Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[WonderWino]

Lucas is drenching his food in pepper again. Pepper is good on lots of things, but that much? That is outrageous.

As much as I love pepper holy shit thats a ton of pepper. I don't think I could eat it with that much pepper all over it. I also don't see how he could possibly taste anything but the pepper. Also that doesn't even look like prime rib and looks horribly dry and overcooked

Does every food photo by Lucas look ugly?

To be fair lucas didn't make that, the nursing home staff did. If i've learned nothing else from my time doing security in nursing homes its that the food is almost always terrible looking. Especially the meat. The closest to a good meal I ever saw was when I was doing a holiday shift on canada day and they served a rare roast beef, potatoes and yorkshire pudding with gravy. Even that was low tier restaurant quality but it was better than anything else i've seen

I wonder how pissy he gets when he gets his breakfast of a slice of burned toast with a boiled egg. I'd love to see him spaz out and throw it at somebody like the dementia patients do

 

[Scipio Africanus]

You get my customer service voice because honestly going through this bullshit felt like having to explain shop policy to a fucking Karen.

Enjoy me drinking progressively more gin while trying to make sense of his stupid fucking game.

Chat is on, but I'll probably be asleep.

I swear, not ten seconds after you said "No one wants to do algebra while playing a game, and even if they did your math would be wrong anyway," we covered this nugget of Lucas' 'like Magic the Gathering':

In the direct center of the page, he's adding fractions by literally adding the numerators and denominators together. So according to Lucas, one-third plus one plus one-half plus three halves is seven-tenths.

Charitably...and Lucas doesn't deserve charity, he deserves repeated kicks in the balls...he's adding up one sequence of numbers and another sequence of numbers correctly, but making it look like fractional addition because he's just generally incompetent at organizing and presenting his ideas.

 

[Twrx]

I would love to see what little transcripts about his brief time in highschool, to see just how much he bombed at everything. About the no one wants to do algebra in a game, there are some who do. My dad loved math, like honestly loved it. We buried him with a sudoku book. Going through some of the freaks older shit, I think he's trying to act like he's like people like my dad. Especially during his college saga. In addition to his transcripts, I'd love to watch him try to explain his fate is a dimension and how he figured out time travel and was going to win Powerball bullshit. You'd have to be near him, and force him to stay on topic, because 5 seconds in he'd realize he was talking out of his ass, and couldn't explain his thought process. Like some shitty zoo, but with people like the freak as the animals. Hell, it could be a job for Lucas.

 

[WonderWino]

I swear, not ten seconds after you said "No one wants to do algebra while playing a game, and even if they did your math would be wrong anyway," we covered this nugget of Lucas' 'like Magic the Gathering':

In the direct center of the page, he's adding fractions by literally adding the numerators and denominators together. So according to Lucas, one-third plus one plus one-half plus three halves is seven-tenths.

Charitably...and Lucas doesn't deserve charity, he deserves repeated kicks in the balls...he's adding up one sequence of numbers and another sequence of numbers correctly, but making it look like fractional addition because he's just generally incompetent at organizing and presenting his ideas.

View attachment 2823597

ffs here we go with the fibonacci bs again. Typical schitzo and autistic obsessive behavior. Every time he brings up the fibonacci sequence people should just reply with this.....only with a few clips of lucas saying it mixed in

 

[Wernology]

I always assumed he was ashamed by how simple Meeple Toss was compared to all the games he bought so he went all the way in the other direction.

I narrated one of Lucas' essays from 4 years ago or so.

If he's going to continue to be boring as fuck with the 'games' he keeps shitting out, I may read through a few of his funnier ones.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

[...]

That game (?) idea can be an analogy of how I may think when I have a fever.

 

[Fanatical Pragmatist]

I swear, not ten seconds after you said "No one wants to do algebra while playing a game, and even if they did your math would be wrong anyway," we covered this nugget of Lucas' 'like Magic the Gathering':

In the direct center of the page, he's adding fractions by literally adding the numerators and denominators together. So according to Lucas, one-third plus one plus one-half plus three halves is seven-tenths.

Charitably...and Lucas doesn't deserve charity, he deserves repeated kicks in the balls...he's adding up one sequence of numbers and another sequence of numbers correctly, but making it look like fractional addition because he's just generally incompetent at organizing and presenting his ideas.

View attachment 2823597

Okay I was an outspoken fan of the Lucas Boardgame Phase, but this is just getting boring now.

ffs here we go with the fibonacci bs again. Typical schitzo and autistic obsessive behavior. Every time he brings up the fibonacci sequence people should just reply with this.....only with a few clips of lucas saying it mixed in

Pretty sure I'm just repeating what others have said, but Lucas is just trying to tie in mathematical formulas and weird word combinations (remember his "write a word, the letters form the attack pattern" schtick?) to try and look superficially smart.

