DarksydePhil / TheyCallMeDSP / Phil Burnell: General Discussion #2

[Wasabi Panda]

this is so bizarre, it's like watching a gin-brained deeply closeted android trying to understand what it means to be human so it's deeply confused by human interaction and humans talking to each other.

 

[Iron Hamster]

I'm amazed he goes out in public in these things.

It's his 'business suit' man. You just know he's still in his Zelda jammies.

 

[DerichLovesSSI]

While the pic doesn't give much, it is literally the first time anyone has seen Kat in three years.

I also have doubts that Dave is exercising, or at least he's vastly overestimating how much he's exerting himself since from his statements he feels he's burning significant calories from walking a mile and half.

Dave did get Kat an exercise bike, which given this new pic I'm thinking was more of a "hint, hint, hint" thing than an actual gift. I think I remember that broke cause he bought a piece of shit one off Amazon, guess they didn't try again.

To my understanding, the lore was that Phil’s parents sent her one for Christmas (hopefully as a sneak diss) that was high end and apparently handyman Philip Burnell decided only suckers read the instructions, built it wrong, Kat broke/got some internal mechanism stuck, Phil decried the manufacturers as non-robust and returned it for store credit.

Don’t know if he ever bought a new one (doubtful) or if that return was swiftly spent on Apple iTunes (more likely).

 

[Corpun]

It's his 'business suit' man. You just know he's still in his Zelda jammies.

I wonder if he even buttons up the piss hole in those jammies or that is too much effort for his fat little fingers.

Spoiler: Here you go

View attachment 3373795

That's the Hatchet (Classic Edition), I don't know if we ever got to see the Bedroom Bloodletter™ that he keeps by his bed. The real issue I see isn't that it's cheap or that even if it wasn't, Phil isn't the kinda guy that could chop someone down on short notice or with prep time, It's that you know he doesn't maintain that shit because he didn't even maintain his fucking spinal cord. That thing, if he still has it, is more of a really thin hammer at this point.

When it comes to "self defense" blades (lol), even the shittiest Amazon, black-painted stainless steel, mall ninja, zombie apocalypse Katana is still a blade if it's maintained, a stab is what a stab does no matter how goofy the blade looks. That said I'm saying this as someone doesn't know shit, but still.
If I'm trying to steal from someone, I'm not getting into a duel of life and death, and If I'm such an mentally-ill moron that I'm trying to murder Phil, I'm bringing some range, at least a crossbow, maybe even a big rock.

An axe that small is probably useless in home defense anyways. I know the whole mantra about not getting into a knife fight if you don't know you will be stabbed but that dinky little thing is fucking worthless. Get a good baseball bat instead like normal people Phil. I know you are too much of a pussy to own a gun and even if you weren't you like in Washington State so it's impossible but goddamn that is pathetic, especially if a would be thief breaks in and uses it when they see it.

 

[ReentryPhantom]

To my understanding, the lore was that Phil’s parents sent her one for Christmas (hopefully as a sneak diss) that was high end and apparently handyman Philip Burnell decided only suckers read the instructions, built it wrong, Kat broke/got some internal mechanism stuck, Phil decried the manufacturers as non-robust and returned it for store credit.

Don’t know if he ever bought a new one (doubtful) or if that return was swiftly spent on Apple iTunes (more likely).

Reminder that he had to wait for a moving company to come pick it up, and he lied about when they actually came and picked it up and took the night stream off.

 

[EmpGulcasa]

I can't not see a really fat Rachael from Bladerunner in that picture with DSP and it's haunting me.

 

[FalsePositive]

Hacking someone to death with an axe is a very intimate experience, there's no way Dark could go through with it besides the fact that he's physically incapable of it.

 

[Guess i'm toxic now!]

https://youtube.com/clip/UgkxKH8twJMRRYerZ6iCWNAFabq2z1TNUrLg

No comment

"the males in particular"

Phil had to add that in their because he is MARRIED and wouldn't dare think about even a monster licking a women's ass.

However a guy's ass, now that's free real estate!

