Containment What If?

[Ser Ciappelletto]

What if Chris had been born a century ago? How would his antics fare growing up in a late Victorian and Great War era world?

What if Chris had been born into a wealthy millionaire family? Would his life have been infinitely better? or could he still have turned out to somehow still be a disaster?

In answer to both questions I refer to:

Timothy Dexter - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

 

[John Lennon military unif]

What if Chris had been born a century ago? How would his antics fare growing up in a late Victorian and Great War era world?

Most of his obsessions didn't exist back in those days so my best guess is instead of him being obsess with Sonic and pokemon making the character Sonichu instead he was obsess with Sherlock Homes and Tom Sawyer making the character Sherlock Sawyer but that's my guess if he exist back in those two era's

 

[Broseph]

he's even awful at the games he did play, even the ones that actual babies play. Sonic and pokemon included, he just favors them because they came with cartoons he could consume. Besides he just played pokemon to catch female pokemon (lovequest)

See his smash and SC videos where he struggles to barely beat npc bots on easy mode.

He's bought all the Genesis era Sonic games at least a dozen times over by now and every single time he always 100% the games and earned all the achievements. He knows those games like the back of his jizz encrusted hands because that's what he imprinted his autism on.

 

[LinkinParkxNaruto[AMV]]

What if Chris was born in the Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan? He would be married to some Afghan girl in exchange for some goats and would spend his days taking care of his herd. No Internet, no Sonichu, only the Quran and Allah.

rescuing that poor girl and those goats would be a noble enough cause to go back and bomb the shit out of taliban again

 

[️ronic]

What if Chris was part of the Suicide Squad?

He'd comically survive despite all efforts before claiming victory by raping the villain's mother.

 

[NaggotFigger]

What if, Chris becomes a dirty prostitute on the streets?

 

[Ser Ciappelletto]

What if, Chris becomes a dirty prostitute on the streets?

He tried that as both Carlos Chantor AND Stephanie Bustcakes and the results were as you expected.

 

[Pointless Sperg]

He tried that as both Carlos Chantor AND Stephanie Bustcakes and the results were as you expected.

The funny thing is that Rollin' and Trolin' Chris (that morphed into Carlos Chantor) was probably the only form of Chris that stood a chance of getting laid, but he immediately turned that into the unrealistic expectation that people would PAY him for the privilege.

 

[Ser Ciappelletto]

The funny thing is that Rollin' and Trolin' Chris (that morphed into Carlos Chantor) was probably the only form of Chris that stood a chance of getting laid, but he immediately turned that into the unrealistic expectation that people would PAY him for the privilege.

It's sort of like he acknowledged that was his prime form and then :autism: kicked in.

 

[A-№1]

The funny thing is that Rollin' and Trolin' Chris (that morphed into Carlos Chantor) was probably the only form of Chris that stood a chance of getting laid,

Or being successful in any other way. But then anything, really, would be an improvement over Chris.

I've said it before: one of the most frustrating things about Chris is that he doesn't try to actually BE Rollin & Trollin Chris. It's like he knows the correct solution for his life (or at least a better solution than he has right now), but instead of acting on that knowledge, he goes off and pretends to be Carlos Chantor or whatever. It's like a student who you know understands the material, but instead of putting down the correct answer, he spends the entire test period drawing sonic recolors on the exam page.

 

[Pointless Sperg]

Or being successful in any other way. But then anything, really, would be an improvement over Chris.

I've said it before: one of the most frustrating things about Chris is that he doesn't try to actually BE Rollin & Trollin Chris. It's like he knows the correct solution for his life (or at least a better solution than he has right now), but instead of acting on that knowledge, he goes off and pretends to be Carlos Chantor or whatever. It's like a student who you know understands the material, but instead of putting down the correct answer, he spends the entire test period drawing sonic recolors on the exam page.

He didn't even have to be what R&T Chris claimed to be (employed, etc.), he just needed to keep that behavior pattern up, and his social life would have improved. He was 1000% less creepy and some 3/10 woman might have actually banged him. Charismatic guys who are otherwise losers at life can nail some fairly attractive women (being good at guitar helps). Obviously Chris couldn't hope to reach that level, but some desperate woman might have given him a chance now that he was just acting like a douche instead of a freak.

Instead he expected his improvements now not only meant he deserved sex, but he deserved to be paid for it too. Right when he needed to not raise his standards (which were not as high as most people say), he raised them.

