Off-Topic Losing people to transgenderism support thread - Support group for trans widows and other people who lost loved ones to troonism

[Aunt Carol]

Get her to focus on any activity during the day that breaks up whatever toxic routine she may have with whoever is grooming her, this also gives her less of an excuse to run away from home again.

This is a really thorough explanation, and some good ideas. One thing that didn't get mentioned: don't ever say "you need to get away from the people you talk to on the computer," because there you are, the bad guy again. In her retelling you'll be telling her "you kids and your damn phones" and that she should go out and play.

Getting a more normal sleep schedule helps a lot, too. It's easy to stay inside and keep chatting online if your bedtime is 0400; nothing else to do, nothing else even open. Having time-dependent commitments during the day also helps here.

Have you considered a (generous) time limit for a job? It's pretty likely that there's no actual job hunting going on right now. Instead of eviction, maybe the fail condition for finding a job in X weeks could be that she goes to a nursing assistant/phlebotomy class--anything that takes a short time and pretty much guarantees a job after.

Getting new hobbies, making art, getting a small pet, going out for activities, watching movies, anything to take up time and hopefully also encourage her to get an actual job and off of the Internet.

I would advise against the pet strategy. Getting really into rodents or reptiles is peak tumblr FtM behavior and won't help her get into a different social group/mindset. Even a cat or dog is just going to get photos taken of it.

I've also seen internet acquaintances (emotionally disturbed young women) stuck in bad living situations because they were over-concerned with their pet's well-being and the shelter didn't take cats/their family was across the country from where they and their dog were living.

 

[Lemmingwise]

I threw her out several months ago

This is where you lose any authority.

My parents say send her to an abused women's shelter. I can't do that.

This is the dumbest shit. These places are brainwashing centers for lesbianism and manhatred.

----

As for advice, the #1 priority of any good therapist is to have a good and trustworthy relationship; most attention is to nurture that relationship. In some ways, it isn't that different really for family members. And it seems, from a surface gander at your post, that your relationship is in a very poor state. So to get anywhere you must first nurture that relationship.

 

[Bad Take Crucifier]

Do I block the router from sites? And how? I used to be well versed in this, but that was many moons ago. And with phones she can go around anything I block on wifi

Trying to block websites is a bad idea and will just lead to her going outside to get wi-fi or going over to friend's house. It will literally drive her away and lead to more distrust. Also I'm sure she can easily use cell phone data to access the Internet, so where will that get you? If you take her phone away it will just make you look controlling and abusive and her friends will tell her to run away from home and you will likely lose her completely.

You need to completely get it out of your head that being a controlling authority figure is the answer here, because that will only dig you into a deeper hole and push your daughter to trust strangers more than you. I'm sure your daughter knows how you feel about what she's been doing, rubbing it in won't be subtle (ever) and you would be shooting yourself in the foot to focus on criticizing her and her troon shit. I know it's EXTREMELY tempting and you are probably very scared, but DO NOT be controlling, she will just tell her friends (including persons grooming her) you are abusive and they will have an excuse to validate everything she is doing which you are trying to prevent.

 

[The Emperor Skeksis]

Okay, since this is supposed to be a support thread, I'm asking for support/advice.

I've previously explained my position.

My trans daughter won't DO anything. Moved to another country for college, but had to return home almost exactly 2 yrs from today for COVID. Since then has stagnated into "muh disabilities"...

Suicidal ideation, self harm. Check all boxes.

She comes by it honestly I think (except for the trans part).

Is now undergoing DBT weekly.

WONT GET A JOB. volunteers at shelters because I threw her out several months ago and said she'd have to get a job, and while looking for a job, volunteer and do housework.

What next?

This is my child. My parents say send her to an abused women's shelter. I can't do that.

This is my child.

I haven't a clue what to do at this point.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

One thing I might suggest in addition to DBT is TRE therapy if you can find it. It is not talk therapy, but it essentially teaches self-soothing and how to release tension and stress through breathing and focussing on your own physical body. This is something I think many young trans people would benefit from, it takes you out of your head and allows you to cope with everything in life much better. And they can't lie to the therapist or bullshit around it because it doesn't involve speaking. It might stop her self-harming at least.

I agree with @Aunt Carol that a time limit for a job might be a good thing. The type of job is also important, you don't want her ending up at Starbucks, she needs to be somewhere where she focusses on something other than trans and the internet. Do you have any acquaintances who might set her up with even a part time job that involves some physical work or social interaction with customers? I know this is really difficult, but even working in a normal store might help her, being surrounded by normal customers living a normal life.

