So I'm sure everyone knows Penny has a TikTok, and I figured I'd share a video he posted a few hours ago. I think it's very...informative, in a way. He explains he doesn't have the balls to deal with harassment, that he would rather shoot than talk.
View attachment 2846301
[Ambience: rushing wind muffled from the interior of what appears to be an airplane]
[A goblin with rotting, crooked teeth is visible in a side profile. It gurgles out a deep, breathless speech.]
"Ahm, so I'm just gonna drop, uh, this video..."
[The goblin horrifically snaps his head to the camera. Its dead eyes are visible under its tinted tortoise shell glasses.]
"I don't know how to do the, like, 'whole comments up here' or whatever..."
[The goblin points a gnarled finger up at the top of the screen. A deep, red blister is visible on their hand.]
"...Where it's like, their comment and then you, like, make a...like, I dunno, like you answer them or something and their comments are up there. Like, there's a couple of, like, th--uh...right-winger fascists that are, like, tagging up on my other posts and...it's really funny...auh...to me, personally...like, I-I find it hilarious..."
[The goblin's face crumples as they force out a smile to assure that they, indeed, find it funny.]
"Um...but...I understand that some people, like, y'know, look at that and see that as antagonistic or whatever, and I gotta tell ya, like, I don't play with that stuff, like, I just block people, I'm not going to respond to you, I'm not gonna give you a platform."
[The goblin's eyes wander slightly as they fight the realization that making an entire video making death threats to the person who made fun of you takes more effort than typing out a response.]
"I applaud the other people that have the balls to, like, handle that stuff. I'm not somebody who gets into debates with those people...um...like, if you wanna come up here and shoot at me, like, it's on--let's do that. Like, let's do that."
[Aroused by the idea of shooting a person who disagreed with him, the goblin visibly gives a genuine smile and speaks in a more chipper tone.]
"I don't wanna talk to you. Like, I don't wanna, like, I-I don't have time, like, ah...there's a winter storm coming in, like, you look behind me...like, the mountains are fucking covered..."
[The camera shifts behind the goblin clumsily. Due to over-exposure, only the ground in front of them is visible, and has a thin, patchy sheet of snow covering the barren dirt.]
"Auhm...I have 300 animals and twelve people that I have to take care of. I-I don't have time for your dumb bullshit. Like, I-I know that you're stuck in highschool and you really need therapy, like...I get it...and-and it's cool. You know what I mean? Like, it's fine. Uh..."
[The goblin purses their lips for second upon realizing that they might get flack for mocking a person's mental health, but they relent and continue on their rant regardless.]
"When you wanna put up and shut up, I'll handle that too...? Um...but I'm not talking to you on Tik-Tok. Fuck you. I don't have time, motherfucker, so say whatever you want. It just gives me a list of people to block on your page. I really appreciate it actually..."
[The goblin takes a deep breath.]
"Um...I hope you all havin' a good new year. Um...I, uh, you know, I'll-I'll-I'll keep you updated on the storm...stuff. Um, my family's okay, uh, in northern Colorado. Uh, my son's fine and all that. So, um, thank y'all for the messages. I really appreciate y'all. Um...we're doing good up here. Uh...everythings...everything's gravy. Uh...missing Betty White today for sure. Hope everyone's having a good day."
[The goblin turns offscren, apparently looking for a reason to close out the video.]
Oop! Hey, my hay's coming in. I'll talk to y'all in a minute. Uh...have a good one. By--
[The video cuts off as the goblin fondles the camera mid-sentence.]
PENIS'S INTERNET DEATH THREAT RESULTS:
WORDS SPOKEN: 375
"LIKE" AND "UMS" UTTERED: 51
ACTUAL WORDS PER FILLER WORDS AND STUTTERS: 8.3
INTERNET TOUGH GUY RANK: A+
DELUSION: A-
UNINTENTIONAL HYPOCRISY: A+
OVERREACTION BONUS: +1,000 PTS
FINAL RANK:
MISSION REWARD: INCLUSION IN THE OP!