- Joined
- Sep 20, 2014
Does he understand that Kelly Bundy is a fictional character? Because he talks about her like she's a real person that he knows IRL.
Personal Lolcows - Lolcows in your personal life.
- Thread starter Judge Holden
- Start date
Tehshigelisok
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Dec 10, 2014
This reminds me of when my grandmother, uncle, great-uncle, and great-aunt all lived together in a house only 3 blocks up from where I grew up. For a long time, theirs was the only house on the block, and the block behind them was completely empty. Anyway, these were all relatives from my dad's side of the family, the uncle being my dad's mentally-impaired brother who was already about 40 even then. I remember going over when I was 3 and 4 to watch game shows at their place, and it didn't seem terrible then. Her house was just where I went to watch Press Your Luck reruns. However, the more I visited, the more I remember how terrible their place was.
My uncle had the front of the house, a former porch converted to a spare bedroom that you had to walk through to get to the rest of the house. He had his own TV in there and a scattering of kids' books, plus a poster of a DeLorean. He had really bad eczema, and more than once I saw parts of his body covered in duct tape to keep him from scratching. Somehow, he'd gotten employed by a local dry cleaners for a time. He kind of looked like Cledus T. Judd did early in his career. My great-uncle was severely mentally impaired and had really bad teeth. Pretty much the only thing he could say coherently was "Dumb Polack!", and he otherwise just made a sharp sucking noise with his mouth. He, great-aunt, and grandma shared a back bedroom that I never ventured into.
They only ever ate junk. I remember they had an affinity for Pizza Rolls (which I shared until I realized the horrifying shit that goes into them -- "pepperoni flavored meat topping" anyone?) and fast food. Both my grandmother and great-aunt loved McDonald's food, but they preferred Pepsi to Coke, so they'd get their Quarter Pounders or Big Macs and fries at McDonald's, then go next door to Arby's (which is no longer there) for their Pepsi. Sometimes they were too lazy for even that, so they just had roast beef and curly fries.
In relation to the above, all of them were very overweight and sedentary, with no muscle tone at all. Grandma in particular had epic bingo wings. I would bet anything that grandma and great-aunt both had the diabeetus like dad does, given their affinity for saccharine in their coffee, but at least dad, lazy as he is, treats it. They were slobs par excellence as well. I remember seeing empty half and half packets, discarded fast food bags, dried up Papermate "ultra fine flair" pens (the only kind they used) etc. all over their floor every time. One time, I went to use their bathroom and found a dried-up bell pepper on the floor.
Great-aunt apparently had some degree of aphasia, as she was constantly asking for "whatchacallit"s. She also referred to local businesses by unusual names; for instance, she would refer to Jim's, a supermarket that closed when I was 4, by Jim's last name instead, even though no one called it that. She also referred to the Ace Hardware in town by the owners' names, although to be fair, they DID have their names on a sign on the front even if everyone else just called it Ace Hardware. Great-aunt shat herself at least once in my presence; surprisingly, I don't remember any foul smell, just her shouting "OH, CHRIST!" and going to take care of it.
Both great-aunt and grandma died around the same time. I was in 6th grade, and Dad pulled up to the school in Grandma's old Buick Park Avenue and took me to the funeral in the middle of class. I think great-uncle died around the same time with less fanfare (or maybe someone else had gotten custody of him first), and uncle went into a foster home. Dad later went to clean their house and we ordered a pizza. I think it was the last time I had pizza from that particular place (which I still think was the best pizza ever) before they burned down and rebuilt. It just wasn't the same after the rebuild, and the owner promptly sold to someone else.
Grandma's house did manage to find another owner, who cleaned it up and made it look presentable. But they didn't last long either, and pretty much the whole neighborhood is dead by now (in many cases, literally; the town has always skewed elderly, and I swear it's just getting sadder and sadder as no new blood is entering to replace the increasingly dying populace).
I have only one great-uncle left on that side of the family. He lives on the main highway into town. In 1984, they built a Kmart next to his house, and a few years later, they wanted to make the store bigger, so they asked to buy his property. He refused, and as a result, the store sits awkwardly on an L-shaped lot, half the store jutting out behind his backyard.
====
As for dad, he and mom divorced when I was 4. Dad lived in a motel north of town which later burned down, then an apartment in the next town to the south, then a trailer in that town. There, he married my stepmom, who worked at the hospital. Not long after I finished 6th grade, they and the trailer moved to Grand Rapids. That's over 4 hours away, so I didn't get to see him much. However, I was entering puberty, so I did enjoy raiding his porn mags, much to my stepmom's chagrin. Their neighborhood also had an ice cream truck, the first I'd encountered since the Good Humor man stopped hitting my neighborhood when I was 5 or so. By this point, dad was working as a truck driver, and when I came to visit, he often took me on the road with him, which I enjoyed.
Around the time I was 14, dad and stepmom split up, and from what I can figure, she's still there. I remember coming down to see a barren trailer with only a couch, TV, and fridge (and the porn), plus the stereo and computer (a beat-up Performa that was old even then, but had enough power to run some games I liked) I'd brought with me. That whole time, we had nothing but Coke and Hot Pockets, with the occasional fast food.
