The Tenacious Unicorn Ranch / @TenaciousRanch / Steampunk Penny / Penellope Logue / Phillip Matthew Logue - Don't cry because it ended, laugh because it's still getting worse.

[glad vlad]

I caught up on the saga and I can’t stop thinking about a 5k hay bill, it’s chilling me to the farmsperg bone. I assumed that had to be for the full year or even longer, are people serious that this is maybe just a couple of months?

I don’t know anything about alpaca or hay prices where they are, but a cheap round bale feeder would probably cost around 2x the cost of a bale and would substantially reduce waste. Cheaper if you’re handy and repurpose something you already have of course. Is there some weird alpaca reason they can’t use hay feeders?

 

[Kalsarikännit]

Incompetence visible from space update: a sunny day in april 2022
View attachment 3252255
While it looks uncannily like a satellite compositing artefact I assure you what you are looking at is in fact the exact land parcel of the Tranch. To give you a clearer idea of what you're looking at there, Earl has graciously allowed me to peruse the logs of his dedicated anti-tranch spy satellite:

Spoiler: These are from October 2020, recent enough to get an idea of the layout

View attachment 3252338View attachment 3252337View attachment 3252336

I was wondering that myself. Given that they don't show up on satellite imagery predating Tranch ownership, their granular appearance and the fact that alpacas crap communally I'm going to guess alpaca dung piles. They too are visible from space and some are as big as the RV's.

Reminds me of Haiti's satellite view, complete with clusters of dark things.

 

[break these cuffs]

I was looking for handguards using image search when I stumbled upon a design from a lady focused tactical company that I thought the boys might like to co-opt.


As cerakoted in the picture that rail is $390 probably more like $500

They what look like pretty nicely machined designs with roses, sugar skulls, and butterflies. Only 6061-T6 tho. They even have tacticool purses made for women instead of nerds! I did find it amusing that they have a dude doing the handguard installation instructions. Some day I'm going to get one of my SBRs hydrodipped in Muddy Girl or electric blue Kryptek or something obnoxious.

 

[Awel an Ankoù]

"benifits" can these tards do anything right?

no

 

[Jump]

Basically, the property is almost worthless, or at least it's only worth a fraction of what they paid for it. They're probably massively in negative equity and will owe the bank massive amounts of money even if it is foreclosed. As Bonbon's mom is a co-signatory on the mortgage she might have to declare bankruptcy if she can't absorb the losses.

The end of the saga could be spicy.

No it will just be sad.

-The only humane thing to do with the animals now is dig a big pit, euthanize them, then toss them in the pit and burn then close up the pit.
-The structures are likely all fucked. Complete tear down. A real construction company will be needed to knock everything down then haul everything out in tri-axle dumptrucks.
-Plow all the shit under the soil, install some "sand catchers" to keep the topsoil from blowing away then close off the plot.

When these guys bail someone so going to have to deal with their mess. The bank or county will end up doing the above stabilize the situation. The property isn't worthless. It has NEGATIVE value as it stands with the active livestock and ecological disaster there.

 

[No Batty Boys in Jamaica]

I grew up herding goats and I know a thing or two about the pastoral lifestyle.

Let me tell you, the Tranch is doing it so incredibly wrong. Camelids like Alpacas and llamas are tough to herd and give a shitty return per head. They need to be raising goats or sheep. Nobody gives a shit about alpaca fiber. Do you have any articles of clothing in your house made from alpaca wool? Have you ever eaten an alpaca? Probably not. These niggers are paying out the ass for an animal that requires hay or high quality grass, drinks a fuck ton of water, and is in low demand. Vet costs are high (if they even use a vet lol) because they're alpacas. The meat is not that great for all the required inputs to get it. Sure there are pelts that go for $400 or even $4,000, but demand is low. The people making that money are *not* the tranch. There's a reason that there are no extant native camelids in North America. The Andes are a little different from the Rockies, and there aren't alpaca varieties that are able to survive blizzards.

Cashmere goats. That's what they need to be raising. There's a much larger market for cashmere fiber than there is for alpaca, and a pound of mutton does not require nearly as much feed, water, fuel, and land to produce. Much better return on investment.

