The Cole Smithey Thread

[longlurk new accunt]

lol is this what this thread has devolved into? Needing drawn testimony to prove Cole isn't a family hating monster? We can all agree Barb is an awful mother and person but outside of Chris' incest bullshit, she is also a victim in Cole not wanting to talk to her again?

I can't wait for the Aunt Harriet Trial Thread.

Well it's not meant like that, just an illustration of what cole claims which you can find either as proof or disproof I guess. If the ricochets don't come off at the angle they hit at then the hallway needs to get really kinda long for coles described scenario to be even possible , those specifics do make the story sound kinda bullshit, ricochets don't generally operate in series like a billiard ball which his story needs. Obviously cole doesn't like barb and could've just come up with a bs story but I would find it more likely that the bs story is based on some happening and his child mind at the time didn't process it completely what had actually happened.

Also did they really do that kind of stuff where they lived? just smash a random steel door at an apartment building to get in for raping and pillaging? wouldn't someone call the cops for a shooting regardless?

 

[Dread First]

lol is this what this thread has devolved into? Needing drawn testimony to prove Cole isn't a family hating monster? We can all agree Barb is an awful mother and person but outside of Chris' incest bullshit, she is also a victim in Cole not wanting to talk to her again?

I can't wait for the Aunt Harriet Trial Thread.

I personally don't like Cole. I think he's a pretentious faggot who needs to get his head out of his own ass. With this in mind, I don't fault Cole for not wanting to be around Barb (much less associate with Barb in any capacity). Even if we knew nothing about his upbringing, Barb's treatment of Chris gives us a good reference point to infer what kind of parent she was to Cole.

Also, let's not forget that Barb (up until recently) lives with his infinitely more "popular" brother. Barb's entire life has been under the proverbial microscope ever since Chris was discovered back in 2007. Even if Cole wanted to interact with Barb, even on a "I don't forgive you, but I still wanna be civil" level, what's stopping Cole's entire life from unravelling the moment that he sets foot into 14BC?

Chris has no filter in all the worst possible ways. If Cole and his wife decided to fly out to Charlottesville and take a cab to 14BC, Chris would've blabbed on YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, and all the other platforms he had a presence on that his estranged half-brother is visiting. He made a huge spectacle when Barb allegedly received flowers from Cole last year, so I can only imagine what would've happened if he showed up at 14BC with that stupid trilby and said "Hi" for the first time in 15 years.

Even if Barb had the sweetest personality imaginable and that all the things we know about Barb's life prior to having Chris was a lie, that still doesn't change the fact that Barb herself is an extremely difficult person to live with. She's a compulsive hoarder who's in toxic levels of debt specifically because she can't control her unhinged spending. Cole isn't independently wealthy, but legally speaking: he married into a rich family. Even if Cole wanted to fly Barb up to NYC to live with him and his family, what's stopping Cole's wife (or her family) from saying "no fucking way?" 14BC is a full-on house and it burned to the ground because the hoard got that bad. Cole lives in an overpriced apartment in Manhattan. They'd get evicted the moment that one of the neighbours complains that the hoard is blocking out a window.

Also, to play devil's advocate for a moment: who's to say that Cole isn't doing something behind the scenes? Cole is certainly aware of what happened to Barb, considering how half his tweets got deleted because weens kept quote-tweeting them by bringing up the incest shit. If Cole is cooperating with Ruckersville in any capacity, if he's making any living arrangements for Barb on her behalf, if he's even talking to Barb on the phone, why the fuck should he advertise this information? Chris's entire infamy stems from his complete inability to keep his mouth shut. If Cole's actually being proactive about Barb's situation in whatever way possible, it would be in his best interest to keep it on a "need-to-know" basis. His followers on Twitter, the 10-20 viewers he has on his videos, and the people who read his reviews on Rotten Tomatoes don't need to know about his thoughts about his tard brother who raped their senile mother; they just want to know.

I'm not saying you shouldn't shit on Cole. There's a million reasons to do that. However, shitting on Cole for not doing anything about Barb in the present day is fucking retarded. There's no conceivable angle you can look at this situation and justify Cole being the bad guy. I've said it before and I'll say it again: if the circumstances were such that Cole was legally obligated to make arrangements for Barb, the most he'd do is just foot the bill for a home. That's it. That's just my personal take though. With all the variables I listed above, who knows what's going on behind the scenes?

 

[The Dude]

The gun story is pretty suspect. Unless they were living in a ground floor apartment with concrete floors, there is virtually no chance of a ricochet like Cole describes. The bullet would have likely either lodged itself into, or gone through a wood floor. Same thing with a sheetrock or plasterboard wall. Depending on how old the, I assume, revolver was, it may have fired with the hammer partially pulled back and slipping from under Barb's thumb, but typically not. Even older revolvers made before transfer bar safeties typically are timed so that the next chamber doesn't advance fully to the firing position until the hammer is fully to the rear either by thumbing the hammer back, or by fully pulling the trigger to the rear on a double-action/single-action revolver. Now, if it was an automatic with a round in the chamber that would be more plausible, especially with an older auto with fewer safety features. But I'm guessing that if the situation actually happened then Cole is either embellishing, or remembers it wrong.

