Lolcow James Lloyd Evans / Lloyd Evans / John Cedars / The Reluctant Apostate / JWWatch / @cedarsjwsurvey - Self-appointed figurehead of ex-JWs, anti-sex abuse campaigner who spends his donations on hookers because he lacks "total mastery of his penis"

[repentance]

An absolutely fantastic OP. Glad to see it being featured - it's well deserved.

 

[Butwhythough]

See what I never truly understood about JW's was the whole anointed 144,000 thing. Like why even bother growing your memberbase if only a certain amount is promised anything? Isn't that just gonna make things harder for you?

 

[Agent Abe Caprine]

In the 80s schools had to rename Halloween as the “Harvest Festival” so the JWs wouldn’t keep their kids home that day. (School revenue is based on attendance) Very anti-fun group of retards.

JWs were always the first group to be blamed for anything fun not being allowed back in the 2000's. Even people who would probably agree with them on quite a few things rarely had anything good to say about the JWs. The doorknockers they send are usually less aggressive than the Mormon ones, though. Still not joining their fuddy duddy death cult.

 

[GamerGirl18]

I recently had a conversation with two young witnesses of jehovah and at the same time a homeless person was there. They babbled on at me, the usual stuff. I told them I was very fine and at peace with myself, they could help the homeless person or maybe they should go further and find someone willing to listen to their ramblings. They said they would pray for me, went their way and i thanked them. Friendly girls. I think as hookers they could go a long way, they just have to use their mouths for other purposes.

 

[Hyacinth Bucket (Bouquet)]

Me: Today is just grim and nothing is interesting or special. Also, the world might be ending.
Kiwifarms: Please accept this bounty of the very best type of Lolcow.

OP, many kudos for this great thread.

 

[Scarlett Johansson]

When I was in 7th grade these two JW ladies came to the front door. They startled my dog and it woke me up. I was pissed so I grabbed a water bottle and, opening the front door, i started flicking droplets of water at them and they ran away screaming to their car. It was quite a sight.

 

[IAmNotAlpharius]

It makes me wonder if there are any ex-Mormons who are this insane, they have to be out there. I am very interested in Christian and pseudo-Christian type cults so this was definitely a treat

Most ex-Mormon cows tend to be slutty SJWs if they’re women or coomers if they’re male. At least based on my observation. Regular ex-Mormons just blend into the crowd.

I have a theory that’s because Mormons interact more with the world than JWs. Mormons unlike JWs believe in governments and protecting their homes, so they tend to volunteer at a higher rate in the military compared to other religions. So they have a lot of contact with Baptists, Catholics, agnostic Normies, etc. They also tend to think that other people can be partially inspired by god but don’t have the whole picture and that people can repent even after death. So the mainline Mormons tend to be less hostile to the outside world.

The splinter groups tend to be more isolationistic and inbreed. I drove through Southern Utah once and they gave my sister stares and one made a comment about her wearing pants. They looked like they were larping from the 1800s. I thought they were larpers at first reenacting who knows what.

My memory can be a bit fuzzy but I used to be a lot more interested in religions and would have conversations with people from different faiths. So I could be wrong on their doctrines.

Just a general observation, but it seems to me that many ex JWs/Mormons/Scientologists end up making the act of being an ‘apostate’ a key defining feature of their personality. Another example of this is militant atheist, ex JW Youtuber, Telltale, who makes videos regarding ‘cults’. This is all fine and dandy, but he oftentimes has very little knowledge about other groups besides JW, and commonly ascribes malice to things that are otherwise normal for religious people (his videos on Catholics and the Amish are particularly clusterfucky). It’s almost as if the hubris that would exist in a JW is just repackaged and rebranded. I dunno, I think if I were to escape a cult that ‘ruined my life’ the last thing I’d want to do is constantly screech about it on the Internet.

I have a theory that a lot of atheists were raised in very fanatical homes that taught all other believers besides them were evil. They just apply that logic to their faith when they lose it but they continue believing all other faiths are evil. Some of them also seem to come from shitty homes with shitty parents.

Jehovah Witnesses were some of the people I least liked talking to when I was more interested in researching religion. Mostly because it wasn’t a conversation. It was like talking to a wall. I also felt like they were just trying to brow beat me into believing and it felt manipulative. In particular I wasn’t fond of how they’d often take an obscure scripture to try to overwrite a simpler one. Or they’d ignore the historical or cultural context of certain verses. I also dislike how they’d describe some things as symbolic but then automatically took other verses at face value. It felt like one big gatcha. You thought x “but aukshually…” followed by a lecture on why birthday presents bad or blood transfusions are no different than eating a pagan blood sacrifice. In some ways it reminded me of ye olde Puritans who seemed to enjoy finding ways to make yourself miserable.