The next time I visited him, he'd moved to a small town north of Grand Rapids and was living with some random lady and her pregnant teenage daughter. Somehow, he'd also regained custody of my uncle/his brother at this point, although that didn't last long. I slept one night on an air mattress next to my uncle in this roach infested (!) trailer, drinking Pepsi Twist like it was going out of style, before I'd decided enough was enough and asked to go back home. He didn't last long there, and I barely heard from him for the next decade. Apparently he spent almost all this time driving trucks, only quitting when his shoulder injury flared up too badly for him to continue.
He'd still call me on my cell though, and we'd talk about what he was doing. From what I could tell, he was either living in various people's houses or a crappy Chevy van he'd bought, having barely enough on disability to get smokes and diabeetus supplies before he pissed away the rest. Imagine my surprise July 2014 when he shows up unnanounced in my driveway! I was about 75% done moving to the next town 15 miles south, aka the last town he lived in before moving to Grand Rapids. So he'd frequently come over and we'd go out to eat, or just shoot the shit in his van. Again, he'd found a couple places to crash, including the homeless shelter for a time, but he kept up his habit of using people until they tired of him. I actually met one of the people he was bumming off at Goodwill once. He's also spent some time in the hospital after having two heart attacks (one of which caused him to collapse in the bathroom and bruise his spine) and hypocalcemia (low calcium). Truth is, he's never taken care of his body very well; my mom said that he barely had any teeth even when she first started dating him.
As of this writing, he's living out of a no-tell motel in the town I live in now, eating mac & cheese or pizza and drinking Diet Dr Pepper by the case. Mostly he just texts me with random shit. The thing is, my dad isn't a terrible person: he seems to be at least average intelligence and he has a good sense of humor, but he's incredibly lazy and likes to pass the buck. I cringe whenever I see lazy, slovenly side come out (which is way too damn often; I still throw shit on the floor now and then), fearing that my dad's genes are taking over. But then some better side of me takes over again.
My uncle had the front of the house, a former porch converted to a spare bedroom that you had to walk through to get to the rest of the house. He had his own TV in there and a scattering of kids' books, plus a poster of a DeLorean. He had really bad eczema, and more than once I saw parts of his body covered in duct tape to keep him from scratching. Somehow, he'd gotten employed by a local dry cleaners for a time. He kind of looked like Cledus T. Judd did early in his career. My great-uncle was severely mentally impaired and had really bad teeth. Pretty much the only thing he could say coherently was "Dumb Polack!", and he otherwise just made a sharp sucking noise with his mouth. He, great-aunt, and grandma shared a back bedroom that I never ventured into.
They only ever ate junk. I remember they had an affinity for Pizza Rolls (which I shared until I realized the horrifying shit that goes into them -- "pepperoni flavored meat topping" anyone?) and fast food. Both my grandmother and great-aunt loved McDonald's food, but they preferred Pepsi to Coke, so they'd get their Quarter Pounders or Big Macs and fries at McDonald's, then go next door to Arby's (which is no longer there) for their Pepsi. Sometimes they were too lazy for even that, so they just had roast beef and curly fries.
In relation to the above, all of them were very overweight and sedentary, with no muscle tone at all. Grandma in particular had epic bingo wings. I would bet anything that grandma and great-aunt both had the diabeetus like dad does, given their affinity for saccharine in their coffee, but at least dad, lazy as he is, treats it. They were slobs par excellence as well. I remember seeing empty half and half packets, discarded fast food bags, dried up Papermate "ultra fine flair" pens (the only kind they used) etc. all over their floor every time. One time, I went to use their bathroom and found a dried-up bell pepper on the floor.
Great-aunt apparently had some degree of aphasia, as she was constantly asking for "whatchacallit"s. She also referred to local businesses by unusual names; for instance, she would refer to Jim's, a supermarket that closed when I was 4, by Jim's last name instead, even though no one called it that. She also referred to the Ace Hardware in town by the owners' names, although to be fair, they DID have their names on a sign on the front even if everyone else just called it Ace Hardware. Great-aunt shat herself at least once in my presence; surprisingly, I don't remember any foul smell, just her shouting "OH, CHRIST!" and going to take care of it.
Both great-aunt and grandma died around the same time. I was in 6th grade, and Dad pulled up to the school in Grandma's old Buick Park Avenue and took me to the funeral in the middle of class. I think great-uncle died around the same time with less fanfare (or maybe someone else had gotten custody of him first), and uncle went into a foster home. Dad later went to clean their house and we ordered a pizza. I think it was the last time I had pizza from that particular place (which I still think was the best pizza ever) before they burned down and rebuilt. It just wasn't the same after the rebuild, and the owner promptly sold to someone else.
Grandma's house did manage to find another owner, who cleaned it up and made it look presentable. But they didn't last long either, and pretty much the whole neighborhood is dead by now (in many cases, literally; the town has always skewed elderly, and I swear it's just getting sadder and sadder as no new blood is entering to replace the increasingly dying populace).
I have only one great-uncle left on that side of the family. He lives on the main highway into town. In 1984, they built a Kmart next to his house, and a few years later, they wanted to make the store bigger, so they asked to buy his property. He refused, and as a result, the store sits awkwardly on an L-shaped lot, half the store jutting out behind his backyard.
