Was she supposed to lose something like 50-100 pounds by the end of the year? Amber once said that "trying" is as good as "achieving". Thus, losing only 8 pounds shows, for her, that she is a success at losing weight.
50 pounds in a hundred days. She gave up on that, of course. I think the current "goal" is a mile in 100 days, but I think that's going the same way all her shit goes: down the memory hole. She'll come up with another "goal" to abandon, no doubt. It's who she is: a presumptive* mentally ill, morbidly obese, 31-year old woman who needs someone in the home to wipe her ass.
*Diagnosis provided by DoctorLynn Medicine Woman
All her videos lately show that she not only successfully lost weight but all her ailments are gone except for the pesky cellulitis. Soon, she will be able to go dancing, running, and rollerblading. The only thing that she can't do is to fit in an MRI.
I keep trying to imagine myself as being three feet across (36 inch bore for the machines, most often) and the spatial awareness that would entail to not knock things over just by turning - or worse, get stuck, like some of those MSHPL people get stuck when they fall and it requires the fire department and a dozen burly dudes/dudettes to come and haul them back upright. Or, getting really, really, really stuck somewhere and...
Her views are at 978,000 views per month, and each video barely reaches 50k. I guess not everyone buys what she is selling.
I met a traveller from an antique land,
Who said—“Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. . . . Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed;
And on the pedestal, these words appear:
My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings;
Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.”
---Ozymandias (Percy Bysshe Shelley)
In her first video of the year, which was filmed on Jan 1, then posted on Jan 3, she weighed 504.6 pounds and wanted to weigh 350 pounds by the end of this year.
I keep wondering what on earth in her history makes her think she could lose 150 pounds, basically, when she can't even lose ten pounds and maintain that. I suppose we all feed ourselves delusions from time to time. We just don't go around announcing them every time we have one.
As a quick guide, taking the middle of the ideal weight range of a 5' 3'' woman, so 120 pounds. Then losing the same percentage of weight as Fatty, would mean...
A loss of 3 and a half pounds in 5 and a half months.
About one round of food poisoning or a bad cold/the flu - but in a matter of a couple of days, not 160-ish days.
This shit is beyond fucking ridiculous. What a waste of fucking time.
We have more time left than she does.
Although it's impossible to trust the veracity of anything ALR claims, for the sake of discussion, let's look at these numbers as if they're true.
Amber hit her highest reported weight of 572 lbs on April 13, 2019. She got down to 486lbs on August 8th 2020. This weight loss corresponded to the development of her uterine cancer. I'm not saying whether or not the cancer contributed to her weight loss, just noting that both happened around the same time.
Eh, I'll say it: that loss was from cancer.
She admits in the beginning of her latest video that she's been gaining and losing the same 10lbs for a long time, yet a few minutes later she claims that she is losing weight and getting smaller and says she's very proud of herself and excited, as if her weight loss is still current and ongoing and not something that happened at best, nearly 2 years ago.
But she assures us constantly that she is "actively losing weight"! How could it be otherwise, given that she is "so proud" of herself? Surely she would not lie.
If you are a pathological liar, or even a habitual or compulsive one, and this has been demonstrated over and over again, it's unlikely the majority of people are going to believe you when you title something like
the truth about my weight… - June 15, 2022
I suppose we could act as if we are eternal optimists that Big Ham can be saved from herself and returned to the wilds of her natural habitat. We could do that.
But we're not going to, because some of us are realists and understand that Hamber's natural, ideal habitat is one with scooty puffs galore and all her favorite stores (Wommart, Tar-zhay, Torrid, Hot Topic) and restaurants (Cheesecake Factory, Cheesecake Factory, Cheesecake Factory) are all right next to one another, with a McDonald's and a Sonic bracketing them, and her chauffeur/ass wiper on standby.
I'm predicting weightloss in the range of a good, sturdy shit from our resident Fatty with T-Rex arms. Let us begin.
I see the ratio is already firmly in place.
"Hey guys, welcome to a new video."
OK, points for the opener. No stupid song, no attempts at being performative in any way, and includes the iconic phrase she's known for. Good job, Big Al,
Aaaand then ruins it by starting a sentence with "so". Do we really need to count them again? This video will be a weighin, weightloss talk, she'll tell us her weight. OK, I'm intrigued, Pleas proceed, Hamber.
