Trashfire PPP: Pig's Passage to Portugal - Update 1/26 - Ralph got his ass kicked and murse stolen. Turns out, the citizens of Portugal are NOT big fans of the Killstream

[WutangLee]

There's a lot of indians selling fake drugs to tourists in Lisbon, he'll just probably get scammed.

Yup, same shit with Spain. They're more or less tourist hell holes. They sell random trinkets, and flowers during the day, but will offer you drugs at night in the same tourist holes. Overall, Europe is a shit place to be a tourist (except I hear good things about Eastern Europe and the UK). Also if you go, bring a girl with you, it'll discourage the prostitutes.

I'm praying the Gunt gets into one of those dog shit Taxi's that scam foreigners into "bars" that are actually brothels filled with trafficked whores that secretly bleed you dry, and will break your legs if you try and run away.

 

[Not a fake name]

One day, this will be Ralph :Airline passenger who demanded restroom assistance died on vacation in Thailand: reports

 

[grumble_bum]

RIP to who ever is sitting behind, next to or around Ralph right now. He's probably drunk, sweating and reclining his seat beyond its limits.

 

[Tommy's Mom]

Actually in Portugal the unrestricted age of consent is 16, 14-16 is restricted to either the girl being a thot or genuine relationships, if there's even a hint the gunt tried to unduly infulence a 15 year old into sex then he's going to jail at which point the FBI can get him too when he's deported back to the US.

If he fucks a 16-year-old in Portugal and then flies back to the US, the US will charge him with sexual assault of a minor. The fact that he did it in another country won't matter. Kidfuckers who fly to Thailand get arrested all the time as soon as they come back. I really hope that Ralph doesn't know about this because he will totally brag about fucking a 16-year-old if he thinks he did it legally.

 

[Stanley Tit]

Need a tracker map showing May's location throughout the trip--a red dot over Richmond, that never moves.

 

[Punished Brent]

If J.F could see andy now he would throw down whatever potato he's mashing these days and come rushing back in a heartbeat!
Andy somehow made Ethan Ralph take the "gucci manpurse" of vacations.
Fucking portugal

 

[Matt Damon]

The man is a cartoon character.

 

[MeltyTW]

There's not really minor prostitutes in Portugal, lots of 30 year olds pretending to be 18 though. This isn't Thailand.

then wtf is even there for a true RELPHA male?

Need a tracker map showing Mae's location throughout the trip--a red dot over Richmond, that never moves.

alone and allegedly pregnant, no support, probably not even, actually no, definitely not even a call or a text, being financially uncertain of whether your bf is going to make you work while pregnant and really soon maybe even next day after giving birth while he wastes money to be the first to a country to spite a troll thats actually already been there, sweating bullets that the infamous finger banger is still at large and the police and internet are laughing their asses off at you, knowing 100 percent hell fuck hookers while you sit swollen and miserable.


truly the most RELPHA use of a loved one.

edit: Oh i vote ralph gets his bitch ass brains blown in by warskis sister btw, he has too much piggy rage to let the infamous diaper bomb/finger banging drive by go and hes too stupid and probably now drunk to realize that a girl can indeed shoot him in his massive face. Ralph has a good chance of dying on this trip especially since hes alone and has basically a crippled's move speed.

 

[Ted Kaczynski]

Ralph single handedly raising Portugal's obesity rate by 500%

 

[Generic Retard]

If he fucks a 16-year-old in Portugal and then flies back to the US, the US will charge him with sexual assault of a minor. The fact that he did it in another country won't matter. Kidfuckers who fly to Thailand get arrested all the time as soon as they come back. I really hope that Ralph doesn't know about this because he will totally brag about fucking a 16-year-old if he thinks he did it legally.

Does this only apply to US citizens, or do Europeans get arrested too, if they (let's say) fucked their underage GF and went on a vacation to the US? Age of consent <18 is law in a lot of countries, but usually with strings attached so greasy old gunts don't try to play sugardaddy.

 

[Jump]

WE DID IT RALPHMALES!


Whats weird is the plane photo changed while I was watching it. Someone just uploaded a new photo of that aircraft.