With commodity prices the way they are, expect a big culling at the Tranch in 2022. Worse than any of the winters they've had previously. Things are bad and they are getting worse.

Also with the price of beef, they could've just raised some shitty cows and run a massive profit. Too bad lol. Had to go with the cutesy internet meme animal.

 

[trickyzerg23]

CROSSOVER ALERT! CROSSOVER ALERT!

Kim Kardashian has expressed positive sentiments toward the eating of feces.

Will Jen consider this to be a brave and beautiful self-revelation of a woman taking back her power? Or will Jen be angered a hated ciswoman is appropriating Jen's inclusive and equitable fetishes??

I am not able to edit my previous post. Here is the crossover in action. Notice that Kim is not just talking about eating poop. She is talking about eating it daily. In the words of Ethan Ralph, she's going to eat that shit and then tell us it tastes good.

 

[capsaicin]

My God, Phil is functionally illiterate.

View attachment 3341963

View attachment 3341942

Odds of them having accomplished a single one of these things since making the list in January?

That’s a LOT of cleaning, considering they’ve done none since buying the place. Maybe supports the idea of them planning on bailing? Was this list made before or after Paul absconded with Alyssa?

I think the last word in that second one is donate.

I hope donations get cleaned at the Westcliffe Goodwill.

 

[Terrifying Organisms]

 

[KiwiFuzz]

No it will just be sad.

-The only humane thing to do with the animals now is dig a big pit, euthanize them, then toss them in the pit and burn then close up the pit.
-The structures are likely all fucked. Complete tear down. A real construction company will be needed to knock everything down then haul everything out in tri-axle dumptrucks.
-Plow all the shit under the soil, install some "sand catchers" to keep the topsoil from blowing away then close off the plot.

When these guys bail someone so going to have to deal with their mess. The bank or county will end up doing the above stabilize the situation. The property isn't worthless. It has NEGATIVE value as it stands with the active livestock and ecological disaster there.

You forgot semioticians who need to be consulted for signage to warn future people who may not speak English or any modern languages that the ground is eternally cursed.

 

[Konstantin Romanov]

You forgot semioticians who need to be consulted for signage to warn future people who may not speak English or any modern languages that the ground is eternally cursed.

Oh is that where the "this is not a place of honor" meme comes from? I suppose the heavy use of negations makes sense from a baudrillardist perspective.

 

[Meriasek]

I grew up herding goats and I know a thing or two about the pastoral lifestyle.

Let me tell you, the Tranch is doing it so incredibly wrong. Camelids like Alpacas and llamas are tough to herd and give a shitty return per head. They need to be raising goats or sheep. Nobody gives a shit about alpaca fiber. Do you have any articles of clothing in your house made from alpaca wool? Have you ever eaten an alpaca? Probably not. These niggers are paying out the ass for an animal that requires hay or high quality grass, drinks a fuck ton of water, and is in low demand. Vet costs are high (if they even use a vet lol) because they're alpacas. The meat is not that great for all the required inputs to get it. Sure there are pelts that go for $400 or even $4,000, but demand is low. The people making that money are *not* the tranch. There's a reason that there are no extant native camelids in North America. The Andes are a little different from the Rockies, and there aren't alpaca varieties that are able to survive blizzards.

Cashmere goats. That's what they need to be raising. There's a much larger market for cashmere fiber than there is for alpaca, and a pound of mutton does not require nearly as much feed, water, fuel, and land to produce. Much better return on investment.

With commodity prices the way they are, expect a big culling at the Tranch in 2022.

Also with the price of beef, they could've just raised some shitty cows and run a massive profit. Too bad lol. Had to go with the cutesy internet meme animal.

Alpacas are cheap to acquire because nobody wants them. The Tranchers are not interested in actually running a profitable ranch or actually "rescuing" alpacas. The main attraction for them is being troon compound, the ranch part is just for the grift. If they didn't have the ranch, people would be asking "Why should I pay for a bunch of troons to live in the middle of nowhere doing nothing? Couldn't they start a troon haven somewhere with job opportunities?"
They're not working a ranch, they're trying to sell a product, the product being the cool self-sufficient no-nonsense troons kicking ass and taking names while also rescuing cute animals and running a successful business with that. They're trying to be underdogs that people will root for and support. What they don't want is actually work.

