Lolcows in Fiction (Books, TV, Movies, etc.)

[Down_The_Rabbit_Hole]

Ah, my childhood. This was one of my fave books. But yeah, he and even some of the villains are definitely lolcows or at least borderline-lolcows.

For Undertale is it safe to say that Papyrus is a lolcow? Don't get me wrong he is definitely one of my fave characters in Undertale but I will admit that he does have some lolcow qualities.

Aww, I love Captain Underpants. The books are kind of young, but I can almost see it turning into a cartoon.

What about Ed from "Ed, Edd and Eddy?"

 

[DirkBloodStormKing]

Aww, I love Captain Underpants. The books are kind of young, but I can almost see it turning into a cartoon.

What about Ed from "Ed, Edd and Eddy?"

All of the Edds are lolcows. Kanker Sisters are flat-out horrorcows though.

 

[Darwin Watterson]

All of the Edds are lolcows. Kanker Sisters are flat-out horrorcows though.

Johnny's a lolcow, too.

So is Patchy the Pirate from Spongebob Squarepants. He's basically your average Spongebob sperg on the internet. I remember during the "lost episode," he was disappointed with it at first so he started destroying all his Spongebob merchandise in a fit of tard rage and threatened to run away, because Spongebob had "betrayed" him. In another segment, he wrote a letter to Spongebob (a cartoon character; Patchy is live action) inviting him to a party he was throwing.

 

[GiantSpiderInvasion]

Gotham, being a prequel to Batman, has some messed up characters.

Ed Nygma(the Riddler). He's a crime scene analyst in this version, who always opens with riddles when talking to coworkers. He also has a creepy stalker crush on a female archivist at the station, who obviously finds him off putting. When he's not accosting her with his riddles, he's rearranging her files behind her back. Oh, and he talks to himself. Specifically, the tough, aggressive side of his personality.
His stalker crush escalates when his crush gets a macho, abusive boyfriend. Ed kills him to save her, and her not knowing this, they start dating. Eventually, he admits this to her, after she fears him coming back. This ends with him accidentally killing her.

Oswald "Penguin" Cobblepot. Gets his start as a low level lacky to a female crime boss and a police informant. A weaselly, Starscream-like character, he makes every attempt to do in his boss, and whimpers and begs when his failures come back to bite him. Also a huge mama's boy who hates being called Penguin. Eventually, he reaches the top of the crime ladder, but still manages to get blackmailed by a seedy mayoral candidate into murdering his political opponents.

Barbara Keen is Detective Gordon's fiance who goes loco. Starts out as a bland bisexual who stresses over Gordon's dangerous line of work. She breaks up with him, only to end up with a serial killer. This leads her to kill her own parents, get committed to Arkham, and then get recruited into the Galavan gang. Here, she makes out with both her new employer and his sister almost randomly, yet still maniacally pines for Gordon.

Jerome. Implied to inspire the future Joker, and my favorite character. First introduced as a poor circus kid who lost his mother, only to be revealed to be her killer. He's one of the recruits to the Galavan gang, where he constantly makes jokes and hams it up, like a kid playing bad guy instead of an actual one.
He is competent, though, and his nihilistic sililoquy inspire citizens of Gotham into madness and violence, setting the stage for the Clown Prince of Crime. Sadly bumped off by his boss after a few episodes.

 

[*Asterisk*]

Aww, I love Captain Underpants. The books are kind of young, but I can almost see it turning into a cartoon.

What about Ed from "Ed, Edd and Eddy?"

I'm not sure. Ed definitely one of the top five or ten dumbest characters in the history of television, but he's also tremendously generous, unfailingly honest, and is never intentionally cruel to anyone. A tremendous feat when you consider that most anyone else with a sister like Sarah would smother the little bitch to death. Plus, every time I try and picture Ed using a computer, I'm pretty sure it'd go like this:

I think Eddy's closer to fitting the bill. He's lazy, stupid, cruel, and only capable of exercising effort if it involves lying and scamming. But unlike Ed, he's smart enough to be both egotistical and capable of holding a grudge.