If he's going to continue to be boring as fuck with the 'games' he keeps shitting out, I may read through a few of his funnier ones.

My inner optimist was holding out hope for some abomination fusing his crazy resource-based ideas with a second coming of Dance of the Telomeres, but at this point its clear such a game idea just isn't in the cards for us...

 

[WonderWino]

My inner optimist was holding out hope for some abomination fusing his crazy resource-based ideas with a second coming of Dance of the Telomeres, but at this point its clear such a game idea just isn't in the cards for us...

Well how about he meets you halfway and just does the telomere dance instead

 

[Twrx]

Ok Mr acab-in-name-only

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Why is Werner making up all these delirious game ideas in the first place?

 

[Fanatical Pragmatist]

Well how about he meets you halfway and just does the telomere dance instead

A bit hard to dance like that with beetus stump feet.

.

Ok Mr acab-in-name-onlyView attachment 2824306

Because, Lucas "The Police are on my side!" Werner doesn't realize the increasing crime rates are in places that ARE defunding the police.

 

[Wernology]

Why is Werner making up all these delirious game ideas in the first place?

You know how shitty zoos and pet owners don't give their animals any enrichment in confinement and those animals develop behaviors like pacing, gnawing at bars, repetitive 'stim' behavior, and a lot of times going quiet instead of being super loud because the latter often gets them punished?

That's Mallon Place vs. Lucas: He's a caged animal in a shitty zoo with no enrichment that punishes him (with threat of making him homeless in winter and forcing him to take meds, which is a punishment in Lucas' view) if he makes too much noise.

 

[WonderWino]

You know how shitty zoos and pet owners don't give their animals any enrichment in confinement and those animals develop behaviors like pacing, gnawing at bars, repetitive 'stim' behavior, and a lot of times going quiet instead of being super loud because the latter often gets them punished?

That's Mallon Place vs. Lucas: He's a caged animal in a shitty zoo with no enrichment that punishes him (with threat of making him homeless in winter and forcing him to take meds, which is a punishment in Lucas' view) if he makes too much noise.

On that note, considering the pacing, weird behavior and habit of becoming angry and spitting at his own phone he's starting to act like a caged silverback at the zoo

Which is an oddly appropriate fate for him

 

[A Big Bumbling Black Man]

It's part of his narcissism. In his mind complicated means you have to be smart to create/play it, so if he makes it complicated that means he must necessarily be smart (and he is very self-conscious about his lack of intelligence, as he should be).

That said, he did say to me once, "I guess my brain isn't on the chess level." That leads me to believe that, at least on some level, he knows being needlessly complex doesn't make something intelligent as chess isn't complicated (from a rules standpoint) and he admitted to not being bright enough for it.

It's clear to me that there's a darker intention to the style of the boardgames beyond just appearing intelligent.
The length of the boardgame is designed to entrap his zoomer prey for as long as possible.
And the complexity of the boardgame is to make it so Lucas can exploit some nonsense rule in order to gain the upper hand and win whenever he want to.
I wouldn't be surprised at all if Lucas plans on having sexual favors as the punishment for losing a game.
Thank all that is holy on this holiest of seasons that he'll never get that far.

 

[King Daddy Telomerase]

Why is Werner making up all these delirious game ideas in the first place?

He's stuck in an old folks home with no spending money, probably can't do much with his diabetic feet, and has a strong desire to poorly try appearing smart to everyone. I'm also guessing Lucas got yelled at to not film other people at Mallon Place, which limits us to the boring trash he does now.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Mallon Place

So I take it Werner used to live with his parents, then got kicked out or left for whatever reason, drifted through homelessness and halfway homes or group homes, and now he's in this "Mallon Place"? It's like Phil (ADF) bouncing and squeaking around before settling in wherever he is now.

(It could be nice if there was a wernerwiki somewhere. This thread is huge.)

 

[HaloHero65]

We are 1833 pages into this insanity.
Merry Christmas you godless bastards who keep this shit going.

 

[Telomere Savalas]

So I take it Werner used to live with his parents, then got kicked out or left for whatever reason, drifted through homelessness and halfway homes or group homes, and now he's in this "Mallon Place"? It's like Phil (ADF) bouncing and squeaking around before settling in wherever he is now.

(It could be nice if there was a wernerwiki somewhere. This thread is huge.)

Short version: Lucas has been homeless off and on since the only girlfriend he’s ever had (20ish years OLDER than him, hence his obsession with teens) had him thrown in jail for DV.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

DV

Phil also hit his mom and a girlfriend he miraculously got with.

How many other similarities between Phil and Werner are there?

 

[cuddle striker]

Lucas knows his meds interfere with his dick. He can't even jack off right now. He'll be cheeking and spitting his pills soon enough. He's probably waiting for the coldest weather to pass.