Times you accidentally went shitposter in real life - When that smart mouth of yours outruns the part of your brain telling you to shut up

[Iron Jaguar]

What did she do to piss you off? For me it's a weekly occurrence so I can't remember the full context.

I think we have the same mother.

 

[R00T]

I've called something "exceptional" more than once.

called a friend exceptional once. She was so thankful until I said what it meant.

 

[Santa Fe Swag]

I have shared the video of gunt getting beat up to just about everyone that I know, most of them found it funny but they didn't know who Ralph is or how funny "five star days bitch! Suuuey!" is to me.

 

[Psyduck]

ITT:

 

[Russian Bot]

ITT:

Yeah, I was hoping for more people posting funny things they said rather than "I used to scream retarded catchphrases and show people videos".

 

[The Gifted Kid]

Holy shit I just remembered this one time I opened my mouth and accidentally spoke out loud in the middle of class. I had a real crazy feminist prof. (I think I might've mentioned her here before) who would go on long tangents that had nothing to do with the subject matter. Anyways the topic inevitably drifted onto the wage gap and she said something to the effect of "what are women supposed to do if they make so much less than men." Me being tired and barely paying attention I accidentally said out loud "marry a man" and the class went totally silent and the prof. gave me the coldest death glare humanly possible. Not one of my best moments but kinda funny in hindsight.

 

[Moderna]

I'm usually pretty good at compartmentalizing my online vocabulary and my normie vocabulary, but once while heavily inebriated I called a "nonbinary" woman I know "she" several times in a row due to that being how I refer to her in my head. On a different occasion (also involving alcohol) I found myself explaining autogynephilia to a few woke friends.

Luckily I think I was the only one present for both instances who remembered them the next day.

 

[Jason Wynn]

An old friend’s mother was in a wheelchair. A bunch of us were hanging out, being dumbasses making your mom jokes and I made the comment “I wonder if when X’s mom is getting fucked the guy starts singing ‘the wheels on the bitch go round and round! Round and round! Round and round!”

He got pissed and didn’t help that everyone else started cracking up. Felt bad about it later.

 

[Womanhater69]

There was once this chick that sat behind me in school, since she just kept on talking and talking, one day when she was complaining about the temperature inside the class I turned around and told her the equivalent of: "Can you stop being hot?"
She then started bawling.

 

[Monolith]

When my friend mentioned liking Lizzo, I called her "literally fat."

 

[Ughubughughughughughghlug]

Was with my Mexican GF, checked my pocket for my wallet, told her you always have to check it around Mexicans.
She had been spending the whole day trying to pick a fight (dump me, but feeling guilty about it, you know) and I think it was making me so nervous that that stupid shit came out of my mouth. (Didn't actually start a fight, I think she realized it was a shitty joke, but obviously that didn't help me at all.)

 

[moocow]

Once I called a "face mask" a "muzzle" by accident in a public setting IRL.

Ooooh, that's a good one. I'm going to have to start doing that.

Was with my Mexican GF, checked my pocket for my wallet, told her you always have to check it around Mexicans.
She had been spending the whole day trying to pick a fight (dump me, but feeling guilty about it, you know) and I think it was making me so nervous that that stupid shit came out of my mouth. (Didn't actually start a fight, I think she realized it was a shitty joke, but obviously that didn't help me at all.)

Anyone who can't take a joke like that isn't worth your time anyway, lad. You dodged a bullet.

 

[Ughubughughughughughghlug]

Ooooh, that's a good one. I'm going to have to start doing that.


Anyone who can't take a joke like that isn't worth your time anyway, lad. You dodged a bullet.

she brought me cookies after dumping me and has been half heartedly trying to pick fights, so I don’t think the joke was really the problem there. But there was a look of hurt on her face. It didn’t help anything.

It was a big rebound that had burned itself out and she felt bad about it.

 

[Carlos Thin]

I once mentioned Kiwi Farms to some of my friends. They aren’t pleased with you guys. (Most of them are fucking lolcows anyway, fuck them.)

 

[AMHOLIO]

I've been very choosy with words ever since I realized I was fanfuckingtastic at blurting out the first thing I thought of and people didn't like it. It's developed over time that when it happens, it's usually to people I meet in passing. I still feel total embarrassment, but it's always better than doing it to someone I like.

I was in a class where the teacher was talking about female rape statistics. I then said "so if you have a vagina, you always have to be worried about a much higher chance of rape". This on it's own wouldn't be bad, but one of the people in class was a trans woman and I think it burned her as she later talked to me about how she was nearly raped after going to a pizza parlor with her friends (and her story had some holes in it, of course). I wish I could tell you a funnier one, but most normies just move on after looking at you funny.

I think we have the same mother.

Kiwi Farms: gluing split families back together, one "nigger" at a time.

I once mentioned Kiwi Farms to some of my friends. They aren’t pleased with you guys. (Most of them are fucking lolcows anyway, fuck them.)

How did you get to be their friends in the first place? Are you just a cow magnet?

 

[Iron Jaguar]

and her story had some holes in it

I bet.

 

[Chocolate Wombat]

I once mentioned Kiwi Farms to some of my friends. They aren’t pleased with you guys. (Most of them are fucking lolcows anyway, fuck them.)

I made the mistake of talking about Kiwi Farms with some people in my family only to later be accused of having been radicalized.

Apparently calling trans people troons and saying I don't think children should take hormone blockers means I'm possessed by an alt-right demon or something.

 

[Shidoen]

I was dealing with a turbo nigger so I went wigger and then just full shitpost when then I finally out niggered the nigger.

 

[Behavioral Sink]

I keep accidentally introducing people to the word troon.

 

[PipTheAlchemist]

In middle school I used to quote filthy frank.

>middle school
>filthy frank