====
As for dad, he and mom divorced when I was 4. Dad lived in a motel north of town which later burned down, then an apartment in the next town to the south, then a trailer in that town. There, he married my stepmom, who worked at the hospital. Not long after I finished 6th grade, they and the trailer moved to Grand Rapids. That's over 4 hours away, so I didn't get to see him much. However, I was entering puberty, so I did enjoy raiding his porn mags, much to my stepmom's chagrin. Their neighborhood also had an ice cream truck, the first I'd encountered since the Good Humor man stopped hitting my neighborhood when I was 5 or so. By this point, dad was working as a truck driver, and when I came to visit, he often took me on the road with him, which I enjoyed.
Around the time I was 14, dad and stepmom split up, and from what I can figure, she's still there. I remember coming down to see a barren trailer with only a couch, TV, and fridge (and the porn), plus the stereo and computer (a beat-up Performa that was old even then, but had enough power to run some games I liked) I'd brought with me. That whole time, we had nothing but Coke and Hot Pockets, with the occasional fast food.
The next time I visited him, he'd moved to a small town north of Grand Rapids and was living with some random lady and her pregnant teenage daughter. Somehow, he'd also regained custody of my uncle/his brother at this point, although that didn't last long. I slept one night on an air mattress next to my uncle in this roach infested (!) trailer, drinking Pepsi Twist like it was going out of style, before I'd decided enough was enough and asked to go back home. He didn't last long there, and I barely heard from him for the next decade. Apparently he spent almost all this time driving trucks, only quitting when his shoulder injury flared up too badly for him to continue.
He'd still call me on my cell though, and we'd talk about what he was doing. From what I could tell, he was either living in various people's houses or a crappy Chevy van he'd bought, having barely enough on disability to get smokes and diabeetus supplies before he pissed away the rest. Imagine my surprise July 2014 when he shows up unnanounced in my driveway! I was about 75% done moving to the next town 15 miles south, aka the last town he lived in before moving to Grand Rapids. So he'd frequently come over and we'd go out to eat, or just shoot the shit in his van. Again, he'd found a couple places to crash, including the homeless shelter for a time, but he kept up his habit of using people until they tired of him. I actually met one of the people he was bumming off at Goodwill once. He's also spent some time in the hospital after having two heart attacks (one of which caused him to collapse in the bathroom and bruise his spine) and hypocalcemia (low calcium). Truth is, he's never taken care of his body very well; my mom said that he barely had any teeth even when she first started dating him.
As of this writing, he's living out of a no-tell motel in the town I live in now, eating mac & cheese or pizza and drinking Diet Dr Pepper by the case. Mostly he just texts me with random shit. The thing is, my dad isn't a terrible person: he seems to be at least average intelligence and he has a good sense of humor, but he's incredibly lazy and likes to pass the buck. I cringe whenever I see lazy, slovenly side come out (which is way too damn often; I still throw shit on the floor now and then), fearing that my dad's genes are taking over. But then some better side of me takes over again.
Last edited:
- Joined
- Jan 15, 2016
Plenty of reactionaries. People who react to certain things that tend to be preachy and they end up being worse than those they react to. It is one thing to make fun of people, but you shouldn't be a jackass like those people.
- Joined
- Feb 24, 2015
That's a difficult question to answer. Usually he acknowledges that she's not real, but other times he'll get mad and spergy over it. It's very hard to tell what's real and what isn't with him.
- Joined
- Jun 8, 2015
Considering how tightly cows like OPL and others will latch onto animated characters and insist they're "real" in some other parallel dimension (since all but the kookiest knows they don't exist in flesh-and-blood) it's not surprising that someone over devoted to a character played by an actor/actress will have even a harder time drawing that line since they're a "real" person, many I'll bet, prefer to think of the character as the "real" person and the actor as just a "mask", it's crazy super-delusional, but that's what makes one an lolcow.
stumble weed
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2016
Jamie
May
I know/meet herds of these people.
- 80/F/Bible Belt
- Prophetic Pentocostal and Baptist, claims Jewish by proxy
- anoints cars and lays hands on people, strangers or not
- throws holy water at people/furniture/dogs in her family's home
- prays and sings hymns mid-conversation
- believes God will care for her ailing husband over most medicine
- watches only religious programming, Fox, and Hallmark Channel
- prepper
May
- ~40 MtF prostitute from Dallas, TX
- crush on 23yo gay male, met 18 years earlier at sister's babysitting gig
- denim blue eyebrows tattooed in men's prison
- uses porcelain teeth implants to remove clothing security ink tags
- natural born witch
- communicates with dogs through a monosyllabic language
- 9-10" penis, displays without permission
- shoots meth in stomach
- 55/M
- librarian from the local high school
- diagnosed borderline personality
- tries to reconnect and date me every couple years
- he wanted me to pee on him when I was 15, told me10 years later
- wants to fuck his half sister
- disabled fiancé wants him to fuck his half sister
- once fucked a maths teacher, both pretending she was me
I know/meet herds of these people.
- Joined
- Oct 9, 2013
So over the weekend I had lunch with Mamabiscuits and she told me a new B.J story that I had never heard before.