 

[AMHOLIO]

This thread is so fatalistic.

Girl, this subform is doomer central. We're doing the cis version of cope, seethe, and dilate here, give us a break.

At least a lot of posters are giving advicd and trying to cheer others up. There's also people fighting to help their loved ones too. People sigh here so they can go back to the day, feeling easier to grin and bear things with the weight off their shoulders.

Chances are if you've lost people to this fad you weren't close to them to begin with.

There's a wide variety of people lost in this thread, from distant to close. It turns out that you can't control your friend or lead them to change unless they choose to change themselves. If your best friend started thinking trans = the answer, sometimes there isn't a way to dissuade them due to them having autonomy. God help you if your friend is autistic and stubbornly hyperfixates on it.



@Bob jensen I never raised anyone, but remember, there's only so much you can do now that she's legally an adult. Get yourself therapy too if you haven't already, talk to quality psychologists if you can. Don't even need to discuss the trans part, list all her other behaviors and boom, they'll tell you how to deal with them or deal with your reaction to them.

 

[Mrs. Addams]

Do I block the router from sites? And how? I used to be well versed in this, but that was many moons ago. And with phones she can go around anything I block on wifi

If she’s a legal adult, trying to fence her in with rules will just play into the trans narrative she already believes.

I’ve been gray rocking my trans friends… feigning total disinterest in the subject whenever they bring it up, and trying to focus on building our relationships around other things. It gives me the chance to speak occasional truths like, “I don’t get how, if you’ve always been a women, you need to get surgeries…” and “if I treat somebody differently based on their gender, am I sexist?” that I hope some day will chink their ideological armor. With your kid, if there was a way to cut off her internet, and get her into physical activity, I’d say “do it” but I don’t think you can control that with an adult child.

 

[Protistology]

Send her to https://kiwifarms.net/threads/tranny-sideshows-on-social-media.33028. Show her the skin sock that you have to inflate by pump. Show her that Lubron is a cancer treatment drug. Tell her how much your puberty sucked. Tell her female puberty sucks for everyone and it's a trial of fire to just get through.

 

[Ser Prize]

Send her to https://kiwifarms.net/threads/tranny-sideshows-on-social-media.33028. Show her the skin sock that you have to inflate by pump. Show her that Lubron is a cancer treatment drug. Tell her how much your puberty sucked. Tell her female puberty sucks for everyone and it's a trial of fire to just get through.

FTMs love to romanticise male puberty, too. My FTM sister is always going on and on about how whatever ailment of the day is totally caused by puberty and I wouldn't understand. Because getting awful rashes on my testosterone injection sites is totally how I remember my puberty going.

 

[Lord Edge of Leetworth]

What does that even mean? You can't care about your past relationship with someone anymore if you don't agree with them being sexually groomed by Discord furries and Reddit jannies?

It means that you didn't care much about them in the first place if them merely becoming trans has soured your relationship beyond recourse.

Fuck off.

You know it to be true. You've admitted to kicking your own child out of the house, have considered cutting the router and even mocked her disability as some kind of excuse to not getting da jawb. My only impression of you is that you're some stringent fart who's never concerned himself with the child's emotional welfare and now judge them instead trying to do any serious introspection. But no, you have to go here and look for advice from strangers that neither have children nor any knowledge of your individual circumstance.

 

[glass_houses]

You know it to be true. You've admitted to kicking your own child out of the house, have considered cutting the router and even mocked her disability as some kind of excuse to not getting da jawb. My only impression of you is that you're some stringent fart who's never concerned himself with the child's emotional welfare and now judge them instead trying to do any serious introspection. But no, you have to go here and look for advice from strangers that neither have children nor any knowledge of your individual circumstance.

The 'child' in question dropped out of college several years back. Sooooo... not a child but a malingering adult sponging off her parents and refusing to pay rent. A parent's offspring is always a child to them, but from what I'm reading, the individual in question is a grown up long overdue for getting a boot wedged up her arse.

Just putting that out there.

You sanctimonious twit.

 

[Lord Edge of Leetworth]

The 'child' in question dropped out of college several years back. Sooooo... not a child but a malingering adult sponging off her parents and refusing to pay rent. A parent's offspring is always a child to them, but from what I'm reading, the individual in question is a grown up long overdue for getting a boot wedged up her arse.

Just putting that out there.

You sanctimonious twit.

