The Tenacious Unicorn Ranch / @TenaciousRanch / Steampunk Penny / Penellope Logue / Phillip Matthew Logue - Don't cry because it ended, laugh because it's still getting worse.

[BelUwUga]

In case the avatar doesn't already make it apparent, I'm quite alright with hats. I'm MOTI. I came to laugh at troons, not see disgraceful DIY work and literal animal cruelty. I never thought a baby alpaca would top the list of tranch residents I want to kill. That said it's apparent it's failing, their adult animals are sickly, and not a single one of them has (or ever had) the stones to do what is right and end that animal's suffering.

I know it's been said before, but... how. How are these people THIS incompetent at EVERYTHING they do?

You've essentially got a collecting ground of mediocrity as the recruiting pool for places like this. That alone isn't actually enough to guarantee failure but it's a weird duality of narcissism paired with it that does them in. They have delusions about positive aspects that don't exist, no effort or expense will be spared in indulging them. They are mentally incapable of perceiving their negative characteristics objectively, so any actual self-improvement is incidental at best or (not really) by osmosis if we're being frank. Lacking this critical eye to look in a fucking mirror, they think that just one more half-measure is all they need before things naturally fall into place for them. The delusions also allow for them to remain in denial about the fact that the chain of failed half-measures is as plain as day.

 

[Ebony Way]

The Olivia saga is like a weird parallel for the tranch.

Olivia: Isolating a cria, that didnt need to be isolated, from its mum and creating artificial parents in the form of the tranchers
Tranch: isolating a bunch of deluded and probably pre-traumatised autists out on a ranch in Colorado and creating an artificial support network in the form of each other (artificial because their bonds are based on one single commonality rather than genuine friendship and they turn on one another at the slightest provocation). In the case of Kevin and Jen, creating an artificial parent in the form of Phil.

Olivia: nourished with inappropriate attention from humans instead of her mother, would be malnourished anyway because her mother isn't being fed enough in the first place.
Tranch: being fed with inappropriate injections of cash

Olivia: too weak to take care of herself
Tranch: to dumb to become self sustaining

Olivia: dies
Tranch: kills everything it touches.

Poor, poor, Olivia. And her poor fucking dam. Wasn't somebody saying literally only a page or two ago (I assume it was Naaki) that alpaca mums are very attached to their young?

Olivia's mum is either already dead, or, if i'm not inappropriately anthropomorphising her, still walking around mourning her young. Potentially still carrying afterbirth she hasn't expelled properly that will rot inside of her then turn septic and kill her, and they still don't know who the mum was.

 

[MetalParakeet]

I admit I'm usually relieved when he's busy and I have to go to another vet! I totally have been caught flat-footed by him before with bad news and it feels awful, whereas other vets will be more gentle and optimistic about it. However, he usually has quicker and more accurate diagnoses without needing any expensive tests done. Farm wisdom is pure truth, and that's worth a lot.

Gotta say Penny's "the herd lives on" is a really creepy way of putting it. Has a very ritualistic "long live the king/tranch" feel.

I feel that. We had a dog back in the day that could have been fixed and lived a happy life, but the farm vet put them down without permission. I know, totally against every rule and legality ij the book. This was just when the vet had switched from being a farm vet to a domestic vet, and still held the same mindset

They got sued to the max later on. We didn't sue because we didn't realize at the time. We thought when she called to say he was done, she had a sincere reason. It was several more attentive people who did a lawsuit after the same thing happened to them.

The dog could have lived a fine life without a leg, which we were willing to provide, but she didn't think of asking us. She just said he was done and that was it. Rate us autistic for believing a vet. We didn't know.

Shes still the same but now ONLY vet in town so we have actually taken our pets hours away to the nearest town to get checked out. While she has learned a lot from being the only vet, and thus responsible for domestic pets, we don't take our pets to her for anything but check ups.

 

[Shig O'nella]

I'd rather have a farm vet than the other way. We've been lucky in ours, it's a father /daughter practice and they know the difference between production animals and pets or pensioners.*
The vet I had to deal with Tuesday didn't really get the distinction. Had to stop him and say "He's sixty quid's worth of castrated lamb, lad." when he got a bit over excited with treatment options. Poor guy looked a bit shocked. Nice enough person, knows his shit but needs toughening if he's going to be doing farm work regularly.

*Of course we have a couple of pensioners. A couple of ewes that are so old now that they need to wear coats in winter and get heated mash, and they'll be coddled until they die of old age. A pony that just keeps on going. He's probably immortal.

 

[Fartificial Insmelligence]

Olivia finally died . On the bright side we have a new exploitable meme.
View attachment 3106379
Penny has been up for two days straight by now btw

View attachment 3106371

Spoiler: His smile his optimism, gone

View attachment 3106372

House update. It looks neat.

View attachment 3106369

Spoiler: HGTV, hrt gains tranny vision

View attachment 3106378View attachment 3106377View attachment 3106376View attachment 3106375
They chipped the wood sjdjdjdkdddd...