This story takes place long, long ago when B.J was but a wee 4th grader. One fine Decemeber morning B.J forgot his science report(lol, no, B.J didn't do his homework) and Mama B.J had to
So B.J's mother strolls in around 10 o'clock, takes one look at the tree and had a hissy fit. She ran at the tree (all 300 + pounds of her) and began ripping decorations from it's branches. But not every decoration was destroyed- only the ones that had stars on them. Why the stars, the security guards that eventually had to restrain her, asked?
Her answer? She didn't want to see a Christmas tree covered in "Jew stuff". It might upset her boys. They were very sensitive you see, and wouldn't be able to handle "mixing". The school explained that all the decorations were handmade by students, and that there was surely no ill intent behind them. They also pointed out that "her boys" had walked past them everyday for a month without incident. But the explanations fell on deaf ears. B.J's parents called a lawyer who threatened to serve them with a cease and desist letter over the holiday display. Now, before you legal kiwis get all flustered, no, it would never have held up under a judge We all know this. But never the less, the entire holiday display was taken down.
The school has never since put up a holiday display. B.J's family literally stole Christmas.
- Joined
- Sep 18, 2014
Have you ever considered trying to track down his internet presence? I can imagine his online activities would be quite hilarious and the chimp outs would be epic in nature.
- Joined
- Feb 18, 2014
A couple weeks ago while at Safeway, I saw an old woman yelling at an Angry Orchard display, which consisted of a large plastic tree with a face styled in a similar fashion to what's on the cider's packaging.
As I was walking past said display, this woman suddenly shrieked behind me: "WHA?! I TOLD YOU NOT TO COME NEAR ME!"
I looked behind my shoulder, wondering who she was yelling at. She was looking right at the smiling plastic tree as she continued to yell, "I said I DON'T want you NEAR me! You're a LOSER!" I remembered looking to my right where the pharmacy was, and the woman working the counter there had a decidedly WTF look on her face like me.
I'm still honestly curious to know what that tree did to piss her off so much.
As I was walking past said display, this woman suddenly shrieked behind me: "WHA?! I TOLD YOU NOT TO COME NEAR ME!"
I looked behind my shoulder, wondering who she was yelling at. She was looking right at the smiling plastic tree as she continued to yell, "I said I DON'T want you NEAR me! You're a LOSER!" I remembered looking to my right where the pharmacy was, and the woman working the counter there had a decidedly WTF look on her face like me.
I'm still honestly curious to know what that tree did to piss her off so much.
- Joined
- Oct 9, 2013
Actually yes, I have! The results have been disappointing, to say the least. I've even tried searching under all his psudeonyns and found nothing of interest. He plays a LOT of WoW and LoL, and I'm sure he throws tantrums all the time whenever things don't go his way.
- Joined
- Sep 18, 2014
Damn, with a life that weird you'd think he wouldn't be able to control himself online either.
- Joined
- Sep 3, 2014
So here's a few reasons why I consider a good chunk of DSP's hatebase to be trollshielding autists. This is all from TiHYDP Pokemon Omega Ruby:
"Oh my god, fuck this game and fuck Nintendo and fuck Game Freak and most of all, FUCK Satoshi Tajiri for making the new Pokemon games so fucking pathetically easy that even a total fucking stupid asshead like Phil can beat it easily!
Sigh, sorry about that. I mad." ~ LegionofDoom2009
"Wow.. a battle even in the Elite Four without your opponent having all 6 Pokemon, I forgot how baby town frolics the games got with each iteration..." ~ Mega Mawile
"No. The new Exp Share makes grinding non existent, and so many battles are no longer endurances. How many trainers in this game during the main quest actually have full parties? Pokemon was always easy but now it's too easy. " ~ Kojima World Order
"It's still insanely easy because Game Freak only give the trainers total "pushover teams" which do little more than but make you rapidly push A over and over again for a few turns to win! Look at the Pokemon Blue Kaizo romhack and how the Gym Leaders' teams are assembled to frustrate the hell out of even the most skilled of Pokemon players. I want to see Phil throw down his controller like he did in the GTA: San Andreas videos, damn it!" ~ LegionofDoom2009
"Pokemon was already easy enough for little kids. Wanna know why? Because little kids like the younger us played them back in the 90s. Now it's just even easier for no good reason. Pokemon Gen 1 could be beaten by anyone, there was no good reason to nerf the games even more besides Nintendo's horrible philosophy that every game needs to be able to be completed by an infant. This applies to other series as well, cough cough Zelda." ~ Kojima World Order
Do these stupid bastards even remember they were like 8 when gen one came out? It's like they aren't aware of the fact that as you get older, kids games get easier. Especially RPGs where you can actually grind to get past stuff. The fuck is a game for kids? Whaddat?
"Oh my god, fuck this game and fuck Nintendo and fuck Game Freak and most of all, FUCK Satoshi Tajiri for making the new Pokemon games so fucking pathetically easy that even a total fucking stupid asshead like Phil can beat it easily!