 

[TheMightyMonarch]

Gotham, being a prequel to Batman, has some messed up characters.

Ed Nygma(the Riddler). He's a crime scene analyst in this version, who always opens with riddles when talking to coworkers. He also has a creepy stalker crush on a female archivist at the station, who obviously finds him off putting. When he's not accosting her with his riddles, he's rearranging her files behind her back. Oh, and he talks to himself. Specifically, the tough, aggressive side of his personality.
His stalker crush escalates when his crush gets a macho, abusive boyfriend. Ed kills him to save her, and her not knowing this, they start dating. Eventually, he admits this to her, after she fears him coming back. This ends with him accidentally killing her.

Oswald "Penguin" Cobblepot. Gets his start as a low level lacky to a female crime boss and a police informant. A weaselly, Starscream-like character, he makes every attempt to do in his boss, and whimpers and begs when his failures come back to bite him. Also a huge mama's boy who hates being called Penguin. Eventually, he reaches the top of the crime ladder, but still manages to get blackmailed by a seedy mayoral candidate into murdering his political opponents.

What's great about The Riddler is that he's no doubt a lolcow in the comics but in different forms of media, he manages to be different variations of a lolcow. In Gotham, like you said, he's an awkward autist who doesn't know how to properly interact with people. In Batman Forever, he's ridiculously over the top with no personal space and has a weird obsession with Bruce Wayne in the beginning. But his Arkhamverse counterpart has to be the biggest lolcow of them all. He has severe narcissism and is super condescending towards Batman, always insisting that he's way smarter than him, even though Batman has kicked his ass multiple times, both psychically and mentally. He's also pretty condescending to other characters such as Catwoman and Hugo Strange, although both characters get the last laugh. He spergs out whenever someone suggests that he isn't as smart as he think he is or speaks of Batman in a positive light, which happens a lot. He's also a horrorcow in the sense that he kidnaps innocent people and puts in death traps so Batman can solve them. But his crowning lolcow moment comes at the end of Arkham Knight.

Spoiler

So Scarecrow threatens Batman that if he doesn't unmask himself, he'll kill Robin. So Batman complies and unmasks himself on live television. So now everyone in Gotham knows that Bruce Wayne is Batman. But Riddler doesn't believe it because he believes that it's a and that he may have everyone in Gotham fooled but not him because he's too smart for that! It's probably safe to assume that Riddler was jelly of Scarecrow for unmasking Batman and that it wasn't him so he's probably trying to save face.

I also have to give Gotham props for making the Penguin into a lolcow. Since, in my opinion, he's one of the very few Batman villain who isn't a lolcow of some sort. He's typically just a crimelord. Although he's no doubt a horrorcow in Batman Returns.

 

[AnOminous]

Rorschach is a hardcore libertarian who never bathes and eats beans straight of a can. He's a vigilante and like Batman in a sense, but take away almost everything likable, admirable, and attractive about Batman and you would get him.

I disagree with that, and think Rorschach was the only actually admirable character in Watchmen. He was the only character in that willing to die for the truth.

He was actually Alan Moore's answer to Steve Ditko's libertarianism. He was intended to be a reductio ad absurdum of the answer to the question of what kind of person ends up a masked vigilante, specifically directed at Ditko's kind of hero. The answer, of course, is a psycho. Alan Moore did to superheroes what Cervantes did to knight-errantry.

Like Quixote, though, Rorschach is a fully-fleshed character who rejects the constraints of even his own author, and is sympathetic despite the low opinion even his own creator had of him.

The lolcow in Watchmen is Captain Carnage, mentioned only as a throwaway joke, and known only because Rorschach threw him down an elevator shaft for being annoying.

 

[holy buttocks]

Pokey/Porky minch from earthbound: how has me not been mentioned in this thread holy shit! His obsession with Ness (as seen some 1000 years later in the hall of memories) is discomforting. He is millions of years old in Mother 3 yet he still acts like a 12 year old and like most lolcows, he's resistant to change and has had the same bratty personality throughout the series.