 

[Pargon]

Spoiler: Here you go

View attachment 3373795

That's the Hatchet (Classic Edition), I don't know if we ever got to see the Bedroom Bloodletter™ that he keeps by his bed. The real issue I see isn't that it's cheap or that even if it wasn't, Phil isn't the kinda guy that could chop someone down on short notice or with prep time, It's that you know he doesn't maintain that shit because he didn't even maintain his fucking spinal cord. That thing, if he still has it, is more of a really thin hammer at this point.

When it comes to "self defense" blades (lol), even the shittiest Amazon, black-painted stainless steel, mall ninja, zombie apocalypse Katana is still a blade if it's maintained, a stab is what a stab does no matter how goofy the blade looks. That said I'm saying this as someone doesn't know shit, but still.
If I'm trying to steal from someone, I'm not getting into a duel of life and death, and If I'm such an mentally-ill moron that I'm trying to murder Phil, I'm bringing some range, at least a crossbow, maybe even a big rock.

Jesus Christ, that haft. You swing that thing and miss soft tissue and hit your tile counter or your steel doorframe and if it doesn’t break it’s going to fly right out of your hand and you’re not going to be gripping anything for the next half hour.

Here’s a question: why not just a baseball bat? They’re ubiquitous, they have better range than that thing and in the likely chance someone gets it away from you you’re much less likely to wind up with an open wound. I just can’t help but think he bought that thinking how cool he’d look swinging it around, fending off all the awful tits-out harpies coming to take his virtue or whatever.

 

[ReentryPhantom]

Jesus Christ, that haft. You swing that thing and miss soft tissue and hit your tile counter or your steel doorframe and if it doesn’t break it’s going to fly right out of your hand and you’re not going to be gripping anything for the next half hour.

Here’s a question: why not just a baseball bat? They’re ubiquitous, they have better range than that thing and in the likely chance someone gets it away from you you’re much less likely to wind up with an open wound. I just can’t help but think he bought that thinking how cool he’d look swinging it around, fending off all the awful tits-out harpies coming to take his virtue or whatever.

You think he and Kat do detractor break-in drills and they swing them around to train?

 

[Pargon]

You think he and Kat do detractor break-in drills and they swing them around to train?

I think Phil had a wanna-be hard man phase where he’d act like a wiseguy in his big baller new house with his trophy grade school girlfriend and he’d of course attract the attention of people who’d want to take all that away from him.

This was of course in 2014 when he still had functional gonads producing actual testosterone and not whatever shriveled excuse he has for huevos now.

 

[Corpun]

Jesus Christ, that haft. You swing that thing and miss soft tissue and hit your tile counter or your steel doorframe and if it doesn’t break it’s going to fly right out of your hand and you’re not going to be gripping anything for the next half hour.

Here’s a question: why not just a baseball bat? They’re ubiquitous, they have better range than that thing and in the likely chance someone gets it away from you you’re much less likely to wind up with an open wound. I just can’t help but think he bought that thinking how cool he’d look swinging it around, fending off all the awful tits-out harpies coming to take his virtue or whatever.

Knowing Phil he probably saw a kid get hit by a bat at a tee-ball game once as a kid and got traumatized by it.

 

[Iron Hamster]

I think Phil had a wanna-be hard man phase where he’d act like a wiseguy in his big baller new house with his trophy grade school girlfriend and he’d of course attract the attention of people who’d want to take all that away from him.

This was of course in 2014 when he still had functional gonads producing actual testosterone and not whatever shriveled excuse he has for huevos now.

Asserts facts not in evidence.

 

[SauceRyuKen]

Keep in mind there was a significant portion of people in this very thread who were buying into “the kat is now gone” theory. I don’t blame them either, we had nothing but scraps to speculate on until yesterday.

The Kat may well be gone by now, that picture is from a year ago. Phil can't show us deathfat Khet and he can't debunk that she's gone. Furthermore, it annoys him enough to hold Jhyamsper Kitty hostage on stream. So I choose to believe that she's gone.

She likely isn't, but if Phil caves and shows us deathfat Kat... Oh my lord, could you imagine?

