Community Trendy Pregnancy / Snowflake Mommas and Their Batshit Birthing Practices - Because hospital birth is sooo last season

[Blobby's Murder Knife]

The crunchy mom with the spastic baby isn’t redditor, these are screenshots from Facebook which has numerous free birth groups. Reddit moms are huge spergs, but they aren’t into woo woo bullshit so r/shitmomgroupssay is one of the biggest subreddits among female users.

Every mom group on Facebook is filled with the most batshit moms. One too many babies have died because expectant mothers listen to these nuts.

Ah, that is where the Mothering.com crazies went.

 

[John Freeman]

Natural birth is pretty retarded. Say what you want about doctors, hospitals, and bills, but we’ve come so far. The shit they do, like dope you up and hook you up to a bunch of machines, has been researched and perfected by centuries of medical advancement. Are you going to toss out all of those brilliant scientists and researchers because you think you know better than someone who spend upwards of a decade learning about your body?

 

[Fields Of Rye]

I know most of this crap is new-age in origin, but I wonder how much of it is based off how unsanitary hospitals were in the far past. Back then it was actually reasonable to have a midwife and give birth at home because midwives always used boiled, sterile water as tradition, even if they didn't fully understand why.

At least in the US, having surgery done at home was a massive status symbol as the doctor, an incredibly wealthy person, would be coming to you. One my grandfather knew pretty much had a fleet of fancy cars he'd gotten situations where he'd flown out to the middle of bumfuck nowhere to save some rich kids life and made off like a bandit.

 

[Blobby's Murder Knife]

Natural birth is pretty retarded. Say what you want about doctors, hospitals, and bills, but we’ve come so far. The shit they do, like dope you up and hook you up to a bunch of machines, has been researched and perfected by centuries of medical advancement. Are you going to toss out all of those brilliant scientists and researchers because you think you know better than someone who spend upwards of a decade learning about your body?

It also spits on all of the women who died giving birth without said benefit, because I am sure they would have done anything to have what we have now. The maternal mortality rate is 1% in the wild (each time you give birth, not a lifetime risk) and, even worse, perinatal infant mortality was around 10%.

However, you have to realize these women are extremely fatalistic and think if either they or the child dies, there is nothing that could have been done and what was to be. It's fucked up.

 

[Strong Tomato]

That’s one thing that majorly bothers me in Robyn’s thread. She’s always taking Luna to get “adjusted” like they’re gonna twist her into a new, functioning toddler. I’m not super educated on chiropractics and lowkey I think it’s a scam, at least on some level, but I cannot think of a single reason why a newborn would need a chiro.

I think the pressure women have from the internet and other moms to breastfeed over the past few years has caused this. There a few stupid reasons why people take babies to chiropractors, like it supposedly helping with colic, acid reflux, etc., with problems latching also being on the list. So women having trouble breastfeeding (which is really fucking hard to do sometimes) google or ask reddit/facebook what they should do and they suggest things like the chiropractor.

I cant even imagine letting a chiro do any kind of surgery, especially not on a fucking baby. also, how the fuck can one even tell if there is a tongue tie at that age? gahhhhhh the medfag in me is reeling. wtffffff?

Similar to what I said above, the rise in popularity of breastfeeding has caused this obsession with tongue ties. Baby can't latch? Better go get the snip. The data mentioned in this article is pretty mind blowing. Lots of babies out there getting unnecessary procedures done because the mother got advice from some retard on Facebook.

 

[Blobby's Murder Knife]

I think the pressure women have from the internet and other moms to breastfeed over the past few years has caused this. There a few stupid reasons why people take babies to chiropractors, like it supposedly helping with colic, acid reflux, etc., with problems latching also being on the list. So women having trouble breastfeeding (which is really fucking hard to do sometimes) google or ask reddit/facebook what they should do and they suggest things like the chiropractor.

Similar to what I said above, the rise in popularity of breastfeeding has caused this obsession with tongue ties. Baby can't latch? Better go get the snip. The data mentioned in this article is pretty mind blowing. Lots of babies out there getting unnecessary procedures done because the mother got advice from some retard on Facebook.