Lars from Lars and the Real Girl: he bought a sex doll to be his girlfriend. He proudly wheeled it around town.

Dungeon man from earthbound: like most autists, his interests are...... Narrow. He is preoccupied with becoming a human dungeon and he's not very good at it. The enemies chosen are the weakest in the game. He made his own soundtrack to the dungeon, which is actually quite cool sounding but you can tell it wasn't meant to sound great or melodic or anything. Super funny part of the game, though.

 

[Pinball Lizard]

While the movie isn't even out yet, I'm already picking up lolcow vibes from Kylo Ren, one of the main villains of Star Wars VII. He's apparently some sort of Darth Vader otaku who leads a whole group based on their love of their senpai and either don't know or are in denial of the fact that he turned to the Light Side. He's even dug up Vader's body and I'm not sure I want to know what he's doing with it.

 

[Darwin Watterson]

The Teen Titans in Teen Titans Go! are all lolcows. Robin is an insecure control freak, Cyborg and Beast Boy are manchildren, Raven is an emo edgelord who is obsessed with the show's version of MLP, and Starfire is culturally ignorant (though she has the excuse of being an alien).

Also:

Terence T. D'arby from JoJo's Bizarre Adventure. He's supposed to be the butler of DIO's mansion, but the only "butlery" thing he's been seen doing is greet the heroes. His entire character is that he's the annoying little brother who thinks he's hot shit. He constantly tries to prove he's cooler and more menacing than his older brother Daniel (who btw, is a much more interesting character). His stand, Atum, has the exact same power of stealing souls just like his brother, except he steals people's souls by beating them in video games. Daniel was a gambler, and his reason for how he stole souls made sense, gambling weakens the soul, but Terence.....just likes to play video games. At one point he recalls back to a time years before where he beat the shit out of his brother for hitting on his girlfriend as an attempt to appear more threatening, the problem with that is his brother isn't violent, he only relies on cunning to defeat his enemies. Tell me, is it impressive for Superman to beat up Lex Luthor? No, because Luthor isn't a fighter. Finally comes his defeat. Daniel was defeated through Jotaro taking a last ditch effort and bluff his way to winning the match. You wanna know how Terence lost? He threw a hissy fit at Jotaro winning when he could've turned left and see someone else was playing for him. When he loses, he starts panicking like a bitch.

I think one of the worst parts is that he was one of the few villains to get 3 episodes dedicated to him, when he really was a total whiner.Still it was pretty satisfying to see him get beaten down

After familiarizing myself with JJBA, I think Terence is a bit of a horrorcow, too. One thing that you forgot to mention (or at least, didn't elaborate on) was the fact that the manner in which he steals peoples souls is that he transfers them into dolls. The dolls become alive and conscious, aware of everything that goes on around them and capable of speech but helpless in their situation. Terence listens to their life stories and makes clothes to dress them in. He's essentially a kidnapper who renders his victims helpless, then makes a hobby out of stripping them down and dressing them up. Imagine humans in place of dolls. Yeeeaaaahhh...

 

[TheMightyMonarch]

The Warden from Superjail! As you can tell from his title, he's the warden of an important prison. But he pretty much runs his prison like Chis Chan runs CWCville. Which to say that he doesn't really run it at all and instead focuses on whatever trivial thing grasps his short attention span. He's a giant man child who actions greatly affect the prison and its inmates and never in a good way. In one episode, he has a dream that the prisoners will start a revolt, kill him, and take over Superjail. So he gets really paranoid and creates a dream machine that lets him get into the head of his colleagues and inmates to see who's planning the "revolt", even though no one really was. But as it turns out, everyone gets pissed at him for invading their dreams and because of it, start a revolt that he was trying so hard to prevent. In another episode, he starts getting serious delusions that everyone in the prison is on drugs (They weren't). He then comes up with the genius idea that if he starts doing drugs, everyone will stop doing them because he's the warden and therefore they won't be "sticking it to the man" anymore. So he does and the only thing that he accomplishes in his drug induce state is more destruction of the prison.