 

[A-№1]

he just needed to keep that behavior pattern up, and his social life would have improved.

Exactly. Being an unremarkable douche is a million times better than a remarkable sperg. Even keeping the fake arm tattoos would have helped, which only shows how bad he is IRL.

some 3/10 woman might have actually banged him.

I know a few who've said they would consider it.

Obviously Chris couldn't hope to reach that level,

But he could have at least tried. And maybe reached the 1/10 level by shooting for 3/10.

which were not as high as most people say

One look at Barb proves that. Ick.

 

[Pointless Sperg]

But he could have at least tried. And maybe reached the 1/10 level by shooting for 3/10.

Oh, I was saying he could've done 3/10. There are fat losers who get 7/10s by being particularly exciting, witty, and being good at some hobby that girls admire (like being in a band, not lego). I've known multiple quite-attractive young women who went off with methhead unemployed homeless ex-con 50-year-old guitarists that looked like corpses.

Chris, being an autist, could never hope to achieve those heights, but he could probably manage to bang a hard-up fatty in her 30's, if he could just manage to hide some of his degeneracy (and used a fake name while keeping his fucking mouth shut about it so the internet wouldn't reveal it).

 

[Blue Miaplacidus]

Oh, I was saying he could've done 3/10. There are fat losers who get 7/10s by being particularly exciting, witty, and being good at some hobby that girls admire (like being in a band, not lego). I've known multiple quite-attractive young women who went off with methhead unemployed homeless ex-con 50-year-old guitarists that looked like corpses.

Chris, being an autist, could never hope to achieve those heights, but he could probably manage to bang a hard-up fatty in her 30's, if he could just manage to hide some of his degeneracy (and used a fake name while keeping his fucking mouth shut about it so the internet wouldn't reveal it).

The problem was his laziness. He didn't want to find one, didn't try looking. He expected a fuck mommy to come to him. Most of the "women" who came to him were trolls, and the one legit one he probably could have fucked he decided was too much of an effort to go to so he banged his actual mom instead. He also has no concept of what a relationship is, so chris would need a very rare ultra retard who was also willing to travel to him, be his caretaker, and fuck toy on demand.

 

[Pointless Sperg]

The problem was his laziness. He didn't want to find one, didn't try looking. He expected a fuck mommy to come to him. Most of the "women" who came to him were trolls, and the one legit one he probably could have fucked he decided was too much of an effort to go to so he banged his actual mom instead. He also has no concept of what a relationship is, so chris would need a very rare ultra retard who was also willing to travel to him, be his caretaker, and fuck toy on demand.

Unpopular opinion: If Chris hadn't been such a freak, Chris and Megan would have made a pretty cute couple. Like take one of those old two-shots with Megan, photoshop some non-retard clothes on Chris, photoshop the retard expression off his face (and make Megan look less uncomfortable if you use that picture), and it could be a believable date pic.

EDIT: Hell, even Chris has a point here (but it would have to be an alternate timeline where Chris wasn't a freak)

https://twitter.com/cpu_cwcsonichu/status/1406989196833832965

 

[A-№1]

Oh, I was saying he could've done 3/10.

Oh he definitely could have managed a 3/10 if he actually WAS Rollin & Trollin, but that would require Chris changing himself.

I've known multiple quite-attractive young women who went off with methhead unemployed homeless ex-con 50-year-old guitarists that looked like corpses.

I really don't want to sidetrack into the nature of female attraction. Suffice to say a methhead unemployed homeless ex-con 50-year-old guitarist that looks like a corpse has Chris beaten hands down.

That said (though it's probably been asked before), what if Chris went heavy into the black hole of pick-up culture?

he could probably manage to bang a hard-up fatty in her 30's

40's. He's almost there himself.

Oddly enough, Chis is probably one of the few men who are LESS likely to be able to make it with an over 30 single mother than a childless single woman.

if he could just manage to hide some of his degeneracy (and used a fake name while keeping his fucking mouth shut about it so the internet wouldn't reveal it).

Yeah, I think we all know that's never going to happen. Chris would have to stop being, well, Chris.

If Chris hadn't been Chris,

FTFY

it could be a believable date pic.

Possibly, but the photoshop with Megan and Clyde Cash would still be more believable.

 

[Pointless Sperg]

That said (though it's probably been asked before), what if Chris went heavy into the black hole of pick-up culture?