Sigh, sorry about that. I mad." ~ LegionofDoom2009
"Wow.. a battle even in the Elite Four without your opponent having all 6 Pokemon, I forgot how baby town frolics the games got with each iteration..." ~ Mega Mawile
"No. The new Exp Share makes grinding non existent, and so many battles are no longer endurances. How many trainers in this game during the main quest actually have full parties? Pokemon was always easy but now it's too easy. " ~ Kojima World Order
"It's still insanely easy because Game Freak only give the trainers total "pushover teams" which do little more than but make you rapidly push A over and over again for a few turns to win! Look at the Pokemon Blue Kaizo romhack and how the Gym Leaders' teams are assembled to frustrate the hell out of even the most skilled of Pokemon players. I want to see Phil throw down his controller like he did in the GTA: San Andreas videos, damn it!" ~ LegionofDoom2009
"Pokemon was already easy enough for little kids. Wanna know why? Because little kids like the younger us played them back in the 90s. Now it's just even easier for no good reason. Pokemon Gen 1 could be beaten by anyone, there was no good reason to nerf the games even more besides Nintendo's horrible philosophy that every game needs to be able to be completed by an infant. This applies to other series as well, cough cough Zelda." ~ Kojima World Order
Do these stupid bastards even remember they were like 8 when gen one came out? It's like they aren't aware of the fact that as you get older, kids games get easier. Especially RPGs where you can actually grind to get past stuff. The fuck is a game for kids? Whaddat?
- Joined
- Jul 28, 2014
Exp. share was also in Gen 1 so these guys have nothing to complain about. DSP's a complete moron, but not mentally dead like they make him out to be
- Joined
- Dec 22, 2015
Well here's a tale about this cow from my school. Spoiler'd for obscene length (apologies)
Hope you enjoyed. If you guys are interested I have a few other tales of spergery to share about this guy and others!
Alright so I study game design at my college, and the program attracts just as many actually adept artists as it does exceptional individuals. One of these individuals is a fellow who we shall call "Harry." I met Harry at the student orientation several days before our first semester started. Didn't seem bad the first day, we wound up discussing what anime and vidya we each enjoyed and all seemed well. Then on the second day Harry arrives at the orientation dressed as some anime character he (that I can't remember the name or source of for the life of me, but he wore a white beanie and blue fleece jacket for this 'cosplay') and repeatedly (and loudly) quoted this character for the rest of the orientation. This is when I got the feeling there was something a bit wrong w/ Harry - and there was! Poor poor Harry has been cursed w/ Asperger's and ADHD, but I'll get into that in a moment.
Now my school predetermines what classes you take your first semester as an arts and technology major, so by sheer "luck" I was placed in 3 of my classes w/ Harry: writing, intro to game design, and a sort-of BS class where multiple arts students and teachers wasted 4 hours in the auditorium. On top of this Harry also started frequented the same student's lounge that me and plenty of students go to in order to hang out.
During this time I learned of Harry's many hobbies: sperging about Yugioh, sperging about Weiss Schwartz (shitty YGO w/ licensed animu characters), sperging about Vanguard (shitty, basic YGO), being bad at any competitive game he plays and making Johns constantly, trying to use our professors as personal tutors, wedging himself into conversations, and blaming all of his poor life circumstances on his parents and his disorders (something especially since there are people at the lounge w/ the same level of disorder as him or worse but still manage to interact normally and be friendly w/ everyone)
Now to give this long post some closure I'll give you my personal favorite tale of Harry. So Harry had been playing YGOPro (a downloadable program to play YGO) w/ another school cow named Carl. Now Carl has something wrong w/ him that certainly puts him on a lower rung of the ladder than Harry, but no-one's too sure what it is specifically. Now even tho Carl sucks worse than Harry at almost every game they play he has a hilarious penchant for trash talk. Now Carl had just netted a win because Harry misused one of his cards and insisted it was a glitch in the program. Carl then starts laughing about this fuck up and talks massive shit about it. Harry decides to break out into a full-blown tard rage... over a children's TCG. It actually escalated to the point where Harry physically assaults Carl... over a children's TCG.
So Harry storms out of the room, only to return 10 minutes later to start yelling at Carl again, and baaaaaaaaawww about how hard his life is solely because of Asperger's (it's not, he's just a shitty person) and how his mommy told him things would change in college (I wish I was kidding). So after a full semester of listening to this guy bitch and moan, I draw the line at him assaulting someone and blaming it on Asperger's. I'm a pretty passive guy, so I let most of his shit fly. So I walk about to Harry and explain to him (in the least calm way possible) everything wrong that he does, why no one likes him, why he sucks at everything he tries, and that HE has to make to make his life better, explaining that in my younger years I was like him. He stormed out of the room, w/o saying a word.
The next day Harry pretended nothing happened between us (not that we're on good terms normally), and greeted me as I entered the lounge with "What's up, Faggotron?" (Supposedly, an old Ninja Sex Party reference)
To this day Harry still hasn't absorbed a word of advice provided to him, still blames everything on his mental illnesses, and still becomes visibly upset when Carl brings up that woeful loss, over a year later.
Now my school predetermines what classes you take your first semester as an arts and technology major, so by sheer "luck" I was placed in 3 of my classes w/ Harry: writing, intro to game design, and a sort-of BS class where multiple arts students and teachers wasted 4 hours in the auditorium. On top of this Harry also started frequented the same student's lounge that me and plenty of students go to in order to hang out.