 

[Pointless Sperg]

ricochets don't generally operate in series like a billiard ball which his story needs.

Barb is secretly Revolver Ocelot.

 

[McSneaks]

Why is there more than one person too stupid to understand that cole didn't literally watch a bullet bounce off walls and simply is relaying the event as he encoded it being young as he was or the way someone told him it bounced off this and that and this. who knows. but to jump to "he's an evil alternate dimension chris making up stories" because you dips are so autistic you think he literally watched a bullet bounce around and miss him

 

[Dylan]

What the fuck...
This thread is supreme autismo.
Are you even aware how stupid you are writing walls of texts about a guy who just doesn't want to see his ugly narcissistic mother who lives in a literal dump and who raised a literal motherfucker.

 

[BScCollateral]

I have no idea if Cole made up the bullet story from scratch, or if something like it happened or what. But I do think it's only fair to give someone near an unexpected weapons firing the benefit of a doubt when they include unlikely or impossible details.
My grandfather had a war story I do not believe is likely. I don't think he was a liar; I think he was a kid who quite properly had the shit scared out of him.

 

[RandomPotato]

Cole Smithey has never had anything to do with the Chandlers, even before since Chris got doxxed all those years ago on 4chan. Their relationship has been basically non existent. Same as with Chri's other half siblings from Bob's side.
Other than what Chris has doxxed through the years. Cole Smithey has had nothing to do with the Chandlers at all. The last thing i saw was that Cole had sent some flowers to Barbara. Due to Chris making a video about it. Perhaps it was a reconciliation from Cole's part to try and get back together.
However, It went all out the window and dashed forever since he undoubtedly learned that his retarded insane half brother had been raping their mother several times per week.
The relationship was strained from before for decades with no to minimum contact, and i would not be surprised or be shocked at all, if Cole has once and for all ended all kinds of relationship with the Chandlers.

 

[Holdek]

The last thing i saw was that Cole had sent some flowers to Barbara. Due to Chris making a video about it. Perhaps it was a reconciliation from Cole's part to try and get back together.

What’s more likely: that Cole decided to send his estranged mother flowers out of the blue, or that a troll sent them claiming to be Cole?

 

[Kosher Dill]

Do you think it's possible to get Chris paroled for a couple of days this Christmas to go and rape Cole?

 

[Michael Janke]

since this is a cole thread, how about we feature coles movie reviews?
it seems he abuses the hell out of the thesaurus function on Microsoft word to write these reviews
You won’t find any pity in “Los Olvidados,” but you will experience the full effect of Buñuel’s unvarnished filmic system of delivering onion layers of social realism. Think for yourself. You want a deep-dive filmic social study relevant to today, you've got it.
"The Social Dilemma" is the most important documentary of 2020 if you're smart and free enough to take its dire message that social media is a Frankenstein monster killing us like insects drawn to it's grotesque fascination.

In the face of Hollywood's drought of humane Cinema comes an understated exposé of staggering editorial substance.

Cinema is dead. Here is your proof.

Hindered by faulty construction and lax editing that tires out the audience long before its two-hour run time passes, "Rocketman" is nonetheless an energetic fantasy version of Elton John's incredible career in music.

...an inept magical realist story infused with a tone-deaf sense of humor and a vague sense of thematic direction.

 

[AnOminous]

since this is a cole thread, how about we feature coles movie reviews?

Nobody actually cares about Cole other than his relationship to a dude who repeatedly raped his own mother.

He's a pathetic joke who thinks people will pay him money to drink a craft beer with him, even though they would probably choose to pay more to drink a craft beer and not having him there would be the premium.

Imagine paying $9 for a craft beer in a mug. Now, imagine what you'd pay for the same craft beer but you'd have Cole there. It would be $4 at the most. You'd literally pay more just NOT to have this cocksucker there. You'd pay a homeless person to replace Cole.

Also I just noticed, statues are available on this thread. Please throw me some of them, this is my favorite rating. Also I went back and just rated every post in this thread for a page back with one of those beautiful Easter Island statues. Not sure why nool decided this was a rating, but it delights me.

 

[Pointless Sperg]

Nobody actually cares about Cole other than his relationship to a dude who repeatedly raped his own mother.

He's a pathetic joke who thinks people will pay him money to drink a craft beer with him, even though they would probably choose to pay more to drink a craft beer and not having him there would be the premium.

Imagine paying $9 for a craft beer in a mug. Now, imagine what you'd pay for the same craft beer but you'd have Cole there. It would be $4 at the most. You'd literally pay more just NOT to have this cocksucker there. You'd pay a homeless person to replace Cole.