"My baby alpaca died, here's my rape face"

 

[Brain Problems]

I feel that. We had a dog back in the day that could have been fixed and lived a happy life, but the farm vet put them down without permission. I know, totally against every rule and legality ij the book. This was just when the vet had switched from being a farm vet to a domestic vet, and still held the same mindset

They got sued to the max later on. We didn't sue because we didn't realize at the time. We thought when she called to say he was done, she had a sincere reason. It was several more attentive people who did a lawsuit after the same thing happened to them.

The dog could have lived a fine life without a leg, which we were willing to provide, but she didn't think of asking us. She just said he was done and that was it. Rate us autistic for believing a vet. We didn't know.

Shes still the same but now ONLY vet in town so we have actually taken our pets hours away to the nearest town to get checked out. While she has learned a lot from being the only vet, and thus responsible for domestic pets, we don't take our pets to her for anything but check ups.

I know all different types of vets and generally speaking they're extremely fair and if anything are kind to a fault with their animals. What you've described is vaguely horrifying. I don't know any vet that would just arbitrarily put an animal down without a damn good reason or without double checking with the owner first. I can see some farmer types being a little looser with this philosophy though based on the utterly degenerate redneck shit I've personally seen though.

Just trying to wrap my head around what a local vet would do if they saw this recent Tranch-style animal husbandry debacle and how far the libertarian attitude will stretch. With each passing day as the bank account dwindles and the herd swells I really get worried about some sort of Tranch Alpaca Massacre coming true.

 

[Lord of the Large Pants]

"My baby alpaca died, here's my rape face"

The most disturbing possibility is that this is cause and effect.

 

[KooksandFreaks]

Starting to wonder how many animals the tranchers have killed thanks to their own laziness/incompetence. Don't they have chickens and ducks as well? Not to mention all those dogs and cats who live in the house.

What do they do with the corpses? I know people joke about the nearby wolf rescue, but I'd be very reluctant to feed meat from the tranch to even my worst enemy.

It really does seem like TUR is circling the drain in terms of paying the mortgage and keeping the lights on. Probably why Bonnie lit out in favor of a nice, cozy condo in Littleton complete with cable TV and natural born pussy.

 

[Ghjkl63]

I know all different types of vets and generally speaking they're extremely fair and if anything are kind to a fault with their animals. What you've described is vaguely horrifying. I don't know any vet that would just arbitrarily put an animal down without a damn good reason or without double checking with the owner first. I can see some farmer types being a little looser with this philosophy though based on the utterly degenerate redneck shit I've personally seen though.

Just trying to wrap my head around what a local vet would do if they saw this recent Tranch-style animal husbandry debacle and how far the libertarian attitude will stretch. With each passing day as the bank account dwindles and the herd swells I really get worried about some sort of Tranch Alpaca Massacre coming true.

Earl gunning down 'pacas in the dead of night is imminent

 

[Ebony Way]

What do they do with the corpses? I know people joke about the nearby wolf rescue, but I'd be very reluctant to feed meat from the tranch to even my worst enemy.

The wolf rescue isn't exactly a joke. We know they used to take at least some of the alpaca corpses there. I think the last time they posted anything about that on Twitter would have been a year or more ago? But we do have confirmation they did it at least once.

I believe we in this thread simply assume they are still doing it because it is the most obvious option. So we mention it often while joking about the situation on the tranch, but it is not itself a joke, if you get what I mean.

But my guess is that the alpaca aren't actually dropping like flies every day, except in super cold snaps. They have hovered around 170-200 head for a while. I'm sure some come in and some go out but for the most part? I would bet that the very susceptible ones who were going to die of anything, have already died, and the vast majority of the alpaca are just kind of hanging on, very malnourished and with weakened immune systems, but still alive, and waiting for something to kill them. Which is its own brand of horror.

Perhaps our farming kiwis can comment on the likelihood of that?

It is my belief that all the tranch needs is like one episode of the alpaca gastro and a shitload of them will keel over at once.

Spoiler

And I'd rather eat a Tranch alpaca steak than I would anything cooked on that stove, in that entire kitchen, or by Michael/Jen.

 

[Questionable Ceviche]

Starting to wonder how many animals the tranchers have killed thanks to their own laziness/incompetence. Don't they have chickens and ducks as well? Not to mention all those dogs and cats who live in the house.

What do they do with the corpses? I know people joke about the nearby wolf rescue, but I'd be very reluctant to feed meat from the tranch to even my worst enemy.

It really does seem like TUR is circling the drain in terms of paying the mortgage and keeping the lights on. Probably why Bonnie lit out in favor of a nice, cozy condo in Littleton complete with cable TV and natural born pussy.

I posted earlier in the thread - they're allowed to bury animals on their property if a certain set of criteria are met. I think they automatically fail the regulation about burying carcasses over a mile away from a human dwelling just because of the small size of their lot.

They bought an excavator with grift money that seemed weird to a lot of people - why would they need something like that? Answer is: They need it for disposing of dead animals.

A lot of what they're doing and sharing in public places is already violations of various laws and regulations, from building codes to animal cruelty laws to livestock waste disposal.