During this time I learned of Harry's many hobbies: sperging about Yugioh, sperging about Weiss Schwartz (shitty YGO w/ licensed animu characters), sperging about Vanguard (shitty, basic YGO), being bad at any competitive game he plays and making Johns constantly, trying to use our professors as personal tutors, wedging himself into conversations, and blaming all of his poor life circumstances on his parents and his disorders (something especially since there are people at the lounge w/ the same level of disorder as him or worse but still manage to interact normally and be friendly w/ everyone)
Now to give this long post some closure I'll give you my personal favorite tale of Harry. So Harry had been playing YGOPro (a downloadable program to play YGO) w/ another school cow named Carl. Now Carl has something wrong w/ him that certainly puts him on a lower rung of the ladder than Harry, but no-one's too sure what it is specifically. Now even tho Carl sucks worse than Harry at almost every game they play he has a hilarious penchant for trash talk. Now Carl had just netted a win because Harry misused one of his cards and insisted it was a glitch in the program. Carl then starts laughing about this fuck up and talks massive shit about it. Harry decides to break out into a full-blown tard rage... over a children's TCG. It actually escalated to the point where Harry physically assaults Carl... over a children's TCG.
So Harry storms out of the room, only to return 10 minutes later to start yelling at Carl again, and baaaaaaaaawww about how hard his life is solely because of Asperger's (it's not, he's just a shitty person) and how his mommy told him things would change in college (I wish I was kidding). So after a full semester of listening to this guy bitch and moan, I draw the line at him assaulting someone and blaming it on Asperger's. I'm a pretty passive guy, so I let most of his shit fly. So I walk about to Harry and explain to him (in the least calm way possible) everything wrong that he does, why no one likes him, why he sucks at everything he tries, and that HE has to make to make his life better, explaining that in my younger years I was like him. He stormed out of the room, w/o saying a word.
The next day Harry pretended nothing happened between us (not that we're on good terms normally), and greeted me as I entered the lounge with "What's up, Faggotron?" (Supposedly, an old Ninja Sex Party reference)
To this day Harry still hasn't absorbed a word of advice provided to him, still blames everything on his mental illnesses, and still becomes visibly upset when Carl brings up that woeful loss, over a year later.
Tehshigelisok
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Dec 10, 2014
A former childhood friend, whose mother was my preschool teacher, is turning into one on Facebook. To wit:
* He's always posting articles with titles like "Sunny Nevada just killed the off-grid industry with a 40% tax hike", "Big pharma is synthesizing cannabis", "Alzheimer's and aluminum link can no longer be ignored", etc. Other times he's posting archaeology and history articles that can be interesting, but half the time they're just analyzing some symbols or numbers in a way that makes Walter Sparrow seem sane.
* Posts that he share also include such tinfoil hat claims as "Nutella is made with petroleum and milk from diseased cows", "the NFL is controlled by the illuminati" ("Dont let a game which you have no control over, CONTROL YOU. Be stronger. Resist the mind control. Resist GROUP THINKING! "), "Hillary Clinton is a satanist", "Baking soda cures cancer", etc.
* He posted an article that parroted all those old myths about how Coca-Cola's acids can dissolve a penny. I told him that I had seen Mythbusters debunk all that already, and had even tried it myself, and he said "Well, Coca-Cola just paid off the Mythbusters guys to lie and make their product look better."
* He posted an article from one of those Onion-type sites that deliberately makes fake news, about how KFC uses mutant chickens with extra breasts and legs. When someone told him it was a joke, he replied, "That doesn't mean it's not true!"
* One post shared an image saying that the FCC ruled in 2004 that Fox News is not legally required to be truthful.
Basically, he's one of those paranoid crackpots who thinks that the world is controlled by Big Brother and that we'll all be brainwashed unless we fight.
I kinda don't wanna call him out on his bullshit because of how entertaining he is.
* He's always posting articles with titles like "Sunny Nevada just killed the off-grid industry with a 40% tax hike", "Big pharma is synthesizing cannabis", "Alzheimer's and aluminum link can no longer be ignored", etc. Other times he's posting archaeology and history articles that can be interesting, but half the time they're just analyzing some symbols or numbers in a way that makes Walter Sparrow seem sane.
* Posts that he share also include such tinfoil hat claims as "Nutella is made with petroleum and milk from diseased cows", "the NFL is controlled by the illuminati" ("Dont let a game which you have no control over, CONTROL YOU. Be stronger. Resist the mind control. Resist GROUP THINKING! "), "Hillary Clinton is a satanist", "Baking soda cures cancer", etc.
* He posted an article that parroted all those old myths about how Coca-Cola's acids can dissolve a penny. I told him that I had seen Mythbusters debunk all that already, and had even tried it myself, and he said "Well, Coca-Cola just paid off the Mythbusters guys to lie and make their product look better."
* He posted an article from one of those Onion-type sites that deliberately makes fake news, about how KFC uses mutant chickens with extra breasts and legs. When someone told him it was a joke, he replied, "That doesn't mean it's not true!"
* One post shared an image saying that the FCC ruled in 2004 that Fox News is not legally required to be truthful.
Basically, he's one of those paranoid crackpots who thinks that the world is controlled by Big Brother and that we'll all be brainwashed unless we fight.
I kinda don't wanna call him out on his bullshit because of how entertaining he is.
- Joined
- Jul 5, 2014
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2014
The image I have of Harry in my head is essentially Sephirothsword57. How far off am I?