Also I just noticed, statues are available on this thread. Please throw me some of them, this is my favorite rating. Also I went back and just rated every post in this thread for a page back with one of those beautiful Easter Island statues. Not sure why nool decided this was a rating, but it delights me.

But now weens will want to pay for beer with Cole to talk about Chris. That has to drive Cole crazy.

Null added the moai heads to award negative points to stormfags and commies that can't help talking off-topic about about Jewish space 5G vaccine lasers or Trump's evil plans to murder all troons in the name of white supremacy. (Though that's still okay in the boards where it is on-topic)

EDIT: I mean, in a discussion about a lolcow's legal situation for instance, it's on topic to talk about justice reform or the death penalty or the sex offender registry, etc, but if it devolves into just a political tirade derailing the thread, that's what the moai heads are for. My best guess is that it's meant to be a soft disincentive, meaning less need for jannie work.

 

[RomanesEuntDomus]

In the face of Hollywood's drought of humane Cinema comes an understated exposé of staggering editorial substance.

You just know Cole went

when he put that diacritic at the end of "exposé".

He's a pathetic joke who thinks people will pay him money to drink a craft beer with him, even though they would probably choose to pay more to drink a craft beer and not having him there would be the premium.

Cole is bald and I would not have a beer with him.

 

[ANobody]

You won’t find any pity in “Los Olvidados,” but you will experience the full effect of Buñuel’s unvarnished filmic system of delivering onion layers of social realism. Think for yourself. You want a deep-dive filmic social study relevant to today, you've got it.
"The Social Dilemma" is the most important documentary of 2020 if you're smart and free enough to take its dire message that social media is a Frankenstein monster killing us like insects drawn to it's grotesque fascination.

In the face of Hollywood's drought of humane Cinema comes an understated exposé of staggering editorial substance.

Cinema is dead. Here is your proof.

Hindered by faulty construction and lax editing that tires out the audience long before its two-hour run time passes, "Rocketman" is nonetheless an energetic fantasy version of Elton John's incredible career in music.

...an inept magical realist story infused with a tone-deaf sense of humor and a vague sense of thematic direction.

I have yet to read a single review of his that didnt end with me thinking "well this retard missed the point entirely".

Has he reviewed The Shape of Water? I can totally imagine him going "fish sex, and 1950s treatment of disability. 0 stars."

 

[Guardsman42]

Cole doesn't have the beer offer thing out there any longer;

I honestly up he never bothers with it either or yes, weens will just constantly book it or what ever, alot will flake it, and then he'll just have weens paying his bar tab to ask him questions about his estranged family he can just go 'I don't know' to for an hour.

Actually; it might not be a bad business model if you want to get drunk. Some one pays you a few hundred, you pick out a bar you never go back to, they have to pay for your drinks. Then you honestly get to tell them fuck all, because you actually don't know the answers. Because Cole truly has no idea what's going on. But Weens will pay him to ask questions.

 

[DrNow]

Nobody actually cares about Cole other than his relationship to a dude who repeatedly raped his own mother.

He's a pathetic joke who thinks people will pay him money to drink a craft beer with him, even though they would probably choose to pay more to drink a craft beer and not having him there would be the premium.

Imagine paying $9 for a craft beer in a mug. Now, imagine what you'd pay for the same craft beer but you'd have Cole there. It would be $4 at the most. You'd literally pay more just NOT to have this cocksucker there. You'd pay a homeless person to replace Cole.

Also I just noticed, statues are available on this thread. Please throw me some of them, this is my favorite rating. Also I went back and just rated every post in this thread for a page back with one of those beautiful Easter Island statues. Not sure why nool decided this was a rating, but it delights me.

If he marketed himself as a relation of Chris Chan, weens might pay to be around him. It might be degrading for Cole, having some Internet autiste make him pose for photos in a sonichu medallion, but it could kickstart a new saga. Chris losing his mind in prison that Cole is making money off his name.

 

[AnOminous]

I have yet to read a single review of his that didnt end with me thinking "well this retard missed the point entirely".

He's doing that on purpose to some extent. His whole schtick is just reflexively to take the opposite opinion as the majority just to piss people off. He's trying to recapture his brief moment of relevance when he panned Toy Story 3.

 

[ñññ]

You won’t find any pity in “Los Olvidados,” but you will experience the full effect of Buñuel’s unvarnished filmic system of delivering onion layers of social realism. Think for yourself. You want a deep-dive filmic social study relevant to today, you've got it.

His thoughts seem pretty spot on, though you don't have to be a movie connoisseur to pick up on the movie's fairly obvious social observations.

it seems he abuses the hell out of the thesaurus function on Microsoft word to write these reviews

Fancy words are just another form of masturbation most of the time.

 

[The Joker]

abuses the hell out of the thesaurus

He really does sound like he is desperately trying to showcase that he escaped his hick roots and is now a smart man that uses big words he learned once he left Virginia