Alice, the sole security guard of Superjail, is also a lolcow, but much more minor compared to the Warden. She's a MtF tranny who makes Brianna Wu look passable in comparison. She also sexually harasses the inmates (It's an all male prison, btw), and is even shown to sexually torture a few as well. In one episode, a little girl who's dying of cancer gets stranded at Superjail. Some of the inmates take care of her and think that her estimated death date on her bracelet is her birthday, so they start planning a birthday party for her. When Alice gets wind of this, she takes the girl from the inmates to give her a "birthday makeover." This pretty much consisted of dressing up a girl who appeared to be 4 years old as a hooker. As shown here:

I disagree with that, and think Rorschach was the only actually admirable character in Watchmen. He was the only character in that willing to die for the truth.

He was actually Alan Moore's answer to Steve Ditko's libertarianism. He was intended to be a reductio ad absurdum of the answer to the question of what kind of person ends up a masked vigilante, specifically directed at Ditko's kind of hero. The answer, of course, is a psycho. Alan Moore did to superheroes what Cervantes did to knight-errantry.

Like Quixote, though, Rorschach is a fully-fleshed character who rejects the constraints of even his own author, and is sympathetic despite the low opinion even his own creator had of him.

The lolcow in Watchmen is Captain Carnage, mentioned only as a throwaway joke, and known only because Rorschach threw him down an elevator shaft for being annoying.

For the record, I don't think Rorschach is that much of a lolcow, honestly. But I do think he has some lolcow-ish traits, which is why I mentioned him. He's actually my favorite character in Watchmen (I even named my cat after him). I do agree that Captain Carnage is probably the biggest lolcow in that book though.

 

[Darwin Watterson]

Andrew Detmer from the 2012 movie, Chronicle has a lot of lolcow tendencies. He's actually a bit of a "sadcow" or "tragicow," cause most of his lolcow behaviors stem from his shitty home life. He's a socially awkward loner who has no friends in school, and barely even talks to his cousin Matt, who drives him to school in the mornings. He gets a video camera and begins compulsively filming everything in his life. He eats lunch alone on the school bleachers, and films the cheerleaders as they practice their routines. At several points in the movie, the other characters point out how weird it is that Andrew is always filming everything. It's implied that he started filming everything because of his abusive father, as in the movie's first scene, his father bangs on his door and threatens him, but backs off once Andrew says that he's filming.

After some coercion from Matt, Andrew goes to a rave party at an abandoned barn. Matt specifically tells him not to take the camera, but Andrew takes it anyway. He spends a lot of the party following Matt around, until Matt tells him to go off and do his own thing. He then just awkwardly walks around filming people. At one point, he lingers for an especially long time on a particular girl, which pisses off her boyfriend. He goes outside and starts crying when Matt and Steve Montgomery, a popular boy at the school, get him to follow them down a hole in the ground containing a strange, glowing object. It's never explained what this thing is, but it gives the three boys telekinetic powers.

Over the next few weeks or so, Andrew, Steve, and Matt become good friends as they experiment with their new powers. Things generally start getting better for Andrew, who seems to start becoming normal (though he still constantly films everything). He briefly becomes popular after using his powers to win the school talent show, but loses his popularity on the same night after he gets drunk and throws up on a girl that he was going to have sex with. This is the beginning of the end for him.

Andrew goes off the deep end after this. He distances himself from Steve and Matt, whom he says aren't really his friends. He flies up really high in a thunderstorm, and Steve goes after him and tries to talk him down, but Andrew uses his powers to manipulate the lightning to kill Steve (it's not clear if he did this intentionally or not). At Steve's funeral, he walks around the cemetery filming graves. After getting into a fight with Matt, he goes to the drugstore to get medicine for his ailing mother. He can't pay for the medicine, so he decides to rob a convenience store. Through a chain of events, he causes the store to explode and ends up in the hospital with severe burns. His dad comes in and tells him that his mom died. Because he's still an abusive prick, he blames Andrew and demands an apology. He tries to hit Andrew, who regains consciousness and destroys a good chunk of the city in what basically amounts to a giant sperg-out.