The pressure to breastfeed is nothing new and has been going on at least since the early 00s. I might of missed it, but I am surprised The Skeptical OB has not been mentioned yet has she has many, many damning pieces on the subject of crunchy births and breastfeeding at all costs.

 

[Vi0l3t]

Natural birth is pretty retarded. Say what you want about doctors, hospitals, and bills, but we’ve come so far. The shit they do, like dope you up and hook you up to a bunch of machines, has been researched and perfected by centuries of medical advancement. Are you going to toss out all of those brilliant scientists and researchers because you think you know better than someone who spend upwards of a decade learning about your body?

They always love saying "women have done it since the beginning!" Lol yes they have and a shit ton died from it too.

 

[Blobby's Murder Knife]

They always love saying "women have done it since the beginning!" Lol yes they have and a shit ton died from it too.

Yep and then they will be like animals never die doing this and if it was dangerous, we would not be here.

1) Animal births fuck up all the time, some species have it easier than others, but fuck being a hyena. Many first time hyena mothers die in childbirth. Anyone who owns birds knows that egg binding is a life threatening complication. If something is wrong in the milk production of a cow, goat, or sheep and the neonates do not get the colustrum, they die. That is not true for humans, probably because your mother had a high chance of not surviving, but likely another woman would nurse you if she was lactating at the time and cared for whatever reason. Almost all immunity to disease is passed through the placenta in humans and breastmilk augments it, but to what exact extent is up to debate. It definitely is not a lamb or calf death sentence to not have it, even if titnazis want it to be.

2) Nature is a numbers game. Your mother could have had 8 kids, died on the last one, but nature considers that acceptable because you and your 6 siblings bred. Success!

 

[Distant Ranger]

Pain

 

[Troonos]

I'm torn on this one.

The labor and delivery field is really retarded with their continued dependency on the lithotomy position, their overuse of epidurals and resulting overreliance on induction, and their obsession with jumping straight to cesarean.

On the other hand, these women have insane beliefs and really need to retain a boutique obstetrician or at the very least a certified midwife who practices modern evidence-based midwifery and hasn't fallen to trendy, useless CAM practices.

While I'm a provider, I'm all for birthing outside of a delivery room, and my wife probably will, because fuck the system (that I'm a part of), but there should still be resources in place to ensure the safest outcome for the mother and neonate. At least use a birthing center located minutes from the nearest hospital.

Retards.

 

[Snusmumriken]

Pain
View attachment 3173356

If only you knew how bad things really were…

 

[Helena Handbasket]

Oh Lort....not the "minutes from a hospital" crap......

Spoiler

PL - worked 911. Yes, your house/birfing center/backyard kiddie pool might be "minutes from the hospital", but if you are depending on an ambulance to get you there in time, good fucking luck with that. The closest ambulance to your house is probably dealing with a "frequent flyer" - either one of the local loonies tripping out, or an uncontrolled diabetic who is crashing. The nearest available one might be another five or more minutes away on a busy night.

Decide to driving yourself there instead? Better hope there's no accident/road construction/storm, because OFC it will just happen to be that day.

And that's before we get to the fun part - loading your pregnant ass into the ambulance. There's no damn way they are just gonna stop, scoop you up and go in two minutes, not while you are in full labor. The poor paramedic responding probably hasn't been present at a birth in a damn long time, if ever. Same for the ER doc that's going to have to deal with your preventable, but ego-driven, trainwreck.

Yeah, hospitals suck. Go there anyway. You really can tell the doctor that you don't want pain meds, you want Tibetan chants playing in the delivery room, and whatever stupid bullshit you "need" for your perfect birth.

It's not worth the risk. Get over yourself and give your spawn the best chance.

 

[Chocolate Wombat]

Kind of like how if your fiancé turns into a nightmarish bridezilla you cancel the wedding and stay the hell away from her, anyone who is seriously trying to justify shit like having kids in the open ocean around a bunch of dolphins shouldn't even be allowed alone with a child. They certainly shouldn't be allowed to procreate.