I've found PUA/Dating Coach culture to be REMARKABLY similar to martial arts culture.

There's a minority that teaches actually useful skills that really work, but don't claim to give you any great advantage other than through skill and experience, and don't claim that it will empower you over great odds. (MMA/BJJ)

Then there's a large number of organizations that teach some useful skills that could probably be helpful, coupled with some weird mystical shit about controlling chi or something. Will probably improve you somewhat but still get your ass kicked if you take it too seriously (most eastern martial arts).

And finally there are the absolute bullshit artists that tell you you can somehow overcome all odds with supreme spiritual powers. (Frank Dux/Count Dante/Steven Seagal)

Chris would doubtless be attracted to the latter, believing he could make women orgasm with his psychic powers.

Oddly enough, Chis is probably one of the few men who are LESS likely to be able to make it with an over 30 single mother than a childless single woman.

Single moms get pickier and more desperate at the same time. It's a slow process of learning what they should have been looking for in the first place, but is now less interested in them. You're right in that someone like Chris manages to be even *more* repulsive to them -- not only is his freakishness just as disgusting, but his complete uselessness and irresponsibility makes him even worse.

Possibly, but the photoshop with Megan and Clyde Cash would still be more believable.

Nah, Megan didn't seem the type to be impressed by what Clyde was a caricature of. I'd buy her working out better with a less-retarded version of Chris. There are plenty of real life Clyde Cashes that are only marginally less obnoxious than the trollsona.

 

[Marshal Mannerheim]

If Chris hadn't been such a freak, Chris and Megan would have made a pretty cute couple.

No offence, but that sounds like one of those really autistic timelines on alternatehistory.com about how if the Nazis hadn't been total retards they would have won WW2.

The Nazis were always going to be retards because it was in their nature. Chris was always going to be a total perv because it was in his nature. Unless Chris got therapy as a kid, which would never have happened, his efforts to find a boyfriend-free girl wouldn't have worked.

 

[A-№1]

I've found PUA/Dating Coach culture to be REMARKABLY similar to martial arts culture.

I've only ever observed either from the outside. What I've seen seems pretty ridiculous.

There's a minority that teaches actually useful skills that really work,

I once knew a sergeant who taught the true secret of martial arts: "Fight dirty."

Then there's a large number of organizations that teach some useful skills that could probably be helpful, coupled with some weird mystical shit about controlling chi or something.

And finally there are the absolute bullshit artists that tell you you can somehow overcome all odds with supreme spiritual powers.

Doubtless with tuition fees only increasing with the level of bullshit.

Chris would doubtless be attracted to the latter, believing he could make women orgasm with his psychic powers.

Chris would attend maybe one class, fuck up constantly, and then assume he's mastered it all. I mean if television can teach him to do a curse-ye-ha-me-ha…

Single moms get pickier and more desperate at the same time.

They claim to get pickier, but in the end their desperation tells. How do you think they become single mothers over and over and over and over. Still, they never become desperate enough to settle for Chris.

but his complete uselessness and irresponsibility makes him even worse.

Exactly. Chris has nothing they want sexually, and he definitely has nothing they want financially.

There are plenty of real life Clyde Cashes that are only marginally less obnoxious than the trollsona.

But that's just it. "Clyde Cash", as ridiculous as the caricature is, exists IRL. Chris-with-his-shit-together remains a total fantasy.

if the Nazis hadn't been total retards they would have won WW2.

Nazi retardation had almost nothing to do with it. They didn't have the industrial power or manpower to win.

Chris was always going to be a total perv because it was in his nature.

In the same way, Chris being a total perv also had almost nothing to do with it. there are plenty of pervy women our there far worse than Chris in that regard (***cought*** Bella ***cough***).

Chris' biggest problem in his Love Quest was his laziness. And I mean laziness in general, not just his laziness in pursuing that sweet, sweet China.

 

[Pointless Sperg]

Chris was always going to be a total perv because it was in his nature.

Chris didn't get freaky until porn exposure. While normally I think people clutch pearls too much over porn, Chris is exactly the kind of person who should be kept away from it.

Porn is bad for kids because they have trouble separating media from reality. It's why we keep it away from them. But kids who've seen porn still usually grow up and make that distinction, the same way they stop thinking they have superpowers and imaginary friends, so I think the worries about lasting damage are overblown.

But for an eternal child like Chris that NEVER grows up? Porn is devastating.