01/03/22 - 24 Hour Free Ralph Festival (now the 24 Hour Guntry Road Special) - Ralph intended to do a 24-hour stream the second day before his trial and is now stuck on I-95

[instythot]

I wonder how many baby pigeons Null sacrificed to snow in poor Ralph.

One former senate leader, a football icon, Betty white and a pair of overly plastic surgeried twins

 

[beautiful person]

Lmao, that's the kind of thing that gets people killed. Dumb motherfucker.

 

[MuuMuu Bunnylips]

Lmao, that's the kind of thing that gets people killed. Dumb motherfucker.

ONE THING!

 

[Generic Retard]

Even with chains on his tires he probably would have driven the car stuck on a bed of snow. He is _that_ retarded.
As a true whyte trash redneck pill popping drunk, he should be able to estimate the snow height easily enough.

He was probably already drunk when he made the decision to take that road lol

Lmao, that's the kind of thing that gets people killed. Dumb motherfucker.

Ralph got lucky someone came by with a vehicle able to tow a car through that snow by force lol.
Don't know how deep in the woods he was, but chances are that, with a blackout and no power for mobile phone base stations, he would have been stuck there for good.

 

[A Grey Cat]

wow between his trail on the 5th and Chris's (possibly) next month, IS this truly the end of lolcowdom as we know it?

 

[Lame Entropy]

Nothing good happens when he makes these Vegas trips lol you'd think he'd get the hint by now but this is Ethan we're talking about.

 

[03crep]

You'd think someone who grew up/lives in the area would know better than to try dumb shit in the snow.

never underestimate the sheer retardation of rural americans. they think they can drive through fucking anything because they've lived in that area all their life, or because they have 4WD

 

[Harlan Wick]

wow between his trail on the 5th and Chris's (possibly) next month, IS this truly the end of lolcowdom as we know it?

To paraphrase P.T. Barnum, "There's a lolcow born every minute".

 

[Kermit Jizz]

As a true whyte trash redneck pill popping drunk, he should be able to estimate the snow height easily enough.

Ralph has all the negatives of white trash, but not a single one of the scant positives. Motherfucker has negative survival skills, he'd go out of his way to get killed if he got lost in the woods.

 

[Twinkletard]

2022 has just started!

 

[Xolanite]

That Plow video is priceless. He's like a retarded version of George Costanza. I'm almost prepared to offer money to an inmate to have a cell phone in the clink so we don't miss whatever he fucks up commits when the goes to jail cause we know he's going to land in hot water.

Don’t do that. You’ll mess around and get the prison shut down.

Shit. I was hoping he'd come across a rustic cabin owned by a family of cannibals.

God knows what diseases Ralph has.

 

[Hüftpriester]

Just to follow up on the great shart debate, given the amount of time Ralph in May's car was stuck, he 100% stepped outside the car to shit in the woods.

Let's not forget, he was on 95 for at least 4 hours before he got anywhere close to the woods. I think he shit himself in the car before he made it to the backroads. Imagine all the liquor, champagne and random greasy food he has going through his system atm? It's a recipe for disaster.

 

[instythot]

Even with chains on his tires he probably would have driven the car stuck on a bed of snow. He is _that_ retarded.
As a true whyte trash redneck pill popping drunk, he should be able to estimate the snow height easily enough.

He was probably already drunk when he made the decision to take that road lol


Ralph got lucky someone came by with a vehicle able to tow a car through that snow by force lol.
Don't know how deep in the woods he was, but chances are that, with a blackout and no power for mobile phone base stations, he would have been stuck there for good.

Even people who are used to snow look at a foot and a bit of fresh unplowed snow and go "nope, not driving in that today", unless they have an actual truck, not the grocery truck the wife drives, so I assume that impulse kicks in at like 8 inches for a Virginian. What a fucking retard

 

[Generic Retard]

Ralph has all the negatives of white trash, but not a single one of the scant positives. Motherfucker has negative survival skills, he'd go out of his way to get killed if he got lost in the woods.

But he said he's not a computer geek sitting inside all day

He really is the true Ralphamale, but it doesn't mean what he wants it to mean lol

 

[thismanlies]

The most ironic part of everything that's happened so far is that he had every opportunity to prevent this from happening. If he hadn't felt the compulsive need to prove every single one of his haters wrong, he wouldn't have leaked the Corn Harvest video. If he had just refrained from talking about Faith and kept out of trouble, he wouldn't be fighting revenge porn charges right now. And if he wouldn't have gone to Las Vegas five times in a single year, he wouldn't be driving to Washington DC to do a 24 hour live stream in the middle of a fucking snow storm.

 

[MuuMuu Bunnylips]

God knows what diseases Ralph has.

You think a bunch of inbred cannibal rednecks care?

 

[Johan Schmidt]

Darn, was hoping for an 'eaten by bears' saga. This is still funny though.

 

[Matt Damon]

Ethan Ralph is unintentionally the most entertaining man in the entire world.

 

[Mr. Manchester]

Let's not forget, he was on 95 for at least 4 hours before he got anywhere close to the woods. I think he shit himself in the car before he made it to the backroads. Imagine all the liquor, champagne and random greasy food he has going through his system atm? It's a recipe for disaster.

Who's to say both of these things didn't happen?

 

[Generic Retard]

never underestimate the sheer retardation of rural americans. they think they can drive through fucking anything because they've lived in that area all their life, or because they have 4WD

Even better when their 4WD is just that, with no way to lock any of the differentials. Enjoy being stuck when one wheel gets lifted by the snow mass lol