When Alice gets wind of this, she takes the girl from the inmates to give her a "birthday makeover." This pretty much consisted of dressing up a girl who appeared to be 4 years old as a hooker. As shown here:

This same scene demonstrates Alice's complete lack of understanding of the female anatomy. The girl coughs up some blood because of her cancer, and Alice makes a comment about "becoming a woman out of your mouth."

 

[Conrix]

@Connor reminds me of Captain Carnage as well as one reason why I'm not an admin &/or staff.

Rorschach, PUNISH ME YOU GUTLESS MOTHERFUCKER!

 

[Pinball Lizard]

Dethklok. All of them. In order from least to most exceptional...

Nathan Explosion, composer and vocalist. Nathan had the most normal upbringing of the group and usually has enough of a head on his shoulders to reign in the others when they're being really stupid, but he's still pretty dumb himself. He dropped out of high school because he was only interested in dissecting animals, and has indirectly gotten probably hundreds of people killed with his blundering. He was briefly Governor of Florida, but ended up nearly sinking the entire state into the sea. He was still remembered as the best one they ever had.

Pickles (last name unrevealed), drums. Pickles is that rare lolcow who didn't actually bring it on himself. He grew up with an abusive older brother, Seth, who frequently blamed Pickles for things he himself did. Pickles was an alcoholic by age six and was into every other drug imaginable soon after. As a side effect, he's pretty much immune to all negative aspects of drugs. He can also play amazing beats while drunk out of his mind. I'm not sure if that's lolworthy or awesome.

Skwisgaar Skwigelf, lead guitar. Skwisgaar is a total man-whore from Sweden whose type is women in their eighties, or as he puts it, "GMILFs." He's been known to have night-long orgies with them. When Nathan was Governor of Florida he named Skwisgaar Secretary of Old Ladies (because there are a lot of those in Florida). He also seems to believe he's descended from the Norse gods, and may actually be right.

Toki Wartooth, rhythm guitar. Toki is from Norway and is basically a little kid trapped in an adult's body. He likes stuffed animals, candy, and cats, which have been known to kill people at Dethklok's concerts somehow. He (and Skwisgaar) often make singulars into plurals when they speak, i.e. "This party ams dildos."

William Murderface, bass. Take Chris, get rid of the cross dressing, add some actual talent, and you have Murderface. He thinks he's God's gift to women despite the fact he's a pudgy, hairy middle-aged man with gap teeth and a lisp, and he gets very angry if you tell him he contributes the least to the band (even though that's absolutely right). His hobbies include sucking his own penis and smearing feces everywhere.

And that's before we get to Dr. Rockzo the crackhead pedophile clown, the Jomfru Brothers, two greasy nerds who threw away a Harvard scholarship to devote their lives to Dethklok, Magnus Hammersmith, the band's ex-guitarist with a sense of unwarranted self-importance the size of the state of Montana, most of the band's relatives, and the unremitting horrorcows that are Rikki Kixx and "the Man with the Silver Face."

 

[Darwin Watterson]

Aww, I love Captain Underpants. The books are kind of young, but I can almost see it turning into a cartoon.

What about Ed from "Ed, Edd and Eddy?"

Ed Edd 'n' Eddy has a lot of lolcows, actually.

All three of the Eds count, but Eddy is the biggest lolcow of the three. He's a loudmouthed asshole who obsesses over scamming the other kids out of their money so they can buy jawbreakers at the candy store. Double D is an obsessive-compulsive neat freak who labels literally everything in his room and freaks out if something isn't exactly in its place. Ed is a full-on exceptional individual who is literally a basement dweller. His room makes Chris's look clean in comparison.

Jonny 2x4 is a weird loner whose best (and pretty much only) friend is a piece of wood with a face drawn onto it in crayon named "Plank." He treats Plank as if he were real, and has even made parents for him. When the Eds accidentally break said "parents" in half, Jonny acts as though they were real people who have been murdered. He also has his own super identity called "Captain Melonhead," similar to Chris's many alter egos.

