Well according to him, it's not a script, it's a "narrative essay" or something. It did make composing hard though, because scenes and moods would fly by so quickly and I had to deal with his narrative style. For example, that song "Mountain Lillies" which was posted a couple pages ago has the faster part I'm really proud of, but it couldn't be very long because the fight scene went by so fast.
Lord have mercy, I know that I said it's a production nightmare in an earlier post but for real, how the hell can he even produce FRWBY with this shit BTS? First and foremost the script is the a cornerstone on the coordination between every department, the fact that he felt it's unnecessary and instead rely on his fanfic as a substitute perturbs me greatly.
Lord have mercy, I know that I said it's a production nightmare in an earlier post but for real, how the hell can he even produce FRWBY with this shit BTS? First and foremost the script is the a cornerstone on the coordination between every department, the fact that he felt it's unnecessary and instead rely on his fanfic as a substitute perturbs me greatly.
He'd send out pieces of script to the artists, and you can tell. The onsen scene is probably the best example, because characters are constantly switching places since there was nothing coordinating positioning. For myself, first it was a nightmare. I had to ask, can we have a theme for X?, and he'd give vague answers. I'd write what I could, rewrote to match his new requests, then he'd pick apart the draft for hours to "perfect" it. After the first video, I put my foot down, and he gave me specific scenes and audio.
I actually can tell you why: he knows the technology isn't there. But he'd do it if he could snap his fingers and become a woman.
He'd send out pieces of script to the artists, and you can tell. The onsen scene is probably the best example, because characters are constantly switching places since there was nothing coordinating positioning. For myself, first it was a nightmare. I had to ask, can we have a theme for X?, and he'd give vague answers. I'd write what I could, rewrote to match his new requests, then he'd pick apart the draft for hours to "perfect" it. After the first video, I put my foot down, and he gave me specific scenes and audio.
Well according to him, it's not a script, it's a "narrative essay" or something. It did make composing hard though, because scenes and moods would fly by so quickly and I had to deal with his narrative style. For example, that song "Mountain Lillies" which was posted a couple pages ago has the faster part I'm really proud of, but it couldn't be very long because the fight scene went by so fast.
If you really want to know how bad a writer this dude is, back in 2020, I got bored and wrote the start of a little Pokemon fanfic. I showed it to Raymond, and he disliked it, so he wrote his own version. It's genuinely outstanding how much worse his was. Mine wasn't anything special, but that dude mangled every sentence. It looked like this: View attachment 2906943
I now have a rage response to free indirect narration.
But that's not how you made a script... That's only going to confuse you a whole lot more when you have to turn it into an actual script. He should have focused more on the important story beats first, the important scenes, and then padded the rest with subplots or comic relief. One thing I noted from his writings is that he's so focused on exposition and narration, the characters have no action at all. And in an audiovisual medium, it's much more important than prose fiction. "Show, don't tell" should have been the core principle
And also, that composition and formatting. Holyshit...
When some autistic yuri loving fart sniffing RWBY fanfic fag understands the transwomen are not women and quite a large portion of society doesn't...Good lord this is more depressing than anything else about this guy.
But that's not how you made a script... That's only going to confuse you a whole lot more when you have to turn it into an actual script. He should have focused more on the important story beats first, the important scenes, and then padded the rest with subplots or comic relief. One thing I noted from his writings is that he's so focused on exposition and narration, the characters have no action at all. And in an audiovisual medium, it's much more important than prose fiction. "Show, don't tell" should have been the core principle
And also, that composition and formatting. Holyshit...
Again, he thinks he's created some novel format of storytelling with the style of a "video essay" or whatever he called it. I tried telling him to focus more on the emotion, less on quips, and he said that would be bland and, in the case of removing the bad onsen joke, "puritanical." That's when I got kicked, though I would've left on my own accord eventually. When describing emotion, he often can't really handle it or explain it well, so he just speeds over it.
