Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[𝕺𝖑' 𝕯𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖞 𝕱𝖆𝖙𝖘𝖔]

Are Big Figs cake-resistant? Let's find out

 

[NoReturn]

Gorls....
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This is art!

The fact she also just posted this video? Also art!

 

[FuckDuckSeagull]

Omg MY SIDES!!! SHE AGREED TO THAT COMMERCIAL! HOLY SHIT!

BigFig, I didn't expect them to throw shade like this, but oh wow.. standing ovation.

 

[formerfatcow]

Omg MY SIDES!!! SHE AGREED TO THAT COMMERCIAL! HOLY SHIT!

BigFig, I didn't expect them to throw shade like this, but oh wow.. standing ovation.

On Instagram Tess credits her creative director Nadia Aboulhosn for the idea, so I'm not sure BigFig even asked for all that.

Also shout out to my incredible creative director Nadia for always coming up with the funniest ideas and my team for executing them perfectly.
Working with y’all is a joy!

Director @nikaburnett
Creative Director @nadiaaboulhosn
DP @kelsography
Hair @angelinapanelli
Make Up @marianamcgrathmakeup
Voice Over @senoramado “Yuckkkkk!”
Assistant @chris.almontee

 

[TheGoodNamesHaveBeenTaken]

Get the only mattress that's whore tested, whore approved.
" Hi I'm Tess Holiday, the worlds fattest model and notorious whore. Sex work is real work so do that work on the only mattress designed for whoring. Big Fig is the only mattress that is built for sex work from the ground up. Stain resistant so icing, cake, semen , urine, feces and blood just wash right off. Extra heavy duty springs that can support a load of 10,000 pounds. Available in XXXL King size so there is room for you, your john, a coupe of German shepherds, a goat and even a Clydesdale. Now featuring the industries best warranty. If your Big Fig mattress should suffer any defects in materials or workmanship "in the first 3 months or 3000 tricks the company will make it right. Don't take my word for it. Order one and see. If your Big Fig mattress isn't the most comfortable mattress you have ever peddled your sweet ass from send it back and take advantage out out 100% money back guarantee*. Take it from me the worlds heaviest model Big Fig mattresses are the best for whoring or my name isn't Tess Holiday**"

* Money back offer is void if mattress is stained with blood, semen, vomit, bile, food, feces, urine, foot prints, pawprints or hoof prints or if 10,000 pound weight limit is exceeded
**Her name isn't Tess Holiday

 

[multiverse]

This is art!

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The fact she also just posted this video? Also art!
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Nadia was also responsible for that terrible lotion "commercial" Tess did, which was equally cringe, and first showed that Tess can't act and is barely mobile.

This latest "infomercial" only enforces how much Tess can't act or move. I'm starting to think Nadia actually hates Ryann and is making her do these videos to humiliate her - both videos she's done make Tess look fucking stupid. Maybe they're just feeder bait?

 

[Crepidodera fulvicornis]

Hi I'm Tess Holiday, the worlds fattest model and notorious whore. Sex work is real work so do that work on the only mattress designed for whoring

 

[TheGoodNamesHaveBeenTaken]

That is false advertising.
They said no more sagging sides yet Tess is still just as saggy as ever.

They were so close on the name.
I think Big Pig would have been better.

 

[Water-T]

Omg MY SIDES!!! SHE AGREED TO THAT COMMERCIAL! HOLY SHIT!

BigFig, I didn't expect them to throw shade like this, but oh wow.. standing ovation.

There is so much to mock about the commercial. It looks like those fucking informercials selling cheap shit at 3 am where all the actors purposely act like morons with motor function disorders. Tess is literally taking up 80% of the fucking bed.

The best part is seeing her flopping around on that bed like a manatee trying to drag itself back into the water.

If Tess actually had legit jobs lined up, she would have NEVER agreed to this and fired the agent for even suggesting this. But we know she lives too extravagantly and needs the extra cash to supplant her CakeJohn income.

 

[Constellationzero]

This is art!

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The fact she also just posted this video? Also art!
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Mattress ad: Same fucking energy.

 

[Me262PrinceOfTurboJet]

I genuinely thought it was a parody at first. It's like something you would've seen on a sketch show.

 

[M.T. Graves]

Of course Tess needs a mattress that’s named after food.

 

[burntgrilledcheese]

The shot of her feet barely shuffling across the floor was pretty telling.

 

[multiverse]

The shot of her feet barely shuffling across the floor was pretty telling.

And that she cannot sit up. She can't do it, and has to use the bed to get herself to stand. The best method she has is to roll to her side, throw her legs down to the ground, then use the bed and her legs to prop her up to standing. Otherwise she's stuck.

I'd be very surprised if she can get up out of a chair unaided at this point. She's not yet 40.

 

[TheGoodNamesHaveBeenTaken]

At :13 where she fell on the floor I suspect they had to have a bariatric Hoyer lift to pick her up.
This one maxes out a 500 pounds so she might be out of luck.

 

[NoReturn]

The ad has arrived on Instagram!

No noticeable differences in the video, but here's the caption.

And the companion posts.

Jesus Christ how horrifying.

It's the same audio, pfff

Gotta get high to deal with what she just released.

 

[Water-T]

The shot of her feet barely shuffling across the floor was pretty telling.

Beetus amputation saga coming soon!

 

[one_time_user]

I think that the feet thing was on purpose, ie, sleeping so poorly that you are dragging your feet the next day.

 

[JambledUpWords]

Spoiler: Tess the Transphobe

 

[CaseyTatumm]

Spoiler: Tess the Transphobe

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Ugh she dressed like that for her kid’s party