlist article)






MCU good. Rowling bad.




Videa:




I don't know what this is about.

 

[AirdropShitposts]

So... Donald Trump had infinitely more influence on the vaccine than this guy ever did. Yep, sounds like a Bob conclusion, all right.

Well, to be fair, I also found a total of one interview on a very obscure music website that I know Robert has never seen where Dexter Holland said people should get vaccinated at the end of it.

I don't know if Donald Trump has ever said anything like that. Especially to large crowds in public that were televised. And relating his own experience and decision about it. Or ever touted something possibly named Operation Warp Speed. Really, it's impossible to know who did more for the vaccines, Donald Trump or Dexter Holland. Consider this, if Hillary had won, we wouldn't have even needed the vaccines as we'd have uploaded our minds into robot bodies on Mars to watch Shang Chi. So I'm leaning towards Dexter Holland.

 

[glib]

The people who lock us down have more power over us than the virus, Bob.

They could snap their fingers and the pandemic would end.

Bob put down the spike proteins, and realize this is the future you deserve.