This whole "eeeen" thing for "ing" - sometimes I wonder where on earth she picked that up as something to do. Just an idle thought as she yammers at me, telling me she's going to bore me to death with what she's been doeeen, etc. Navel-gazing is generally only interesting to the person who is doing it. But we paid our dime for the freakshow. Let's hear it, Big Ham. Oooh, she's going to tell us why she hasn't made a weighin video. I know the answer to this! Ooh, ooh, pick me, pick me!
Ahem: Hamber has not made a weighin video because she wanted to lose weight to meet some milestone she thinks is significant, but isn't, and because she hasn't lost anything. Roll that footage, let's see if I'm correct!
"My main reason was that I wanted to reach a certain weight..."
Woohoo! Thank you, thank you. I'd like to take a molment to recognize Big Spam for forcing my expectations to go subterranean, they're so low. Hamber, you always fail to amaze me.
Didn't film because she keeps fluctuating, gaining and losing literally the same ten pounds, etc., so what is the point of that?
You nailed it. What's the point of continuing this performative weightloss journey? Just tell haydur nation to go fuck itself, you're not interested in dieting and you're just going to lead your life, constantly hoovering enough caloric energy to power a small village, and that's that. I guarantee you would feel so much better, so much less stressed, and so much happier, if you just said it.
She wanted a "bigger loss" so she could come back with a new lowest weight. Well, you don't look like you've dropped 400 pounds to get you under what you weighed back when you got on YouTube, which is what we know as your lowest. So what's the baseline on this "new lowest weight", exactly? You keep moving the target around.
Blah de blah, people are always asking for weighins, what's your weight, etc. People are asking this on a weight loss channel? What the hell are they thinking? Oh, right. This isn't a weightloss channel except for all the weightloss content on he fucking channel. Make up your goddamned mind. Either lean into it or shut the fuck up and try to convert your brand from "Sisyphus and the 600 pound boulder" to "Fatbody Sisyphus and the Ah-seh-tic Single Rock Garden".
Hamber thinks maybe she should just bring back weighins due to all the questions and speculation. This goes on the same pile as the various polls where people told you they wanted longer videos and weightloss content, right? Something you'll do once, maybe twice, and then quit because it's too much work and you're not losing weight anyhow, somehow making i the fault of the audience? But hey, bring it back if you want. It'll be the same as before. You won't change because you do not want to change.
Big Ham acts all aggrieved that some people look at her and say she looks bigger than ever, rhetorically asks if they've seen her past content and seen what she looks like. I agree! Have you shitlords not seen her content? Why, she's looking positively svelte!
OK, well, lissome, then.
OK, then, sylphlike? Maybe?
Dammit.
Geez, Big Ham, I have no idea why anyone would say such a thing.
She's trying to dunk on haydur nation and that works about as well as you'd expect a 500+ pound woman with TRex arms to dribble to the basket and then try to dunk, hanging on the net afterward and roaring. Not well.
Not at all.
Continue, Hamber, so we can get through this.
Big Spamber tries that thing where she speaks even more slowly than usual and gives us a big. Dramatic. Pause.
You're not dramatic, Hamber, you're a shitshow wrapped in a freakshow wrapped in a carnival sideshow. Yes, you were massively fat some years ago. You're still fat. Your proportions are shifting, much like pack ice and glaciers. You're not proving the point you want to prove. You're just showing that you're still super fucking fat and that you still can't be assed to do a picture in picture correctly. LazyLynn.
Hahahahahahahahaha. Hamber claims to have "measured myself". With those TRex arms? No fucking way. You can't even wipe yourself after using the shitter, and you want us to believe that you can measure yourself? OK, gorl. Says the tape don't lie, basically, and that she's "getting smaller and losing weight, slowly but surely". Only one of those items in the latter is correct. Ain't nothing sure about weight loss and you, Hamber.
InsightfuLynn here to tell us that losing weight can mean more stamina! More energy! Holy shit, she's cracked the code!
Except this is the same bullshit she says every time she loses a few pounds. She acts like she's discovered fire or the wheel, every single time. Your life is banal, Big Ham. There's no mystery about what weight loss can mean for someone. The only mystery is why the fuck you act like losing weight is something you actually want to do.