/edit:
Not that I actually believe that they actually think like this. They probably believe their own lies and think they're a kickass troon haven, being delusional faggots. The grift just came naturally to them because they probably were like "Let's start a ranch because we're strong and independent, but also let's go with alpacas because I heard they're cheap and easy and also cute because we're girly girls".

 

[Cpl. Long Dong Silver]

I was looking for handguards using image search when I stumbled upon a design from a lady focused tactical company that I thought the boys might like to co-opt.

View attachment 3344159
As cerakoted in the picture that rail is $390 probably more like $500

They what look like pretty nicely machined designs with roses, sugar skulls, and butterflies. Only 6061-T6 tho. They even have tacticool purses made for women instead of nerds! I did find it amusing that they have a dude doing the handguard installation instructions. Some day I'm going to get one of my SBRs hydrodipped in Muddy Girl or electric blue Kryptek or something obnoxious.

Can they make me a Mudkip version?

 

[Elysian]

Alpacas are cheap to acquire because nobody wants them. The Tranchers are not interested in actually running a profitable ranch or actually "rescuing" alpacas. The main attraction for them is being troon compound, the ranch part is just for the grift. If they didn't have the ranch, people would be asking "Why should I pay for a bunch of troons to live in the middle of nowhere doing nothing? Couldn't they start a troon haven somewhere with job opportunities?"
They're not working a ranch, they're trying to sell a product, the product being the cool self-sufficient no-nonsense troons kicking ass and taking names while also rescuing cute animals and running a successful business with that. They're trying to be underdogs that people will root for and support. What they don't want is actually work.

/edit:
Not that I actually believe that they actually think like this. They probably believe their own lies and think they're a kickass troon haven, being delusional faggots. The grift just came naturally to them because they probably were like "Let's start a ranch because we're strong and independent, but also let's go with alpacas because I heard they're cheap and easy and also cute because we're girly girls".

“hgfhfgkjljf it’ll be just like Stardew Valley!” - Kevin, probably (ironically before sitting on his ass and doing nothing like the protagonist of Harvest Moon DS Cute)

 

[Oxyjen]

Autism, but it looks like the left side is all Penny’s writing. He’s fairly illiterate on Twitter, it’s an untidy scrawl, plus he’d be the one to lay out the dire financial facts like that.

The text on the right is a smarter, neater all caps style. It’s talking about less consequential things - social events, cleaning. I’d almost put money on that being a girl, one of the FTMs. I know they’ve all escaped now but if this was from January, it fits.

 

[Richard Cheese]

I wonder if they managed to scam an economic injury disaster loan for the tranch and/or their drywall business. Applications closed in January but were still being processed until last month.

 

[DirtyHegel]

I have a question, does the tranch use the FN FiveseveN. I was talking about the FN FiveseveN and why I use it in another thread and I heard that they have one, if so fuck me they are right about one thing.

 

[Ghostse]

I have a question, does the tranch use the FN FiveseveN. I was talking about the FN FiveseveN and why I use it in another thread and I heard that they have one, if so fuck me they are right about one thing.

I think I'm getting my Tranch and Lowtax lore mixed up but I believe one of the tranchers was trying to get the tranch to standardize on 5.7 moon rounds.

Edit: Yes, Bonnie - the trancher who stopped being a faggot the minute he could score some real pussy - was trying to make 5.7 moon the tranch round. Once Bonnie stopped being jailhouse gay, Penny started selling off their 5.7 guns which I took as the surest sign Bonnie was gone for good.
This was back in marchish.

 

[DirtyHegel]

I think I'm getting my Tranch and Lowtax lore mixed up but I believe one of the tranchers was trying to get the tranch to standardize on 5.7 moon rounds.

fuck the tranchers were right on one thing, fuck me. I hope they dont admit the FAL was the superior platform during the Cold War and then say the US shouldnt have adopted the M14 or the M16 platform.

 

[AprilRains]

fuck the tranchers were right on one thing, fuck me. I hope they dont admit the FAL was the superior platform during the Cold War and then say the US shouldnt have adopted the M14 or the M16 platform.

They weren't right, for their purposes. It's not a great ranch round.