For example,
Look at the word choice. "Saying flatly" implies lack of care, which Raymond didn't intend. The beating his chest thing is, as aforementioned, stolen from something else, so I can't credit him for that. He plainly describes Neo's emotions as a "mix of rage, sadness, happiness, and confusion," which I have no clue how to visualize. In the FFIX ending he copied from, Garnet is first clearly furious, but then relief takes over. It's very sweet. Here, everyone is laughing for some reason, because I guess the quip was funny? That wouldn't be the normal reaction. Then, Roman's reaction to Neo being hesitant towards him is to "sigh and shrug," also implying ambivalence. He gives her a "lopsided [smile]" with no indication towards what the emotion on his face actually is. Roman should be a bit sad here, not smugly grinning like a moron. "Oh, but he masks his emotions," except he shouldn't be doing that here, because humans tend to react strongly to things, even relatively stoic ones. He's telling his beloved partner, who he presumed dead, not to be afraid of him. Neo then "still appears uneasy," which feels very understated considering Roman is now the host of an immortal wizard. "Glancing at him periodically" is also very weak.
I'm only getting the basest level of who these characters are and how they express themselves, because I'm just being told what's happening instead of getting any imagery or cues like a director would add in a script. Me and a friend both took a crack at the second paragraph.
From a friend:
"As the group laughs, Ozpin's consciousness sinks back into the depths of Roman's mind, allowing him to surface once more. He blinks aware, taking in his surroundings. Only one thought is on his mind, and his eyes do not stop until they find her. Neo. She was looking at him, eyes scanning his face rapidly, small hands gripped the sleeves of her jacket till her knuckles turned white. There was fear there, and the realization of it hit Roman like a truck.
His hand reaches out to comfort her but she visibly flinches, taking a small step back from his outstretched fingers. She had never reacted to him like this before... But how could he blame her? Not when a stranger had just been speaking with his mouth, eyes passing over her with no recognition in them? His hand hung in the air, before slowly lowering back to his sides.
"Hey..." He spoke softly, as to not draw attention to them. However, his voice still caused Neo's eyes to snap back to his own. "It's me. I'm still me." While her guarded posture remained the same, the grip on her jacket relaxed. Neo's gaze shifted away, but for a moment, nothing else happened. Roman could feel the creep of anxiety crawling up his spine before Neo took a hesitant step forward. One became two, then more until she was once more at Roman's side."
From myself:
"As the group laughs, Ozpin cedes control back to Roman. He blinks aware, mind and eyes instantly going to Neo. Her small hands tense around her arms, no doubt trying to contain the millions of thoughts racing through her head. Roman's hand is now that of a friend and a stranger to her. It reaches for her shoulder, only pull back when she flinches. "Hey," Roman says, "it's still me." Neo still won't look him in the eye, and she still holds herself, but her arms relax. With a hesitant stride, she places herself at Roman's side once more."
I actually can tell you why: he knows the technology isn't there. But he'd do it if he could snap his fingers and become a woman.
He'd send out pieces of script to the artists, and you can tell. The onsen scene is probably the best example, because characters are constantly switching places since there was nothing coordinating positioning. For myself, first it was a nightmare. I had to ask, can we have a theme for X?, and he'd give vague answers. I'd write what I could, rewrote to match his new requests, then he'd pick apart the draft for hours to "perfect" it. After the first video, I put my foot down, and he gave me specific scenes and audio.
Out of curiosity, do you have any rough drafts of the songs still? I'm just curious what they sounded like pre-correction. Mostly because after looking at his corrections on writing, I'm fascinated with what he would want to change about music.
I took some composing classes back in college and would run my stuff by some of my non-music friends, and getting corrections from them was the most unintentionally funny and frustrating thing to me.
Out of curiosity, do you have any rough drafts of the songs still? I'm just curious what they sounded like pre-correction. Mostly because after looking at his corrections on writing, I'm fascinated with what he would want to change about music.
I took some composing classes back in college and would run my stuff by some of my non-music friends, and getting corrections from them was the most unintentionally funny and frustrating thing to me.
Ozpin glanced at Torchwick, and raised an eyebrow, gesturing at the group with his hand.
Roman blinked, then his eyes widened. Turning to Neo, he froze.
Clenching the grip of her umbrella, Neo's gaze never left Roman, not even for an instant. Her face was white- Not the normal, pale complexion that complimented her multicolored hair, but a pasty, bloodless complexion that flattered no one but the dead, and the dying.
Silently, Roman cursed himself for a fool.
Roman reached out, then stilled as she flinched back. Carefully, he withdrew the hand, face blank, refusing to show weakness even as he reeled with hurt. Pulling together the last of his composure, he managed a wobbly smile held together by the frayed strands of discipline cultivated over years on the streets, and hope that hadn't quite faded. "Hey," he whispered, "I'm still me."