JFC, not even halfway through, and I know she's just going to continue to spout platitudes and trite self-help mantras at the camera. saying the same thing over and over in different ways to pad out the video. I should have pulled a Hamber and broughtt a snack.
Oh, listen up, people! Big Ham wants to do more weightloss content for us guise.Also "what I ate in a day". She wants to do more videos like she was doing back in January off this years - she thinks. She just "so bad" with timelines. Maybe if you stopped fucking around with the timelines on your channel, it would make this easier for you, much like stopping lying would.
Hamber thinks she might sorta maybe want to do weekly weighins. Nobody gives a shit, seriously.
For fucks's sake. Who "Ask[ed] me how I'M doeeen!" Out yourself. Here comes another load of bullshit, barreling down the line, about how she's been losing all this gargantuan number of pounds.
"I have either been counting calories or I've been having these, like, little binges. There has been no in-between."
The Queen of Moderation must have been married to Henry VIII.
"It's either on track, doin' my damn thing, or completely off-track, and caving into my eating disorder and that (something unintelligible)."
One: STOP saying "doing the/my damn thing". Once again, you've entirely poisoned the impact of a phrase. You're like a five year old who learns the word fuck and walks around all day repeating it.
Two: You DO NOT have an eating disorder. You have disordered eating, and if you did ANY FUCKING THING other than sit around on your fucking shelf ass all fucking day except when you're out buying more useless, unnecessary shit, takeout food, or making the third grocery run in three days, that would likely go away. Get a fucking hobby. Or three.
Three: thanks for showing us that you understand it's "doin'" and not "doeen", and all those eens you tack on to shit are just stupid attention whoring devices.
"There's no compromising, there's no winning."
I can see where this is going. It's a litany of excuses and the "binge monster" and how it's just this unstoppable, unknowable force, and she just can't control it. Am I correct? Roll that film!
She yammers about the "on-track" crap, like she's walking and drinking water and shit. "But no matter how much I do this..."
Hang on to your seats, because we're about to slide down the Hill of No Accountability/Responsibility faster than you can say bean bag in a hurry.
She makes what I suppose she thinks is a dramatic arm/hand motion. "When binging starts again, all of the hard work I did over here with my calorie counting and my walking and my drinking and my," she pauses, puts a beetus paw dramatically against her chest," determination," she forces the word out, as if with determination, creating a meta molment. "And my willpower," she continues, "all of it just diminishes." She finishes her statement by making a circle in front of her face with the same beetus paw, going from open hand to closed as she finishes telling us how dastardly the binges take over her body and mind. She drops her hand to her lap and gives us her very best "Look at the camera. Do not smile." DMV photo.
Before we continue, let me just get a word in. Ready?
Ahem.
Horseshit.
Moving on.
"I gain weight so fast when I binge, it is insane."
Hey, how about not using ableist language there, HypocriticaLynn, as you do quite often? (Cued)
Back to the here and now.
"Due to like, water weight, and fat consumption, and sodium consumption, and just calorie consumption, I, it just happens so fast. I gain weight. Quicker than I lose it. Which is so unfortunate."
First, it's JUST calories. All the other shit is your same old list of excuses. Two, ALMOST EVERYONE gains weight faster than they lose it, and I'm talking 99.9999% of people here. You are not special, despite you thinking - virtually insisting, even - that you are, that you MUST be because you turn 5K calories into excess weight because THAT'S HOW IT WORKS. It's in our DNA to conserve energy, the same way it is to crave salt and sugar. Maybe if you paid attention in school you might have learned this. Or maybe if you took enough interest in real research instead of your bullshit confirmation bias research, you'd have come across it.
She gives some bullshit example here about her and her "friends" eating the same meal and she gains weight and they don't. I wasn't even going to dignify this mountain of bullshit, but I'm going to: that would be because you DID NOT EAT THE SAME that day. Are your "friends" downing seven Milano cookies, an entire package of Reese's, chili-flavored ramen, and ice cream after that meal, while sitting on their asses, surfing the internet, just like you that day? This is complete bullshit. You know it. We know it. Why the fuck are you trying to get this lie over the finish line as if it is truth? It isn't. It also isn't rocket science. You are a lying cunt.
