When I first looked at this video of hers, about 4 hours ago, the dislikes were at 3K, the likes at 512. In the interim, shhe's added 32 likes and 400 dislikes. I'll give her this: she's coming up with ever more ideas to make he ratio ever harsher.
Edit. The above was when i started making this post, earlier today, It is much mater now. I had things to do so had to go do something, come back, go do something, come back. You get the puicture. Now, her numbers are still pathetic, These are the stats as I post this.
We open with....dramatic pause......STOP WITH THAT SHIT, BITCH. It isn't dramatic. Know why? Because you do it all the fucking time, just like you say molment or situation or any of your other inane fill words because a sandwich can't just be a goddamned sandwich, It has to be a "sandwich situation". It isn't a situation. It's you being a complete, mindless knob.
We open with yet another Amazon box. Toothpicks. Big Ham, noted toothpick user. When the fuck has she ever used toothpicks or indicated any desire at all to have giant boxes of toothpick on hand? Never. My guess: another something she either saw on tv/YT, or the "gf" uses them.
Can there be an adjunct product to toothpicks instead of blah, boring boxes? Of course there can! With Amazon, all things are possible. Hamber tears open another box to reveal toothpick dispensers that says the word "toothpicks" on them. Why not? The first rule of "I'm ack-shully going to be moving out of state." (whinny laugh) is to continue to buy more useless shit than you have, just to make packing and schlepping your crap to another location that much more fun!
Our next piece of useless crap is a giant breakfast tray that the "gf" will carry in to the bedroom to give sustenance to her feedee. Oops, no, instead, Spamber is going to use it to shit up the island, by making it a "decor" piece. I'm sure it won't be at all tacky or what broke white trash thinks is "decor"! Ha, ha, who could ever think th....
Well, shit.
I see where this is going, though. Hamber is getting started on labeling everything in the place, as a proactive move before the move, one might say. Personally, I can't wait for the video where she's labeling every piece of cutlery individually.
Big Ham claims to want to "read" something. She wanders off and randomly points at books, finally deciding on a graphic novel. I'm sure we'll get a riveting and comprehensive review of it later.
LiarLynn says she is still sick, claims to be nauseous, makes a tuna sandwich, which she is very excited about. Two giant pieces off white bread with tuna in the middle. More beige food. Right up your alley, GastroLynn.
We're back in the kitchen, and Hamber has brought in a desk lamp to shed a little light there while they prepare the salad mentioned in the video title. She turns it on, squeals, plays with her nasty sideburns, and declares she still has raccoon eyes. If only there were lights designed to provide lighting specifically for filming.
And now for the thing we've all been waiting for: salad time! What awesome kind of salad will we see Hamber and the "gf" craft? A classic Italian antipasto salad? A bean salad, perhaps? A fine chicken salad? A macaroni or potato salad, those hallmarks of the South? Maybe that oft-mocked-in-movies salad, the Cobb? Panzanella - after all, we know how Ham loves bread! Oh, could we get an ayyg salad? Could it be a Greek salad (extra olives!)? A seven layer salad, each layer great by itself, but when all are brought together, a harmony of health? Something simple, yet refined - the Caprese salad? Will we see a salad Niçoise, that ready standby for any occasion or none at all? A spicy larb? Ambrosia, full of deliciousness? Taco salad, fresh and bringing some heat? Something even more special, that perhaps means something special to the two of them, lovebirds that they are?
Oh.
Well, no. I guess the answer is none of the above. This most basic Fatty is going to have the most basic garden salad ever. I should keep in mind that most basic rule of the amberverse: don't expect anything above the bare minimum.
Let's get this shit over with.
Giant tub off mixed greens. This is not just regular lettuce or even just romaine. I am not sure Big Ham has ever bought a green mix like this beyond those all in one salad packages that are not just lettuce alone. I have my doubts about this for Big Ham. The "gf"? Who knows? Who cares? If she isn't going to do anything except speak from offstage, I'm not going to care.
Big Ham reaches her giant beetus paw into the tub to retrieve some of the mix. She assures us that her balloon hand is clean, but she looks nasty in this video so I'm not going to believe that. What else do we have...cucumber, peperoncini (I do love some Italian - not Greek - peperoncini on a fresh salad). Croutons, one of the most important pieces of a good garden salad. Big Ham, to no one's surprise, has decided that she will be having four servings of everything, just as she has to have a four serving size dish of anything. What else do w have going into this salad? Aha! Shredded carrots from a bag.
Waitaminit.
Why are you buying shredded carrots? i you not, in one of these interminable Amazon boxes, pull out a mandoline? A PRO mandoline?
Why yes! Yes, you did. Why the bag, then? Because you're a lazy, fat twat. I bet that mandoline never gets used. She also pits "uhn" in her salad. What is that? Her lazy as fuck way of pronouncing onion.
To anyone who has some of the same bad habits as this fat fuck but actually wants to change and is willing to work on it, bear this in mind: you do not have to change everything at once. If you set your goals as broken up, smaller goals, you will find your ultimate goal will be easier to attain and you will not be miserable. I like the 1% rule: as you pursue your goal, do 1% more than you did the day before. If you do this day after day. you will find the effects are compounded every day. If you want to walk a mile, maybe the first day you walk 25 yards out and then back, if that's your fitness level. The next day, walk 28 yards out and back. The next, walk 31 yards. And so on. At some point you'll just drop the calculations and walk longer distaneces.
This also works to reduce your caloric intake in order to lose weight. Honestly count the number of calories you eat in a day. Let's say you are eating 2000 calories a day, and you've decided you want to eat 1200 calories a day. The day after you've counted 3K calories, set your calorie goal to 2970. The next, 2940. As with the walking, and any ither physical training you d, eventually you'll stop thinking about it, because it has become a habit. The 1% rule can change your life in ways you never expected,
This can be applied to virtually anything in life, not just calories and exercises, but you get the point. It's the same principle as the brain teaser about whether you would like someone to give you a million dollars one month, or if you want to receive a penny doubled every day for a month. I'll leave that as an exercise for the reader.
The "gf" gets Italian dressing, but our basic bitch wants - of course she does - ranch, which she shortens to Ra. Hambe reads the label for serving size data, and reads out "30 ml...milli...millineter?" She continues on,m as she does, wondering if the scale has a millimeter functoon. No,you idiot. Millimeter is a unit of length. Milliliter is a measurement of volume.The "gf" corrects her to milliliters, and she still doesn't realize how much that is. Every American should have a grasp on the basics of conversions to metric, since the rest of the world insists on using metrics: 30 ml is about two tablespoons. Four tablespoons is two ounces. Six teaspoons is four tablespoons.
Now, if you don't want to be bothered about doing the conversions to and from metric, you could instead do something rather revolutionary. Like actually read the label. Again.
There you will see that the serving size right in front of your face: two tablespoons. Trying to manufacture drama over the serving size is just deflecting from the very real issue of you wanting to eat four times as much as you're eating.
But enough of all that, it's time to eat! Big Fat Hambes takes a bitch fat shovelful and stuffs it into her piehole. Naturally, there is some hanging out of her mouth, which she just works in with her tongue. A pure feeder shot, that's all. But! She does not like the salad. No foodgasn, no staring off into space, no overemotive clutching of her chest and "stumbling" backwards. I'm here for al l of that, because she hates the salad, even if she has said it was "so good".
One other item before I tap out. Big Ham is continuing to increase the size of her camel hump and her forehead is starting to show signs of fat storage.
TL;DW/R:BigHam shows us that she is still he queen, full of the usual low effort things we have come to know and love. Looks dirty and unkempt, and assembles a salad that she hates.