Rolf is an immigrant who seems to come from an entire country of lolcows. In the episode where the Eds make him think that he's back in his old country, it is revealed that they do things such as balance themselves onto poles to buy and sell things, pay for stuff with chickens, and hold village idiots in high regard. They also have folk songs that people are meant to beat each other up to. That's not even getting into all the strange idioms and stories Rolf uses throughout the series.

Sarah is a spoiled brat who physically abuses her brother (Ed) and spergs out whenever she doesn't get her way. Her best friend Jimmy is an effeminate boy who reacts to a clothespin tapping his foot as though he broke his foot. Though, to his credit, he's also shown to be really smart and cunning when the situation calls for it.

The Kanker Sisters are horrorcows, as @DirkBloodStormKing said. They are obsessed with the Eds, whom they consider to be their boyfriends, and routinely attempt to kiss them (and possibly more; there's a lot that isn't shown). They come from a white trash background, and each of them has their own dad (who presumably left their mother, a man-hater). They are also extremely petty and destructive. In one episode, they literally destroy the entire cul-de-sac once their ship-in-a-bottle goes missing.

Eddy's brother, who is absent for the entire series and only appears in the last ten minutes or so of the movie, can be inferred to be a lolcow/horrorcow. He's an adult man who still acts like a teenager and physically abuses Eddy. From what little we see of him, it's likely that he'd fit in rather well with Deagle Nation, seeing as how he's got the overgrown teenager part down pretty well.

 

[Darwin Watterson]

Double post for something I just found:

There exists on Newgrounds a game called "Monica the Mannequin." It's basically "tfw no gf: the video game." You play as a weird loveshy who's never had a girlfriend and spends much of his time staring into a store window at a mannequin. He talks to it, and practically obsesses over it. In his own words, he's fallen in love with an object. The opening monologue of the game is pretty much word for word your typical loveshy speech, complete with "I'm a nice guy, smart and handsome, but I still don't have a date. What is wrong with me? I'm not shy or anything. Why do girls nowadays always pick the douchebags?"

 

[TheMightyMonarch]

This same scene demonstrates Alice's complete lack of understanding of the female anatomy. The girl coughs up some blood because of her cancer, and Alice makes a comment about "becoming a woman out of your mouth."

Nice. I admitedly didn't pick up on that when I first saw the episode.

I just realized that Alice is another variation of a cow: a serial killer fangirl. In one episode, an Ed Gein like killer gets incarcerated into Superjail and Alice instantly has the hots for him. The Warden sends another character to go undercover as a prisoner for "intel" (it makes sense in context). Alice gets pissed that it's not her that is chosen for this, so she later beats up said character for "ruining her chances with the new guy."

 

[Darwin Watterson]

Pretty much every character from American Dad! is a cow of some kind.

Stan is an ultra-conservative control freak who literally worships Ronald Reagan and George W. Bush. In one episode, his control freak tendencies literally lead to him threatening God with a gun to get his way (it makes sense in context). In another episode, he discovers masturbation (he's about 42, by the way) and becomes addicted to it. His son Steve catches him doing it, leading him to take control of all the TV stations in his town and replace all the shows with him doing puppet shows teaching how masturbation is evil. He's so against Francine getting a career and being successful on her own that he's gone to drastic lengths to keep her as a housewife (including sabotaging the American economy to stop her career as a real estate agent). He also routinely kidnaps his mother's boyfriends and sends them to a deserted island so that she'll go to him for comfort. This "comfort" involves him bathing her. Many episodes have him learn a lesson of some sort, but he never fully sheds his lolcow tendencies.

Francine only married Stan so that she could be taken care of, and didn't have to be a provider. In addition to this, she is also shown to have a compulsive need for Steve to need her. She's sabotaged his relationships with girls, and has told him that no girl, not even future wives and girlfriends, will love him as much as her. She basically does this to keep him a "mamma's boy." She's also obsessive about her appearance, to the point of working out until she pukes (which includes power lifting the couch) and taking tons of laxatives to stay thin.