Neo stared at him, then glanced to the door.
Dread curled in the pit of his stomach. This was it, wasn't it? They'd had a good run, but... Neo was Neo. It was just business after all... no matter how much that hurt.
Though he knew he should say something, wish Neo luck in her future endeavors, for old times sake if nothing else, he couldn't force his lips to form the words.
Then, Neo took a single, hesitant step forward, a mixture of hope and longing in her gaze.
He couldn't help it; the grin the grew on his face was so wide his cheeks hurt.
They were still in business.
It was like seeing another person. A spark lit deep in Neo's eyes, and she smiled back at him, darting forward to take her place at his side, where she belonged.
Ozpin was ceding control to Roman's undeniable expertise in the matters of the underworld, Roman wasn't dead, and Neo wasn't either. The only thing that marred the occasion was the fact that he didn't have a cigar, the Vacuoan ones that were a bitch and a half to smuggle around customs, not that cheap knockoff shit.
Yes, Roman Torchwick mused to himself, this was turning out to be quite a good day.
It doesn't surprise me that this moron is handing prose out as script.
Script writing is a high level concept for an author, not necessarily because script writing is hellishly difficult, but because it's an apples to oranges comparison. They are both written, but script writing is for a different medium with different strengths to focus on.
It's the kind of thing you look at when you're approaching mastery, and are starting to study different methods of story telling in general, regardless of whether you can use them. Even in high end servers where there are sections for script writing, it's not often discussed. Prose utilizes outlines, not scripts. You'll get the occasional artist who does comics who'll discuss it. And every once in awhile, you'll get some poor movie writer who hops in only to be politely told that most people won't talk about it because scripts aren't their speciality. But otherwise, people don't really cover it.
It's an outline for a visual medium. If you want to discuss how visual story telling differs from written story telling, you will discuss that, not scripts.
The kind of person who doesn't understand show versus tell is also the kind of person who doesn't understand why prose does not translate well into the visual medium period, let alone why it doesn't double as a script of all things.
I remember him also saying it took him a month to write the outline, and another month to write the actual script, and he would have gone crazy had it not been for the Sketchy Huntsmen, saying he'd be speaking in an unknown language burying effigies of Miles in his backyard.
All things considered, a month isn't unreasonable. That text is prose dense, so, at a hundred pages, they are probably pushing 30k words. I estimate it would take me about 180 hours to go from blank doc to third drafted prose for 30k words. Most authors only average about 500 words per hour, and thats just the first draft.
I appreciate it, don't wory about the theme without synth, I don't want to trouble you. I was just curious, I had the worst habit of overriding all my old drafts when I was back at university, using finale or whatever nightmare software that was.
I appreciate it, don't wory about the theme without synth, I don't want to trouble you. I was just curious, I had the worst habit of overriding all my old drafts when I was back at university, using finale or whatever nightmare software that was.
I think the original is better, I don't see what the purpose of the speed up is, unless you were going to immediately transition it into another, quicker track, but with how the final version ends, it doesn't make me think that'd be the case, what with the fade out.
I think the original is better, I don't see what the purpose of the speed up is, unless you were going to immediately transition it into another, quicker track, but with how the final version ends, it doesn't make me think that'd be the case, what with the fade out.
That was the purpose. I didn't like it either. He never ended up using it in its full glory anyway, since I left before Adam appeared and he stopped using my music for the most part, instead going for some anime or FF7R song probably.
View attachment 2908339
That was the purpose. I didn't like it either. He never ended up using it in its full glory anyway, since I left before Adam appeared and he stopped using my music for the most part, instead going for some anime or FF7R song probably.
I feel like if I wanted music for this character with tons of power, I'd want the tempo to pick up rather early on in the piece, not the end. Or if not pick up, maybe do some real heavy percussion type of thing.
Not sure what he means by strategic use of synth, but if its a big character fighting, to my mind, there aren't many better places.
View attachment 2908339
That was the purpose. I didn't like it either. He never ended up using it in its full glory anyway, since I left before Adam appeared and he stopped using my music for the most part, instead going for some anime or FF7R song probably.
I feel like his logic is that Adam's theme song should flow exactly like how the guy fights? Shouldn't theme songs be like an audio cue that helps establish what kind of character is present on screen? I mean 2003 clone wars grievous moves like crazy and fast but his theme is slow and ominous.
Ozpin glanced at Torchwick, and raised an eyebrow, gesturing at the group with his hand.