There might not be a 100% effective metric for determining who would make terrible parents but this has got to be as clear of an indicator as you can get.

 

[Blobby's Murder Knife]

Kind of like how if your fiancé turns into a nightmarish bridezilla you cancel the wedding and stay the hell away from her, anyone who is seriously trying to justify shit like having kids in the open ocean around a bunch of dolphins shouldn't even be allowed alone with a child. They certainly shouldn't be allowed to procreate.

There might not be a 100% effective metric for determining who would make terrible parents but this has got to as clear of an indicator as you can get.

I think most of the fathers were a bunch of cucks for this shit (also what do you do as a man when it is all Her Body, Her Choice and pregnancies barely real anyway?), however there was a percentage of the fathers that were as insane as their baby mommas and wholeheartedly were as deluded as the women to the end.

 

[Vi0l3t]

Oh Lort....not the "minutes from a hospital" crap......

Spoiler

PL - worked 911. Yes, your house/birfing center/backyard kiddie pool might be "minutes from the hospital", but if you are depending on an ambulance to get you there in time, good fucking luck with that. The closest ambulance to your house is probably dealing with a "frequent flyer" - either one of the local loonies tripping out, or an uncontrolled diabetic who is crashing. The nearest available one might be another five or more minutes away on a busy night.

Decide to driving yourself there instead? Better hope there's no accident/road construction/storm, because OFC it will just happen to be that day.

And that's before we get to the fun part - loading your pregnant ass into the ambulance. There's no damn way they are just gonna stop, scoop you up and go in two minutes, not while you are in full labor. The poor paramedic responding probably hasn't been present at a birth in a damn long time, if ever. Same for the ER doc that's going to have to deal with your preventable, but ego-driven, trainwreck.

Yeah, hospitals suck. Go there anyway. You really can tell the doctor that you don't want pain meds, you want Tibetan chants playing in the delivery room, and whatever stupid bullshit you "need" for your perfect birth.

It's not worth the risk. Get over yourself and give your spawn the best chance.

And minutes without oxygen is dangerous, every minute is more damage (if the baby is without, not all issues obviously) Then once you finally arrive they have to actually still diagnose the issue then start the procedure to fix the problem. If your already there the doctors know what's going on, you most likely already have iv in etc.

I'm torn on this one.

The labor and delivery field is really retarded with their continued dependency on the lithotomy position, their overuse of epidurals and resulting overreliance on induction, and their obsession with jumping straight to cesarean.

On the other hand, these women have insane beliefs and really need to retain a boutique obstetrician or at the very least a certified midwife who practices modern evidence-based midwifery and hasn't fallen to trendy, useless CAM practices.

While I'm a provider, I'm all for birthing outside of a delivery room, and my wife probably will, because fuck the system (that I'm a part of), but there should still be resources in place to ensure the safest outcome for the mother and neonate. At least use a birthing center located minutes from the nearest hospital.

Retards.

I have never met someone who had a c section who actually didnt need it.

 

[Chocolate Wombat]

I think most of the fathers were a bunch of cucks for this shit (also what do you do as a man when it is all Her Body, Her Choice and pregnancies barely real anyway?), however there was a percentage of the fathers that were as insane as their baby mommas and wholeheartedly were as deluded as the women to the end.

Forced sterilization for both of them is the answer.

 

[Barbarella]

I came across the Mills family too, because her psycho husband recorded his wife’s death and put it online.

Ask anybody who has been around dolphins-rather than mystical beings who will sonar your pain away, they will instead have constant hard-ons and try to fuck you silly. And if you can swim long enough to give birth in the ocean, don’t get humped by dolphins, the blood in the water is gonna draw sharks.

I think if somebody wants to give birth in the water or field or nature, than they should stay out there. Live like the ancients, don’t play-act and endanger your child for bragging rights. And guess what? Once the baby is born nobody gives a shit how it got here, unless you fucked it up somehow.

Women used to create birth plans, stating what they wanted, register those with hospital or birthing center, and yet still had babies in a safe place. You can have hot baths, listen to whatever you want, have people with you, refuse medications, etc. But in the not so rare chance something goes wrong, you can still be in a safest place FOR THE BABY.