 

[Mr.Downer]

I'd like to believe Gunt's plan is to go to Portugal, find some trashy hooker (maybe underaged) fuck her, and when she's sleeping in his hotel bed, take pictures of her, and post them on twitter claiming it's Andy's sister, but then I remembered Gunt has a pregnant fiancée, so either May would have to be fine with this or he could lie to her and say it's a prank and no sex happened.

 

[Crystal Golem]

-Selfie stroking chin while looking at art piece
-Selfie pointing at Galo de Barcellos with mouth agape
-Over the shoulder selfie, nervous look with creepy statue in background
-Food pics (x10)
-Satisfied after meal cigar selfie w/ sunglasses Caption: "it's tough" (x10)
-Normal pic of something that has inconvenienced Ralph

 

[Don't Tread on Me]

TL;DR for anyone reading this feature:

- Andy Warski is an old friend of Ralph from the glory days of 'Internet Bloodsports'. This song is about him.
- Andy is ethnically Portuguese and has wanted to go back to Portugal for years.
- Andy was in a chatroom with people Ralph hates.
- Ralph now hates Andy.
- Ralph is visiting Portugal to spite Andy. The logic is unclear, but it's probably along the lines of "I have enough donation money from my streams to visit Portugal any time I want, unlike Andy, who cannot afford to move there right now. This will own him."
- Portugal also has decriminalized narcotics, decriminalized prostitution, and a low age of consent.
- Dick Masterson was invited to come but injured his ankle at the last moment so Ralph is going alone.
- May, Ralph's pregnant fiance, is also not coming.
- Andy and PPP (Ralph's Canadian arch-nemesis) did a stream together which was successful and is probably stressing him out. Read more.

You're now caught up. This is probably his flight:

TP232 Flight Tracker-Washington to Lisbon (TAP-Air Portugal TP 232)-PlaneMapper

Flight TP232 from Washington to Lisbon is operated by TAP-Air Portugal. Scheduled time of departure from Washington Dulles Intl is 18:40 EST and scheduled time of arrival in Lisboa is 06:20 WET. The duration of the flight TAP-Air Portugal TP 232 is 6 hours 40 minutes.

www.planemapper.com

Ralph and May seem to spend an awful lot of time apart for a couple that will soon be happily married.

 

[Kornheiser]

He should have gone to Macau. It’s like Vegas but Chinese.

 

[Homer Simpson]

no fingerbanging though

Thank you for your consideration. I've seen how dangerous they are.

 

[Mr E. Grifter]

Does this only apply to US citizens, or do Europeans get arrested too, if they (let's say) fucked their underage GF and went on a vacation to the US? Age of consent <18 is law in a lot of countries, but usually with strings attached so greasy old gunts don't try to play sugardaddy.

US Citizens only.

Effectively, if you are a US citizen the federal age of consent applies to you regardless of local laws - even outside of the US. IIRC it was brought in specifically to help tackle sex tourism to places like Thailand where people would often go to have sex with children and the like.

 

[GuntPunt]

How many guntspawn is he going to make?

Hasn't the world suffered enough?

 

[Tommy's Mom]

I, too, leave my pregnant fiancée alone at home for a pleasure solo trip after seething mere hours ago about the danger she was in from a man whose whereabouts are unknown to me.

Seriously, bro. She had a literal finger gun pointed right at her fucking head! And this only happened yesterday! She might still be in danger!!

Does this only apply to US citizens, or do Europeans get arrested too, if they (let's say) fucked their underage GF and went on a vacation to the US? Age of consent <18 is law in a lot of countries, but usually with strings attached so greasy old gunts don't try to play sugardaddy.

Good question. I have no idea. I know it definitely applies to US citizens though.

 

[Captain Manning]

I have to say this, Ralph knows more about Portugal than Andy if he honestly thinks getting vaccinated is a condition of entry.

Back when Andy was a big deal around here, it was widely understood that he is a high functioning retard. I truly believe the Gunt probably has a higher IQ than him. Which isn't saying much.

Remember, Andy flew into Nashville to attend his fight with Tonka, because he didn't understand that Nashville and Knoxville are two different cities. Ralph (same Ralph) had to drive 180 miles (one way) from Knoxville to pick him up and then drive the 180 miles back to Knoxville.

If Andy even tried to book a flight to Lisbon, he'd probably fuck it up and end up in Lebanon. That's just Andy.