Rarity! Of course Hamber ruins the scene by putting in a voiceover about her so-called example of what a special medical mystery she is by assuring us that this fictitious meal was the same portion for all as well. You remain a lying cunt.
Blah blah, HRT slows weight loss. Duh.
FFS, she has to go over it all AGAIN, because we're not even at the six minute mark and I want to kill myself now by jabbing a chopstick into my brain, because I think that would be apt. I could leave a note, saying Hamber killed me. Oh, wait. She still hasn't bothered to learn how to use chopsticks. Hell, I'll have to find another method.
Says some idiotic thing about "little" versus "big" binges - the difference is "insane". Again with the ableist language, you special little dainty flower? Claims when she's "overeating" she knows what she's doing and is rationalizing it, blah blah, as if she hasn't said all these same words before. She's now claiming that a "binge" is like an "out of body experience" and that she "literally" looks at herself doing it and that she can't control it and it's like a possession and anyone "who binge eats totally understands".
What I understand: you're now trying to encroach on yet another piece of the alphabet soup - namely, DID. Which you ALSO DO NOT HAVE., Just like you do not have BED, so miss me with all this bullshit you're regurgitating from fucking who knows where on the internet.
"So, the difference between I eat five slices of pizza, whoops, I overate, or it was a cheat meal versus five slices of pizza where I did not wanT iT," she says, overemphasizing - hell, pronouncing, for a change - the ts.
That is not BED.
"Like, you know how many times I've binged?"
Yes. Yes I do. Zero.
"Like, I'm literally eating the food and saying "I don't want this, stop" and I literally can't."
More bullshit. Just like whatever the fuck you think bipolar disorder is versus what it actually is, your version of BED is not what it actually is.
You do not have BED.
You do not have an "out of body" experience when "binging".
You do not have DID.
You do not "lose control".
Claims to be talking to the imaginary shrink about these things. Once again has to go over the other load of bullshit, about why she "quit", because they didn't want to discuss losing weight or her counting calories, or whatever the bullshit story of the day is. Repeats for the third or fourth time now that she was "very honest" with the imaginary shrink about wanting to lose weight, etc. I swear to fuck, if I thought she was intelligent enough, I would swear she had read Goebbels' papers and journals, especially the parts about telling big lies and reinforcing certain things ("I was really open and honest") by returning to those things again and again in an article or a speech. But she's a fucking narc, and they're born knowing how to manipulate people to their advantage. She somehow thinks this "compromise molment" they've come to - an ED program that apparently just lets the patients set the actual, science of the mind stuff - and her, that it's just going to be a "perfect recipe for success".
It does not work this way. Just like a shrink telling you to only go on tellonym once or twice a week because of muh mentalz doesn't work this way. And if you're so fucking smart about how it all meshes, why the fuck do you need to be paying someone for it, Big Ham, you lying cunt?
Blah blah blah, eating is all mental - no, it fucking isn't, and if you were actually IN a REAL ED program, you would learn that. But you know better than everyone, right, DoctorLynn Medicine Woman? Hell, they might as well put you in charge, because you know it all, versus standards of care developed over decades. Fuck that, right?
Oh my fucking god. Claims - without a shred of irony or shame - that the shrink asks her why she talks "so bad about" herself, why she's always blaming herself for everything.
Now I know this fucking shrink and supposed program exist solely in your mind, you fucking lying cunt.
You are the absolute fucking PINNACLE of deflecting accountability and responsibility, bitch.
Continues: "Because I'm not delusional in my appointments with her, but I think I'm delusional with you guys," Claims that when she refuses to take responsibility for anything on YT, it's some kind of defense mechanism, like she has her "walls up with y'all. So, I sound like I'm blaming everyone around me, like I'm blaming you guys."
Just incredible. You have no fucking clue how this works, either. You ARE NOT delusional. You're a coward and a liar and a narcissist. You're also a supreme fatass and always will be, thanks to your destruction of your own lymphatic system. Congrats.
Get to the fucking weighin already., I'm sick of your narc bullshit.
Claims her "shrink" told her, "You literally blame yourself for everything."
There isn't a shrink in this entire fucking UNIVERSE who wouldn't see right through your fucking bullshit narc ways. Just another tick in the "reasons Hamber's "shrink" is completely imaginary" column.
