Ughhh sorry I'm late honey long day at the office and I guess you could say I wasn't feeling very...jazzy.
<insert canned audience laughter>
Fuck that shit. Let's get this over with.
SEASON 7 EPISODE 7
-Griff and Sander do the lame tiktok thing and get into a screaming argument over the "bestie dance". Both make complete asses out of themselves and sound more like a couple on a break instead of siblings. Griffin is pissy because social media means literally jack fucking shit compared to law. The lack of shirts make everything way too incestuous and homoerotic. This family is so creepy.
-Sander is mega cringe obviously but Griffin is a wolf in sheep's clothing. He wants to pass laws for trans kids, aka snip snipping them in the cradle. That's pretty fucking sinister.
-Sander spergs about social media like it's an actual fucking thing. Stop trying to make "fetch" happen, Gretchen. No one gives a shit about your videos or your family beyond clownworld.
-Ari sits through the commentary and internally screams. She ditches for school and isn't in the episode much. I don't blame her.
-The family goes to a wreck-it place to destroy some shit like a bunch of flailing speds. Ari apparently gave them a nice anniversary gift before she left but apparently said FUCK THAT when it came to participating in any anniversary cringe.
-Jazz can't fit in the wreck suit. The place looks admittedly fun but Jazz seems really low energy.
-"This is everybody who talks crap behind our backs!" Jeanette shrieks before completely failing at smashing a plate. LOL.
-Griff and Jazz meet the state rep. of Florida to force the troonkids organization into schools. It sounds like a fucking cult. Flashback to a "hate comment" Jazz received on a video. "Someone please shoot it or else I'll have to kill it myself." LOL WHO TALKS LIKE THAT? The show can't be bothered to show the actual comments because then the viewers would get redpilled.
-Realtalk, they will never pass this shit into law. Not as a state law or a fed law. This is all glittery nonsense to make Jazz look busy instead of being the poster child of abusive parenting.
-"I don't care if you're liberal or conservative--how can you vote no to BEING KIND?" What about all those poor kids that are going through phases and will live with the fallout for the rest of their lives? The kids that have no interest in this shit and just want to play with legos? The kids that can't tell Timmy that he's being creepy without getting slaughtered because Timmy felt like Tammy today? There's no black and white dynamics to reality and you can't just enforce this shit on everyone. Fuck off Griffin.
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Jazz wearing the same shirt again. Sander is so cringe.
-Sander spergs more about social media to get the law passed. Griffin is annoyed and they fight some more. Everyone sucks. All of them. Everything is terrible.
-Jazz is packing clothes. All of them are shit from high school and Jeanette points this out. Jazz's wardrobe is embarrassing full of ugly colors. Lots of the outfits have holes. It's almost like Jazz is a guy, who, like a lot of guys, are pretty meh when it comes to shopping and clothing. *not all obviously
-Jeanette fully intends on staying nearby when he goes to Harvard. She has a one-way ticket. Fucking creepy.
-Jazz insists that he's ready for school. He looks tired and stressed.
-Jazz, Jeanette, and shitty friend hang out. Jeanette drinks like a fish. Jazz wants Jeanette to stop being such a fucking obsessive narc. Jeanette doesn't know what to do with her life as an empty nester. Jazz wants Jeanette to do something to raise money for trans kids via an abusive organization they created. This will come in the form of tie-dye dresses because Jazz has shit tastes. Jeanette whines and looks pissy.
-Surprise anniversary present from Greg! Jeanette expects bling even though her own gift is shitty. Jeanette does an absolutely horrifying Marilyn Monroe impression. This is nuclear cringe and I felt my brains exiting out of my mouth as I vomited into the cold dark abyss.
-The present is going to an indoor sports place. Jeanette is clearly pissed that it's not someplace fancy. The kids (sans Ari) are all there because of course. Apparently, Jeanette and Greg got engaged on a fucking ski lift so they're going to recreate the moment. Jeanette isn't good at acting enthused.
-Everyone fake-skiis like a pack of idiots. Jeanette complains all over the place.
-Jazz falls on his fucking face and I laughed because I'm a terrible person who's going to hell. He lays there for like five minutes without moving.
-Jeanette shows him the awful lingerie pictures. Right in front of the kiddos! Jeanette butchers the French language. I hope they get a divorce.
-Tie-dye time! Jeanette throws a screeching fit over tie-dye on the counter, snapping at the twins. Ah, the real Jeanette. Full narc mode engaged. Sander annoys the shit out of everyone so that he can get a shitty tiktok video. Everyone hates his guts.
-The fucking cat shows up and pisses all over their bushes. The camera zooms in and I fucking cackle like a loon.
-Based cat. #ourcat
-Jazz has heartburn after talking to Harvard. He's stressed because he needs a whole fucking team of doctors, therapists, and meds to move from point A to point B. This kid is a fucking basketcase and there's clearly something they're not telling us if Harvard is this twitchy about him coming back.
-Jazz is a mess. I mean it. He looks worse and worse with each passing episode.
-NEXT WEEK: They go zip-lining where Jazz brags about his lack of penis, they visit the fucking Smithsonian where Jazz is featured in an exhibit on girlhood, everyone hates on Sander because of tiktok, Sander fucking cries like a bitch in front of Hope, Jazz checks on his email from Harvard about enrollment.
I'm going to bed. Fuck this shit.
