Which fictional characters would be lolcows?

Felicity Hopman

kiwifarms.net
Joined
Feb 7, 2021
If they existed in real life, which fictional characters do you think would have pages on here?

I came up with the following:

-Peter Griffin - He's fat, childish, lazy, and stupid to the point where he's officially been diagnosed as mentally retarded on the show. I think this one is a no-brainer. Pretty much everything you can say about Chris-Chan can also be said about Peter. The obesity, the stupidity, the selfishness, the racism, the lying, and the sexual deviancy just to name a few.

-Sheldon Cooper - He's a nerd obssessed with Star Wars and superheroes who can't drive and has a tendency to get butthurt easily. Even if he has a wife and a Nobel Prize, you can't deny his lolcow tendencies.

-The Robot Chicken Nerd - He's a loser who still lives with his parents, has an unhealthy passion for literally every aspect of geek culture, constantly daydreams, and has an almost CWC-style quest to get laid.

-Jeffy (SML) - What part of Jeffy's personality DOESN'T scream lolcow? He has a speech impediment, still poops his pants at 17-years-old, hates green beans as much as Chris-Chan hates pickles, violently smacks his genitals in public, gets triggered very easily, makes weird noises, frequently has sex with a Cheerio box, and throws temper tantrums when he doesn't get his way.

-The Comic Book Guy (The Simpsons) - I don't think I even have to explain much here. Just watch ONE episode with him in it and you'll see why I added him to this list.
 
Be careful that in your journey to document the lolcow you do not become a lolcow yourself.
 
  • Like
Reactions: tooth milk
I just finished a psychological horror manga called Homunculus. The main character, Susumu Nakoshi is a complete Schizocow. The man is homeless, hallucinates constantly, and eats his own cum. I wish I was lying.
 
Eric Cartman - He'd be more of a WTF cow if he was real or was portrayed a bit less extreme.

Arnold J Rimmer BSc - He'd be one of the really rules lawery 40K or other tabletop / rpg game who doesnt realise he's not quite as smart as he thinks and doesnt realise he's trying to weight the game in his own favour.

Rik from The Young One's - He'd be ADF's clone.
 
John Pruitt. He brought a dracula to his home island thinking it was an angel lol
 
Barton Fink, if they'd had twitter in his day.
I can see Sarah Connor being the kind of schizoposter to gain a cult following, too.
 
Back