I am addressing the user, not the thread at large. As for you, I will call you a child became you're a temperamental nobody who cannot grasp the obvious. So tell me, child: Why are you so angry? Have your own parents treated you poorly?

 

[Spangled Drongo]

There's a wide variety of people lost in this thread, from distant to close. It turns out that you can't control your friend or lead them to change unless they choose to change themselves. If your best friend started thinking trans = the answer, sometimes there isn't a way to dissuade them due to them having autonomy. God help you if your friend is autistic and stubbornly hyperfixates on it.

Yup - in the case of my former friend who's now non binary, the trender shit started long after she'd decided she wanted nothing to do with me anymore. So I only found out recently, by complete accident, that she's gone this route. Knowing what she was like I shouldn't have been too surprised, but it did come as a shock because we were very close back in the days before identity politics took over the culture at large. It's a pity - I'd like to reconnect and have a serious conversation with her as to why she feels this way, but it's been almost a decade since she shunned me and she'd probably not want to even have a civil discussion with someone she might consider a "TERF".

 

[Caramelo]

It means that you didn't care much about them in the first place if them merely becoming trans has soured your relationship beyond recourse.

It's complicated to keep a relationship of years with someone that is suddenly transitioning because they are destroying everything you knew about them and forcing a new character.

In this way it's very similar to the feeling of betrayal in that you doubt everything you knew and your judgments of them.

So we grief the loss of the person we used to know.

 

[Lord Edge of Leetworth]

It's complicated to keep a relationship of years with someone that is suddenly transitioning because they are destroying everything you knew about them and forcing a new character.

In this way it's very similar to the feeling of betrayal in that you doubt everything you knew and your judgments of them.

So we grief the loss of the person we used to know.

That's a selfish grief. You're "burying" someone alive because they no longer match your notion about themselves. I would be scared if I was trans.

 

[gang weeder]

That's a selfish grief. You're "burying" someone alive because they no longer match your notion about themselves. I would be scared if I was trans.

I don't think I could be friends with a tranny at this point. Polite acquaintances, for the sake of maintaining my own social survival, at most. I don't even like being around trannies. I'm simplifying things a bit for the sake of keeping details vague, but basically an old friend group of mine that I haven't seen since before COVID decided to get together again recently. And of course one of them sent out a message to the rest of us saying that "she" has had a big change in her life, has trooned out, is now on hormones, the whole nine yards. I am seriously not sure if I will actually go to the meet-up now because I do not want to be around this person.

Freedom of association, yo.

This is actually a pretty normal and understandable reaction to extreme changes in people who you were previously cool with. I'd liken it to your friend joining a cult. Sure, part of you wants to help them and pull them out of that spiral somehow, but if it becomes too hopeless you're gonna feel at some point that you have no choice but to cut ties. An even better example might be if someone started getting really into neo-Nazi stuff and becoming an unironic "alt-righter," since trooning out usually represents a similar type of political extremism to the left. No one can blame you if you don't want to hang out with someone anymore after they started sieg heiling all the time.

 

[Bad Take Crucifier]

That's a selfish grief. You're "burying" someone alive because they no longer match your notion about themselves. I would be scared if I was trans.

You're not even reading the thread. None of the stories in here are people willy-nilly cutting off their friends/family just because they "hate the trans and the gays". Every single person who has posted a story has gone into extensive detail about how these changes lead people's loved ones to self-harm. NEETing out, not having a job, drug abuse, dropping out of college, being on the Internet 18 hours a day, obesity, porn addiction, sex addiction, and so on.

The fact is a lot of trans people (NOT all) will completely give up on living a normal life and become very self-destructive and mentally ill, abandoning all goals needed for old age and the future.

 

[Vingle]

I would be scared if I was trans.

They an hero themselves most of the time, so they should be scared of themselves.
They are freaks and should die, luckily the problem solves itself. With this SRS-craze. They make sure their unsuitable genes cannot be passed on, for the most cases.
Truly survival of the fittest.

While I question the choices of this mother. Like, if you threw her out of the house and she is over 18. There is really nothing to do. Best thing is just to disown the kid.

I am seriously not sure if I will actually go to the meet-up now because I do not want to be around this person.

Why question this? Just don't go. This shit is continuing because people are too afraid to say that this shit isn't acceptable. What you are feeling on right now is the herd instinct.

You don't even need to say anything why you didn't go, just treat it like the person is dead.