Here's a handy PDF from the state regarding animal carcass disposal: https://ag.colorado.gov/sites/ag/files/documents/Animal-Carcass-Disposal-CDPHE.pdf

They are allowed to bury carcasses on their property, but there's some caveats:

• Layers of lime or quicklime should be applied below and above the carcass to help accelerate decomposition of the waste. Care should be used in applying lime as it is caustic and can cause severe burns to the skin and eyes.
• Burial pits must be covered with a minimum of two feet of soil.
• Carcasses cannot be placed in any body of water, seasonal creek or pond, or in areas that may carry or hold water such as gullies, ditches, blowouts or natural depressions.
• To minimize potential impacts to groundwater, large numbers of bigger carcasses (e.g., more than ten cows) should not be limed and buried together.
• Surface water must be diverted from the burial site through the use of berms or other structures.
• All carcasses must be buried at least 150 feet away from any water supply source.
• All carcasses must be buried downgradient from any groundwater supply sources.
• The bottom of the burial pit must be at least five feet above the high point of the uppermost groundwater table to ensure that carcasses do not come into contact with groundwater.
• Burial sites must be located at least one mile away from any residence of any person.
• Burial sites should not be located in areas with fractured or cavernous rock, high seasonal water tables or highly permeable soils.

The Tranch is in a bit of a unique spot on this - a blizzard or other extreme weather is determined to be an all-hazard event that may result in excess livestock death. However, the animals are in poor condition, likely sick, and lack adequate shelter, making their deaths potentially a veterinary/regulatory issue that requires investigation.

I know that everyone in here is thirsty for some comuppance or consequences to befall the Tranch for all of their irresponsible actions. That said, it's extremely unlikely that they'll be getting into hot water for this or anything else they do, short of shooting somebody or vivisecting a live alpaca on Twitch. They live in the middle of nowhere and run an extremely small operation in the grand scheme of things. The state doesn't have the resources to give a shit about every single hick Earl on Estradiol that has sick animals and falling apart shacks on their marginal land.

tl;dr the state has the authority to regulate livestock burials. The Tranch probably won't get in trouble.

 

[Boris Blank's glass eye]

The Shadow over Troonsmouth calls out to you...

Spoiler: template

Rest in peace, Olivia. You didn't deserve any of this.

 

[KooksandFreaks]

They have hovered around 170-200 head for a while.

Oxyjen was suggesting upthread that the tranch may have had 300 head of alpaca at some point. https://kiwifarms.net/threads/the-t...ip-matthew-logue.86681/page-702#post-11481444

Granted, I don't know much about livestock, but I do know that they are surprisingly susceptible to disease without proper nutrition and veterinary care. Seems unlikely those animals are even getting enough clean, fresh water.

They bought an excavator with grift money that seemed weird to a lot of people - why would they need something like that? Answer is: They need it for disposing of dead animals.

That is just... so grim.

Good thing the tranch is off-grid. They'd be digging into gas or power lines and then be shrieking about "transphobia" when the local authorities issue a fine.

 

[Gentlebastard]

Oxyjen was suggesting upthread that the tranch may have had 300 head of alpaca at some point.

I think that's the total, including chickens/ducks and other animals. As far as I recall, the number of alpacas never got past 200. 300 alpacas + other livestock would have given us a lot more horror and laughter.

 

[KooksandFreaks]

I think that's the total, including chickens/ducks and other animals. As far as I recall, the number of alpacas never got past 200. 300 alpacas + other livestock would have given us a lot more horror and laughter.

Always got to keep your sense of humor!

Knock, knock...

 

[KooksandFreaks]

The Shadow over Troonsmouth calls out to you...

View attachment 3107621

Spoiler: template

View attachment 3107623

Rest in peace, Olivia. You didn't deserve any of this.

Even though Penny put some heavy fliters on that? Still not a woman.

The gay man accent is a dead giveaway.

 

[Shig O'nella]

Earl gunning down 'pacas in the dead of night is imminent

Too obvious, even for the Tranch.

My prediction is "Earl broke our fence and half our herd scattered for miles in fright! We got what we could back, but some died."

The benefits are immediate: a boost to the grift by harking back to the first and most successful one and a reduction in their official herdcount in a completely undisprovable way.

 

[Gentlebastard]

Too obvious, even for the Tranch.

My prediction is "Earl broke our fence and half our herd scattered for miles in fright! We got what we could back, but some died."

The benefits are immediate: a boost to the grift by harking back to the first and most successful one and a reduction in their official herdcount in a completely undisprovable way.

"And, for some strange reason, all of our bajillion security cameras, drones, and dogs were turned off/out of comission/sleeping throughout the whole ruckus. That goddamned Earl hacked my dogs and gave laced food to my cameras, the sly bastard!"

 

[Hell yeah dude]

Meanwhile on the tranch wish list

 

[: Required]

"My baby alpaca died, here's my rape face"

Seriously. Motherfucker looks like he just got back from his third tour in Da Nang. Those are the cold, dead eyes of a man who has had many, many alpacas die in his arms.