The larp is already over. Turn off the lights, DSP is an abject failure of a man, and he's not getting better. The trophy wife? Naught but a fat gold digger, messing with no broke pigger. Overall one of the best gamers in the country? At walking sims with a guide. Succesful businessman? Dent funded and sustsined.

Phil, you might as well drop the really need your help act. Spare these dumbass dentheads the drivel. They deserve a shot at spending their money on stupid shit. I'm pretty sure OIC could at least get some mid tier e-girl to suck his pp.

It's kinda crazy that failed e-girl FatKat was the best Phil could do. I was seething before, when she was still a swimsuit model, punching the air. But now? Well I feel like Phil might not be as succesful at this fulltime adult suburban catdad thing as he'd have us believe!

 

[DukeMorty]

I was thinking about it and recently Phil has been walking. What if Kat was diagnosed with diabetes or some other health issue due to her weight and the doctors told her to walk/exercise more or it could get worse. Kat being a sheltered person probably didn't want to walk alone so she asked Phil to walk with her. And Phil probably agreed because he didnt want to lose his prize mare over a walk so he started walking with her.

He stated many times over the years he never works out because he is in good shape with amazing "muscle memory", but suddenly he is walking now? Naw, he is doing this because Kat didnt want Phil alone in the house wanking off to WWE jpegs while she was out walking around, so he was forced to walk with her. But seriously I can see her wanting Phil to be with her in the walks so its not embarrassing that she is a fat lady walking around the condo area.

 

[Pargon]

I was thinking about it and recently Phil has been walking. What if Kat was diagnosed with diabetes or some other health issue due to her weight and the doctors told her to walk/exercise more or it could get worse. Kat being a sheltered person probably didn't want to walk alone so she asked Phil to walk with her. And Phil probably agreed because he didnt want to lose his prize mare over a walk so he started walking with her.

He stated many times over the years he never works out because he is in good shape with amazing "muscle memory", but suddenly he is walking now? Naw, he is doing this because Kat didnt want Phil alone in the house wanking off to WWE jpegs while she was out walking around, so he was forced to walk with her. But seriously I can see her wanting Phil to be with her in the walks so its not embarrassing that she is a fat lady walking around the condo area.

He says he’s walking. Says. I dunno about you but I’m not believing Phil saying the sky is blue without it being signed off on by several credentialed meteorologists.

 

[Robust User]

No.
Like I said, the man was a mutual through a friend. My literal only interaction with him was that night. I'm not about to go full sperg mode and ask a complete stranger to stalk some fat fuck

If you've already explained this, then sorry for missing it in the thread, but why leak this photo now? Why not sooner?

 

[scobra666]

Did a little looking and I think with this we can conclude it's genuine.
On a whim, I checked where the nearest gas stations were from the pigpen. Closest one is literally 5 minutes away and is a Fred Meyer gas station.

• Rocks in the background of the original pic match the ones in google maps perfectly.
• Reflections on his car match the colors of the overhang.
• Bushes look a little different, but the original pic's timestamp is dated for April of last year, so it makes sense that they were in bloom.
• He's wearing the same fuck-ugly Gremlins shirt from the 2018 begging video which is now remembered for the bingo wings moment of "Everything went wrong on Youtube." As @Ptolemy pointed out, it's actually his 'Abbey Road' Mario T-shirt, which fits as the date coincides with his departnering from Twitch and we know he was wearing that shirt on stream.

Sorry if the sudden detective work comes off as autistic. I just noticed it and was like, "Well, shit".

Dude in the pic has a mullet, does phil?

(Edit. No yea I looked at a better pic, that shit was pretty dumb.)

 

[Fascist Frederick]

I think it's time for a new poll.

Who would you rather have sex with:

A. Phil's real adult wife Fat Kat
B. Wing's wife of convenience Smelly Kelly
C. They are fat and I wouldn't have sex with them individually.
D. Phil

 

[ReentryPhantom]

Just another note for people still thinking it's Phil's cousin. Melissa is 45 years old.... The chick in the pic isn't wearing makeup.... Do you honestly think that's a 44/45 year old woman in that car with Phil?