 

[DumbDude42]

Okay, since this is supposed to be a support thread, I'm asking for support/advice.

I've previously explained my position.

My trans daughter won't DO anything. Moved to another country for college, but had to return home almost exactly 2 yrs from today for COVID. Since then has stagnated into "muh disabilities"...

Suicidal ideation, self harm. Check all boxes.

She comes by it honestly I think (except for the trans part).

Is now undergoing DBT weekly.

WONT GET A JOB. volunteers at shelters because I threw her out several months ago and said she'd have to get a job, and while looking for a job, volunteer and do housework.

What next?

This is my child. My parents say send her to an abused women's shelter. I can't do that.

This is my child.

I haven't a clue what to do at this point.

confiscate all her electronics, cut her off from all internet access, pray that this will ground her in reality again

 

[Mrs. Addams]

I don't think I could be friends with a tranny at this point. Polite acquaintances, for the sake of maintaining my own social survival, at most. I don't even like being around trannies. I'm simplifying things a bit for the sake of keeping details vague, but basically an old friend group of mine that I haven't seen since before COVID decided to get together again recently. And of course one of them sent out a message to the rest of us saying that "she" has had a big change in her life, has trooned out, is now on hormones, the whole nine yards. I am seriously not sure if I will actually go to the meet-up now because I do not want to be around this person.

Freedom of association, yo.

This is actually a pretty normal and understandable reaction to extreme changes in people who you were previously cool with. I'd liken it to your friend joining a cult. Sure, part of you wants to help them and pull them out of that spiral somehow, but if it becomes too hopeless you're gonna feel at some point that you have no choice but to cut ties. An even better example might be if someone started getting really into neo-Nazi stuff and becoming an unironic "alt-righter," since trooning out usually represents a similar type of political extremism to the left. No one can blame you if you don't want to hang out with someone anymore after they started sieg heiling all the time.

I’d go to the meet up. Trans people are interesting variations on the normal and it’s morbidly fun to try and figure out the whys.

I’d go meet the neoNazi friend too for the exact same reasons.

 

[Lord Edge of Leetworth]

You're not even reading the thread. None of the stories in here are people willy-nilly cutting off their friends/family just because they "hate the trans and the gays". Every single person who has posted a story has gone into extensive detail about how these changes lead people's loved ones to self-harm. NEETing out, not having a job, drug abuse, dropping out of college, being on the Internet 18 hours a day, obesity, porn addiction, sex addiction, and so on.

The fact is a lot of trans people (NOT all) will completely give up on living a normal life and become very self-destructive and mentally ill, abandoning all goals needed for old age and the future.

Right under your post there's this little gem.

They an hero themselves most of the time, so they should be scared of themselves.
They are freaks and should die, luckily the problem solves itself. With this SRS-craze. They make sure their unsuitable genes cannot be passed on, for the most cases.
Truly survival of the fittest.

While I question the choices of this mother. Like, if you threw her out of the house and she is over 18. There is really nothing to do. Best thing is just to disown the kid.

Why question this? Just don't go. This shit is continuing because people are too afraid to say that this shit isn't acceptable. What you are feeling on right now is the herd instinct.

You don't even need to say anything why you didn't go, just treat it like the person is dead.

So @Bad Take Crucifier, don't bollocks me when you and I both know that this thread isn't just stories about people having issues with someone who so happened to be trans.

I don't think I could be friends with a tranny at this point. Polite acquaintances, for the sake of maintaining my own social survival, at most. I don't even like being around trannies. I'm simplifying things a bit for the sake of keeping details vague, but basically an old friend group of mine that I haven't seen since before COVID decided to get together again recently. And of course one of them sent out a message to the rest of us saying that "she" has had a big change in her life, has trooned out, is now on hormones, the whole nine yards. I am seriously not sure if I will actually go to the meet-up now because I do not want to be around this person.

Freedom of association, yo.

This is actually a pretty normal and understandable reaction to extreme changes in people who you were previously cool with. I'd liken it to your friend joining a cult. Sure, part of you wants to help them and pull them out of that spiral somehow, but if it becomes too hopeless you're gonna feel at some point that you have no choice but to cut ties. An even better example might be if someone started getting really into neo-Nazi stuff and becoming an unironic "alt-righter," since trooning out usually represents a similar type of political extremism to the left. No one can blame you if you don't want to hang out with someone anymore after they started sieg heiling all the time.

That leap of logic where you equate neo-Nazis with transsexuals astounds me but whatever, do what you want to do!