If the goal is to have a child, that’s what people should do. If the goal is to live out some narcissistic fantasy about childbirth as opposed to parenting, then climb Everest and drop the kid there, I’m sure being on a magical mountain will make your baby a wood nymph.

I too find it sad that retards are procreating like crazy and actual intelligent, educated, sensible people are either not, or only having one child. Idiocracy is coming.

 

[Vi0l3t]

I came across the Mills family too, because her psycho husband recorded his wife’s death and put it online.

Ask anybody who has been around dolphins-rather than mystical beings who will sonar your pain away, they will instead have constant hard-ons and try to fuck you silly. And if you can swim long enough to give birth in the ocean, don’t get humped by dolphins, the blood in the water is gonna draw sharks.

I think if somebody wants to give birth in the water or field or nature, than they should stay out there. Live like the ancients, don’t play-act and endanger your child for bragging rights. And guess what? Once the baby is born nobody gives a shit how it got here, unless you fucked it up somehow.

Women used to create birth plans, stating what they wanted, register those with hospital or birthing center, and yet still had babies in a safe place. You can have hot baths, listen to whatever you want, have people with you, refuse medications, etc. But in the not so rare chance something goes wrong, you can still be in a safest place FOR THE BABY.

If the goal is to have a child, that’s what people should do. If the goal is to live out some narcissistic fantasy about childbirth as opposed to parenting, then climb Everest and drop the kid there, I’m sure being on a magical mountain will make your baby a wood nymph.

I too find it sad that retards are procreating like crazy and actual intelligent, educated, sensible people are either not, or only having one child. Idiocracy is coming.

You summed it up beautifully.

 

[Blobby's Murder Knife]

I came across the Mills family too, because her psycho husband recorded his wife’s death and put it online.

Ask anybody who has been around dolphins-rather than mystical beings who will sonar your pain away, they will instead have constant hard-ons and try to fuck you silly. And if you can swim long enough to give birth in the ocean, don’t get humped by dolphins, the blood in the water is gonna draw sharks.

I think if somebody wants to give birth in the water or field or nature, than they should stay out there. Live like the ancients, don’t play-act and endanger your child for bragging rights. And guess what? Once the baby is born nobody gives a shit how it got here, unless you fucked it up somehow.

Women used to create birth plans, stating what they wanted, register those with hospital or birthing center, and yet still had babies in a safe place. You can have hot baths, listen to whatever you want, have people with you, refuse medications, etc. But in the not so rare chance something goes wrong, you can still be in a safest place FOR THE BABY.

If the goal is to have a child, that’s what people should do. If the goal is to live out some narcissistic fantasy about childbirth as opposed to parenting, then climb Everest and drop the kid there, I’m sure being on a magical mountain will make your baby a wood nymph.

I too find it sad that retards are procreating like crazy and actual intelligent, educated, sensible people are either not, or only having one child. Idiocracy is coming.

Water births in general are retarded. Humans are not supposed to be born in water, newborns will try to breathe it in, and women also shitpiss into that water uncontrollably. Bad enough on land, but consider in water and breathing a whole lungfull in.

 

[For The Internet]

I've seen the justification about chiro for newborns being that the trauma of birth (their words, not mine) on the baby causes subluxations and other problems with joints and spinal alignment. Also throws their chakras out of whack, according to certain woo crowds.

For all the shit-talking woo mums do about the medical field pushing unnecessary interventions onto patients, they're HUGE on forcing kids into unnecessary and potentially harmful woo interventions. Examples include:

- Forcing newborns/children to go to chiropractors to get their bones cracked.

- Slathering their baby/ children in essential oils with no carrier oils even though essential oils can cause chemical burns.

- FEEDING their babies/children essential oils which cause can internal chemical burns.

There's a bunch more, but those things are so stupid and unnecessary. I get that putting some lavender near a baby could potentially help with sleep or calm them if you believe in aromatherapy, which is why they have lavender shampoos and baby lotions and stuff, but what they do is not that.