The Evangelicals in my area would go around in big groups but they weren’t rude. They would be in big groups and had new testaments with them. The Mormons can be talkative. But I had good conversations with both. I also forgot the name of them but there’s that one organization of old men that handed out orange Bibles. I don’t think they were Mormons though and I know they weren’t JWs.

*Edit*
To be honest I felt like the JWs liked to be more provocative. Almost like trolling but with religion. A lot of what they say seemed to try to encourage a negative response to justify their persecution complex. At least that’s what it seemed like once they had a foot in the door and were friendly at first.

I also got a sense that they were xenophobic. One of the magazines had an autistic rant about how backwards the Chinese were for burning down their treasure fleet and another about how participating in Halloween was akin to participating in paganism. (Which I always thought was ridiculous considering half the costumes were always of IPs like Star Wars, Marvel, etc). I still have a copy of their Bible though. I’ve long since thrown out the magazines but a part of me wish I kept them.

*Another edit*
I actually once got a document from a polygamist group. I hope I can find it because it was comedy gold. I don’t even remember how I got it. Basically, it was a rant about how Polygamy good. It was written by that Mormon leader who was arrested in the 00s and it basically demanded that Native Americans should rise up and kill whitey.

I’m not trying to derail but I found it.

Spoiler: Polygamy Lulz

https://extras.sltrib.com/PDFs/Jeffs_122011.pdf

https://archive.ph/AxRYq

 

[Least Concern]

While Mormons have some of the craziest beliefs my experience with them has been nothing but pleasant. Met a Mormon at my gym who spoke several languages because he was in charge of arranging those missions for his church where they send people to places. I think those trips beat the autism out of them.

A big difference between Mormons and LDS is that while they both have some crazy beliefs, believing that Jesus came to the Americas (where elephants lived) and that coffee is bad probably isn't going to cause you any serious harm like the no blood transfusions thing or the hardcore shunning of apostates. The South Park ep on Mormons was right. They're harmless (at least in their current iteration).

Jehovah Witnesses were some of the people I least liked talking to when I was more interested in researching religion. Mostly because it wasn’t a conversation. It was like talking to a wall. I also felt like they were just trying to brow beat me into believing and it felt manipulative. In particular I wasn’t fond of how they’d often take an obscure scripture to try to overwrite a simpler one. Or they’d ignore the historical or cultural context of certain verses. I also dislike how they’d describe some things as symbolic but then automatically took other verses at face value. It felt like one big gatcha.

They have a very numbers-driven approach to evangelism. Members have to spend so many hours to knock on so many doors, and as part of that they've definitely adopted salesman-like tactics to the whole thing. One that actually made me smile once was when I got a door knock and looked out the peephole and saw a (modestly-dressed) twenty-something qtπ there. But after opening the door, a fat middle-aged man popped out from around the corner and took the lead on shoving the literature into my hand. Ah, nice one.

As a regular blood donor, I really want to talk to one about the transfusion thing some time, but I never remember to do so whenever I see them (probably because my first instinct is to do my best to pretend I didn't see them or something).

 

[TerrorSperg99]

What’s wrong if he wants to spend his money on prostitutes. Given the current state of dating I can see why it’s preferable to some men. Also if he was raised in JW he probably has serious mental issues. It’s probably a good thing he dating regular women

 

[DatBepisTho]

put it this way, when you are a witness you beileve everyone is going to die not matter how good of a person or anything else. If they are not a witness they are dead at Armageddon. The end. So yea many witnesses think they are much better than what they constantly call "bird food" at the kingdom hall.

Tbh I find more than JWs to be that way.

Any belief system that reaffirms "Everyone's going into the lake of fire but me" is going to be the worst and attract the worst.

 

[Hyacinth Bucket (Bouquet)]

What’s wrong if he wants to spend his money on prostitutes. Given the current state of dating I can see why it’s preferable to some men. Also if he was raised in JW he probably has serious mental issues. It’s probably a good thing he isn’t dating regular women(sorry for double posting I don’t know how to edit on my phone)

1. He's married, and a lot of people know/like his wife;
2. He went to Thailand, which is sketchy, especially for a guy whose "business" is advocacy against child sex abuse; and,
3. He has a long history of being a dick and this is the needle that punctured the boil and got everyone talking about it openly.