Roman blinked, then his eyes widened. Turning to Neo, he froze.
Clenching the grip of her umbrella, Neo's gaze never left Roman, not even for an instant. Her face was white- Not the normal, pale complexion that complimented her multicolored hair, but a pasty, bloodless complexion that flattered no one but the dead, and the dying.
Silently, Roman cursed himself for a fool.
Roman reached out, then stilled as she flinched back. Carefully, he withdrew the hand, face blank, refusing to show weakness even as he reeled with hurt. Pulling together the last of his composure, he managed a wobbly smile held together by the frayed strands of discipline cultivated over years on the streets, and hope that hadn't quite faded. "Hey," he whispered, "I'm still me."
Neo stared at him, then glanced to the door.
Dread curled in the pit of his stomach. This was it, wasn't it? They'd had a good run, but... Neo was Neo. It was just business after all... no matter how much that hurt.
Though he knew he should say something, wish Neo luck in her future endeavors, for old times sake if nothing else, he couldn't force his lips to form the words.
Then, Neo took a single, hesitant step forward, a mixture of hope and longing in her gaze.
He couldn't help it; the grin the grew on his face was so wide his cheeks hurt.
They were still in business.
It was like seeing another person. A spark lit deep in Neo's eyes, and she smiled back at him, darting forward to take her place at his side, where she belonged.
Ozpin was ceding control to Roman's undeniable expertise in the matters of the underworld, Roman wasn't dead, and Neo wasn't either. The only thing that marred the occasion was the fact that he didn't have a cigar, the Vacuoan ones that were a bitch and a half to smuggle around customs, not that cheap knockoff shit.
Yes, Roman Torchwick mused to himself, this was turning out to be quite a good day.
It doesn't surprise me that this moron is handing prose out as script.
Script writing is a high level concept for an author, not necessarily because script writing is hellishly difficult, but because it's an apples to oranges comparison. They are both written, but script writing is for a different medium with different strengths to focus on.
It's the kind of thing you look at when you're approaching mastery, and are starting to study different methods of story telling in general, regardless of whether you can use them. Even in high end servers where there are sections for script writing, it's not often discussed. Prose utilizes outlines, not scripts. You'll get the occasional artist who does comics who'll discuss it. And every once in awhile, you'll get some poor movie writer who hops in only to be politely told that most people won't talk about it because scripts aren't their speciality. But otherwise, people don't really cover it.
It's an outline for a visual medium. If you want to discuss how visual story telling differs from written story telling, you will discuss that, not scripts.
The kind of person who doesn't understand show versus tell is also the kind of person who doesn't understand why prose does not translate well into the visual medium period, let alone why it doesn't double as a script of all things.
All things considered, a month isn't unreasonable. That text is prose dense, so, at a hundred pages, they are probably pushing 30k words. I estimate it would take me about 180 hours to go from blank doc to third drafted prose for 30k words. Most authors only average about 500 words per hour, and thats just the first draft.
I do agree with you. I once wrote a script for a play in college and its a very different experience than writing a prosr fiction. That guy clearly haven't had any experience with writing a script at all, or at the very least, learning about how to do it
Even as a "narrative essay", that's too flowery, too much prose and not much of actions. Its like the exact opposite of what you need to do to make a script. And if you see his background as a fanfic writer, that clearly shows. Hell, even as a prose fiction it's not that really good as well
People these days really need to read Shakespeare's plays again
I do agree with you. I once wrote a script for a play in college and its a very different experience than writing a prosr fiction. That guy clearly haven't had any experience with writing a script at all, or at the very least, learning about how to do it
Even as a "narrative essay", that's too flowery, too much prose and not much of actions. Its like the exact opposite of what you need to do to make a script. And if you see his background as a fanfic writer, that clearly shows. Hell, even as a prose fiction it's not that really good as well
People these days really need to read Shakespeare's plays again
The problem isn't that this is a fanfic author, the problem is this isn't a good author. Newer authors stick to low-skill author hubs. The kind that huff their own farts and don't have high level conversations about this kind of stuff. The high end kind are also the kind that a low-skill author like this would stay away from because he cannot understand what is being talked about because it is highly technical. However, the higher end hubs are also the only ones that will be talking about scripts.
This dude could legit just be a retard who doesn't know why scripts are different from prose, because no one told him, and he never bothered to google why.