"Binge eating doesn't make you a failure."
No. No, it doesn't. And if you were someone with BED, I'd agree that it didn't make you a failure. But you are not someone with BED, and you are a failure. In many ways, not just this one.
For fuck's sake. I sat through this entire bullshit-filled, "wah, I'm not in control, it's an OOBE" shit video for not a real weighin? Are you fucking kidding?
Claims to have weighed in at 489 and no, I do not believe you. There are conditions under which I will believe any weight you give, and you siting there on your three foot plus wide shelf ass telling us a weight is not meeting those conditions.
"That means i am down 83 pounds in total."
In total from what? Your supposed highest fucking weight? Because that isn't true if you're basing this on 572 pounds when you were clearly WELL OVER 600 pounds in 2019. You're a lying cunt.
I'm counting this from January 1, when we SAW A SCALE. And I accept this weight as a figment, a piece, of the amberverse, not as stark reality, simply because you cannot be trusted, Big Ham. At all.
So congrats, you've gone from 504 to 489 in the span of five and a half months. A tiny shred over three pounds a month. From a starting weight of a quarter of a ton.
Wow, Such progress. Much journey.
"But a week ago, I was 487.8."
Sure you were.
PUH-theh-tic. As you would say, Hamber.
Even for this. 1,2 pounds. Even for this, it's a line of excuses, "going between counting calories and "binging"", when you do not have BED, you're just a fucking pig.
"I can look back and say, you know what? I'm happy that the binging wasn't daily."
That's your takeaway.
No wonder you fail.
"I'm happy there were some days when I truly chose myself. I had the willpower to be stronger than my eating disorder ."
Thank you for proving that you do not have BED.
"So my lowest weight, so far on this little journey molment, has been 487.8,"
No. It's whatever weight you were when you started this channel. CheaterLynn.
"I've been enjoying calorie counting..."
LiarLynn. Everyone knows you hate counting calories, including you. You've said so many times over the years.
"I just feel like I'm in more of a positive state. I just feel more at ease with my life right now."
Whatever. Self-help book buzzword bingo.
Rarity wanders across the screen a few times, and I wish she would just put the camera in front of the cat and fuck off. That would be better content, and wouldn't piss off/insult people like this heaping JurassicPark sized pile of shit does.
"I hope that you guys enjoyed this weighin video.."
No. No, I did not. Because this was not a fucking weighin video. This was propaganda designed to try to prop up your dying channel.
I don't believe you are in any kind of program or therapy. I don't believe any actual ED program would toss aside their program because you're just a special case. I don't believe any shrink would tell you to go to a site where you have named yourself "narcissistic goddess" and answer questions you select only once or twice a week instead of every day when it "messes with" muh mentalz. I don't believe any shrink would tell you that you blame yourself for everything, regardless of whatever little narc charade you put on for them. I don't believe your "weighin". I don't believe your stupid little story about some "friend" eating the same as you and you gain but they don't. I don't believe you're "delusional" on YouTube,
In short, Hamber, I don't believe YOU, because you have repeatedly, and abundantly, made it clear that you are a liar and cannot be trusted.
WayTL;DW/R: Hamber decides to continue spinning her fairy tale version of therapy and eating disorder programs by saying, that Her Narciness got them to "compromise" on treatment, by treating both the eating disorder she doesn't have while at the same time allowing her to count calories and lose weight. Because as we all know, restricting herself doesn't make her "binge" or trigger her at all. She could be distantly related to Goebbels. Claims to have an out of body experience during a "binge", her ED that she doesn't have. We get a still of Rarity and a couple of sightings at the end. Hamber tries to make us believe that she's a special medical case, because she gains weight much faster than she loses it. Big Ham claims to be 489 - no, we don't see the actual scale - and doesn't understand that lying to people, by claiming she's down 83 pounds from her "highest weight" is a bad thing. Claims her lowest weight is one from last week, 487 point something or other, and that isn't true, either, since she started on YT at a lower weight. Funniest moment: her claiming that the imaginary shrink told her she blames herself for everything, and that she takes responsibility for everything. Big Ham blames this on being "delusional" when she's on YT.
Another TL;DR: Hamber lies.