 

[DatBepisTho]

A lot of religions tend to have variation of that belief though.

This is true, but those religions also have more skeletons in their closets than you can shake a vial of holy water at, despite the supposed peace and unity they pay lipservice to.

 

[Natsuki]

Tbh if a JW appeared at my door I would either spray them with water or when they stop the question about if I want to hear about how cool their religion is and how cool is Jesus answer back with "do you want to talk about how Darwin's theory of evolution proves that either the bible was tampered and censored or false?" Like in sure they would run at the mention of Darwin's theory. Tbh idk why they don't get the more converted members into a medics doctorate,open a only JW hospital with blood transfusions and days "now these transfusions are good because it's only from those who will be saved" and get rid of one if the most know points against them.

But then again it's like asking a cooler to stop watching porn or to a lolcow to stop being one

 

[Rungle]

I thought Ex-JW was supposed to be a term meaning an SJW that became based.
Great OP, Im always interested in doomsday cult kinda shit.

 

[Fareal]

Tremendous OP, gold star work.

No one could figure out how it was happening, but the JWs in the area I used to live used to turn up with unfailing accuracy at the houses of women who had had a baby in recent months. Regardless of religious or social background. Someone somewhere had to be feeding them the names and addresses. It was a highly predatory tactic since new mums are often very lonely and often struggling emotionally a little, and then the JWs turn up smiling for a visit. I was having a terrible day the day they came to my house, and for a minute even I thought about letting them in.

 

[Yaks]

What’s wrong if he wants to spend his money on prostitutes. Given the current state of dating I can see why it’s preferable to some men. Also if he was raised in JW he probably has serious mental issues. It’s probably a good thing he dating regular women

"Dating" is a very interesting choice of words to refer to paying a ho $50 to suck your dick and stick a pinky up your butthole.

 

[CWCissey]

So is Russ the beta version of this dude?

 

[CreamyHerman’s]

Russell Greer crossover when? Will they link up and finally defeat our dear feeder?

 

[Hongourable Madisha]

So is Russ the beta version of this dude?

This dude is if Russell Greer and DarkSydePhil merged into one, except British. A cultist turned punter who's also a consoomer manchild with a ten year beg-acy.

I can sperg about the JW faith, how ex-JWs never really leave, and how they just direct their religious fervor someplace else (I jokingly call it the "JW to SJW" pipeline -- happens so often especially when youth and women become ex-JWs). But that might get off-topic. Instead, I'll share a funny anecdote about our budding lolcow, John Cedars, a few years ago:

Context: was with my family who know about John Cedars and watch (watched?) his videos. They pointed out how many Lego sets were in his room (you can see them on nice pristine shelves in his videos). We joked about how kids no longer buy kids toys and it's all adults dropping obscene amounts of money for decorative "toys".

So TLDR: my family noticed John Cedars was a Lego consoomer manchild years ago. We should've taken that as a red flag (Legos and lolcows -- go together like ice cream and pie).

I love that, the "JW to SJW pipeline"! I immediately thought of Rudy aka ExCultBaby, a Tumblrina they/them who's been on Lloyd's show a few times. Usually to talk about JW women's experiences, which is weird given that she now doesn't believe she's a woman and he's a punter.

Here she is trigger'd by apostate material:


Here she is annoyed that the worldly people don't know the right jargon:


Here a TERF actually tells her outright she's swapped one cult for another, and recommends other minor ex-cult (detransitioner) cow Exulansic:



Good spot on the Legos too! Note that his wardrobe is entirely his own merch or it's Star Wars crap. He even had his TIE fighter shirt on in the drunken hookers livestream.

Elders: your definition is decent, but they are really the “clergy” of the faith. It’s tricky because JWs view the terminology of most other Christian sects as incorrect, so they use different words. Elders can officiate weddings held at Kingdom Halls, lead prayers, and often give the most talks (“sermons” if you will). Elders are basically like a pastor or even a “priest” and I think that needs to be highlighted in the description.

Excellent point, thanks! I'll add this to the glossary. It's an important legal point too because that's what a lot of Watchtower's defences hang on: they claim clergy-penitent privilege to get around mandatory reporting of child sex abuse laws.

 

[HunterHearstHelmsley]

pre-emptive powerlevel

Bit of a power-level

Slight powerlevel coming

I don’t want to PL too much

A lot of power-leveling in here

Slight PL, but I

Power leveling a bit.

Ok, this is a bit of a powerlevel. Jannies may need to get the mop. I’ve actually met JWs before. Spoke to them even.