Hayley is your average Tumblr SJW. She's pretty much Stan, if Stan were female and liberal. However, it's heavily implied (if not outright stated) that she only pretends to be such an extreme liberal to piss Stan off. An example would be how she talked about having sex with a woman to shock her parents, but in a later episode when she's actually presented with the opportunity, she seems disgusted by it.

Steve is a loveshy loser. Like Marjan, he also seems to have an attraction to his own mother, as in one episode he sings a song about how he'd really want to have sex with her if only she wasn't his mother. On one occasion, he plans to get revenge on a bully by dressing up a girl and seducing him. In another, he thought that a crack den was Hogwarts and that the crack dealers and addicts were students and professors.

Roger is easily the biggest cow in the series. He's an alien horrorcow and a depraved sociopath. He's an enormous alcoholic, will perform filthy sex acts with just about anyone, male or female, and basically leeches off of the family, laying around eating junk food and watching TV. He is selfish to the point of endangering others. In one episode, his attempts to get Stan to like him again end up getting both of Stan's legs torn off by a bear. Instead of helping Stan, he then gets into a fight with Andy Dick (Stan's replacement for him), and then refuses to take Stan to the hospital, insisting that he has to be the one to save him. Stan almost dies from this. In another episode, he wants the Smiths to roast him for his birthday party. They do, and even though he wanted them to, he gets pissed off that they criticize him and tries to kill them. When Steve ate a cookie that Roger wanted, Roger takes revenge by doing something completely elaborate and unnecessary: He convinces Steve that Stan and Francine aren't his real parents, burns all of the family photos with Steve in them, tells him that some random people who lost their son years ago are his real parents, and then has Steve go to their house in a sailor suit...over a cookie. In one episode, he starts a chauffeur service and gets stiffed for $20 by some frat boys. His response? He hunts down and murders each one of them. He disguises himself so that he can leave the house and interact with people, and on more than one occasion, his personas have taken on lives of their own. This once resulted in Roger unknowingly calling a hit on himself. He also married a woman and stayed married to her for years just so he could steal her hair for a wig once she died, and then he dumps her corpse in a lake. Finally, one episode has him telling people that he's "the decider," that is, his species sent him to Earth to decide whether it should be blown up or not. He spends the whole episode acting like an arrogant prick until he finds out that they really just intended him as a crash test dummy. He has a breakdown before getting a box of poisoned hotdogs, which he constantly threatens people with. He is willing to endanger Steve's life just so he can keep feeling important. Listing everything he's done in the show would take too long, and this section is already pretty long, so I'll end it by saying that one episode shows that his species is physically incapable of being nice. If they are nice for extended periods of time, their bodies fill with bile and they die. However, even by these standards, Roger is still a depraved horrorcow.

That's not even getting into the other more minor characters like Jeff Fischer and Barry.

 

[GiantSpiderInvasion]

Another prime time Fox character:

Tina Belcher from Bob's Burgers. A socially crippled 13 year old with fetishes for zombies and butts, who writes erotic "friend fiction" about classmates and zombies fondling each other's butts. She also awkwardly hits on men and boys, including the family dentist, a man much older than her.

It should be noted that Tina was originally a boy in the pilot, but got changed to a girl for sending sexual predator vibes. Despite this, she's still voiced by a man, who makes no effort to hide it.

She's obsessed with horses, and the show's version of My Little Pony, "Equestrinauts." That's right, Tina is basically a brony on top of all her other weirdness.

Tina reacts to stress by freezing up and moaning, "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh." She even managed to crash a car that her dad let her drive. The car she hit was the only other car in the parking lot, and she was driving about 2 miles per hour. She did her trademark, "Uhhhhhhh" while doing this.

There was a joke in the first episode that she was autistic. "The worst kind of autistic," as her sister called her. Even though her dad dismissed this, I think she's the most spergy prime time cartoon after Ralph Wiggum.

Her family are pretty eccentric, too. Her dad has conversations with inanimate objects, her mom is a space case who breaks out into song, her sister just loves chaos, and her brother is basically a human one liner.

 

[A Random]

Okay at this point I'm starting to think this thread is a TV Tropes thread instead. I'm gonna save my analytical responses and just... go away.