- Joined
- Dec 22, 2015
Holy shit, I just looked that guy up and if you took away the fedora and emo "hair over eye" shit you have a fat Harry, scraggly facial hair and all
@Blake Bumbleby I'll post another story or two tonight
Edit: fixed a spelling error
Last edited:
- Joined
- May 18, 2014
Alright so I posted about Ricky the biggest tard at my school before but I never posted about the event that turned Ricky from local weirdo to legendary sped. This is the story of the anime helicopter incident.
Background - Ricky was a kid from my neighborhood who followed me from second grade all the way through high school and gained a reputation for being a massive sped. Ricky was obsessed with anime, vidya, and other nerdy shit and had absolutely no filter. He would randomly yell out lines from anime on a regular basis and sexually harass female students. I remember one time we were in class and Ricky sniffed the air and then asked the girl next to me if she was on her period with a creepy grin on his face. In addition to being a skeevy perv Ricky's hygiene was notorious. by high school he weighed over three hundred pounds and always wore the same thing, a filth encrusted anime t shirt stretched over his enormous belly, a dirty hoody that smelled like smoke and worst of all the same pair of tight women's sweat pants with a series of visible shit stains on the rear. Having known Ricky for many years I witnessed many of the incidents on which Ricky shit himself in class. If this wasn't bad enough Ricky had filthy black hair that he let grow in a tangled mess that hung down past his shoulders and his teeth were varying shades of brown, yellow, and green.
The anime helicopter incident.
This took place in ninth grade and during lunch I was sitting with some friends playing poker when this huge redneck kid named Jay walked in. Jay was huge being well over six feet tall and was by far the biggest bully in our school. He was also very egalitarian when it came to kicking the shit out of people. It didn't matter if you were black, white, male, female, gay whatever, if you pissed Jay off you were going to get your ass beat. Anyway Jay walked over to Ricky and started picking on him and Ricky slammed down his game boy color, (this was 2006 by the way) and yelled "suck my dick faggot!" Now I'm not exaggerating in the slightest when I say all three hundred people in the cafeteria turned their heads to watch this unfold, pretty much everyone though Ricky had finally gone too far and was about to be murdered. Jay started advancing on Ricky and suddenly he yelled out "Curse Ye May Ha!" Jay stopped and looked confused and Ricky grabbed his filthy backpack and started spinning around in circles trying to hit Jay but failing because he was several feet away. Ricky keeps spinning around and making anime sound effects until he falls over and vomits all over himself. Pretty much the entire room bursts out laughing and Ricky runs out of the rooming shedding flecks of vomit and shrieking about how he's going to kill us all.
Background - Ricky was a kid from my neighborhood who followed me from second grade all the way through high school and gained a reputation for being a massive sped. Ricky was obsessed with anime, vidya, and other nerdy shit and had absolutely no filter. He would randomly yell out lines from anime on a regular basis and sexually harass female students. I remember one time we were in class and Ricky sniffed the air and then asked the girl next to me if she was on her period with a creepy grin on his face. In addition to being a skeevy perv Ricky's hygiene was notorious. by high school he weighed over three hundred pounds and always wore the same thing, a filth encrusted anime t shirt stretched over his enormous belly, a dirty hoody that smelled like smoke and worst of all the same pair of tight women's sweat pants with a series of visible shit stains on the rear. Having known Ricky for many years I witnessed many of the incidents on which Ricky shit himself in class. If this wasn't bad enough Ricky had filthy black hair that he let grow in a tangled mess that hung down past his shoulders and his teeth were varying shades of brown, yellow, and green.
The anime helicopter incident.
This took place in ninth grade and during lunch I was sitting with some friends playing poker when this huge redneck kid named Jay walked in. Jay was huge being well over six feet tall and was by far the biggest bully in our school. He was also very egalitarian when it came to kicking the shit out of people. It didn't matter if you were black, white, male, female, gay whatever, if you pissed Jay off you were going to get your ass beat. Anyway Jay walked over to Ricky and started picking on him and Ricky slammed down his game boy color, (this was 2006 by the way) and yelled "suck my dick faggot!" Now I'm not exaggerating in the slightest when I say all three hundred people in the cafeteria turned their heads to watch this unfold, pretty much everyone though Ricky had finally gone too far and was about to be murdered. Jay started advancing on Ricky and suddenly he yelled out "Curse Ye May Ha!" Jay stopped and looked confused and Ricky grabbed his filthy backpack and started spinning around in circles trying to hit Jay but failing because he was several feet away. Ricky keeps spinning around and making anime sound effects until he falls over and vomits all over himself. Pretty much the entire room bursts out laughing and Ricky runs out of the rooming shedding flecks of vomit and shrieking about how he's going to kill us all.
- Joined
- Apr 14, 2014
I have a few cows that I specifically keep my Facebook account active for. The king of my little herd of cows has to be Jerry. I'll try to keep it concise, but there's a bit to tell.
I met Jerry in high school. He was (and still is) a pretty big guy. He had long stringy black hair, and was thooper gawfic, but otherwise his hygiene was alright. He was born with a heart condition, and missed a few patches of school because of it. He was pretty good at drawing, specifically focusing on weeb shit, with a heavy emphasis on the Dragonball series (I can't explain this, but Mexicans go apeshit for DB). Jerry would latch onto any girl that was nice enough to give him the time of day, but I don't think he actually dated anyone until his early twenties.
I left the city, but Jerry (like most people) stayed after barely passing high school. From there it all went downhill.
Tis' the life of Jerry.
I met Jerry in high school. He was (and still is) a pretty big guy. He had long stringy black hair, and was thooper gawfic, but otherwise his hygiene was alright. He was born with a heart condition, and missed a few patches of school because of it. He was pretty good at drawing, specifically focusing on weeb shit, with a heavy emphasis on the Dragonball series (I can't explain this, but Mexicans go apeshit for DB). Jerry would latch onto any girl that was nice enough to give him the time of day, but I don't think he actually dated anyone until his early twenties.
I left the city, but Jerry (like most people) stayed after barely passing high school. From there it all went downhill.
-Jerry ate himself into the Beetus fairly quickly
-Consistently manages to find and date girls fatter than he is. This is a very impressive feat, but none last more than a month tops. The best one was probably a girl who is about 5 feet tall and a solid 350 pounds. She was actually spherical
-Posts all of his personal shit on Facebook. All of it. His family seems pretty selfish (including him), and holidays always result in some pretty sad/funny posts whining about how "bullshit and stupid" the world is
-Has remained thooper gawfic, still clinging to his Jeff Hardy arm-warmers/Tripp pants/collars/bizarre dress-coat things that hug all his lumps in the wrong ways
-His hairline is retreating backwards at a pretty decent rate, but that doesn't stop him from growing out his stringy hair, like some sort of horrible soon-to-be skullet
-The most entertaining one is that he is ALWAYS posting that he's in the hospital. In the last month he's gone to the ER a solid 15 times. Reasons include:
- I can't breaf
-I gots pneumonia again fam
- Dam I feel weird
-Head hurtz lol
- Dun feel gud fam lol
- Cant find my meds lol
By now I probably sound like an asshole, but here's why I'm not (probably)
-Jerry is on welfare, and spends every last penny on Pokemon/gawffic shit/vidya
-He refuses to eat better. Three months ago his doctors told him he needed to stop eating salt or he'd kill himself. He thinks he knows better than a doctor, so he proclaimed it to be lies and bullshit and eats at the Chinese buffet/greasiest Mexican place/Burger King every single fucking day. When given a list of recipes and resources for cooking/eating better, he threw a massive tantrum and proclaimed that it was impossible
-Because he dumps all of his money on dumb shit and Chinese food, he doesn't have money for his meds (which he needs to live). Instead he just goes to the ER whenever he needs more meds
-He sits around all day either playing vidya or organizing Pokemon card trades. From what I've seen he's bought thousands of dollars of Pokemon cards in the last few months. Exercising in ANY capacity is boring/too hard for him, even refusing his doctor's orders to waddle his fat ass down the sidewalk once a day at the least (this is probably where the pneumonia comes in)
-He will either try to guilt-sell one of his shitty paintings to some tard on Facebook, or straight up beg for money in order to get more Pokemon bux
-Consistently manages to find and date girls fatter than he is. This is a very impressive feat, but none last more than a month tops. The best one was probably a girl who is about 5 feet tall and a solid 350 pounds. She was actually spherical
-Posts all of his personal shit on Facebook. All of it. His family seems pretty selfish (including him), and holidays always result in some pretty sad/funny posts whining about how "bullshit and stupid" the world is
-Has remained thooper gawfic, still clinging to his Jeff Hardy arm-warmers/Tripp pants/collars/bizarre dress-coat things that hug all his lumps in the wrong ways
-His hairline is retreating backwards at a pretty decent rate, but that doesn't stop him from growing out his stringy hair, like some sort of horrible soon-to-be skullet
-The most entertaining one is that he is ALWAYS posting that he's in the hospital. In the last month he's gone to the ER a solid 15 times. Reasons include:
- I can't breaf
-I gots pneumonia again fam
- Dam I feel weird
-Head hurtz lol
- Dun feel gud fam lol
- Cant find my meds lol
By now I probably sound like an asshole, but here's why I'm not (probably)
-Jerry is on welfare, and spends every last penny on Pokemon/gawffic shit/vidya
-He refuses to eat better. Three months ago his doctors told him he needed to stop eating salt or he'd kill himself. He thinks he knows better than a doctor, so he proclaimed it to be lies and bullshit and eats at the Chinese buffet/greasiest Mexican place/Burger King every single fucking day. When given a list of recipes and resources for cooking/eating better, he threw a massive tantrum and proclaimed that it was impossible
-Because he dumps all of his money on dumb shit and Chinese food, he doesn't have money for his meds (which he needs to live). Instead he just goes to the ER whenever he needs more meds
-He sits around all day either playing vidya or organizing Pokemon card trades. From what I've seen he's bought thousands of dollars of Pokemon cards in the last few months. Exercising in ANY capacity is boring/too hard for him, even refusing his doctor's orders to waddle his fat ass down the sidewalk once a day at the least (this is probably where the pneumonia comes in)
-He will either try to guilt-sell one of his shitty paintings to some tard on Facebook, or straight up beg for money in order to get more Pokemon bux
Tis' the life of Jerry.